Saturday, October 1, 2016

NFL Pick 'em 2016: Week 4

by Dan Moore (@SouthieDanimal)
Mike Parker (@UncleMiggsy) 
Brandon Cuddemi

Miggsy's Pick

We are all tied atop the Bud Light leaderboard with a record of 1-2 for an overall record of 3-9. We aren’t exactly lighting the betting world on fire. With a record so poor, how can you possibly talk trash about the other guys? Here’s how…. Danny is a hundred and forty-five years old and just got his driving license. He comes to abrupt stops every time and you slam back in the seat. It’s like driving with a teenager.  As for Brandon, the guy thinks riding around in an older model Acrua with tinted windows and listening to Drake on full blast makes him look cool.

"Hey ladies! It's an Acura TL!  What do you think?
Can I interest you in a little supplemental restraint?"

Miggsy’s Monsta Pick of the Week  
Cleveland Browns @ Washington Redskins 7.5 Pick: REDSKINS -7.5

If I’m honest, I don’t LOVE this game. I think the lines this week were all done very well. With the points spreads, most of these games could go either way. I settled on this one when I realized the Browns are starting a guy named Cody Kessler at QB. I’m hearing he’s battling through a bit of arm pain himself. It’s not looking too good for the 0-3 Browns. The Redskins have had a tough opening schedule and won their first game of the year last time out against the Giants on the road. Kirk Cousins signed a RIDICULOUS contract after last season, his first full season as a starter. Yeah he had a good year and led the NFL in completion percentage but who cares? He shouldn’t be the 4th highest paid player in the league, that’s just ridiculous. What he does have is confidence. He thinks he’s god’s gift to football. I kind of admire that. I hope he shows us just how much of a gift he is on Sunday, which used to be the Lord’s day anyway.

This Kessler didn't last.  I don't expect Cody to fare much better.

Dan's Pick

Your boy is on the go this week, heading to his vacation home (Hey guys, how's your vacation homes? Oh you don't have one? Fucking poors.) so this is gonna be truncated picks. The big news is Miggsy's gonna be a father so now instead of just ruining his life, there's gonna be a little version of him all fucked up running around. I'm sure his life will be great moving forward.

A live look at Miggsy in 10 months....

Also, Brandon sucks.

New Orleans @ San Diego (-4) THE PICK=SAN DIEGO


B-Cuddy’s Week 4 Pick

It’s fairly obvious by now that none of us know what the fuck we’re talking about. I mean, I know more than the other two, but if we’re all stupid, what does it really matter? It makes me so mad that I’m not running laps around Danny and that grey-bearded loser. Oh well…at least I’m the better looking of us all. Here are the best photos anyone can stomach of those messes…

The past two weeks I’ve lost because Sam Bradford looked like a real quarterback for the 1st time ever, and the Rams scored 37 points after having only 9 total points all year prior. Do you have any idea what the odds of these things happening in back-to-back weeks are? About the same as Danny making the Olympic track & field team. The guy gets hurt riding a golf cart. Anyways, let’s get this shit over with…

Indianapolis Colts @ London Jaguars (O/U 49) – The Pick = OVER 49 points

Ahh the London game. Once again the NFL has sent two piles of garbage across the pond. And somehow the Jags go every year. At this point they have more fans there than in Jacksonville. It won’t be long before they become the London Foggy Ninnies or British Silly Tops. For real, am I supposed to take this shit seriously?.....
Why didn't they get the big ones?  Also how good a guard can #3 be
with the goddamn Elvira hat over his eyes??

Nah, Britain’s not for me. Sure, I’ll have an English muffin from time to time, but that’s about it. As far as the game those limey fucks are gonna see, I have no feel for it whatsoever. I’m just grabbing the over since both teams are terrible. The real thing to see on Sunday will be the look on my lady’s face when I actually get out of bed before 10 on a weekend, only to then go turn on a little morning football. She might react like the Queen did after finding out Diana stepped out on her boob of a son. We all know how that ended…Not too good…

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