Tuesday, October 11, 2016

WWE Monday Night RAW: Oldberg Gets Invited to Suplex City

Goldberg.  Really?  Really?  REALLY???

When all you've got is your size and you don't even have that anymore....

I'd heard rumors of this development for weeks but last night on RAW it became official.  WWE is booking Brock Lesnar vs. Bill Goldberg for Survivor Series.  In an apparent continuing effort to further ruin what used to be one of my favorite annual PPV events, Vince McMahon has decided that the best way to utilize a monster box office draw like Brock Lesnar is to once again pair him against a guy with whom he stunk up the ring over a decade ago.  To be fair, Lesnar's recent matches against John Cena and The Undertaker were obviously massive improvements over their 2003 counterparts.  But John Cena is a completely different performer than he was back then, and Taker is, well Taker.

Bill Goldberg hasn't wrestled since he and Brock took a giant New York dump in the middle of Madison Square Garden, and let's be honest, he wasn't exactly a ring general before that.  Goldberg got as far as he did based primarily on mystique and physical presence, and in 2016 that isn't enough to be a success in wrestling.  So why in the name of all things holy, THE FUCK, would anyone in WWE think a rematch from WrestleMania XX is a good idea, over twelve years later?  Goldberg is 49 years old and literally 18 years removed from his peak.  Last time we saw him his performance (and Brock's) was so bad both guys got booed out of the building.  So yeah, let's get him back in here.  While you're at it, sign Buff Bagwell.  I know his last match in the WWF was so abysmal it sank the WCW relaunch, but he must've improved since then, right?

This pic was taken 3 minutes into the match and this is all they'd done so far.

I will never for the life of me understand Vince's obsession with reliving the Ruthless Aggression Era when it comes to Brock.  He's been trying to book a Brock vs. Rock rematch since 2012 when Lesnar returned, meanwhile half a dozen first-time matches against current stars (for whom a match with Brock would be a huge career boost) have been left on the table.  Had they not booked Sheamus and Cesaro into the ground, both of them would be excellent opponents for Brock (Oh wait, we got Brock vs. Sheamus at a house show earlier this year, and Cesaro is Swiss).  They could've booked Brock vs. Batista a couple years ago but let that one slip away.  Also Kevin Owens, AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura, and best of all Samoa Joe would all have instant classics against Brock.  Christ, even Bray Wyatt or a return match with Roman Reigns would be better.  Nope, we gotta redo Brock vs. Goldberg.  Because apparently 2002-2004 was WWE's Golden Age.

And from what I've read Brock's future is going to get even bleaker, as Vince evidently wants Brock vs. Shane at WrestleMania.  Shane McMahon.  Ya know, the 46-year-old businessman whom The Undertaker actually had to treat as an in-ring peer six months back?  Taker was reportedly so unenthusiastic about that match he hasn't been back since.  If Brock vs. Shane goes more than thirty seconds, congratulations, you've just destroyed Brock Lesnar's credibility as a monster.

No wonder the full-time roster can't carry ratings.  Every time Brock Lesnar comes back they either have him steamroll the guy (Orton, Ambrose) or fight someone he already beat when I was in my 20s.  And I guarantee Lesnar vs. Goldberg gets the main event slot at Survivor Series, despite literally nothing being at stake.  Zero.  For a promoter who supposedly cares about telling stories, Vince sure doesn't seem too concerned about that aspect when Brock's involved.  We now have two primary championships in WWE, but as with SummerSlam they'll both get pushed to the undercard to make room for a pointless one-off match designed to pop a quick buyrate (which doesn't exist anymore thanks to the Network).  Once again a big marquee match with no overarching story gets top billing over all the ongoing angles and full-time members of the roster, and the night after Survivor Series neither guy will be on RAW and the rest of the roster will have to pick up the slack.  Super.

It's getting to the point that I dread the Big Four PPVs, because WWE always feels the need to load them up with "big" matches instead of good ones.  I'm a Brock Lesnar fan, but I'm getting bored with the Suplex City schtick, and especially tired of seeing him fight guys he already faced during his first WWE stint.  Can't we all just move along?

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