Monday, August 31, 2015

Dan's Review of the MTV Video Music Awards

(Editor's Note: Goddammit, MTV.  You used to be soooooo good.  Hmmm, maybe Dan and I should post a discussion about that.....)

I'll admit this straight up. I watched nary a second of this narcissism convention. I wouldn't be able to stomach ten minutes of vapid, rich whores talking to equally vapid, rich dickheads, never mind four hours of this suck fest.  I make no qualms about the fact that I'm a decrepit, ornery, old man at this point in my life. I mean, look at this picture of yours truly below.

That's me running at full speed

So, clearly I am not the target audience. I get that. I have my finger far from the pulse of society. But what the hell business does MTV have putting on a video music awards show anyway? When was the last time they actually showed music videos on the channel formerly known as Music Television? Every time I flip through that station it's always pregnant teens domestically assaulting the poor bastard that wasn't smart enough to pull his pork sword outta the girl's baby bunker. There's literally no music on the channel at all anymore. None.

It sucks too, because back in MY DAY (adjusts old man hat) there were some awesome videos shown daily on that station that deserved widespread accolades. Not anymore. Any videos that win these pretend awards are most likely released on YouTube or Facebook, never to be seen on the very station looking to reward them. Kinda weird.

And also, why in whispering shit would you wanna spend four hours looking and listening to this...thing that hosted the show?

I imagine she smells like used condoms and cigarettes

What the HELL is that thing? Looks like Lady Gaga fucked a retarded chandelier. Hannah Montana continues to spiral down the drain into what I can only assume is her quest to morph into Courtney Love. Maybe these kids today have no problem watching this meth-head sing and dance her way to annoyance levels mine eyes have never seen, but I'll pass.

Now I'll hafta head back to my porch to yell at children passing by and turning the radio up so I can hear Soundgarden better. On the oldies station. Dear God, kill me.

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