We've got a brand new PPV event on the RAW brand, and it's named for some reason after a 1950s Jerry Lee Lewis song. I can't wait for September's new PPV, Twist & Shout. That would be fitting. When you get TWISTED up in a submission hold, you SHOUT in agony. Hell, that's more appropriate than Great Balls of Fire. Unless Ric Flair hits you with a nut shot. Then your balls will be on fire I guess. Greatly.
Anyway this show is pretty stacked and could finally break the streak of mediocre-to-bad WWE PPVs. One can hope. Let's get to it.
***Currently I lead the pack with 24/39 (61.5%), Landon's in second with 16/27 (59%), Dan's in third with 22/39 (56%), and newbie Dave has 2/5.***
Pre-Show Cruiserweight Championship: Neville vs. Akira Tozawa
Even the pre-show match is promising this time. It's too bad the company thinks so little of this title, particularly since Neville is the best-booked champion in WWE at the moment. I haven't seen much of Tozawa's work yet but I've read good things. Should be a fine contest. I can't imagine they change the belt on a pre-show match, but stranger things have happened.
Justin: Neville retains
Dan: Yes
Landon: Neville, I can't imagine Tozawa just winning. But he's in a group with non-cruiserweights...so...
Dave: Neville. Badass Neville is great.
Enzo vs. Cass
Well this finally happened. It seemed a little premature to split these guys up but I guess if they wanna push Cass there's not much else they could do, other than reduce Enzo's role to that of manager/mouthpiece. That would've been alright. Enzo's great on the mic but not much going on in-ring. Cass has some pretty solid potential as a singles guy, although RAW already has a couple monster heels. Hopefully he doesn't get lost in the shuffle.
Justin: Cass wins easily
Dan: Cass gonna WHOOP him. Enzo should be a Heyman type for good guys. Cause he stinks in the ring.
Landon: Cass
Dave: Cass. Who cares?
Intercontinental Championship: The Miz vs. Dean Ambrose
I'm not sure why Miz needed a whole entourage, but whatever, as long as Maryse is still on the show (Originally I think they wanted to write her out, which would've been batshit insane). I'm all set with this feud, but their match at Extreme Rules was quite good. Hopefully this will be too.
Justin: Miz retains
Dan: I don't mind the Miz-tourage. I've always been a fan of heel stables. Also, I like Maryse's boobies. Miz wins.
Landon: Miz
Dave: The Miz. He's AWWWWESOOOOME!
RAW Women's Championship: Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks
This should be a good piece of bidness. Good to see Sasha back in the title hunt. Sad to see Bayley floundering. Both of these women have loads of charisma, so that alone should make it worth watching. I kinda don't see the title changing hands yet, but I'd welcome more of this feud.
Justin: Alexa retains
Dan: I think they set this up for Sasha to win at SummerSlam. So AB wins.
Landon: Alexa
Dave: Alexa
RAW Tag Team Championship Iron Man Match: Cesaro & Sheamus vs. Hardy Boyz
This could very well steal the show. These teams work really well together and the Iron Man stip is new for tag team matches I believe. On TV at least (I seem to recall Anderson & Blanchard vs. The Rockers in a Marathon Match being booked on the house show circuit back in the day). As with all Hardys matches I hope their likely loss results in them going Broken.
Justin: C&S retain
Dan: Wait, wait, wait...you "seem to recall a house show circuit back in the day?" Dude...read a book...get a tan...Jesus. Hardys take 'em back. (JB Note: This is why Dave is the superior Moore)
Landon: Shesaro (JB Note: Hilarious mashup. Henceforth this team will be known thusly.)
Dave: C&S. I don't see the Hardys winning tag team gold for a while.
Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt
Eh, I don't care much about this feud, or any feud Wyatt's involved in. He's impossible to take seriously at this point. Guy talks a great game and backs none of it up. Even as WWE Champion he was made to look totally weak. I'm not sure where Rollins is headed the rest of the summer but hopefully he's not gonna be tied up with this feud too long. A more interesting feud would've been Wyatt vs. Finn Balor. Speaking of Finn Balor, WHERE THE FUCK IS FINN BALOR ON THIS SHOW??
Justin: Wyatt wins the first match I guess
Dan: I think Wyatt is done. This gimmick is over. We get it, he's the world eater, the curse maker, the earth shaker, the earth quaker. And then he loses. The whole schtick just stinks. Fuck him. Seth wins.
Landon: Rollins
Dave: Rollins. Wyatt sucks.
Ambulance Match: Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
Ah, the Ambulance Match, or as I like to call it, a Casket Match. Same goddamn rules. Beat the guy up until you can lock him inside a box. This feud's kinda played out for me too. This is all to keep Roman busy till SummerSlam where he gets his long-awaited rematch with Lesnar. Should be entertaining though.
Justin: Roman wins
Dan: RR FTW
Landon: Strowman
Dave: Strowman
Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar vs. Samoa Joe
Oh man I'm excited. I know ya wanna get excited but we're not there yet because I'M excited! This is a dream match I've been waiting to see since about 2005 when Joe took TNA by storm (Ya know, before they ruined him for several years). WWE has an easy layup here. Let these two beat the everlovin' shit out of each other. Don't book it like the typical Suplex City match. I'm bored outta my mind with those. Joe should finally be the guy who stands up to Lesnar and gives him a run for his money. They can even use this as the basis for his loss to Roman by saying Joe weakened Lesnar. Joe has carried himself like a total badass motherfucker and deserves to be presented as being in Brock's league. Don't screw this up guys. I'd be overjoyed if Joe won, but I don't see it happening.
Justin: Brock retains
Dan: I guess Roman & Rock's cousin (I assume all the wrasslin' Samoans are related) has to lose here. (JB Note: Actually Joe is the one Samoan wrestler NOT related to all the others)
Landon: Lesnar
Dave: Lesnar. I hate that this is Joe's first title match. We all know Lesnar-Reigns is happening at SummerSlam. Joe deserves better.
That's it for the picks. Looks like one of WWE's best shows this year, easily. Let's hope it lives up to the potential.
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