TNAce: The Essential AJ Styles Collection, Disc One

AJ Styles is probably my favorite, all-time favorite wrestler. Yes, more than Ishii, Silas Young, or even Harley Race. So getting the four disc Essential Collection of his best matches in TNA has always been on my radar. I know that TNA's beginnings were less than stellar...and some of the middle...and...and I mean 2012 was really good...But AJ Styles, even back in 2007 when I started watching TNA, had talent that rose above the schlock. So as I put in disc 1 of the set, a group of matches I've never seen before, I thought surely, SURELY, this applied throughout the earlier days.

Right?



June 19th, 2002
AJ Styles, Low Ki, and Jerry Lynn vs The Flying Elvises (Jorge Estrada, Jimmy Yang, and Sonny Siaki)
Ho boy...I guess this match is on here more for profiling purposes. It was the first official match on TNA's first show. Really, the only way I can describe it is thus;
Move.
Move Move.
Move Move Move Dive Move.
Dive Dive Dive.
Move.
There's no real reason to watch this match beyond historical reasons. Plus, the Elvises won.


June 26th, 2002
AJ Styles vs Psicosis vs. Low Ki vs. Jerry Lynn, Double elimination match for the X-Division Championship
This should have been the first match on the collection. There was constant movement and action, with a series of singles falls eventually boiling the match down to AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn within the first 10 minutes. It set AJ up as strong champion (spoilers, he wins), but also makes Jerry Lynn look really good by dominating through much of the match. It's clear to anyone that young Styles as a lot of potential that they could tap into. Unfortunately, the X-Division would go on to be treated like the undercard of WCW's day, and many of the fantastic wrestlers of the division would never get a chance in the main event. But, this isn't the place for that bitter debate.

Lynn vs. Styles was a very good match-up.

We Are At War: WCW Spring Stampede 1998

19 Years ago, the Monday Night Wars raged on. I was 4 years old when the WWF broke the ratings dominance WCW, 7 when WCW folded forever. The Attitude Era is remembered as such a mythical time, of tremendous TV and great PPVs. Revisionist history tells us that WCW was a sinking ship from around the split of the nWo and before, and that the WWF started their almighty comeback with Austin's title reign that started at Wrestlemania 14.

Conveniently, both of these happened in the spring of 1998, where I'm gonna pick up in the timeline. I'm not going to be reviewing the weekly Raw and Nitro shows, because I seriously don't have the time or patience for that shit. Instead, I'm going to pick up their slack, and cover the PPVs as they come down the pike. There's gonna be good, there's gonna be bad. May Macho Man have mercy on my soul.

Spring Stampede, April 19th 1998

 6 Days ago, WWF beat WCW in the ratings war for the first time in 84 weeks. 20 minute Hogan promos dominate the program's pime time, and an undercard struggle for attention by putting on great matches that go ignored by the people in power. That is the stage set for April in 1998.
The opening package focused entirely on the nWo, only a passing mention of Sting, the World Champion. The Wolfpac split is coming soon, and Nash and Hogan's interactions in the video say as much. There's a smattering of nWo shirts in the crowd, like Bullet Club shirts are in crowds today.

Schiavone, Tenay and Heenan are our commentary booth. They're generally unoffensive, and I generally like all three of them. Heenan does a good job on color, with Mike and Tony doing good play by play.


Goldberg vs. Saturn
Goldberg was ridiculously popular. The crowd went wild when his music came on. He was labeled as 73-0, and the Number One contender for the United States Title. Almost immediately, he almost kills Saturn with a Pumphandle Fallaway. He certainly had an explosive style that was entertaining as hell. Not to take away from Perry Saturn, who had a very unique and fun to watch style. Goldberg threw Saturn around like a cruiserweight, the rest of the Flock interfered. Goldberg murdered Kidman with a spear. Golberg stood through the Rings of Saturn, and hit a Jackhammer from a Fireman's Carry. Goldberg was stupid strong, and stupid awesome. A really fun opener.

Meltzer's Rating:*1/2
It was short, and smokey, but it was fun regardless.

Music Review: Mastodon - Emperor of Sand (2017)

Prog-metal titans Mastodon are back with their seventh album, an ambitious, melodic, metaphorical journey called Emperor of Sand.  In the same vein as their trilogy of concept albums (Leviathan, Blood Mountain and Crack the Skye), Emperor contains an ongoing story arc, about a man cursed with a death sentence by an evil sultan.  The band chose this parable to explore the idea of a person dying from cancer, and the result is a thoughtful and thematic work, with a real focus on great songwriting.

Reunited with producer Brendan O'Brien (who helmed Crack the Skye in 2009), Mastodon largely breaks free of easy categorization on this album, presenting a hybrid of their signature frenetic drum patterns/arpeggiated guitars and a structurally stripped down, vocal-driven sound not unlike some of the material on 2011's The Hunter.  The three vocalists, Troy Sanders, Brent Hinds and Brann Daillor share lead duties more than ever before, trading off sections within the same song almost across the board.  This lends each track considerable textural variety and allows each singer to stretch his range; vocally this is the best Mastodon has ever sounded.

The album's 51-minute running time flies by, as the aforementioned Sanders, Hinds, Daillor and Bill Kelleher effortlessly pound out a dazzling flurry of hooky hard rockers. From the swinging triplet feel of the opening track "Sultan's Curse" to the Queens of the Stone Age-esque single "Show Yourself," to the stuttery slow-groover "Steambreather" (my personal favorite), to the emotionally anthemic "Ancient Kingdom," the band has assembled an amazing stretch of memorable, instrumentally agile tunes.  For me the album only falters briefly with the 10th track "Scorpion Breath," a noisy, one-dimensional nod to Mastodon's early work that feels out of place here.  But the disc closes strong with "Jaguar God," a multi-section 8-minute epic that gradually increases in intensity, from somber acoustic waltz to driving metal dirge.

Emperor of Sand shows a confident quartet pushing their boundaries again, after the somewhat safe but admirable effort of Once More 'Round the Sun.  I'd actually like to hear them go full prog-rock without feeling pressured to include more traditional metal elements.  On this album it almost sounds like they've included a bit of that just so as not to alienate their older fans.  But for me this album is probably their second-best work after The Hunter; it's inspiring to hear Mastodon tackle a conceptual central theme once again with such vigor, via such robust songwriting.  Emperor of Sand includes some of the band's best material yet.

I give the album **** out of *****.

Helluva Band: Mastodon

Welcome to yet another feature here at Enuffa.com - Helluva Band!  Each entry in this series will dissect the career of a specific band (or artist), while also covering the author's (sometimes it'll be me, sometimes not) introduction to the band, and his/her history as a fan.

For this edition I've chosen to spotlight prog/sludge/alt-metal band Mastodon.

Weird-lookin' dudes, man.....

This unusual band from Atlanta are known for non-traditional song structures, odd-time signatures, dazzling arpeggiated guitar riffs, astonishing jazz-influenced drum parts, and stylistically diverse vocals ranging from throaty barbaric screaming to clean melodic singing.  Three of the four members share vocal duties - bassist Troy Sanders has historically been the primary vocalist along with guitarist Brent Hinds, but on recent albums drummer Brann Dailor has taken up some of the slack as well (guitarist Bill Kelliher has only sung lead on one bonus track thus far), which has enhanced the diversity of their sound.

I first became aware of Mastodon in 2007, when a buddy of mine (hey Mike!), an avid metal fan like myself, highly recommended them.  I had heard the name before but knew nothing of their sound.  This was at a time when I had grown really tired of all the music I owned and was actively looking for new bands and artists to listen to (a few months later I got my first iPod and my musical tastes began to broaden exponentially).  After looking the band up on Wikipedia I was intrigued by the description of their music and the thematic elements of each of their albums, and decided to purchase Leviathan and Blood Mountain (the former had won all kinds of accolades from various metal magazines). 

Each of the band's first four albums had an elemental motif.
Blood Mountain, the third album, dealt with Earth.

Blood Mountain was the first album I listened to, and I'd be lying if I said I was immediately blown away.  The overall sound was a little different than I expected (I figured there would be more of a nu-metal influence, with sludgy, detuned guitar grooves and gruff but hooky vocal melodies), I had a hard time getting into the vocal style, and the music seemed overly busy and strangely unfocused.  There were definitely some songs that caught my attention, specifically "Sleeping Giant," "Colony of Birchmen," and "This Mortal Soil."  Other than that though, I wasn't terribly enthusiastic about the album.

NJPW Sakura Genesis Preview & Predictions

by Landon Wayne
@LSWayne21

Invasion Attack no more!

Rebranded this year and including 200% more cherry blossoms, the annual Spring event looks to be a great follow up to the spectacular New Beginning shows of February. With three awesome singles matches carrying an undercard of gang warfare, Ryōgoku is going to be the stage to a great event that may bring long term ramifications for the company. So right now, Justin and I are going to preview all the matches on the card, from opening bell to the main event.

David Finlay, Jushin Thunder Liger & Manabu Nakanishi vs. Hirai Kawato, Katsuya Kitamura & Tomoyuki Oka

It's just going to be the typical Young Lion opening match. Katsuya's size scares the ever-loving Jesus out of me. Teruaki Kanemitsu, who stole my heart as a Young Lion months ago, hasn't been seen since taking his attitude against Yuji Nagata, presumably killed by the 3rd generation in the Dojo one night. Still like Oka and Kawato a lot, though.

Landon's Pick: Do you really need me to say?
Justin's Pick: Team Finlay

Chase Owens, Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa & Yujiro Takahashi vs. Tiger Mask, Tiger Mask W, Togi Makabe & Yuji Nagata

Chase Owens is back in New Japan, most likely for the upcoming Best of the Super Juniors. Ibushi's involvement in this match probably means he'll be in the BOSJ as well, which excites me.

Landon's Pick: Bullet Club
Justin's Pick: I'll go with the babyfaces here.  If Ibushi as Tiger Mask W is in the Jrs. tournament, he better take off the mask in time for G1.

RPG Vice & YOSHI-HASHI vs. El Desperado, Minoru Suzuki & TAKA Michinoku

Suzuki-Gun is literally just Minoru and a gang of Jr Heavyweight geeks. Suzuki-Gun doesn't scare me, and a Minoru on his own would be more intimidating than him dragging his goof troop along.

Landon's Pick: YOSHI's gonna get piledriven and that makes me sad.
Justin's Pick: Suzuki-gun

Movie Review: Survivor Type (2012)

Director: Billy Hanson
Starring: Gideon Emery

Four full years after I became aware of the film, I finally got a chance to see Billy Hanson's acclaimed Dollar Baby adaptation of Stephen King's "Survivor Type," the grotesquely disturbing short story of a disgraced surgeon who gets stranded on a miniscule island and goes to outrageously great lengths to survive.

Hanson debuted the film in 2012 at numerous horror film festivals and it generated considerable buzz, garnering multiple awards and unanimous praise from critics and fans alike.

Where King's story is presented as a written diary, Hanson translated the medium as a gritty, 30-minute "found footage" film.  The format plunges us directly into this ghastly tale, allowing the viewer to identify with this less-than-admirable character and his increasingly grim plight.  English character actor Gideon Emery delivers a stunning one-man-show performance as Dr. Richard Pine, showing us in short HD video snippets a man gradually losing his mind (and body) from hunger, desolation and drug use.

Anyone familiar with "Survivor Type" knows what happens next - Pine begins amputating and eating parts of his own body to stay alive, and his diary entries become more and more nonsensical and disjointed as the film hurtles toward the inevitable.  Hanson's approach to this material is simple and straightforward, allowing Emery's completely believable and realistic performance to take center stage.  As for the grisly details, Hanson shows just enough to make the audience shudder (and maybe dry-heave a little), but wisely leaves a lot of it to the imagination like the original story does.  The prosthetic effects are modestly presented but quite persuasive, and the makeup team does a tremendous job of making Emery look like a man who's literally withering away before our eyes.

All this would be for naught if the performance didn't work.  But it does, pretty spectacularly.  Gideon Emery compellingly brings across Pine's self-defeating hubris in the early scenes as he's certain he'll be rescued quickly, and later becomes palpably unhinged and hopeless after hacking off various parts of himself.  The most upsetting clips of course are the numerous ad hoc surgeries he performs, where Emery depicts not only unfathomable agony but also kind of a strange testosterone-fueled satisfaction in withstanding the pain.  By the end the character almost seems to be taking a masochistic pleasure in the amputations, spurred on by a growing dependence on his supply of heroin.  Emery's performance is naturalistic and fairly restrained given the extreme nature of the story, and he carries the film superbly.

Stephen King's ingeniously unsettling self-cannibalization yarn has been pretty flawlessly adapted here by Billy Hanson, in what has to be considered the definitive film version.  If you're a fan of traumatic horror films, and especially if you're a Stephen King devotee, you'll love "Survivor Type."  Just don't eat anything for about an hour beforehand....and you probably won't wanna eat much afterwards either.  

The History of NXT TakeOver: Orlando

Orlando - Amway Center - 4.1.17

Once again NXT set the bar high for WrestleMania weekend with a fine TakeOver showing.  While certainly not on the level of last year's sublime Dallas show, TakeOver: Orlando supplied nary a bad match and some pretty damn good wrestling action.  Also in contrast to most main roster PPVs, this show flew by with a lean 155-minute running time.  To kick off "the next chapter" of NXT, Commissioner William Regal presented brand new Title belts, all of which are an improvement over their predecessors.  The new designs are more elaborate and convey greater splendor, making the Titles all seem less like mere developmental props.

Kicking things off was a wild eight-person mixed tag match, with SAnitY facing the makeshift babyface combo of Tye Dillinger, Roderick Strong, Ruby Riot, and subbing for a kayfabe injured No Way Jose, the returning Kassius Ohno (God I hate that ring name).  This chaotic brawl got the live crowd primed, with fast-paced action that culminated with Killian Dain stealing Kenny Omega's One-Winged Angel finisher to put Dillinger away.  Once Ohno was added to the match I figured the babyfaces would get the duke, but it made more sense for the heels to win here.  It would also be a running theme on this show.  Nice little opening match that served its purpose well.

Next up was the much-anticipated debut of the former Tommy End, now called Aleister Black.  Black's entrance called to mind The Undertaker's histrionics, with a nice Nosferatu reference as he was raised on a platform, horizontal to vertical.  Black and his opponent Andrade Almas had fairly good chemistry, although the match felt a little longer than it needed to be; by the end it seemed like they were filling time a bit.  Black got a decisive win with Black Mass, a roundhouse head kick.  Not the most exciting finisher but it looked effective.  This was the weakest match of the night, which means NXT put on a fine show.

The show's highlight was third, the Elimination Triple Threat Tag Title match pitting The Authors of Pain against DIY and The Revival.  This was a fantastically energetic bout, with DIY and Dash & Dawson repeatedly teaming up to try and take down the monster champs.  Recounting all the action would be basically impossible, but there were tandem moves galore, including each DIY member pairing with a Revival member to do the teams' respective finishers on Akam and Rezar.  Eventually though AoP took DIY out with The Last Chapter, leaving The Revival as big underdogs.  After only three more minutes Dash and Dawson then fell to The Super Collider (Great move with a great name), allowing The Authors to retain.  I was pretty low on AoP when they debuted, but they earned a stripe or two in this match, showing significant improvement in the stamina department and taking some very stiff shots.  Definite Match of the Night.

The Dive Bars of America: The Ducktown Tavern (Atlantic City, NJ)

by Dan Moore

@SouthieDanimal

This column features some of the greatest & grossest dive bars in the U.S. of A. My rating system has between 1 and 4 handlebar mustaches, which is the preferred mustache by 9 out of 10 old timers in dive bars.

Ducktown Tavern

2400 Atlantic Ave

Atlantic City, NJ 08401

One of the coolest logos in the dive bar world

In our journey to Jersey, the boys & I ventured outside of the casinos for awhile. Tough to believe, but it’s true. Outside of going to BullShots, we ended up heading past this spot, the Ducktown Tavern. It’s a huge, long bar with two rooms and it’s open 24 FUCKING HOURS A DAY. Yeah, that’s right.

Fun Factor:  The place was HUGE. There were two giant rooms in the joint. They had a ton of TVs and I think dartboards and such in the back…but we were all pinned in a corner, drinking beers and watching TVG to get our horse betting fix going. We made our own fun...and very little money. 

The man brought his own racing form.  He's got a problem.

WWE WrestleMania 33 Review

Amazingly, WWE put on an even LONGER show than WM32 - the Kickoff started at 5pm Eastern and the main PPV ended at 12:13am.  Jeezus H. Christ guys.  I believe the phrase "too much of a good thing" was invented specifically for modern WWE PPVs.  Anyway, 'Mania 33 had a surprising amount of good stuff, considering how unenthusiastic I was going in.  Where 'Mania 32 was about half-good, 'Mania 33 upped that to about two-thirds, and even the bad stuff was pretty inoffensive.  Sadly most of the weak matches happened in the final third of the show.  Cut an hour out of the main PPV and you'd have something approaching an A- grade.  But let's take the deep dive.  Let me preface by saying I need to rewatch basically the entire show, as my feed was frought with Network issues and almost every match got interrupted at least once.  So the following is my initial assessment.....

First the pre-show stuff.  The Cruiserweights kicked things off with a quite nice bout that got a fairly shocking 16 minutes.  Neville and Austin Aries worked pretty hard to deliver something memorable and for the most part succeeded.  WWE took a commercial break in the middle, which needs to fucking stop.  There is zero excuse for this.  It's your own network and you have the option to present matches uninterrupted.  Anyway, we got some pretty intense action culminating in Aries hitting a 450 splash, followed by the Last Chancery.  Neville appeared on the verge of tapping out but gouged Aries' injured eye to escape and hit the Red Arrow to retain.  Solid stuff.

The Andre Battle Royal was next, and as usual it was silly at best.  Big Show and Braun Strowman were eliminated mindbogglingly early, at which point I assumed Sami Zayn would probably get a nice little win here.  But when they showed Rob Gronkowski in the front row prior to the bell I should've smelled a rat.  Sure enough, Gronk got into an altercation with Jinder Mahal which led to him getting in the ring and shoulderblocking Mahal, allowing Mojo Rawley to recover from an earlier attack and win the whole thing.  I can't see this as anything more than WWE engineering some mainstream news coverage.  Don't expect a Mojo push from this.  Once again the Andre Battle Royal serves very little purpose.

The third pre-show match, and the most infuriating, was Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin for the I-C belt.  I guess if there isn't a 7-man Ladder clusterfuck for this Title it doesn't get to be on the main card.  This was an entirely forgettable bout which got ten minutes and ended with Ambrose reversing End of Days into Dirty Deeds to retain.  I'm willing to bet we see a much better rematch on Smackdown this week.

The PPV proper kicked off with AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon in a pretty shockingly good match.  I was torn on this because Shane was booked to be a step ahead of AJ for most of the bout, but I'll be damned if it wasn't entertaining.  Many of the spots were way over-the-top, including Shane countering AJ's 450 splash into a triangle choke, Shane missing a Shooting Star Press, AJ trying the Van Terminator but running into a trash can, and Shane doing his own Van Terminator.  AJ finally took the win after hitting the Phenomenal Forearm, capping off what was probably the best match of the night.  Nothing even approaching AJ's bouts with Cena, but this was a lot of fun.

NXT TakeOver: Orlando Preview & Predictions

Welcome to another round of NXT TakeOver Predictions, here at Enuffa.com.  My colleague Landon Wayne and I will dissect this Sunday's Network special and offer our predictions.

NXT has fallen off a bit in quality since last year's near-perfect Dallas show, but the black & yellow brand still has the potential to deliver a high-quality WrestleMania precursor that scratches us die-hard fans where we itch, in a way the main roster show probably won't.  So let's get after it....

Tye Dillinger, Roderick Strong, No Way Jose & Ruby Riot vs. SAnitY

Our opener (I'm assuming) is this eight-person mixed tag match, pitting NXT's big heel stable against a collection of babyfaces.  This should be a pretty crazy affair and a lot of fun.  The babyface team has the good workers, the heel team has the good characters.  I expect a lot of outside the ring brawling and a whole lotta cheating.  Good way to kick off the show if that's the direction they take.

Justin's pick: SAnity's winning this
Landon's pick: If you want Young and his unit to have any kind of momentum, then they win here. A loss doesn't kill them, but the win over the babyfaces helps immensely.

Aleister Black vs. Andrade Almas

This match could also be the opener but since Black is a new commodity and presumably this is a showcase match for him, it might make sense to go second.  Almas is finally finding his niche character-wise but still seems to be fodder for the new guys.  This should be a fine little match though.  I've heard good things about the former Tommy End so I'm intrigued for his NXT debut.

Justin's pick: Black
Landon's pick: Black wins an obligatory "Takeover Debut match" Match

WWE WrestleMania 33 Preview & Predictions

Welcome to a brand new season of WWE Predictions here at Enuffa.com!  Today my esteemed colleague Dan Moore and I will talk the sprawling dumpster fire that is the WrestleMania 33 lineup.  Jeezus this card's all over the place....

Well for the third year in a row WrestleMania looks passable at best, with not one match that for me qualifies as "must-see."  I miss the urgency of the WrestleManias of yesteryear, when the company put together the best possible feuds and matches so 'Mania felt like a climax instead of a bloated standalone show.  This card has 13 bouts scheduled, with at least three of those already bumped to the pre-show.  I have to think one more will join them - no chance in hell WWE can fit more than 9 matches on the five-hour main PPV, not with that 700-yard entrance ramp.  Also, how in the hell is there room on the main card for Goldberg, Taker and Shane but not Zayn, Joe or Kurt Angle??  If you're gonna bring back a near-50-year-old how do you not pick the guy who never stopped wrestling and who could still outwork 90% of the active roster??

Anyway, let's get to it.

***I won the 2016-17 season of predictions, with a 64% accuracy rate to Dan's 56%.  We suck.***

Pre-Show Andre the Giant Battle Royal

I've been saying this for two years, but this concept's shelf life is over.  The annual Battle Royal to Get Everyone on the Show should be a dark match like in the olden days.  Does anyone give a shit about this anymore?  Also how do you justify relegating Braun Strowman and Sami Zayn to the goddamn pre-show?  Why not do a Strowman-Big Show rematch?  Why not do a Zayn-Joe rematch?  Christ....

Justin's pick: Strowman is a mortal lock to win this.
Dan's pick: Yeah, he's GOT to.

Pre-Show Cruiserweight Championship: Neville vs. Austin Aries

It's a shame this is on the pre-show because this should be pretty great if given time.  Neville's been a great heel Champion so far and Aries is one of the best in the biz.  Time to just do a 205 Live PPV event if RAW Creative isn't gonna give this division the main show attention it deserves.

Justin's pick: It's too early to change this belt.  Neville retains in a way that allows for a rematch.
Dan's pick: AA will win the day.

Pre-Show Smackdown Women's Championship Six-Pack Challenge: Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Mickie James vs. Carmella vs. Naomi

This is pretty pointless.  Again, gotta cram everyone on the card, so let's have a six-way clusterfuck instead of presenting a compelling feud.  Rather than a six-pack challenge (which is what I'll be doing from my couch that night) I was really hoping for a six-way Makeout Match.

Justin's pick: Since Naomi just came back, Naomi.
Dan's pick: I dunno...Mickie.

RAW Tag Team Championship Ladder Match: Anderson & Gallows vs. Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Enzo & Cass

First off, I'm not sure why WrestleMania needs a goddamn host every year now.  It's a pointless bit of window dressing that just takes time away from the wrestling.  Furthermore I'm not sure why The New Day isn't involved in this match or why they seem generally uninterested in winning back their Tag Titles.  Ya know, the ostensible reason all these guys are in this fake fighting organization?  Anyway, this is another match set up to get as many people on the card as possible.  Not terribly interested in the tag scenes on either show right now.  Both divisions feel like an afterthought.  But the addition of the Ladder Match stip just made this a little more interesting.  TLC 2000 this won't be, but they have a better chance now of the match being kinda fun.

Justin's pick: A&G just won these damn things so they should retain
Dan's pick: I'm sick of Enzo & Cass' schtick, so I'm hoping they don't win...but I think they will.

Intercontinental Championship: Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

This could be alright.  Corbin's been improving slowly over the past few months.  I'm still not totally sold on him but Vince obviously is.  Because TALL.  Should be a fairly unruly match given the two participants.

Justin's pick: Corbin picks up his first Title.
Dan's pick: Yea, I don't dig Corbin too much but he's got the momentum going in.

John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse

I can't even wrap my head around this one.  Like him or not, John Cena is still the company's biggest star AND one of its best workers.  Why then, in the FUCK, would you waste him in a mixed tag match at the biggest show of the year?  This is akin to Savage & Sherri vs. Dusty & Sapphire.  In both cases one of the company MVPs was paired with a female wrestler against the guy he was feuding with and his non-wrestler companion.  The 1990 match stunk up the Skydome, and I can't see this being all that noteworthy either.  The whole situation is fucking baffling to me.  Couldn't we at least get Cena vs. Miz one-on-one (And no, I'm not picking on the women, I just don't like mixed tag matches.  At all.) since this show is apparently about redoing shitty 'Mania matches from years past?

Justin's pick: Team Cena wins
Dan's pick: This is so dumb. Cena should be fighting Reigns or Taker or JESUS ANYTHING BUT THIS. Whatever. Cena.

Movie Review: Raw (2017)

French newcomer Julia Ducournau's gripping psychological body horror brings to mind many of the great aspects of Roman Polanski's Repulsion, including and especially the idea of a young woman's sexual awakening.  Starring an exceedingly gifted Garance Marillier as freshman veterinary student (and staunch vegetarian) Justine, Raw begins during her first week at school - a cruel, rather torturous hazing period during which new students have their rooms ransacked, are dragged to mandatory late-night raves, are doused with animal blood, and are forced to eat rabbit kidneys.  The latter incident seemingly triggers a long-repressed hunger in Justine which manifests itself as a constant, overwhelming craving for human flesh.

This haunting, disturbing film unfolds as a metaphor for Justine's budding sexual maturity and self-discovery.  Her older sister Alexia, an upperclassman at the same school, serves as both mentor and tormentor, in very unexpected ways, and the story soon begins hurtling toward a showdown for the role of alpha-female.

Ducournau uses bleakly gorgeous cinematography and somewhat muted colors as an understated canvas on which to render her vivid character study.  The coldness of the setting reminded me of Kubrick at times, with expansive, wide-angle shots showing the characters' tiny forms off in the distance.  At other times she uses shaky handhelds to plunge the viewer directly into the chaos, like when the diminutive Justine tries to navigate her way through overcrowded, decadent parties.

The guitar/synth-driven score by Jim Williams heightens the severity of the horror elements in much the same way as Disasterpiece's superbly unnerving score for It Follows.  Moments of revulsion are made that much more jarring with Williams' piercing strains; one particular bit of Justine's new self-awareness merged amazingly with the music underneath to hammer home the severity of we've just seen.

I can't say too much about the narrative itself without giving away spoilers, and it's better if you go into this movie cold.  Suffice it to say Raw delivers multiple shocks that impact far more effectively than your garden-variety jump scare, gruesome imagery that unsettles on a very elemental level, profound and universal themes that resonate long after you've left the theater, and deliciously unexpected, horrific twists.  The acting is understated, internalized, and wholly believable, particularly from the two leads, Marillier and Ella Rumpf, both relative newbies who fully embody the two halves of this perverse sibling rivalry.

Raw is one of the best, most original horror films I've seen in recent years; thought-provoking, urgently captivating, and thus far for me a psychological lingerer.  I can't wait to watch it again.

I give this film **** out of ****.

Movie Review: The Great Wall (2017)

by Dave Moore

1000% Garbage.

New Japan Cup: The Opening and Quarter Final Matches

With the opening round and the quarter finals of the New Japan cup in the books, speculation has been reinvigorated in earnest over who will win the semifinals and finals match, and what title they’re going to challenge for. After a loaded set of first round matches, the last two days shape up to certainly be interesting. We have a representative of each faction in the New Japan wars who could take the cup, setting up great scenarios no matter who wins. With the final two days on the horizon, I'm going to go through the first round matches with you all, as well as the quarter finals briefly, and give some insight on the remaining match-ups .  I’m not going to discuss the undercard matches, just know that they serve the same purpose as G1 undercards (Namely to build up to the important singles matches the next day.)

Movie Review & Discussion: Logan (2017)

Well folks, this is a week late because I just got around to seeing it (I have a kid, sue me), but holy crap was Logan awesome.  It was an emotionally complex, grounded, and above all moving look at the character of Wolverine.  I have no qualms about saying this is the best-ever cinematic execution of the character, and easily Hugh Jackman's strongest performance in the role.  Dan, what did you think of Logan?

Dan: A damn fine feature film. One of the best comic book movies I've ever seen. It was action packed, at times funny, and truly an emotional ride. And I damn near cried. Which is saying something, because I'm a heartless monster. Jackman really played up the world weary, beat-up and just plain tired version of Wolverine. He looked like a pair of jeans you've owned for a decade, all frayed and destroyed. It's a real departure from the un-killable superhero we've become used to in the last 17(!) years of X-Men movies. This run-down version of Logan really adds humanity to the character. Jackman always played Wolverine to the Nth degree and has been great in the role. But seeing him here as his life is winding down adds another incredible layer to the performance.


Justin: His physical vulnerability and emotionally wrecked persona just made for a much more interesting version of the character and gave Jackman more dramatic meat than he's ever had in these films.  I also liked the elements borrowed from the Mad Max films and numerous westerns like Unforgiven and Shane.  I've read a few reviews comparing this iteration of Logan to Clint Eastwood's aging gunslinger in Unforgiven and I think that's pretty spot-on.  This guy lived through the battles, saw most of his friends die, and just wants to wind down the clock at this point, but is called to do one last heroic job.

Jackman is surrounded by excellent supporting performances as well.  Patrick Stewart is a 90-something, near-senile version of Professor X, and conveys pathos and heartbreak as never before, Stephen Merchant shows incredible dramatic chops as Caliban the mutant tracker, Boyd Holbrook brings southern swagger and cold sadism as the villainous Donald Pierce, and newcomer Dafne Keen shines in a near-wordless performance as Logan's genetically engineered daughter Laura/X-23, nailing both the emotional scenes and the berzerker rage action stuff.

Music Review: Avenged Sevenfold - The Stage

What a return to form!  After 2013's lackluster Hail to the King, which to me resembled a phoned-in attempt to duplicate Metallica's "Black Album," Avenged Sevenfold returned in 2016 with....well, a vengeance, abruptly unleashing their....well, seventh album The Stage.  The release of this AI/outer space-centric concept album was handled with a bit of calculated misdirection; to coincide with the release of the first single (and title track), pro wrestler and A7X chum Chris Jericho "leaked" on his podcast that the band's album would drop in December and would be called Voltaic Oceans.  Then suddenly on October 27th photos of the actual album sprang up on the internet, confirming that its surprise release was in fact scheduled for the 28th, and also revealing its real title.

Regardless of the album's unconventional publication, Avenged Sevenfold have crafted a melodic, progressive metal masterpiece that repeatedly rewards the listener over multiple spins.  M. Shadows described the record as "a grower, not a shower," and I couldn't agree more.  My first impression was roughly, "Hmm, okay there's some good stuff here - nice to hear A7X doing what they're good at again."  The complexity and versatility of the music impressed me but only a few songs really jumped out at first, like the Alice in Chains-y "Creating God," and the vocal harmony-rich, almost baroque-sounding "Higher."  Then after three or four full listens it finally clicked.  These songs get better and better with each listen - you pick up little nuances and bits of ear candy you didn't catch before, and despite the technology-driven subject matter the album has a real personal, human touch to it.

For one thing the band and their producer Joe Barresi bucked the trend of making the album as loud and compressed as possible.  The Stage has a dynamic range and sonic intricacy I haven't heard on a metal record in years, if not decades.  Here's an album that demands the listener meet it halfway; it's not going to bludgeon you over the head with "state-of-the-art" walls of compression to make sure you're still paying attention.  There's a real depth of sound that harkens back to classic metal from the 70s and 80s.  The band is also in incredible form here.  Guitarists Zacky Vengeance and Sinister Gates deliver some of their best-ever lead work on this album, crafting passionate but technically pristine solos, while new drummer Brooks Wackerman fits the A7X paradigm like a custom-made glove.  On top of this, singer M. Shadows has forgone any pitch correction on his vocal tracks.  What you hear is the real deal - unaltered, human performances by a frontman intensely invested in the subject matter.

Shadows perused loads of material about artificial intelligence, space exploration, simulation theory, and philosopher Giordano Bruno, and wove all of these elements into a complex, 74-minute musical journey that spans multiple genres and moods.  The album begins and ends in epic fashion, the opening title track a tempered rumination on humanity's self-destructive tendencies, and the closing track "Exist" a prog-metal opus intended as a musical interpretation of the beginning of the universe.

A few words about "Exist" - this is a fifteen-minute song that feels like eight; its numerous, distinct sections fly by, from the whirlwind Philip Glass-inspired guitar arpeggio showcase and thrashy syncopated rhythmic front section, to the pensively serene, almost folky vocal movement halfway through, and finally to the galloping extended outro over which Neil deGrasse Tyson delivers a thoughtful monologue about our place in the universe.  I can't explain exactly why, but this song leaves me choking back tears every time I listen to it.  Perhaps it's the spectacularity of the music, the tranquility of the vocal section, or the strange hopefulness of Tyson's words.  Or all of it.  This is a truly affecting piece of music and a major achievement from an already accomplished band still finding new ways to stretch its legs.

Other standout songs include the aforementioned "Creating God," the vocals of which bring to mind not only AIC, but John Corabi's work with Motley Crue, "Higher," which harkens back to some of the material on Diamonds in the Rough, and the succinct but tremendously hooky "Paradigm."

But this is not an album about individual songs.  The Stage is a collective work of musical art, meant to challenge our ideas about humanity and the consequences of our achievements.  As an album it is greater than the sum of its parts, one that a listener needs to really spend some time with in order to fully absorb and appreciate.  The Stage almost defies a conventional review because it would be scarcely possible to speak intelligently of it after only a cursory listening experience.  It's kind of paradoxical that such a meticulously crafted, multifaceted piece of music was released as a surprise.  "Oh, by the way, here's our new album and it's gonna blow your freakin' mind if you let it."

With The Stage, Avenged Sevenfold have delivered a timeless prog-metal album that by all rights should be remembered as one of their greatest triumphs, and an all-time genre classic.

I give the album ****1/2 out of *****.

NJPW New Japan Cup Preview & Predictions

What's up everyone?  NJPW has announced the brackets for the 2017 New Japan Cup, so my colleague Landon Wayne (@LSWayne21) and I will look at the participants and potential outcomes and see who the likely winner is.  There are several new faces this year and only one previous NJ Cup winner (Tanahashi), in addition to some potentially awesome first-round matchups.  

The structure is different this year in that they've spread out the tournament over ten days.  I have mixed feelings about this layout - I get that they want to draw as much money from the bracket as possible, and by stacking the first round with big matches they can headline multiple shows throughout.  But at the same time it does feel a little contrived; Kenny Omega vs. Tomohiro Ishii shouldn't be a first-round match.  They're both top seeds and realistically ought to be facing each other later on.  Ditto with Shibata and Suzuki.  But I guess since those matches will be headlining or co-headlining their respective cards they'll get time to be great.  It's just very odd to me that a big first-time match like Omega vs. Ishii is being thrown out there at the beginning of a tournament.

Anyway let's get to the participants....


Hiroshi Tanahashi

Justin: This two-time Cup winner is one of six believable winners this year, but I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell of him taking this down.  Okada vs. Tanahashi should probably never happen again except maybe in the G1.  Tanahashi should make it to the semis and then probably lose to Michael Elgin.

Landon: Tanahashi’s lost in the first round two years in a row, to Fale and to Yano in 2016 and 2015, respectively. My gut feeling is that he’s gonna lose again this year, hopefully going on to have a higher caliber match with this opponent than the past two.



Evil

Justin: You know, there is a chance Evil pulls out a huge upset and knocks Tanahashi out in the first round.  I could see that happening and it'd be a great feather in his cap.  Then maybe he faces Elgin in the semis.

Landon: Well, Justin, I’ll go one step beyond that and say he could make it to the finals themselves, where he and Omega could have a great match. I have a lot of faith in EVIL (whacky gimmick excluded) and him going far in this tournament would be a great kickstarter

WWE Fastlane 2017: More like FastLAME

Welp, that was just plain fuckin' stupid.  The Universal Title is now around the waist of a 50-year-old who's had a total of just over five minutes of in-ring time in the last 13 years.  All so he can finally lose to another part-time guy, who will take the belt and go screw for several months until he drops it to Roman Reigns at SummerSlam.  What a worthless prop this Title is gonna be when it's all over.

Fuck right off with this

But let's back up and start from the beginning.  Fastlane sucked.  Yes there were several good matches, but no great ones and the booking was nonsensical almost across the board.  WWE's Good 2017 PPVs streak has ended at two.  And I don't see WrestleMania 33 starting a new one.

This PPV started out fairly promising, with Samoa Joe and Sami Zayn putting together a pretty good nine-minute match that got Joe across as a murdering bastard.  This obviously could've been a lot better had it gotten 15 minutes or more, and considering they had time for two unannounced throwaway matches that no one cared about, I'm baffled this was so short.  Is Joe not allowed to do the Muscle Buster anymore?  He attempted it here but Zayn blocked it and Joe used the Uranage slam in its place before locking in the Coquina Clutch for the win.  If WWE has banned the Muscle Buster officially, they're idiots.  Tyson Kidd is literally the only guy who's been injured by that move, and that was a freak accident for which Joe was not held responsible.  Anyway this was fine.  No idea what Joe's role will be at 'Mania though.  Maybe Joe vs. Finn Balor?

Next up was a perfectly serviceable Tag Title match, with Anderson & Gallows (no longer calling themselves The Club apparently and thankfully) retaining over Enzo & Cass thanks to some heelish shenanigans.  No complaints here.  This was exactly what it needed to be.

Sasha Banks and Nia Jax had a pretty entertaining David vs. Goliath match that played out more or less how I expected.  Aside from a few awkward moments I liked this match, as did the live crowd.  I was actually kinda shocked they were so into this considering how poor Sasha and Nia's previous outings were.  Sasha won with an O'Connor roll to get a flukish victory, as I figured.  Jax isn't hurt much by this loss, although this would be one of three winning streaks ended on this show, further proving an earlier point of mine that WWE should never again do a winning streak angle, as they always, ALWAYS fuck up the payoff.

Bare Naked (Chicken) Ladies

by Sok Maher

Taco Bell pulled a KFC on us and invented an item where fried chicken replaces the flour based carbohydrate-rich outer layer.  This food item needs no introduction, but for posterity’s sake I give to you the Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa (NCC)!

Needless to say, there was a huge public outcry for a review.  But this, my friends, is more than just a review; it’s a confession.  Here it goes… I HAVE NEVER EATEN A KFC DOUBLE DOWN.  I know, I know.  I can hardly believe it myself.  This is one of those classic, “I’m not mad… I’m disappointed” situations.  

Love at first bite?  Pretty damn close.  This chicken is spiced up real nice.  Not really a fan of cold, raw tomatoes, but even they are tolerable when wrapped in this deep fried deliciousness.  I wish someone would wrap me up in a piece of deep fried chicken   On to the review…



Flavor – So the chicken really makes or breaks the NCC.  This should come as no surprise for a sandwich made entirely of chicken.  It is perfectly spiced, perfectly cooked, and I’m pretty sure gluten-free for all you hypochondriacs out there.  I’d say it’s at least 90% actual chicken.  It’s rare that anything I do is 90% pure.  Gracias Taco Bell.  I give this 5 sombreros on the standard 5 sombrero scoring system.
   

WWE Fastlane 2017 Preview & Predictions

Welcome to your official Enuffa.com predictions for this Sunday's WWE Fastlane!  God I hate that name for a PPV.  It's really just so stupid, and evocative of nothing.  Might as well call it WWE Morning Commute.

This year's show looks quite solid on paper, with a main event that will either deliver big or won't deliver at all.  I don't see it going any other way.  It'll either be a great fight or a pointless squash.

***I'm WAY ahead of Dan for the year, and Fastlane will be the final PPV of the 2016-17 season.  Dan needs a miracle to pull ahead in the final stretch.  I'm up 72/116 to 66/116.  Both our averages are terrible, by the way.***

Dan: OH YOU'RE SAYING I GOTTA PICK THE OPPOSITE OF ALL YOUR PICKS?!?!?! CAN DO!!!

PreShow Match: Akira Tozawa & Rich Swann vs. Brian Kendrick & Noam Dar

This here is your basic throwaway Cruiserweight match.  There's no real point to this except as a way to position Tozawa as a future contender for Neville.  This'll get eight minutes including a commercial break.

Justin's pick: Tozawa & Swann
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GUYS

Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

If this gets time and is a back & forth match it'll be good.  If it's another squash it'll suck.  But since the apparent plan is a Women's Title 4-Way at WrestleMania it only makes sense for Sasha to eke out a win and get back into the Title hunt.  Jax loses nothing by dropping this match - she's been built up as a monster for months.

Justin's pick: Sasha Banks
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GIRL

WWE Tag Team Championship: The Club vs. Enzo & Cass

Ugh.  I don't care about either of these teams right now.  Taking the belts off Sheamus & Cesaro was a batshit stupid idea - they were over, The Club isn't.  Not to mention S&C achieved a huge feat by ending New Day's record-breaking Title run only to drop the belts like two months later.  So now we have this uninspired feud.  There's no reason to do another title change here.

Justin's pick: The Club retains
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GUYS

WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville vs. Jack Gallagher

This is gonna be fun.  Gallagher is a tremendously entertaining chap.  He has zero chance of winning the belt here but this match should contain some comedy gold.  Then Neville can move on to his inevitable feud with Austin Aries, which will be actual GOLD.

Justin's pick: Neville retains
Dan's pick: THE OTH-- Well no, not here.  Neville.

WWE Smackdown: Vince Admires Jerks

A couple quick things about last night's Smackdown....

1. This John Cena-Miz feud is all wrong for multiple reasons.  The most glaring thing I took away from this is that Cena legitimately doesn't think The Miz is worthy of his attention at WrestleMania.  While that may sorta be true, Jeezus H. Christ, John!  Ya don't go saying that on national television.  During their face-to-face promo, Miz accused Cena of having too much backstage pull, to which Cena replied, "If I were actually pulling the strings, there's no way I'd be standing here talking to you, I'd be face to face with The Undertaker."  Wow, way to marginalize a guy who's worked really hard over the years to progress as a viable star.  Is The Miz a main event guy?  No, not right now.  But in the past year he's improved immensely and gotten himself way over as a dirtbag, chickenshit heel.  Cena should show him a little more consideration than that.  A lot more consideration, really.  And even if Cena didn't write that line, he's certainly got enough clout to get it nixed from the script, as it makes both The Miz and this entire feud look like a big fat waste of time.

"Wait, I gotta fight THIS loser??"

Not to mention, The Miz is entirely correct when he points out that a few years ago Cena gave The Rock a vatload of shit for being a part-timer who used wrestling as a springboard to Hollywood before opportunistically returning for a big WrestleMania spot, while Cena was there busting his ass every night.  And now the shoe's on the other foot - Cena is more or less exactly where The Rock was at the beginning of his film career, while Miz is a hardworking full-timer who can't get a top match.  Just like in 2012, WWE is trying to persuade us to cheer the wrong guy.  Why in the world would anyone root for Cena in this situation?  He's making himself out to be a total hypocrite while also undressing Miz as a worthy opponent.  Just another example of WWE not understanding what makes a sympathetic babyface (which by the way is probably the biggest reason no full-timer on the main roster is a draw anymore).

This feud and match would be bad enough just with all that, but they're also adding Nikki Bella and Maryse to the match, when there have been exactly ZERO mixed tag matches that were really any good (The best one I can think of was Sable & Edge vs. Marc Mero & Jackie at SummerSlam '98).  Nikki by the way still hasn't really resolved her feud with Natalya, being that their only two televised matches ended in a draw and a Nikki loss.  But now Nikki's in a prominent WrestleMania role while Nattie will be where, in a pre-show six-woman tag?  "Wins and losses come and go," I guess, as Nikki would say.


2. So lemme get this straight - Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble but gave up his Title shot out of apparent loyalty to Bray Wyatt.  Okay, historical precedent would say that the Rumble runner-up now gets the automatic Title shot, but with a split roster I guess that's out the window now (Plus, who wants to see Roman Reigns get ANOTHER WrestleMania Title match)?  Fine.  So we have a battle royal to determine a new challenger, which comes down to a botched ending where AJ Styles and Luke Harper are supposed to hit the floor at the same time, necessitating a singles match.  Harper clearly actually won the battle royal, but whatever, let's do the one-on-one match.  AJ beats Harper clean to become the #1 contender, but then at the end of the show Orton announces he wants the match with Wyatt after all.  Umm, no Randy.  You gave up your Title shot.  Piss off.  You don't get to just change your mind after someone else has already earned it.

Because nothing says "HERO" like a nice graveyard desecration.

So we have yet another supposed babyface who isn't worthy of being cheered - a wishy-washy, untrustworthy dick who pledged undying allegiance to his friend Bray and then set fire to his sister's grave.  That's not at all admirable.  Like, in any way.  Has Vince McMahon never actually met a virtuous human being in real life?  Cuz this isn't how they act.  Meanwhile AJ Styles, another supposed heel, is about to get screwed out of his title shot because of Orton's indecisiveness.  Either that or they have a runoff match next week to finally determine the #1 guy, which if you ask me is a waste of a potentially incredible first-time match that should be saved for a PPV.  I assume if that match happens Shane will somehow cost AJ the match so they can set up that debacle at 'Mania.  And again, who are we rooting for in that scenario?  The heel got fucked over by his boss.  On RAW Seth Rollins (a top babyface) got fucked over by his boss and we're supposed to rally behind him.  Can we get even a modicum of consistency?


Lately WrestleMania season feels like Vince has just come back from a nine-month absence with a ready-made 'Mania lineup, and any current angles and feuds just need to be dropped so they can shoehorn all the wrestlers into place for the big PPV.  There's almost nothing organic about any of these 'Mania matches.  They exist because Vince wants them to.  Rollins vs. Triple H is literally the only big match with a real backstory.  I miss the days when there was a logical buildup to WrestleMania and it was about the culmination of a year's worth of feuds and angles, or the emergence of new stars.  Instead it's become a standalone show where wrestlers are plugged in wherever they sorta fit, after the matches with the biggest possible appeal to the casual viewer are sorted out months in advance.  What a fuckin' bummer....