Friday, May 19, 2017

WWE Backlash 2017 Preview & Predictions

Welcome to another in the looooong line of WWE Predictions, here at!

This Sunday is the Smackdown brand's first PPV since WrestleMania, and they certainly have their work cut out for them if they want to put on a shittier, less satisfying show than RAW's Payback PPV.  Jeezus on a pogo stick that show sucked.  Anyway, Backlash certainly has some solid stuff to offer, and then one of the stupider WWE Title matches, which is likely to just be an extended bathroom break.  Eh, that's fine, I'll scarf down a couple triple cheeseburgers and a bucket of chili fries to ensure I'll hafta take a long, arduous dump during this stupid match.

Anyway, let's get to it.

***I currently lead this season with 55% accuracy compared to Dan and Landon's 50%.  Backlash's nonsensical booking screwed us all, but me especially.***

Preshow Match: Tye Dillinger vs. Aiden English

Mr. English is flying solo since his douchebag of a former partner Simon Gotch got himself released.  Gotch apparently thought he was too big a star to be in a jobber tag team - what an inflated turdball.  Dillinger has been mostly in showcase matches since his call-up, and I expect this to be more of the same.

Justin's pick: Tye
Dan's pick: Who??  Whatever, Dillinger.
Landon's pick: For lack of an actual pick, Tye so I don't risk lagging behind in points

Baron Corbin vs. Sami Zayn

Zayn has gone from getting killed by Braun Strowman to getting killed by Baron Corbin.  Poor Sami.  This match could be fun or it could suck.  But I'm guessing Vince's hard-on for big men prevails once again.

Justin's pick: Corbin
Dan's pick: Yeah.
Landon's pick: Corbin

Luke Harper vs. Erick Rowan

Seriously?  Does literally ANYONE give a fuck about this feud at this point?  The reason for both of these guys' existence is now on RAW, so there's zero purpose for either character now.  WWE had multiple chances to elevate the highly talented Harper (He's a way better big man than either Strowman or Corbin) and chose not to.  Now I guess Rowan is the latest beneficiary of Smackdown's "Let's Rehab the Damaged Goods" campaign?  Pointless.

Justin's pick: Rowan
Dan's pick: Harper is so fucking good, and they do nothing with him. But I'll pick him cause why not.
Landon's pick: Rowan's one of those guys that will rightfully get lost in the shuffle when NXT guys slowly take over the entire roster. Harper.

Natalya, Carmella & Tamina Snuka vs. Charlotte, Becky Lynch & Naomi

I like that Nattie has her own heel stable.  I like that she's got a good shot of finally winning some gold for the first time since 2011 by being the top heel in the division.  I'm not crazy about Charlotte being a babyface now, but we'll see how she does with the role change.  Last time she was a babyface it didn't work at all.  It's odd that Naomi is kinda the third wheel on her team despite being the Champion.  This match could be solid if given enough time.

Justin's pick: Team Nattie
Dan's pick: Team Flair
Landon's pick: Fuck. How far behind the times am I on Smackdown? Team Nattie.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Dolph Ziggler

Oh man this is gonna be good.  Nakamura finally makes his main roster in-ring debut (on TV anyway) against a fine worker who can make him look like a million bucks (not that Nak needs the help).  This should be an easy contender for Match of the Night and a nice intro for people not familiar with Shinsuke.

Justin's pick: Nakamura
Dan's pick: It has to be Shin
Landon's pick: I would lose all absolute faith in this goddamn place if Shinsuke doesn't win.

Smackdown Tag Team Championship: The Usos vs. Breezango

Well we have two Title matches in which the challengers went from career jobbers to top contenders in one match.  I like Breezango but for Chrissake could ya maybe have not geeked them out for months and months before abruptly changing your mind on them?  I'm tellin' ya, giving people some wins here and there increases the odds of getting them over by a factor of ten.  Look into it.

Justin's pick: Usos retain
Dan's pick: I hope when Breezango loses they continue this feud for awhile cause them boys good.
Landon's pick: But Justin, this is their push. It doesn't matter that they've sucked eggs like a Rhodes for months, because now theyre number one contenders, so you MUST believe them as contenders. Fuck this company. Usos.

US Championship: Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles

Whether this goes on last or not, make no mistake, this is the main event of the show.  There's little chance this isn't a WWE Match of the Year candidate.  AJ is the best guy in the company and Owens is the best heel.  This match and feud should by all rights be for the WWE Title.  Sit back and watch the fireworks as these two hopefully feud through the summer.

Justin's pick: I could see this going either way, especially if this is the first in a series.  I guess Owens probably retains, but it could easily be by getting himself DQd.
Dan's pick: KO for the win
Landon's pick: The only match I actually want to watch. Owens to win.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal

This is the least exciting World Title match since Triple H vs. Kevin Nash in 2003.  Except at least Nash was once a main event guy prior to that.  Mahal has zero business being in this spot at this time.  If you wanna build the guy up for six months and then have him challenge for the big belt that's one thing.  But Mahal literally went from getting jobbed out every single week on RAW to instantly becoming Smackdown's top challenger.  I'll say it again, WE WATCH BOTH SHOWS, NITWITS.  It's not like Smackdown's viewers were like "Oh, who's this Jinder fellow?  A new, exciting villain for our Viper to battle?  Sign me up!"  Mahal has been a big fat nothing in this company since he got there in 2011.  The most exciting thing he ever did was to be Heath Slater's sidekick in the geek squad known as 3MB.  He has not an ounce of credibility as a top challenger right now, so what's the point, aside from "WWE wants to make more money in India?"  Oh, and this:

I see Jinder changed his "vitamin" regimen over the past year.

I have no interest in this match at all, nor in Randy Orton's current Title run thus far; it's been a shoehorned bag of suck for Randy's "I owe you one for letting Brock split you open" push.  I gotta say I could go the rest of my life without seeing another Orton WWE Title run.  Maybe put the US Title on him at some point and have him do what Cena did.  Otherwise skip it.

Justin's pick: They can't possibly put the belt on Mahal, can they?  Are they really that stupid?  Orton has to retain.
Dan's pick: Justin is so fucking wrong here. This is the least exciting World Title match since Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly in 2004 (Editor's Note: Sorry, forgot about that shit show).  I cannot get on board with Jinder. It makes zero sense. I guess Randy Bore-ton retains.
Landon's pick: Yes Justin, yes they're this fucking stupid. They want to boost the viewership in India, so they're going to put the belt on the man from Detroit (or Calgary, same thing). Because he plays a stereotype heel foreigner. I hate this backwards fucking place. Lucha Underground makes more sense than this place, and their promoter fucking killed an undercover cop a season ago, ON FILM. Mahal to win because that's how we fucking roll.

Well that's your Backlash lineup.  Should be a decent show for the most part.  Gotta be superior to Payback at least, right?  RIGHT??

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