Monday, April 25, 2016

Game of Thrones: Season Six, Episode 1 - “The Red Woman”

by Dan Moore

This just in: Lord Commander of the Night's Watch Jon Snow is still dead. But there’s definitely some goings-ons afoot that could lead to his resurrection. Last night’s season premiere of  GoT, “The Red Woman,” was a tad underwhelming, as the show has so many moving pieces at this point that it’s tough to focus on any one of them for an extended period of time. It feels like we get one scene of each of the main characters and then hurry up, we gotta move onto the next ones!

That being said, the premier episode set up things nicely for the season, as brief as each setup was. We got:

---Arya doing her best Nick Parker impression as a blind pseudo samurai in the streets of Braavos (Yeah, I dropped a reference to a completely obscure and shitty Rutger Hauer action movie where he’s blind. Deal with it)
Love this flick.

--- Margaery still in jail trying to make demands on Jumpin’ Jack Flash, to no avail (Yeah, I dropped a reference to a somewhat obscure Whoopi Goldberg movie. Deal with it)

Not this one so much

---There’s a major Coup d'état as the Sand Snakes are bumping off everyone in Dorne. They seem like nice girls.

---The Boltons are very happy Stannis was killed (of course we never saw his body)

--- Tyrion and Varys walk the streets of Meereen and see it’s quite the gaping shithole. They’re setting up to rule the place, and ol’ no-dick Varys has his birds set up for some info already, it seems.

---Cersei & Jamie mourn the death of their daughter, who as you may recall, was brought into this world as the result of some hot incest lovin’.

---At Castle Black, Ser Davos is babysitting Jon Snow’s dead-ish body, along with his direwolf, Ghost. He’s got a few followers that are loyal to Snow (There’s that…guy…and those…other guys). Davos is convinced the red witch, Melisandre can help do something with Jon. You ask me, they should be looking for this guy.

He's mostly dead.  Not ALL dead.

---Also, Melisandre disrobes for bed, and she goes full Room 237 by revealing her true self, some old wretched hag. Is this her essentially giving up, as her visions haven’t exactly come true? Or is this legit just her usual routine at night? Cause if it is…WOOF.

--- Daenerys is in the clutches of another batch of Dothrakis, and they tell her she’s gotta go live in the old ladies home of Khal widows. Jorah and Daario are hot on her tracks though, so she’ll probably end up with them soon (plus, little ridiculous they find the ONE clue in all of Westerios that she dropped for them. Quite convenient).

---And finally (I probably missed like nine plot points here) we get a happy scene. Brienne and Pod coming to save Sansa and Theon. Hopefully this ends the seemingly infinite amounts of torture young Sansa has gone through in the last six seasons. It was very uplifting to see Brienne lay down her sword and swear her loyalty to Sansa. This rag tag bunch scratches me right where I itch.

Again, there is so much to pack into this show, it’s like a checklist each week to make sure all the characters are accounted for. We didn’t even get to Bran Stark this week, and we know he’s gonna come back into play. I like how the show is setup for the new season, but I just wish we could spend more time with favorite characters instead of jumping all over the place week in and out. Here’s to hoping there’s some more continuity from here on out.

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