Thursday, October 22, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Tremors 3, 4 & 5

by Dan Moore

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

In case ya missed it, Jingles and his old lady went to some wedding and couldn't post. So these reviews are from this past weekend.  Luckily, I watched three of the same series, so it's Tremors Thursday.

Day Sixteen: Tremors 3: Return to Perfection (2001)
Day Seventeen: Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Day Eighteen: Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015)

Director: No one cares because
Starring: MICHAEL EFFIN' GROSS! (Or for you 80's kids, STEPHEN EFFIN' KEATON!)

You will get no analysis of these movies. Nothing subjective, objective, collective or introspective. No sir. Look elsewhere. The fact is, I love two very dumb things about these movies.

1. Giant desert worms named Graboids.  A unique, disgusting horror movie baddie. When they die, the carnage they wrought sounds & looks disgusting.

2. BURT EFFIN' GUMMER (who, if you don't know, is played by MICHAEL EFFIN' GROSS! Ya know, Family Ties dad, STEPHEN EFFIN' KEATON!)

He's a survivalist, monster hunter, and gun enthusiast (also a total Republican, so Jingles hates him).
(Editor's Note: It balances out though, Stephen Keaton was an uber-liberal hippie.  Michael Gross is quite versatile.)  It's a great character, and Gross clearly has a blast playing him. He's an over-the-top, paranoid survivalist. Not only are the monsters out to get him, but so's that goddamn government. He plays him balls-out in all five films. This series went from Gross being a bit player to a co-star to the very face of the franchise. The character is on par with another comedic horror fan favorite (in my estimation) Ash from the Evil Dead series.

All right, here's a quick synopsis of these movies.

3: Burt blows up a buncha mutant worms with his high powered rifles and makes me laugh a lot.

4: In a prequel, Burt's great granddad Hiram, who's a bit of a priss, gets a hired gun to kill the Graboids (played by classic movie bad guy Billy Drago)

Yeah, this asshole.

Hiram eventually realizes he needs his own courage and firearms, then starts blowing up a buncha mutant worms with his high powered rifles and makes me laugh a lot.

5: Burt heads to Africa with his annoying son (played by the truly loathsome Jaime Kennedy) and he blows up a buncha mutant worms with his high powered rifles and makes me laugh a lot.
The quality of film goes lower the higher the sequel number goes until  Part 5. They used some cash and it's the best looking one since part 2. These are very enjoyable splatteriffic comedy horror flicks which I tend to watch whenever they're on. Go in with no brain like I do, and they're quite entertaining.


Look at him.

THE BAD: I hate Jaime Kennedy except in the original Scream. In every other form of entertainment I've seen him in, he's made me wanna pluck my pubes out one by one with needlenose pliers. He's that bad.

THE DUMB: Every movie is dumb, but the right kind of dumb.

SHIT OR HIT: HIT HIT HIT. The fact that this series originally starring Kevin Bacon turned into a vehicle for Michael Gross makes me so happy. I seriously love the guy and his portrayal of Burt. He's the best.

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