Thursday, October 23, 2014

WWE Hell in a Cell Predictions!!

What's up there, flapjack?  It's time once again for the official WWE PPV Predictions!

This month's obligatory PPV offering is Hell in a Cell.  I say "obligatory" because the writing has been so completely devoid of purpose or urgency it feels like the company isn't in the mood to actually make us care about these special events.  Maybe it's because we're only paying ten bucks a month to see them instead of 60.  I dunno.  But RAW has been a chore to get through, at best, and even the once red-hot Ambrose-Rollins feud has become a confusing, convoluted mess.  On paper though, this show looks pretty good, much like the well-executed-but-purposeless Night of Champions.

Let's get to it.  Justin leads Dan in prediction accuracy 36/52 to 33/52.

WWE Tag Team Championship: The Dust Brothers vs. The Usos - These two teams tore it up last month for the tag straps, and I expect them to do the same here.  Unfortunately Goldust and Stardust have been buried since winning the belts, much like every secondary champion.  It is baffling to me that the only way this company knows how to build up secondary title challengers is to have them repeatedly beat the champions in non-title matches.  I'd personally like to ban non-title matches for all-time.  Why would a champion bother to wrestle and risk getting hurt if he's not even defending the belt?  Makes no sense.  Instead how 'bout we get back to having contenders beat other contenders, thereby climbing the ranks and earning a title shot?  What a fucking novel concept.

Justin's pick: Goldie and Cody retain.
Dan's pick: The odd ones keep their straps.

Divas Championship: AJ vs. Paige - Yup, this match is happening again.  Look, I like both of these ladies, but how many times are they gonna trade the belt?  Christ!

Justin's pick: Literally every time they've wrestled each other the belt has changed hands.  I'm not sure they have plans for any other contenders, but it's time to end this feud.  AJ retains
Dan's pick:  Mrs. Punk also keeps her belt.

Rusev vs. Big Show: This match was already given away twice on free TV (yet another thing wrong with the buildup for this show), and while it's been a decent big-man match, I'm not feeling much for this feud.

Justin's pick: Rusev wins again - while I don't care about his character I will say Rusev's push is one of the few things they've been doing right.  The way to build up a new guy is to have him win consistently.
Dan's pick: I dunno who is gonna knock off Rusev for the first time. But I don't see it being Show. Rusev with the win.

US Championship: Sheamus vs. The Miz - Another one we've seen on free TV, featuring another secondary champ who hardly ever wins.  Should be a decent match though.  Poor Miz - he's now being overshadowed by his stunt double, who is admittedly way more entertaining.

Justin's pick: Sheamus retains - he's lost so many times in non-title matches it stands to reason he wins here.
Dan's pick: Sheamus wins. It also bothers me to have the champ lose over and over again on television. Makes no sense.

I-C Championship: 2/3 Falls: Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro - This match should be spectacular.  Unfortunately the backstory has been idiotic.  On this week's RAW they set up this match by, you guessed it, having the I-C Champ lose to his #1 Contender in a non-title match.  Idiotic.  Then on Smackdown there was a Title match between them, which Ziggler won.  So now after losing to the Champ, Cesaro has challenged him to another Title match, this time in the 2-out-of-3 Falls format.  Nonsensical.  But as I said, the match itself should be great.

Justin's pick: Since Ziggler just beat Cesaro clean in a Title match I'll go with Cesaro to finally dethrone him.
Dan's pick: I think Ziggles retains here. Hopefully he keeps the belt for awhile and adds some prestige to it.

Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella - This might be the worst feud of the past five years.  I literally do not care about either of these two.  Brie is a terrible actress and her character is presented as much less likable than Nikki's, especially if you watch Total Divas (which, let's be honest, these two are primarily known for).  What's sad is both of them can wrestle.  But there's nothing to root for in this feud.

Justin's pick: The loser has to be the winner's "bitch" for 30 days, so obviously Nikki goes over to keep the feud going.  And going.  And going......
Dan's pick: yea, Nikki, whatever.

Hell in a Cell: John Cena vs. Randy Orton - So lemme get this straight - John Cena fought Dean Ambrose to determine who got Seth Rollins in a Cell.  John Cena LOST that match, but now gets to fight Randy Orton, presumably in the main event of the PPV, for a title shot against Brock Lesnar.  This is some of the stupidest booking of all time.  We've also seen these two fight ad nauseum over the past seven years, and we've seen them fight in this exact type of match in 2009.  This match should be fine, but I don't care about seeing Cena vs. Orton ever again.  Stop doing it!

Justin's pick: The smart thing to do would be to have Orton win and challenge Lesnar, since we've never seen that before and it would be awesome.  But since WWE is clearly run by fools, yeah, Cena's gonna win again.  And fight Brock again.  And lose again.
Dan's pick: The Viper bites and wins against WWE's golden boy.

Hell in a Cell: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins - I'm putting this last because this should by all rights be the main event.  Ambrose beat Cena to get into this match and this is the only feud anyone cares about right now.  This should also be spectacular.

Justin's pick: Rollins has gotten the better of Ambrose at pretty much every turn, so I expect Ambrose to finally get a big win, particularly since he's now the hottest babyface in the company.
Dan's pick: Definitely looking forward to this one. Ambrose has to win this. He just has to

Well there you have it.  Let's hope the PPV is a good one even though the buildup has been abysmal.

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