Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Dumb Action Movie Reviews: Sabotage

Welcome to a new feature - Dumb Action Movie Reviews, wherein I, Daniel Moore, traverse the cinematic wonderland that is Netflix, You tube and various other websites looking for action movies removed from the mainstream that probably stink. The ratings are based on 1-4 Indiana Jones whips, as he's the premier action movie character ever and the whip is AWESOME.

Sabotage is a 2014 American crime action film, directed by David Ayer, written by Skip Woods and Ayer and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Ayer wrote the academy award winning Training Day, so I had some hope for this flick. Woods wrote the non academy award winning Swordfish, so my hope was dashed a bit. But Arnold is fucking Arnold so eat a dick if you don't like him.

(Editor's note: What if we do like Arnold, can we still eat a dick?)

Even taking an old man selfie he's still awesome.

The movie is about a team of DEA agents led by Arnold who go a tad corrupt by ripping off a drug cartel. They then spend the rest of the movie swearing and getting bloody trying to figure out who then ripped them off from their ripped off drug money. Get it? Arnold's got some family tragedy in this and he plays it well as the downtrodden husband.  I love how we're at the point with Arnold that there's no explanation at all for his accent. It's just accepted that this Austrian sounding dude is here and in charge.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Royal Rumble Thoughts, or Why Roman Reigns is "Bootista" 2015

In the wake of last night's debacle known as the Royal Rumble, which was ruined for the second consecutive year by Vince and company's defiantly oblivious booking, I'm reminded of another CM Punk quote: "Ya can't tell me you didn't do that on purpose.  Either tell me right now that you're dumb as fuck, and you suck, or that you did that on purpose." 

I just don't get it.  I don't understand how an entertainment entity can have such unabashed contempt for its own audience.  This was worse than last year's Rumble, and here's why: at least in 2014 an argument could be made that WWE didn't realize how badly Batista's comeback and Rumble win would be received.  I mean, those of us with the capacity for logical thought knew Batista's return wasn't going to galvanize the fanbase like Vince hoped, and that 2014 was clearly Daniel Bryan's time.  But WWE has a history of making shortsighted business decisions. 

Friday, January 23, 2015

WWE Royal Rumble Predictions, or Why Roman Reigns is This Era's "All American" Lex Luger

Welcome to another edition of official WWE PPV Predictions!  This month my buddy Dan Moore and I will pick apart the January tradition, The 2015 Royal Rumble!

This year's Rumble is essentially a two-match card with a pretty rotten undercard lineup featuring multiple pointless tag matches.  However the two big bouts are quite intriguing and there are a number of scenarios we could see play out.  It's honestly been quite a while since a Rumble winner and 'Mania main event haven't been super obvious.

Justin leads Dan 50/74 to 47/74.

PreShow Elimination Match: The New Day vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd/Adam Rose this is what an A talent like Cesaro has been relegated to?  A preshow six-man teaming with jobbers Kidd and Rose?  I guess, like Vince said, Cesaro is "just not connecting."  I mean just go back and watch his Battle Royal win at last year's WrestleMania and listen to how apathetic that crowd was, or how much the fans DON'T respond when he does the Giant Swing.  You're a mental case, Vince.  When he was being pushed, Cesaro connected with the crowd a helluva lot more than your golden boy Roman Reigns does these days.  More on that later.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Cinema Showdown: Superman Returns vs. Man of Steel

Welcome to another edition of Cinema Showdown, here at, where I'll take two movies that are either based on the same source material, present the same story, or just share many similarities, and see which one stacks up better.

Today I'll be talking about the two most recent cinematic takes on the beloved character of Superman: 2006's Superman Returns, directed by Bryan Singer, and 2013's Man of Steel, from Zack Snyder.

Superman is generally credited with launching the superhero genre of comic books, and is an internationally recognized, mythic embodiment of heroism.  The sole survivor of a doomed alien race, Superman arrived on Earth as a baby and was adopted by simple farmers.  As he grew into manhood he discovered his super powers and eventually came to understand and accept the inherent responsibility that came with them, embarking on a lifelong crusade to rid the world of evil and protect the people of his adopted home.

These themes were captured beautifully in Richard Donner's 1978 epic Superman: The Movie.  While far from perfect and frought with production challenges and creative issues, Superman conveyed a sense of wonder and lighthearted optimism in bringing to life this virtuous character, introducing him to a whole generation of filmgoers and creating the superhero movie as we know it.  After three sequels the franchise eventually fizzled, and for nearly twenty years every attempt at a cinematic rebirth for The Man of Tomorrow was aborted prior to production.

Then in 2006 Bryan Singer released Superman Returns, which was presented as a direct sequel to Superman II (1981).  Retroactively nullifying the largely-reviled Superman III and IV, Returns takes place five years after II, whereupon Superman has, well, returned to Earth after a mysterious five-year absence and found that the world didn't necessarily miss him.  At the same time Lex Luthor has been released from prison (largely due to Kal-El being unavailable to testify against him) and hatched a new plan to take over the world using crystals from the Fortress of Solitude.  The plot of this film was eerily similar to that of the 1978 original (Luthor attempts to change the Earth's landscape to create his own priceless real estate, almost certainly at the expense of millions of lives), and while a few of the performances were well-received, the film was a box office disappointment.  Its planned sequel was scrapped, and it was back to the drawing board for The Big Blue Boy Scout.