Wednesday, June 13, 2018

WWE Money in the Bank 2018 Preview & Predictions

Welcome back to's WWE Predictions!  It's been a while since WWE dropped a mediocre-at-best turd on PPV.  Feels like I haven't bitched about their misuse of their stacked talent roster in ages.  And with New Japan having just delivered an amazing Dominion card headlined by possibly the best match I've ever seen in thirty-plus years of watching wrestling, Money in the Bank is gonna feel very anti-climactic.  But we got a job to do.....

As much on-paper potential as this show has, WWE's writing has been so stilted and goofy I'm having a hard time bringing myself to give a shit.  Styles vs. Nakamura has been a terribly booked feud, robbing them of what should've been a classic series of matches.  Daniel Bryan is still saddled with trying to give Big Cass any credibility as an in-ring performer.  Sami Zayn is being used to get the robotic Bobby Lashley over.  And bafflingly they're pairing Ronda Rousey up against Nia Jax, who isn't at all ready of carrying someone so new to pro wrestling in a match.

On top of this, rumors are rampant that Brock Lesnar will finally be dropping the the Universal Title, at SummerSlam.  To Roman Reigns.  For the love of fucking Christ, enough with the Brock-Roman shit.  They've wrestled three times, each match getting worse feedback than the last.  Roman isn't your guy.  Seth Rollins is.

Sadly with WWE's recently announced deal with Fox, giving them an exorbitant amount of cash for broadcast rights to Smackdown, Vince is about to start caring even less about putting out quality television.  There's no longer an incentive to do so.  Christ....

Anyway, let's get to the picks.

***Little Dave Moore is in the lead with 69% (22/32), I'm in second with 66% (21/32), Landon is next with 63% (20/32), and Dan's right in the rear with 56% (18/32)***

Pre-Show Match Smackdown Tag Team Championship: Bludgeon Brothers vs. Anderson & Gallows

Welp, this got pushed off the main card.  Just as well, it's a throwaway (though it could be decent) and 10 matches on a B PPV is way too many.  Karl and Luke have zero chance of winning the belts here.

Justin: BB retain
Dan: Bludgeon me.
Landon: BB
Dave: I liked Karl & Luke when they first came up. WWE buried them and they will stay buried. BB retain

Bobby Lashley vs. Sami Zayn

Fuck me....this feud is built around stupid comedy segments involving Lashley's fake sisters, obstacle courses, and other non-wrestling crap.  The company better be paying attention to how good a heel Sami is, because that's all that's being accomplished here.  No one gives a rat's butthole about Lashley the Charisma Vacuum.  He wasn't relevant in 2007 and he certainly isn't now.

Justin: Lashley wins anyway
Dan: Lashley STINKS, but he'll win.
Landon: Lashley
Dave: Who cares?  Lashley.

Smackdown Women's Championship: Carmella vs. Asuka

Okay, here's how this should go.  Asuka kills Carmella dead in 28 seconds, new champion.  Anything other than this scenario is an insult to Asuka.  Also tell me again why Vince had Charlotte end Asuka's streak just to have her drop the belt to Carmella?  Was it just to knock Triple H's hard work down a peg or two?

Justin: Asuka better win this
Dan: I agree.
Landon: Asuka
Dave: It's Asuka time.

RAW Women's Championship: Nia Jax vs. Ronda Rousey

So after months of building Nia as an anti-bullying babyface, she's already gone back to being a heel bully basically.  I mean I get it, she wasn't getting over as a face and she's much better suited as a wrecking machine.  But it makes for some goofy storytelling.  I'm not sure why Ronda's already in the title mix after one win.  I would've liked to see her feud with someone like Nattie for a while, since Nattie could make her look like a million bucks and get her seasoned.  Clearly Stephanie is getting involved here to build to a one-on-one SummerSlam match.

Justin: Ronda gets screwed over by Steph, winning by DQ
Dan: I think Ronda will get screwed but by Nattie. Comes out to help then BAM see ya later.
Landon: Nia wins
Dave: I don't care.  Rousey.

Intercontinental Championship: Seth Rollins vs. Elias

Hey look, it's Good Seth vs. Evil Seth!

Man, I don't even know what you do with someone like Elias.  He's way over, no argument there.  But in the ring he absolutely stinks.  He really is this era's Honky Tonk Man.  More power to him for making this goofy gimmick work, but show me ANYTHING between the ropes, will ya?  That said, Seth can make just about anyone look good, so this match should be decent.  I've been loving Seth's I-C run thus far and he's added a lot of cred to that belt, but at the same time Seth really should be the guy to dethrone Brock and be the face of the company.  He's the most over babyface on RAW by a wide margin and he's the complete package.  LISTEN TO YOUR AUDIENCE.

Justin: I'll go with Elias to steal the belt
Dan: Seth retains
Landon: Seth
Dave: I'm stickin' with Seth.  Elias, come on.  So dumb.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cass

Hey Vince, not sure if you're aware of this, but Bryan's contract is up in three months.  Ya think maybe you should give him some kinda reason to stick around?  Maybe give him at least ONE marquee PPV match against a top Smackdown guy as a sign of good faith?  You've been given a gift with his in-ring return.  Stop wasting it.  Cass is not gonna pan out as a pet project.  Their match at Backlash was forgettable and anything good about it came from Bryan.  Why are we seeing this again?

Justin: Bryan won the first match, he won his match on Smackdown this week, and Cass didn't attack him afterwards.  So clearly he's losing here.  Sweet Jeezus I hope Bryan jumps to New Japan in September......
Dan: Bryan wins to finish this garbage off.
Landon: Cass
Dave: Yeah, Cass I guess.

Roman Reigns vs. Jinder Mahal

I've already talked about what a stupid idea this feud was.  Roman's still struggling to get over as a babyface, so yeah, let's put him in there with the big fat zero that is Jinder, that'll get everyone to cheer him!  This right here is your piss break.

Justin: Roman wins
Dan: I hope somehow they both lose. RR
Landon: Roman
Dave: Reigns

WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Here it is, the climax of the most disappointing feud of the year.  Seriously, how do you fuck this up?

Step 1: Have a bland face vs. face feud leading into WrestleMania.
Step 2: Give them just enough time that their match ends right before it's about to peak.
Step 3: Despite now presenting a face vs. heel dynamic, have the rematch end in a double countout.
Step 4: Have the No DQ second rematch end in a double knockout right before it's about to peak.
Step 5: Saddle the third rematch with the most boring of gimmick stipulations.

Look, this'll probably still be the best match on the show, but I hate the LSM gimmick.  It's nigh impossible to present a match with a real flow to it when the referee is constantly interrupting it with a 10-count.  Can WWE not just take two awesome wrestlers and let them tell an old-fashioned story in the ring without a buncha stupid bells & whistles?

Justin: Nakamura finally gets the big win
Dan: This has bored the shit out of me for months. I hope AJ retains and moves onto anyone else.
Landon: Nakamura
Dave: It's gotta be Nak.

Women's Money in the Bank: Ember Moon vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Naomi vs. Lana vs. Sasha Banks

Here's another idea whose time has passed.  I'm bored as fuck with MITB.  It's been done to death, the stip itself cheapens the idea of a championship, and there are no surprises left.  If they're gonna keep doing this shit every year, they need to change it so the briefcase holder gets a guaranteed title match but has to call it at least a week in advance.  Then the champion's advantage is still present and the match can be built up, whether on PPV or free television.  Dethroning a champion should be extremely difficult to do, not something where you can just wait till they're unconscious and pin them after not having a real match.

Justin: It'll be either Alexa, Becky or Ember.  Ember just got there, so probably not her.  Alexa would make sense but it's time for a babyface to hold it I think.  I'll go with Becky.
Dan: I dunno....Naomi.
Landon: Becky
Dave: No idea.  Justin, pick for me.  JB: Okay fine, you pussy.  You get......Lana.

Men's Money in the Bank: Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs. Rusev vs. Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Roode vs. A New Day guy

Why haven't they announced which New Dayer will be in this?  It should obviously be Kofi just for the crazy spots.  Also why would a tag team guy even be in MITB?  Anyway, it won't be a New Day guy winning, or Bobby, or Braun, or probably Joe.  The Miz has already won it, Rusev just beat Joe on Smackdown and they still don't seem to be pushing him.  I think it's either Owens or Balor, and Owens would be great in the "Will he or won't he cash in" role.  So.....

Justin: Kevin Owens
Dan: THE MIZ!!
Landon: Finn
Dave: The Miz

There's your sprawling MITB card.  This show should be okay.  And will likely feel about two hours too long.  Compare that with the 5-hour sprint that was NJPW Dominion.  Sigh.....

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