Top Ten Things: Anthrax Songs (20-11)

And we're back with Part 3 of our Anthrax Top 40 countdown, chugging away toward the best of the best.  Here are #20-11....

Click for Part 1, Part 2 and Part 4...

20. Only

After a hugely successful album cycle with Persistence of Time and Attack of the Killer B's followed by three big 1990-91 tours, Anthrax decided they needed a new frontman.  Joey Belladonna's vocal style simply wasn't compatible with the direction the band needed to go - darker, grittier, uglier.  Enter Armored Saint's John Bush.  In 1993 the band released their sixth album Sound of White Noise, heralding a fairly radical change in direction.  They were still unmistakably a metal band, but with a raw, raunchy, midrange-heavy guitar sound and a gravely-voiced new singer to match.  The first single unapologetically dropped in everyone's lap was the grunge-tinged "Only," featuring rumbling drums and open, strummed power chord riffs, over which Bush's Steven Tyler-esque rasp intoned about a dysfunctional relationship - "Revolve around yourself, it's you and no one else/Hard for me to stay."  "Only" became a huge radio hit, proving it was possible for a band like Anthrax to reinvent themselves for a new era.

19. Caught in a Mosh

Back to classic Anthrax, one of the most beloved songs from one of their most beloved albums, "Caught in a Mosh" was partly inspired by a guitar tech getting injured in a mosh pit.  He literally coined the title of the song, and the band merged it with lyrics about suffering a disagreeable person, creating an all-time metal anthem.  From the blazing speed metal gallop of the verses to the pounding choruses, this song provided audiences ample opportunity to engage in heavy-duty moshing.

The History of WWE King of the Ring (2001)

Time for my personal favorite of the bunch.....

King of the Ring '01 - Continental Airlines Arena - 6.24.01

Going from the 2000 edition to the 2001 King of the Ring is like stepping out of a Justin Bieber concert and being handed a million dollars.  The 2001 incarnation was a thousand times better than its predecessor, and this would prove to be the end of the WWF's amazing 18-month creative run, before the Invasion Angle began in earnest to ruin everything.

The tournament portion was once again reduced to just the final three bouts, leaving plenty of room for the non-tourney matches to dazzle.  The 16-man field was whittled down to four friends, all on the heel side of the aisle - Rhyno, Edge, Christian, and Kurt Angle, or Team RECK.  But Edge was slowly morphing into a babyface singles star and this tourney would prove his launching pad.

Angle vs. Christian and Edge vs. Rhyno were both pretty short but quite watchable openers, and Edge's final bout with Angle, while certainly not at the level of Bret vs. Bam Bam, was a damn sight better than most previous KOTR finals.  One of the subplots going into this was the possibility of Angle winning back-to-back tournaments, but also the fact that he might have to pull triple duty as he was booked to fight Shane McMahon later on.  Edge won the final and began his climb through the singles ranks, while Christian began to show jealousy of his tag partner that would lead to their split and subsequent feud.

Angle was almost a two-time KOTR

As I said, the non-tourney matches provided the meat of this show.  After a lackluster Dudley Boyz vs. Kane & Spike Dudley bout (the WWF tag division would never be the same after Edge & Christian split up), the final three bouts comprised an amazing trilogy.

Top Ten Things: Anthrax Songs (30-21)

Welcome to the second part of  our Anthrax - 40 Years, 40 Songs countdown!


We've reached #30-21, and in this installment we'll talk about some of the band's lower-tier classics.  

Click for Part 1, Part 3 and Part 4...

30. Harms Way

One of the quirkier tunes on Volume 8 is this alt-rocker that kicks off with acoustic guitar and a brash John Bush announcing "Here comes the biggest asshole that the whole world has ever seen," before settling into a syncopated midtempo groove.  The chorus hook is one of the catchiest on the record and would've been right at home on late 90s post-grunge radio.  And don't forget the slide guitar solo in the middle....

29. Bring the Noise

Perhaps even more significant than their first rap foray "I'm the Man" is this Public Enemy cover/team-up, featured on the Attack of the Killer B's EP.  "Bring the Noise" was a massive crossover single and stands as one of the earliest metal-rap mashups.  The song was so well-liked by fans of both groups it led to a double-headlining tour in the fall of 1991.  Only a few years later rap-metal fusion had become its own genre, dominating rock radio and influencing both pop culture and fashion for years to come.  "Bring the Noise" can be cited as one of the form's earliest prototypes.

Top Ten Things: Anthrax Songs (40-31)

Welcome to another special multi-part Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

If you're an Anthrax fan like I am, you're probably aware that the band is in the midst of a multi-episode YouTube documentary celebrating their 40-year history.  I've been enjoying this series quite a bit; the talking head segments were all recorded via webcam during COVID, with the band members and various friends and peers reminiscing about each phase of Anthrax's storied career.  Since I've had Anthrax on the brain I thought it would be fun to count down my 40 favorite tunes by the thrash legends.  Forty years, forty songs.  See what I did?  Anyway, here's Part 1, counting down #40-31.  Stay tuned for the other installments and you can also check out my ranking of Anthrax's albums HERE.

Click for Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4....

40. I'm the Man

This is more of an honorary inclusion, but the significance of Anthrax's crossover rap hit can't be overlooked.  A super-heavy thrash metal band releasing a comedic, Beastie Boys-influenced hip hop single was pretty unthinkable at the time, and it was one of the earliest tunes to start to break down the walls between the two genres (along with the Run DMC cover of Aerosmith's "Walk This Way").  Originally Anthrax intended for the Beastie Boys themselves to feature on the track, but scheduling didn't permit it, and Scott Ian, Charlie Benante and Frank Bello opted to perform the vocals themselves.  "I'm the Man" became an unexpected hit, prompting the band to throw together an EP with two edits, a Black Sabbath cover, and three live tracks (including "I'm the Man" itself).  The song now plays more like a fun nostalgia trip, but at the time I couldn't get enough of the I'm the Man EP.  I actually prefer the 1991 remake featured on Attack of the Killer B's, but the original is obviously a much more important track.

 

39. Zero Tolerance

The closing track of Anthrax's 2016 album For All Kings is a brutal, 200 bpm assault on the senses, taking to task all of humanity's crimes perpetrated in the name of religion.  The song pulls zero punches, asking its various targets the burning question "On the day you meet your god, what will he say?"  "Zero Tolerance" is a no-frills, machine-gun riff-laden closer designed to remind everyone that Anthrax can still hurl molten metal whenever they want.

The History of WWE King of the Ring (2000)

King of the Ring 2000 - FleetCenter - 6.25.00

The 2000 edition has to be one of the most disappointing PPVs of all time.  Considering how amazing the WWF product was in 2000 and how strong the roster, anything less than a homerun would've been a letdown, but with this show they didn't even seem to try.  The tournament began with a field of 32 wrestlers, making it the largest in history.  That the company even had 32 viable competitors for such a tourney was remarkable, and I was incredibly excited to see this play out.  Unfortunately the booking of the PPV made no sense, wasted some of the company's best talents, and they tried to cram eleven matches onto a three-hour show.

The massive first-round field boiled down to Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle (Stop right there, that should've been your Final Four, period.), Rikishi, Val Venis, Crash Holly(?), and Bull Buchanan(??).  Right off the bat they got the brackets wrong, wasting Angle vs. Jericho on a quarterfinal match while pitting Holly and Buchanan against each other.  One of these matches had immense potential, the other did not.  On top of that, three of the four best candidates fell short of the semis.  Chris Benoit pointlessly got himself disqualified against Rikishi, Eddie lost to the no-longer-relevant Venis, and Jericho got beaten by Angle.  So yeah, Crash Holly made it to the semifinals but Benoit, Guerrero and Jericho didn't?  Anyone else find that scenario just wrong?  By the way, not one match in this tournament lasted even ten minutes, and the two longest bouts were in the quarterfinals.

The semis saw Kurt Angle make quick work of Crash Holly, while Rikishi trounced Venis in just over three minutes.  The Angle-Rikishi final was fun while it lasted, but failed to even crack the six-minute mark.  Again.  Why would the final match of a supposedly prestigious tournament fail to reach double-digits?  In the positive though, this tournament win helped solidify Kurt Angle as a future main event star.

Again with the stupid crown and sceptre

The History of WWE King of the Ring (1999)

King of the Ring 1999 - Greensboro Coliseum - 6.27.99

As with the product in general mid-1999, the King of the Ring showed major chinks in the WWF armor.  This show restored the full 8-man bracket to the PPV with very rushed, mixed results, and while a pair of solid main event brawls and the overall tournament made for a fun one-time watch, this PPV doesn't hold up too well to scrutiny.  Also, like in 1995, the company handpicked their intended new main eventer despite the fans not buying into him.

The first round consisted of three abbreviated bouts - X-Pac vs. Bob Holly, Kane vs. ex-WCW star The Big Show (heavily favored to win the whole thing but unceremoniously knocked out in the first round), and Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock.  None of these were long enough to be memorable.  However the final first-round match pitted former friends The Road Dogg and Chyna.  While no in-ring masterpiece, it was certainly intriguing seeing Chyna go head-to-head with one of the male stars in a major singles bout.  Previously she had only really appeared in mixed tag matches.  This probably got more time than it deserved but I never found it boring.  Road Dogg won after 13 minutes.

The semifinals saw Billy Gunn quickly defeat Kane and X-Pac even more quickly defeat best friend Road Dogg, leading to what should've been a solid big man vs. underdog final match.  Unfortunately Billy Gunn and X-Pac were only given 5:35, harkening back to the half-assed mid-90s tournament finals and once again undermining the whole tourney concept.

Mr. Ass beats up Mr. Pac

Not surprisingly the three non-tournament matches constituted the real meat of the show.  The first was a brief-but-thrilling #1 Contenders match for the Tag Titles, as Edge & Christian began their storied rivalry with The Hardy Boyz.  This was one of those matches that ended up better than it should've given how short it was.

The History of WWE King of the Ring (1998)

Possibly the best-remembered King of the Ring is this one....

King of the Ring 1998 - The Igloo - 6.28.98

The WWF got back on track in a huge way in 1998, fueled by Attitude and with Steve Austin at the wheel.  Between Austin's white-hot run as World Champ, DeGeneration X's crass-but-lovable antics, and The Rock oozing charisma all over the place, the WWF finally pulled ahead of WCW in the ratings after nearly two years.  While the King of the Ring won't win any points for scientific grappling, the intensity of some of the brawls on this show (one in particular) makes it an essential chapter in WWF lore.

The tournament once again took a bit of a backseat to the two main event matches, but after two forgettable semi-finals (The Rock defeating Dan Severn, and Ken Shamrock trouncing Jeff Jarrett), we were treated to a pretty damn good final match.  The Rock and Shamrock had faced each other several times on PPV already, both in tag matches and in singles bouts, but this was the first time they were given long enough to really shine.  In a tremendous back-and-forth match (aided by Triple H's amusing guest commentary), Shamrock finally scored a decisive win over the I-C Champ to win the tournament (No ceremonial crown and scepter for Ken).  While Shamrock never reached the heights of the previous two KOTR winners, it did solidify him as a reliable semi-main eventer.

You don't see the seated anklelock anymore...

The non-tournament matches on this PPV were numerous and varied, beginning with a fun little six-man tag.  Taka Michinoku teamed with The Headbangers against his former (and future) teammates Kaientai in a near-seven-minute whirlwind.  Nothing amazing but a good way to kick things off.

The one stinker on this show involved Jerry Lawler refereeing a match between Too Much (later renamed Too Cool) and Al Snow & Head (Al's disembodied mannequin head).  The story here was Al trying to win a WWF contract after spending several months in ECW.  He lost, but ended up on the roster anyway.  This was crap.

Next up though was a neat little singles match as Owen Hart took on the newly-returned X-Pac.  Now equipped with one of the coolest characters in wrestling, Sean Waltman put on a strong showing against the massively talented Owen, and the two created a midcard highlight.

An underrated Tag Team Title match was next, as the hugely popular New Age Outlaws took on the New Midnight Express (Bob Holly and Bart Gunn).  While the NME gimmick may have been ill-advised, at the time I liked this pairing, and they gelled quite well with Billy and The Road Dogg.  Solid stuff there.

The History of WWE King of the Ring (1997)

King of the Ring '97 - Providence Civic Center - 6.8.97

The KOTR took a step back down in 1997, as a disorganized tournament coupled with last-minute card reshuffles made for a muddled show and a thin roster.  It was also something of a do-over for Hunter Hearst Helmsley, who had been pegged to win the tourney in 1996 but was instead punished for the infamous "Curtain Call" incident the night of Diesel and Razor Ramon's WWF exit.  So this show was an endeavor to set his career back on track.

What made no sense though was that Helmsley had been eliminated by Ahmed Johnson in the first round on free TV (the PPV would again only feature the semis and finals), but kayfabe threatened legal action since he was supposedly unaware he could be ousted due to a disqualification (even though that precedent had been set in numerous tournaments already).  So Hunter won the next qualifier against Crush, and would face Ahmed again in the semis.  Their PPV match was brief and just as forgettable as the first, but Hunter won, earning him a finals spot.

In the other semifinal the now-sympathetic, complex babyface Mankind faced Jerry Lawler in a pretty slow, meandering brawl in which Lawler used an invisible foreign object.  By that I mean he motioned pulling something out of his tights that evidently fit all the way into his fist and repeatedly punched Mankind with it.  Now, even if that was supposed to be a ball bearing or some such object, would that really add much oomph to a regular punch?  Did Lawler forget to actually stuff something in his drawers before the match?  Regardless, Mankind won, and would face Helmsley for the crown.

"Wait, I gotta wear this...ridiculous thing?  I resign..."

Their finals match was good but not great - it had some intense spots but was longer than necessary and felt like it never got out of second gear until the waning moments.  Highlights included Hunter hitting the Pedigree through the announce table, and Chyna bludgeoning Mankind with the royal scepter.  After nearly 20 minutes Hunter was crowned the '97 King of the Ring, and thus began in earnest his path to main event status.

The History of WWE King of the Ring (1996)

AUSTIN 3:16 IS BORN.

King of the Ring 1996 - MECCA Arena - 6.23.96

What a difference a year makes.  The 1996 edition was everything the previous KOTR wasn't.  Exciting, fresh, memorable, and the tournament elevated someone who actually deserved it.  For the first time only the semifinals and finals would take place on the PPV; the first two rounds would be decided on RAW and Superstars.  The sparser PPV format allowed the WWF to stack the card, and while it de-emphasized the tourney to a certain extent, it made for a much stronger overall show.

To kick things off we were treated to an excellent semifinal matchup between WWF newcomers Steve Austin and Marc Mero.  These two former WCW talents delivered a fast-paced, action-packed bout which infamously included an errant Mero kick that split Austin's lip open.  Austin finished, and won, the match before being rushed to the hospital for stitches.

Hard to believe Mero was hired at three times Austin's pay

The other semi pitted tournament favorite Vader against the newly-returned Jake Roberts, and was more of an angle than anything else.  Vader was disqualified early on and went ballistic, destroying Jake with multiple splashes after the bell.  This beautifully set up the eventual final, where a stitched-up Austin took advantage of Jake's injury to dominate him for four-plus minutes before tying up the tourney with a Stunner.

The History of WWE King of the Ring (1995)

Dear God, what are we about to unleash on the world???

King of the Ring 1995 - Corestates Spectrum - 6.25.95

As bad as KOTR '94 was, that show was WrestleMania 19 compared to this putrid collection of dog vomit.  In one of the earliest examples of tone-deaf booking on Vince's part, the tournament this time around was meant to elevate midcard tag wrestler Mabel, who was now a heel, much to the delight of no one.  Shawn Michaels, having just returned to action after a sudden babyface turn and a brief kayfabe injury, was heavily favored by fans to win the crown.  When Shawn was eliminated in the first round the live crowd tuned right the fuck out.

Even Shawn was bored shitless

The pre-show match didn't bode well for the PPV, as Razor Ramon had to miss the tourney due to a rib injury.  To determine his replacement, IRS would face midcarder Savio Vega on the Free For All show.  Savio won the forgettable bout and would make it all the way to the tournament final, defeating heavy (no pun intended) favorite Yokozuna by countout and besting Jeff Jarrett's sidekick The Roadie (why Brian Armstrong made the PPV but I-C Champion Jarrett didn't I dunno).  But since Savio wasn't established no one cared.  Other tournament lowlights included The Undertaker first-round elimination at the hands of Mabel (with an assist from Kama), and the Shawn Michaels-Kama time limit draw, which even the great HBK couldn't make work.  The Philadelphia fans HATED this tournament, and the eventual winner King Mabel would prove one of the least successful pet projects in WWF history, despite headlining that year's SummerSlam.

The History of WWE King of the Ring (1994)

Welcome back to Enuffa.com's History of WWE King of the Ring!

King of the Ring '94 - Baltimore Arena - 6.19.94

Yeesh, what a downturn this show took from the previous year.  Where the 1993 tournament carried real weight and accounted for the two longest and best matches of the PPV, this time the company skimmed through the tournament (allotting only 8.5 minutes to the LONGEST tourney bout), and inexplicably put a one-off Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler match in the main event.  Not to mention football player Art Donovan was part of the announce team, and knew exactly zilch about wrestling.  Thus his commentary was laughable at best and distractingly nonsensical at worst.

Of the three non-tournament matches only one was worth seeing, and despite being the billed main event it took place in the middle of the show.  WWF Champion Bret Hart defended against Intercontinental Champion Diesel, in a shockingly good bout.  Diesel was a very unproven monster heel at this point but he had excellent chemistry with Bret as it turned out, and this was a fine 22-minute main event.  Diesel won by disqualification when Bret's old partner Jim Neidhart attacked Diesel, hoping to negate the unfair advantage caused by Shawn Michaels' interference.

Dammit Jim....

The second non-tourney match was for the Tag Titles, as The Headshrinkers defended against Yokozuna and Crush.  I'd hoped for the heel tandem to win the straps here, as they would've made a dominant pairing.  But a distraction by Lex Luger cost them the match, and Crush & Yoko would never team again.

For some bizarre reason the main event slot went to the aforementioned Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler debacle.  This amounted to twelve-plus minutes of nondescript brawling leading mercifully to a Piper win.  In what universe this could be considered a fitting main event I have no idea.  Now let us never speak of it again.

The tournament took up seven of the ten matches on the card, and despite some intriguing pairings nothing really stood out given the abbreviated length.  The one memorable match in the tourney was the Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid semifinal, which was about as good as any 3.5-minute bout I've ever seen.  They crammed a ton of action into such a short time. Still though, it was only 217 seconds, so it could only be so good.  The Owen vs. Razor final could've easily been a 4-star affair had it gone 15-20 minutes, but the company only gave them six and a half.  I dunno about you, but for me a guy winning the final of a tournament in such short order when said tourney is meant to elevate him kinda negates the importance of it all.  Owen won the tournament in part thanks to Jim Neidhart, who revealed himself to be in cahoots with Owen the entire time, having preserved Bret's Championship for the eventual Bret-Owen rematch.  Still the crown went to an eminently deserving new heel who was now the top antagonist in the company, setting the stage for SummerSlam.

How was this match not epic?

This was a one-and-a-half match show.  There's no other way to describe it.  The WWF Title match was great, and the Owen-Kid semi was a spectacular short match.  Otherwise this show stunk to high heaven.

Best Match: Bret Hart vs. Diesel
Worst Match: Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler
What I'd Change: Skip the Piper-Lawler nonsense, leave Art Donovan at home, and give the tournament matches a feeling of actual importance.  Owen vs. Razor only being allotted 6:35 is inexcusable.
Most Disappointing Match: Owen Hart vs. Razor Ramon
Most Pleasant Surprise: How well Diesel worked with Bret
Overall Rating: 3.5/10

1993

1995

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The History of WWE King of the Ring (1993)

From the wrestling weirdo who brought you The History of WWE WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Survivor Series, and Royal Rumble, it's the official Enuffa.com History of WWE King of the Ring!

That's right, now that I've tackled WWE's Big Four PPV histories, I'm strapping myself into the ol' time machine to take another look at what was temporarily one of the Big Five.

The King of the Ring tournament was originally a special house show attraction held annually in New England, before the WWF decided to add it to the PPV schedule in 1993.  At the time the WWF calendar only featured the Big Four PPV events, so creating a fifth was a pretty huge deal.  Over the next decade the annual PPV was used as a springboard for many up-and-coming stars, with mixed results.  In 2003, due to sagging buyrates, the company discontinued the event, replacing it with Bad Blood, and only brought the tournament itself back on free television every few years.  Here now is a look back at this sometimes great, sometimes awful PPV....

King of the Ring '93 - Nutter Center - 6.13.93

The inaugural PPV edition of the tournament was centered around re-establishing Bret Hart as a top babyface after the mindbendingly stupid booking of WrestleMania IX, where Bret lost the WWF Title to Yokozuna only for the returning Hulk Hogan to swoop in and take the belt in an impromptu match.  Widely considered the worst WrestleMania of all time, that show did no favors for the man presumably pegged to lead the company through the 90s.  On top of that, Hogan took the belt and went home after previously agreeing to drop it back to Bret at SummerSlam.  Instead Hogan refused to appear on any house shows for two months and insisted on losing it back to Yokozuna at the KOTR PPV.  Is it any wonder I can't stand that guy?

The non-tournament matches included a decent Intercontinental Title defense by Shawn Michaels against Crush, a forgettable eight-man tag pitting The Smokin' Gunns & The Steiners against The Headshrinkers & Money Inc., and of course the godawful Hogan-Yokozuna rematch.

Par for the course at this point in his career, Hogan just kinda went through the motions, once again feebly attempting to recapture the magic of his 'Mania 3 match with Andre.  After 13 pretty rancid minutes, Harvey Wippleman climbed on the ring apron in the guise of a ringside photographer, and his camera exploded in Hogan's face.  Yoko capitalized and reclaimed the Championship, in one of the stupidest match finishes since, well, WrestleMania IX.  Hogan vanished from WWF TV for nine years, and the "exploding camera" incident was never explained.

Screw you Hogan.  YOURE FIIIIIRED!!!

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Mallrats

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, where I dissect a cinematic clunker that I also happen to enjoy.

Today's topic is Kevin Smith's second film Mallrats.  After the indie success of his smart, slacker-centric Clerks in 1994, Smith was given a much larger budget by Universal Studios to do basically the same type of movie.  But this time our pair of lovelorn, do-nothing 20-something protagonists spend their aimless free time at a mall, trying to repair their failed relationships.  Returning from Clerks are the zany supporting characters Jay & Silent Bob, who in this film are given some action-comedy set pieces and get to directly affect the plot.  The studio more or less took Smith's trademark formula and attempted to make it more mainstream, with very mixed results.  At the time I found this film unequivocally hilarious, but it's probably aged the worst of Smith's View Askewniverse outings.

So let's look at what worked and what didn't....



The Awesome


Jason Lee

Almost everything great about his movie begins and ends with Jason Lee.  The former skateboarder became a major find for Kevin Smith, who would cast him in numerous subsequent films.  But perhaps no role was as big a show stealer for Lee as Brodie Bruce, the mall-obsessed comic book and video game junkie whose lack of ambition has cost him his girlfriend Rene.  Lee's brilliantly vulgar, reactionary delivery is responsible for most of the film's best lines, and his natural charisma allows the viewer to identify and root for this character in spite of his many flaws and obnoxious persona.

I fuckin' love that guy.

Shannon Doherty

One of two principles cast for their name value, Shannon Doherty gives a harsh but oddly likable performance as the strong-willed, no-bullshit Rene, who's reached the end of her patience with her lazy, inattentive boyfriend.  The focus of the movie is on the male characters, but Doherty admirably conveys why the firebrand Rene is such a good match for Brodie.

Brenda??

Michael Rooker

Character actor Michael Rooker plays the film's main antagonist Jared Svenning, whose primary motivation is to keep T.S. Quint (Jeremy London) from dating his daughter.  Svenning is an aspiring game show producer/host whose pet project Truth or Date serves as the film's Maguffin.  Rooker plays this role with over-the-top relish, serving as both a villain and something of a buffoon who, as a television producer, is in over his head.

Don't eat the pretzels!

WWE Hell in a Cell 2021 Preview & Predictions

Another month, another incomplete match lineup only a few days before a WWE PPV.

This Sunday is WWE's Hell in a Cell, a show they moved up from October to June for some reason.  As of now only five matches have been announced, and I don't know how this company expects to get people really invested in these shows without telling us ahead of time what the full card looks like.  Four of the bouts look pretty good, the fifth is a goddamn embarrassment.  Let's take a look....

Alexa Bliss vs. Shayna Baszler

Fuck outta here with this shit.  Put this Alexa Bliss storyline in a box and throw it in the ocean.  It is simply stunning to me that WWE diehards are actually defending this.  Imagine having a legit badass like Baszler on your roster and using her to get over a horror cartoon character no one gives a crap about.  And spare me the nonsense about "Yeah but AEW did a Mimosa Match!"  The difference there is, that was a light comedy match designed to spotlight a star who is super popular for his comedic character, and it didn't involve anyone with supernatural powers.  Get this Alexa drivel off my TV.

Pick: Obviously the legit badass loses to the girl with magical powers.  Fuck this company.

Smackdown Women's Championship: Bianca Belair vs. Bayley

These two had a decent match last month but the finish was an outta nowhere rollup, so they have a chance here to really deliver.  Bianca is a great babyface, Bayley is an obnoxious-as-hell heel, both are very capable workers.  Should be fun.  Bianca obviously retains.

Pick: Bianca keeps the strap

Top Ten Things: Wrestling Entrance Themes

Welcome to another Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I'm looking at the all-time greatest wrestling entrance themes!

Entrance themes are such an integral part of establishing a character it's hard to imagine a time before they were universal.  When I started watching this wacky fake sport in 1986 only certain acts were given entrance music.  Mostly it was headliners and championship contenders, otherwise guys came to the ring to only the ambient arena noise.  Most puzzling is the fact that perennial attraction Andre the Giant never had an official entrance theme (Toward the end of his career Vince McMahon's "Stand Back" became his them for video packages, but it wasn't used for his actual ring entrance).  There were other times when a piece of music was intended for one wrestler but co-opted for someone else.  Hulk Hogan's "Real American," a theme we now consider inseparable from the man, was originally written for the US Express (Mike Rotundo & Barry Windham).  Kurt Angle's theme, repurposed by the fans as "You Suck," was once the entrance music for "The Patriot" Del Wilkes.  Then of course there was Jimmy Hart's "Crank It Up," recorded for the Piledriver album, which the Young Stallions "stole" for their own use.  I always got a kick out of that one.

At any rate, a wrestler's entrance theme can say so much about them.  It can help illustrate what type of persona they use.  If the music is dark and foreboding, the character probably is too.  If the music is bombastic and upbeat, the character probably has a loud personality.  When done correctly, the first note of a wrestler's theme can send the crowd into a tizzy, and can be just as important a part of the fans' experience as seeing that person in the ring.

The following ten themes exemplify these qualities.  In each case the entrance music has become forever linked to that character, evoking a massive crowd response every time it blares through those arena speakers.

10. Chris Jericho - "Break the Walls Down"

Beginning with one of the coolest sound effects ever designed, Jericho's entrance theme originally counted down a "Millennium Clock" before exploding into a Rage Against the Machine-esque slow rocker that also seems to have a bit of Beastie Boys influence.  Between the lyrical references to metal bands and the conjured image of walls being broken down, this song conveyed Jericho's iconoclastic ring persona brilliantly.

9. Finn Balor - "Catch Your Breath"

This one takes a while to get going, but man, when it does it's pure detuned metal awesomeness.  Boasting an anvil-to-the-skull, stomp-worthy guitar riff followed by a choral chant, this intimidating theme does everything great entrance music should.  It sets the tone for the character, it imprints itself on your brain, and it encourages audience participation, as the crowd chants and gestures along with Balor.  This is my favorite current wrestling theme.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

Welcome to yet another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies here at Enuffa.com, where I examine a film that is horribly, deeply, life-wreckingly flawed but for one reason or another I can't help tossing it into the DVD player every so often.

Today the film in question is the third installment of the original Mad Max Trilogy, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.  I'm a huge fan of this series - the inaugural Mad Max is a mercilessly bleak dystopian film with an unrelentingly frantic pace, wherein our protagonist loses everything he cares about and becomes a sadistic revenge-seeker.  The second film, The Road Warrior, is simply one of the greatest action films I've ever seen.  This hugely influential piece of pop culture is essentially a Western set in a post-apocalyptic future, where Max has been aimlessly roaming the wasteland scavenging fuel and food, and lends his considerable survival skills to help a small band of colonists defeat a gang of homicidal marauders.

The first two movies make up two-thirds of a near-perfect trilogy.  Unfortunately, as with many trilogies, the third episode falls devastatingly short of expectations.  With Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, director George Miller stepped back into a Co-Director role after his longtime producer Byron Kennedy was killed in a helicopter crash.  Right off the bat this movie would lack the main driving creative force behind the first two films.  Still there was an interesting story to be told here, and some aspects of it worked quite well.  Let's take a look at the pros and cons of Beyond Thunderdome.


The Awesome


Mel Gibson

None of these movies would work at all without Mel Gibson's thoroughly compelling turn as the emotionally broken Max Rockatansky.  Gibson has lately revealed himself to be a totally crazy person with serious bigotry issues, but it's impossible to deny what an onscreen talent he used to be.  When I first heard they were making a new Max film without Gibson I couldn't possibly picture anyone else in the role (I have to admit though, Tom Hardy proved himself a fantastic choice).  Like Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones or Bruce Willis as John McClane, Mel Gibson was born to play Max.  He brought rugged, taciturn charisma and a hardened heroic quality to this lonely but honorable character.  We're able to completely sympathize with him despite his moral ambiguity.

Max is a BAMF

NXT TakeOver: In Your House 2021 Preview & Predictions

So they're stickin' with the retro In Your House deal?  Kinda weird.  

This Sunday is the second annual NXT TakeOver: In Your House show, where for one night we'll all reminisce about the company's least successful period, as the wrestlers emerge from an entranceway modeled after the cheeseball "front door" theme from the mid-90s.  Why did they keep the In Your House branding after the original PPV anyway?  The whole reason for that name was that the company gave away an actual house on the air.  After the inaugural edition though, the branding didn't mean anything, it was just an awkwardly named, recurring two-hour show.

Anyway the lineup here looks a little, well, underwhelming.  Not unlike an In Your House PPV I suppose.  We have a clusterfuck of a main event, a double-title six-man match, and a ladder match for the resurrected Million Dollar belt.  Is Hunter making fun of 1995 Vince or is he just fresh out of ideas?

Mercedes Martinez vs. Xia Li

Xia is, I believe, making her TakeOver debut here, which means I think she's probably winning the match.  I've only seen her as a throwaway Royal Rumble participant, so I have no idea if she's any good.  Martinez is the older veteran tasked with making the newbie look strong.

Pick: Xia Li

Top Ten Things: Wrestling Matches of the 2010s

Welcome to another special decade-end Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  A couple weeks ago I counted down the greatest wrestling PPVs of the 2010s, and now it's time to go deeper and discuss the greatest wrestling matches of the decade.

Artistically speaking, the 2010s saw some of the highest highs and the lowest lows in the history of the business.  Through most of the 10s WWE and TNA/Impact were regularly churning out shit burgers, with the occasional flashes of brilliance, while New Japan Pro Wrestling, on the backs of the amazing Hiroshi Tanahashi, Shinsuke Nakamura, Kazuchika Okada, and Kenny Omega, among others, began a resurgence that culminated in some of the greatest-ever in-ring artistry by the end of the decade.  The art form evolved so much over the last ten years that even in WWE few stars get over without being very capable between the ropes.  The days of someone becoming a big star based solely on their character or physique are over.  Yes, those things are important, but to succeed in wresting these days you have to be able to back it up in the ring, moreso than ever before.  Here are 14 examples (the Top Ten plus Honorable Mentions) of wrestlers truly backing it up in the ring, combining thrilling action with dramatic storytelling and gutsy athleticism....

HM: CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan - Over the Limit - 5.20.12

In my opinion the best match of 2012 was this forgotten gem - Punk vs. Bryan for the WWE Title.  These two were given a nice cushy 25-minute slot, and man did they deliver.  Spectacular mat wrestling, counterholds, submissions galore, false finishes; everything you could ever want in a great wrestling match.  This is the closest WWE has ever come to emulating the groundbreaking work these two routinely produced in Ring of Honor.  Punk and Bryan would face each other twice more on PPV that year, but this was the standout of the bunch.  A stunning display of classic pro wrestling.

HM: CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar - SummerSlam - 8.18.13

2013's SummerSlam featured two Match of the Year candidates, one of which was billed "The Best vs. The Beast."  This No-DQ bout told the story of Punk's scrappy ability to stay one step ahead of his massive opponent, as he pulled out every weapon available and utilized his superior speed.  This amazing match was brilliantly worked out and is thus far Brock's best match of his current run.  After 25 minutes of action, Punk fell victim one too many times to Paul Heyman's ringside distractions and was pinned after an F5.

HM: Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan - WrestleMania XXX - 4.6.14

The YES movement took over WrestleMania in 2014, starting with this much-anticipated opening match for a shot at the WWE Title.  Both guys played their roles to perfection and told a helluva Face-In-Peril story for 26 minutes.  As predicted, Bryan won the match clean to propel himself into the WWE Title match, but Hunter attacked him after the bell in the hopes of rendering him too injured to compete later on.  Made perfect sense and beautifully enhanced the drama of Bryan's quest.

HM: Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Kazuchika Okada - WrestleKingdom 9 - 1.4.15

One of the greatest feuds of the decade, hell, all time, was between NJPW's early 2010s Ace and his eventual successor.  At WrestleKingdom 9 Tanahashi and Okada assembled an eminently epic, instant classic of a main event that belongs in the same conversation as Austin-Rock II or the two HBK-Taker WrestleMania matches.  These two men were born to wrestle each other, and this match somehow topped all seven of their previous bouts, building off those matches and upping the ante.  Late in the match both kicked out of each other's well-protected finishing moves, and by the time Tana finally put Okada's quest to an end at the 31-minute mark the audience was shocked and exhausted.  Okada sold this defeat like a death in the family, sobbing the whole way back to the dressing room.  They'd have an equally epic rematch one year later, where Tana finally passed the torch.  Okada and Tanahashi made magic every time they locked horns, but for me the WK9 main event is their greatest encounter.

NJPW Dominion 2021: Shingo Wins The Gold

Well that was a rather short Dominion PPV, wasn't it?  Only five matches, two of which were barely over ten minutes.  Not only that, we got a very unexpected main event result, as for the third time this year someone won their first IWGP Title.  I have mixed feelings about this, but we'll get to it in a bit.

After guest commentator Hiromu Takahashi addressed the crowd assuring everyone he'd be back in action soon, NJPW Dominion 2021 opened with a ten-man tag match, pitting members of Chaos plus Hiroshi Tanahashi against a Bullet Club squad let by Evil.  This boasted fast-paced action and was enjoyable while it lasted, but a sub-twelve-minute match featuring ten dudes isn't going to leave a lot of room for folks to get their shit in.  The biggest story coming out of this match was in the Juniors division, as Taiji Ishimori and Sho carried the third act of the match, culminating in Ishimori snaring the win with a Bloody Cross.  Pretty forgettable overall, but inoffensive.  **1/2

The second multi-man tag pitted Tetsuya Naito, Sanada and Bushi against Dangerous Tekkers and Douki, with the main story being Naito and Sanada meshing well as a new tag team.  Like the opener this was fine but too short to be very memorable.  Zack Sabre and Sanada had the best exchanges, with a lot of pinning combinations and reversals.  Finally after eleven-plus minutes Sanada scored an upset by countering a ZSJ European Clutch with a cradle of his own.  Thus Naito and Sanada are your new #1 contenders for the IWGP Tag belts.  I like that matchup and it's nice to see some new blood in the heavyweight tag ranks.  The temporary demotion of Naito rather telegraphed the main event result though...  **1/2

Top Ten Things: Wrestling Matches of the 2000s

Welcome to another Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Following my Top Ten 80s Matches and Top Ten 90s Matches, today it's my Top Ten Double-Aught Wrestling Matches (that's matches of the 2000s).  The pro wrestling industry went through catastrophic changes in the early part of that decade, as WCW and ECW were both sold to Vince McMahon, making the WWF the only big game in town.  The WWF was then forced to change its name to WWE, while upstart promotions TNA and Ring of Honor sprouted in 2002.  We saw a new crop of headliners in Brock Lesnar, John Cena, Randy Orton and Batista, plus a surge in the quality of indie wrestling, led by AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Bryan Danielson.  The industry began shedding the "hardcore" style so prevalent in the late 90s and returned somewhat to a traditional mat-based focus (with exceptions of course), and eventually WWE even went back to family-friendly PG content.  While the overall product was very uneven, it's safe to say the 2000s brought us some of the very best matches we'd ever seen.  Here now are ten of them.....

10. Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels - WrestleMania - 4.5.09

In 2009 WWE's product was stagnant as ever, with the same five or so guys having been featured at the top of the card for a good three or four years straight.  WrestleMania 25's lineup featured all the usual faces in prime spots and very few young stars, and I was frankly burned out on the Cenas, Ortons, Triple Hs, and Edges of the world.  I honestly didn't get caught up in the build for this match either - two 45-year-olds reigniting a few from eleven years earlier?  No thanks, man.  Of course I was wholly incorrect, as these two legends wove together an absolute 30-minute masterpiece, showing us all how it's done.  A prototypical WWE "main event," this match featured loads of reversals, finisher kickouts, and some crazy outside-the-ring dives (one of which looked like it killed Taker dead).  This match ended up being one for the ages.

9. AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe - Turning Point - 12.11.05

There have been more action-packed matches, more brutal brawls, more epic contests.  But in December 2005 Samoa Joe and AJ Styles told a story between the ropes that has seldom been equaled before or since.  Joe arrived in TNA that summer and was immediately pushed as an unstoppable monster, who had his way with basically everyone in the X-Division.  AJ was the superbly skilled conquering hero; the last line of defense against Joe's reign of terror.  The pace started out methodical but escalated continously throughout the match.  Joe dominated AJ with his brutal moveset, but the defiant Styles refused to back down, eventually kicking out of Joe's pin attempts at the one-count just to stick it to the villain.  Blood pouring out of his mouth, Styles managed to lift the 280-pounder up for the Styles Clash, and despite diminished height the move still looked absolutely vicious.  Joe kicked out however, and finished AJ with the rear naked choke, capping off one of the best examples of pure in-ring storytelling I've ever seen.

Top Ten Things: 80s Wrestling Matches

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  Pretty self-explanatory - ten things at the top of what-have-you.

Today it's the top ten matches from that beloved bygone decade known as the 1980s!  I hopped on the pro wrestling bandwagon in the latter part of the decade and therefore this list skews heavily during that time.  I've seen plenty of the early 80s stuff, but I think most would agree the overall wrestling product in North America was stronger from '86-'89 than it was from '80-'85.  Cases in point are my ten picks.  Granted, my own personal nostalgia for those formative years may have played a part, but what the hell d'ya want from me?

Here we go....

10. Ricky Steamboat vs. Bret Hart - Boston Garden - 3.8.86

This forgotten gem was preserved for us all when Bret Hart included it on his DVD set in 2005, but I'd seen it before then.  Initially this match was to be the prototype for a WrestleMania 2 rematch, before Vince changed his mind and threw Bret and Neidhart in the WWF vs. NFL Battle Royal, and put the rising babyface Steamboat against the larger Hercules.  But this match upstaged literally everything at 'Mania 2, as these two technicians put on a veritable clinic.  This is one of the earliest WWF examples of just how good Bret was as a singles wrestler, and despite the lack of company followup it's easy to see why Bret looks back on this bout fondly.

9. Ric Flair & Barry Windham vs. Midnight Express - Clash of the Champions IV - 12.7.88

The Christmas-themed Season's Beatings edition of Clash of the Champions was headlined by a huge tag match, as NWA Champion Flair and US Champ Windham (the only remaining Four Horsemen after Anderson & Blanchard left for Stamford) faced former NWA Tag Champs the Midnight Express, who'd recently turned babyface before being mauled by the heel Road Warriors for the straps.  This Clash special was mostly centered around hype for the upcoming Starrcade '88 PPV, and all four participants here were pretty well-protected.  Bobby Eaton & Stan Lane dominated much of this fast-paced bout before getting screwed at the last minute when Flair waffled Bobby with JJ Dillon's shoe.  Another forgotten classic, this is easily one of my favorite Clash bouts of all time.

8. Team Demolition vs. Team Powers of Pain - Survivor Series - 11.24.88

Speaking of favorites, this entry is my favorite Survivor Series elimination match, which happens to be from my favorite Survivor Series PPV.  The late 80s tag division in the WWF was the stuff of legend, and this match assembled all nine of the company's regular teams (plus The Conquistadors) for an epic 40-minute war.  WWF newcomers The Powers of Pain captained an absolutely stacked team of the Hart Foundation, British Bulldogs, Rockers, and Young Stallions, against Demolition's squad of Anderson & Blanchard, The Rougeaus, The Bolsheviks, and the aforementioned masked jobbers.  The action in this match was non-stop for almost the entire duration, until late in the bout Demolition's manager Mr. Fuji turned on them and helped the Powers of Pain take the match.  This was in my experience the first-ever double-turn, and it broke my 13-year-old brain.

Top Ten Things: 90s Wrestling Matches

Welcome to another Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Last week I posted my list of the greatest 80s matches, and I'm now following it up with the best of the 90s.  The 90s were a tumultuous time in the wrestling industry, where the product changed drastically and became a completely different animal by the end of the decade.  In the WWF the focus shifted from larger-than-life characters to more serious technical wrestlers, and then to a gritty, more violent, and more explicit product.  WCW's focus went from the established traditions of the sport to a counter-culture movement.  In my opinion, the WWF's in-ring product outclassed WCW for most of the decade, and so this list is very WWF-heavy.  But feel free to comment below with anything you feel I've overlooked.  Here we go....

10. Vader vs. Sting - Starrcade - 12.28.92

Probably WCW's best feud of the 90s was Sting vs. Vader, and probably their best match took place at Starrcade, in the finals of the King of Cable Tournament (Don't ask what the eff that means).  This was all kinds of awesome - stiff, snug and believable all the way through.  Vader's size and dominant style would realistically make most of his matches into rather unwieldy squashes, but Sting was so freakishly strong he could manhandle Vader for much of the match.  This resulted in some amazing spots, like the second-rope superplex, Sting's over-the-top plancha on both Vader and Harley Race, and the finish where Vader dove off the top rope and Sting caught him midair and slammed him to the mat.  Just a great main event, and I could watch these two beat the shit out of each other all day long.  Vader may have been Sting's greatest opponent.

9. Undertaker vs. Mankind - 6.28.98

Probably the most infamous match of all time, aside from the Montreal Screwjob.  In 1998 Taker, and especially Mankind, wrote a new chapter in pro wrestling brutality.  After two death-defying falls from the top of the Cell (one planned, one frighteningly accidental), Mick Foley delivered a superhuman effort in going another 12 or so minutes and completing the best match these two ever had together (Keep in mind also that Taker was working on a broken foot).  Concussed and delirious, Foley famously approached Taker backstage when it was over and asked "Did I use thumbtacks?" to which Taker replied, "Look at your arm Mick."  It's an uncomfortable match to view now, but at the time it probably exemplified the WWF Attitude more than any other single bout.

8. Roddy Piper vs. Bret Hart - WrestleMania - 4.5.92

The match that stole the show at WrestleMania VIII (pretty amazingly considering Flair vs. Savage was on the card) was the I-C Title match between Roddy Piper and Bret Hart.  These two put on a 13-minute classic that had more action, crisper wrestling, and even a better blade job than the WWF Title match.  Bret Hart recounted the story in his autobiography - the WWF had a no-blading policy at that point, and Bret's bladejob was so subtle and realistic, Vince thought he was legitimately cut and took no action against him.  Flair's bladejob on the other hand was very obvious and earned him a fine.  I'd say this was easily Piper's best match.