Top Ten Things: Obscure 1980s Toys

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  Today I'm thinkin' about old toys I wish I still had.  Because apparently I'm eleven.

The 1980s was an amazing era to be a kid.  We children of the 80s were treated to some of the most badassistic (Yeah I made up a word) action figure lines ever offered up.  Think about it, in the same decade we had Star Wars toys, He-Man, Transformers, and GI Joe (plus the short-lived DC Super Powers and Marvel Secret Wars), and those are just a handful of the toy lines that were hits!  We also had a fuckton of action figure series that were either short-lived or outright flopped, and those are the ones I'm here to talk about today.  I got to thinking about some of the more obscure toys I had as a kid and the list just kept growing on me.  Some of them I had trouble finding on Google because the name escaped me, but eventually I found 'em all.  Not only does this piece feature a top ten but I've included three Honorable Mentions.  So, strap on your nerd hats and join me for a look back at some of the best obscure toys of the 80s!

HM: Karate Kid (Remco)

Yeah this set came with giant chopsticks to catch a giant rubber fly.

From the hit 1984 film Rocky But With Karate, these stupid, one-note toys had some inexplicable charm to them.  Literally the only two characters I ever found were Daniel-san and Mr. Miyagi (apparently Johnny, Kreese and others were available later on), but each figure had one arm and one leg that were spring-loaded, so when you pushed a button they would either chop or kick.  This one set I got came with both characters and a litany of structures for them to chop through or break.  Wooden boards, ice, brick walls, this coat rack-lookin' thing, you name it.  Destroying fake wood with these figures was stupid fun.

HM: Clash of the Titans (Mattel)

They released the first wave and then they RELEASED THE KRRRAKEN!

What a promising line this was, until it wasn't.  The wonderful 1981 fantasy film Clash of the Titans had so many colorful characters and creatures that lent themselves to toy designs, in the same way the Star Wars trilogy did.  The first (and thanks to poor sales, only) series included Perseus (a fantastic Harry Hamlin likeness), his buddy Thallo, Calibos, and for some reason Charon the ferryman (who only appears in the film for like four seconds), plus a Pegasus toy (with zero points of articulation) and a huge Kraken (who looked boss).  Insanely the coolest looking character in the movie, Medusa, never got a toy, but maybe she, Andromeda and some of the Greek gods would've been included in series 2.  Regardless, these were solid toys that deserved a better run.

HM: Raiders of the Lost Ark (Kenner)/Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (LJN)

This is one of my favorite films, but what are you supposed to do with these?

Two different toy companies tried to make "fetch" happen in the 80s with Indiana Jones.  When Raiders of the Lost Ark came out it was a no-brainer that Kenner, fresh off its colossal success with the Star Wars line, would introduce a similar-in-scale line of Indy toys.  Only problem was, beyond the main character no one else in that movie does a whole lot that lends itself to action figure play.  Indy does all the heavy lifting.  What are you supposed to do with Marion in a removable evening gown, or the black-clad swordsman whom Indy shoots like a dog in the street?  Or Belloq or Toht or Col. Dietrich, who are all excellent baddies in the film but have no action sequences to speak of?  The one character Indy has a fistfight with is the nameless bald German mechanic, but that'd keep you busy for what, five minutes?  It's a shame, these were good looking toys for the time, but aside from Indy himself there wasn't much you could do with 'em.  Even the few playsets they had were pointless (more on that HERE).

Damn good detail on these but again, what do I do with 'em?

Then in 1984 LJN tried their hand with 5-inch figures for Temple of Doom, releasing five characters but running into the same problem.  Playing with these toys was all about Indy performing daring stunts and escapes.  Beyond that you're stuck.  Thus when The Last Crusade came out, no one even bothered with a toy line.  'Twas a pity - how fucking baller would a Grail Temple playset have been?


Okay now for the meat of the list....

Oscar Film Journal: All the King's Men (1949)

And we're back with another entry in the Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I'm heading to the 1940s again for the 1949 Best Picture winner, All the King's Men, starring Broderick Crawford and directed by Robert Rossen.  Based on Robert Penn Warren's Pulitzer-winning novel, ATKM chronicles the rise of a political demagogue, an idealistic fellow named Willie Stark who runs for public office hoping to do away with political corruption.  But Willie doesn't have much success running a campaign the honest way and realizes he has to play by the dirty rules of politics to get things done, ultimately becoming the very thing he once detested.  As Governor he engages in graft, political intimidation, scandal coverups, character assassination, philandering and likely outright violence, using his populist charisma to bend the voters and the gears of power to his will (Gee, why does this all seem oddly relevant in 2026?).  By his side is a newspaper reporter-turned opposition researcher Jack Burden, who at first believes in Willie's platform but slowly begins to see what a parasitic con man he's become, as Willie ruins the lives of all of Jack's loved ones.

Top Ten Things: He-Man Action Figures

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  I hope you're ready for some serious nerd nostalgia, because thanks to the fantastic Netflix series The Toys That Made Us, I have 1980s action figures on the brain.

One episode of said TV series focused on the wonderful 80s toy line known as He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.  Anyone who grew up in that era remembers these larger-than-life figures with impossible musculatures, colorful appearances, pun-driven names, and bizarre quirks/powers.  The first time I saw the original He-Man commercial my brain almost exploded.  These figures looked nothing like any other action figures available at the time.  The characters were so vibrant and otherworldly you couldn't take your eyes off them.  Mattel hit one out of the park with this toy line, scoring record-breaking numbers four or five years in a row, and consistently introducing new waves of memorable characters year after year.  A side note: this toy line introduced me to the concept of recycled molds.  Pretty much every figure had the exact same torso mold and initially there were only three sets of arms and legs.  Even as a seven-year-old I noticed this.  But it didn't matter, these toys fucking rocked my nuts off.  A syndicated tie-in cartoon show proved invaluable for selling MOTU figures and for a little while He-Man ruled the action figure market, spawning numerous ripoff lines, my favorite of which were the Remco figures based on obscure DC Comics characters like Warlord and Arak (They even had a disclaimer on the package: For Use with Masters of the Universe action figures).  I was so goddamn excited a few years ago when they re-released essentially the original MOTU figures, and I scooped a bunch of 'em up again.  For my son to play with.  Yeah, that's it.....

Note: Once I got really into wrestling, the He-Man line doubled as my wrestling toys, since they were the perfect size for the WWF toy ring.  Shut up, you did it too....

But which characters were my favorites?  Which of these silly fantasy barbarian toys have stuck with me three-plus decades later?  Let's take a look.....

10. King Hiss

This absurdly over-the-top figure was like He-Man meets Transformers, and the leader of The Snake Men or whatever they were called (an older character named Kobra Khan joined up with this villainous stable as well, like in a pro wrestling angle).  King Hiss looked like a human wearing snake-like armor, but pop off his arm and torso coverings, and GAAAAH, HE'S LITERALLY A GODDAMN SNAKE-MAN!!!  His actual upper body was comprised entirely of snakes (oddly his legs were still humanoid though), creepy enough to unnerve even his fellow bad guys.  I spent so much time transforming this guy from man to snake-man and it was a fairly ingenious gimmick.

9. Faker

On paper this has to be the stupidest toy ever.  An evil robot that's supposed to be a dead ringer for He-Man, except he has blue skin, Skeletor-style armor, and a visible tape recorder in his chest (courtesy of a sticker).  The idea is that Skeletor built this droid to infiltrate the good guy lair and pimp He-Man's friends for information.  Skeletor must think Team He-Man are either legally blind or just absolute fucking morons.  Who would fall for this trap??  "Whoa, He-Man, you're looking a little pekid, maybe have a nice lie down and some soup?  By the way, here are those Grayskull blueprints you asked for...."  Added to that, Faker was an appallingly flagrant cannibalization of an existing toy, just to sell more toys.  You gotta marvel at Mattel's balls, man.  Regardless of how illogical this character was, the toy looked awesome.

8. Mer-Man/Stinkor

Speaking of blatant mold recycling, in 1984 Mattel took one of the original characters, Mer-Man, painted him black & white, doused him in some kinda putrid-smelling chemical, and repackaged him as a skunk-like character named Stinkor.  Nevermind that a skunk-man wouldn't have webbed feet or fin-like ears, this guy looked boss.  And his armor covered his nose and mouth, implying he smelled so bad even HE couldn't stand it!  I loved the black, white, red and orange color scheme, and the stinky gimmick was brilliant.  Think about it - Mattel got us to buy an action figure that smelled like a goddamn skunk.  Either we're all suckers or Mattel are a buncha Jedi Masters who can bend everyone to their will.  The smell eventually wore off, but Stinkor remained one of my all-time favorite characters.

As for Mer-Man, this mold was much more appropriate for an undersea creature, and his scaly armor looked killer.  It did always bug me that his face looked nothing like the cartoon, comics or even the picture on the back of the packaging!  Also they originally were going to call him Sea Man, but changed it for obvious reasons.  Can you imagine one of the heroes saying "Oh no!  Sea Man is all over our base!  Why is Sea Man so hard to get our hands on?   I feel all slimy now that I've touched Sea Man!"

Top Ten Things: Star Wars Films, RANKED

Welcome to a Special Edition (See what I did there?) of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  It's time for a ranking of the live-action Star Wars films, making this technically a Top TwelveThings....

I literally can't remember a time before Star Wars came into my life.  I was 18 months old when it came out, and I'm not sure when exactly I saw the original film.  I think it was probably during the 1979 re-release but I can't be sure.  I am however certain that I saw Empire multiple times in the theater between 1980 and 1982, and rushed out to see Return of the Jedi in '83.  The original unaltered trilogy is still my favorite series of films (I can't watch the Special Editions anymore, I just can't), and it's still the yardstick by which I measure every other movie trilogy.

When the prequels were released from 1999-2005 I was hooked on those right away too.  Only later as I actually thought about them did I realize how far short they fell, and for the better part of a decade I'd resigned myself to being an OT purist.  But then Disney bought the property and took the series back to all the things I'd originally loved about it - enduring characters, profound themes, thrilling battles, and visually stunning worlds and creatures.  The Star Wars series was ready to expand, for realsies this time.

But how do the films stack up against each other?  Well if you read my intro the lowest-ranked entries should be no surprise.  So let's get to it - here are my rankings for the Star Wars live-action films.....

12. Attack of the Clones

Sigh... yeah, I gotta get through the three bad ones before I get to the good ones.  Look, when the prequels first came out I was so blinded by my love of Star Wars that I couldn't see the glaring, logic-defying, nonsensical plot contrivances that made the story being told incomprehensible.  And I was so dazzled by "oooh, lightsabers!" that I forgave the embarrassing performances from nearly every cast member (Seriously, Natalie Portman is an Oscar-winning actress and George Lucas failed to get even one passable performance out of her in these films).  The specific problems with the prequels have been explored ad nauseum, so I won't go into too much detail, but suffice it to say, there really isn't one redeeming thing about Attack of the Clones.  The storyline of Obi-Wan discovering an illegally created clone army that the Republic then actually uses(??) makes no sense and is pointless as the main plot of a film.  Why wasn't the middle chapter of this trilogy dedicated to the actual Clone Wars?  Isn't that what everyone was looking forward to, aside from seeing the creation of Darth Vader?  Instead we get the very beginning of the Clone Wars here and it turns out to be a fake war orchestrated by Palpatine just so he can remain in power, while not one of our protagonists can see through this shovel-to-the-face obvious ploy.  Plus we get the worst love story ever put to film.  Plus we get PlayStation One-esque CGI in every frame.  Plus the aforementioned terrible acting.  Plus the "I don't like sand" speech.  This stuff is Ed Wood-bad.  Attack of the Clones is the worst live-action theatrical Star Wars film.

11. The Phantom Menace

Only slightly less terrible is Episode I, in which the dialogue is every bit as cringeworthy, the story every bit as preposterous, and the acting equally wooden.  Plus fucking Jar Jar.  Damn, this is a tough call....  But what The Phantom Menace has over Clones is twofold - the pod racing sequence is fun, despite being a totally convoluted way just to get Anakin off Tatooine, and Darth Maul is a badass villain, despite only having ten minutes of screen time and no real character to speak of.  From a technical standpoint the lightsaber duel in this film is the best of the series (Sure, there's exactly zero going on between the participants, but the choreography is cool at least).  So those two aspects are enjoyable, even if the rest of the film isn't.  But yeah, The Phantom Menace is drivel.

WWE Clash in Italy Preview & Predictions

It's already that time again, for another WWE sorta-PPV.  This time they're traveling to Italy, which will no doubt have a hot crowd.  And they'll proceed to deliver half of a proper show for said hot crowd.  

This five-match format is the weirdest goddamn thing to me.  WWE is supposedly trying really hard to elevate a bunch of new people but most of their PPV events only have 10-12 total slots available, which is only going to slow down that process.  Like, just add two or three matches to each of these shows.  What's so hard about that?  I don't know what this regime's obsession is with only ever having 5-7 matches on a given PPV.  Are you actively looking for ways to make Vince seem sensible by comparison?

This show actually has quite a bit of star power on it, with both top belts on the line and Brock wrestling even though he's...officially retired.  Huh?

Women's Intercontinental Championship: Becky Lynch vs. Sol Ruca

This is a rematch from Saturday Night's Main Event, now for the title, no doubt with Jessika Carr as the referee.  Poor Sol Ruca's gonna end up the third wheel in this one, isn't she?  Carr will do something that costs Becky the title, they'll feud, and Sol will end up the new champ but out on her ass in terms of having an actual storyline.  Like Bret after SummerSlam 1997.  The usual "defeat in victory" trope that happens to so many new champions.

Pick: Sol

Movie Review: The Mandalorian and Grogu (2026)

It's been six-and-a-half years since Disney gave us a new Star Wars film, but the theatrical experience is finally back, in the form of The Mandalorian and Grogu!

Taking place sometime after the third season of the TV show, M&G picks up as Mando and his young ward are working in tandem with the fledgling New Republic, represented in this film by Colonel Ward (Sigourney Weaver), to hunt down the remaining pockets of Imperial loyalists and bring them to justice.  We jump right into the action as Mando takes down a squad of AT-ATs, once again channeling both Batman and Clint Eastwood.  Once that mess is cleaned up, Ward has a new mission for him: find and bring home Jabba the Hutt's son Rotta, and in exchange his aunt and uncle will provide vital information on the whereabouts of a high-ranking Imperial warlord.  Mando must travel to Shakari, where Rotta is reportedly being held against his will and forced to participate in gladiatorial games.  Action ensues.

Alright, let's get some stuff out of the way first....

AEW Double or Nothing 2026 Review: MJF Threepeats

AEW knocked another one out of the park this past weekend with the eighth annual Double or Nothing PPV, a top-to-bottom mostly excellent show in front of a rabid NYC crowd and featuring the pre-show debut of legend Mick Foley.

The most-attended Double or Nothing show to date was for me missing that one Match of the Year-level banger, but it had a slew of great stuff, with seven of the nine main card bouts reaching or exceeding ****.  Louis Armstrong Stadium provided a unique atmosphere and the crowd brought incredible energy; this venue should become one of AEW's regular haunts going forward.

The show kicked off with the I Quit match for the tag belts, as FTR and Cope & Cage finally settled their feud.  New York apparently doesn't allow blood in wrestling matches, so these four guys (plus Stokely Hathaway and a returning Beth Copeland) had to get creative with the violence.  We got chairs, tables, barb wire (surprisingly no ladders), and even a bit of fire.  The line of the match came from Christian, as FTR smashed his broken arm with a cinderblock and when asked if he quit simply said to Dax, "I banged your mother."  Stokely kept getting involved in the match but Beth ran down to take him out.  FTR attacked her though and set her up for a spear through a flaming table, but she moved and pulled Stoke in the way of Cash's spear.  Christian trapped Dax in a sharpshooter, Cope added a crossface, and Beth handed Cope the barbwire 2x4 known as Spike, which Cope dug into Dax's forehead to force the submission.  Damn fine opener and a feelgood moment.  ****1/4

Toys That Pissed Us Off: Playsets

Welcome to a new feature here at Enuffa.com!   Today our very own Dan Moore and I will discuss some of the toy playsets from our respective youts (What is a yout?) that really burned our asses for one reason or another.

Playsets in theory were all kinds of awesome.  You had your action figures and were all set to reenact some awesome movie sequence or what have you, but you needed a setting for the excitement to take place in.  You could either use your imagination and pretend the top of your dresser was the Death Star, or you could fashion something out of cardboard boxes, or you could be like the cool kids and get the officially licensed playset specifically designed to go with your toys.  And when it was good, it was AWESOME.  The G.I. Joe line for example boasted nary a bad playset.  From the Defiant shuttle to the Cobra Terror Drome, to the massive 7.5-foot USS Flagg, those playsets set the standard for action figure accessories.  Sadly not all playsets were so well-thought out.  Here are eleven such examples, in no particular order.

We'll start with one of the most beloved toy franchises, the original Kenner Star Wars line.

1. Jabba's Throne Room

Justin: Let's get one thing out of the way - the Jabba figure itself was spectacular.  It was easily one of the best Star Wars toys Kenner ever produced, with incredible detail, movable arms and a tail that twitched when you turned Jabba's head.  This toy looked fantastic.  His throne though was a different story.  The detail looked good, and it included a trap door into which Jabba could send his victims to be eaten by the Rancor.  But there were one or two problems.  First off, the trap door was the surface the Jabba toy sat on.  So you'd have to remove Jabba to access it.  Second, the door opened OUTWARD.  The hell kinda trap door opens up like that?  The victim would be catapulted across the room!  Third, the area under the trap door was so shallow your Luke figure could only be placed there in a horizontal position.  So there was no reenacting the Rancor scene with this stupid toy.

Dan: I wanted to LOVE this fucking playset. My cousin Jefferey told me all about it before I got it. How cool Jabba was. How awesome all the accessories were. And that it had a working pit. I was fucking PSYCHED. I had one of those Inhumanoid giant toys who could double for the Rancor so I was ready to play.

This giant fellow in the middle?  Oh yeah, Rancor on 'roids!

And then I got the dumpster fart of a playset. Realizing that my dreams of having Luke get chased around under Jabba were crushed, I quickly dispatched with the playset itself and recreated one on my own out of a plain cardboard box, like a true poor person.

2. Ewok Village

Justin: To be fair, this was a pretty impressive playset for its time.  A big walkway area with a fire pit, over which you could pretend the Ewoks were roasting a person, a tree elevator, and a net for capturing unwitting Rebels underneath.  But compared to the setting in the film this was really skimpy.  Only one place to roast people?  A net underneath the village instead of off in the woods nearby?  An elevator that only holds like two people at a time?  Not to mention very little actually happened in the Ewok village in the movie - all the Endor action took place in the open woods.

Dan: I actually loved this playset a lot. But yes, my initial bitching about it was that there was no room to cook up both a Skywalker AND a Solo. I was PISSED. I refashioned the useless elevator into another roasting pit and I was happy about that. My parents were not happy, however, years later when they bought the Sherwood Forest playset from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and realized it’s the SAME FUCKING TOY.

Also, the Friar Tuck toy was a Pig Guard from Jabba’s palace with a new head. Blew my mind

AEW Double or Nothing 2026 Preview & Predictions

Hard to believe we're at the EIGHTH annual AEW Double or Nothing spectacular, but time flies I guess, more and more with each passing year.  

This Sunday marks seven years minus one day from AEW's debut event, and as usual the company has a loaded lineup in store.  Sadly one match had to be changed due to injury, but even with Willow Nightingale and multiple other big names still missing in action (Hangman, Toni and Mercedes) this show still looks great on paper.  And the crowd at Louis Armstrong Stadium will be huge, over 14,000 as we speak and the show will likely sell out by Sunday.

Also for once I'm actually excited to see the Buy-In show, because joining Renée Paquette for hosting duties will be none other than the Hardcore Legend himself, Mick Foley!  Having rightly decided he no longer wants to be associated with WWE and their pro-MAGA horseshit, Foley is now free to lend his insight and name value elsewhere.  It'll be interesting to see if he makes regular AEW appearances, and if he interacts with fellow daredevil Darby Allin.  Even if this is a one-off, Foley's presence here will be quite welcome.

Speaking of the Buy-In, let's get to the predictions....

Buy-In: Divine Dominion vs. Zayda Steel & Viva Van

This is another five-minute Eliminator Match, where any team who can last this scant amount of time against the AEW Women's Tag Champs will get a title shot.  These are just Golberg-esque showcase matches for the dominant Bayne/Kross combo, which is fine.  I think the champs probably get a squash win here in front of a huge NYC crowd.

Pick: DD

Movies of Disbelief: Star Wars (1977)

Welcome to another Movies of Disbelief here at Enuffa.com!  It's time to discuss an unnecessarily major beef I have with one of my favorite films.....

Star Wars.  Just saying those two little words conjures up so much imagery, nostalgia, and special effects badassery.  In 1977 George Lucas dropped perhaps the greatest-ever 200-megaton awesome-bomb on the world, in the form of his sci-fi/fantasy swashbuckler, introducing us all to iconic characters Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, and of course Darth Vader.  If you didn't grow up with Star Wars in your life, I'm sorry, your childhood was trash.  This film and its two sequels shaped so many lives, and eventually spawned a bona fide pop culture empire (See what I did there?) that keeps churning out new material every year.

So yeah, it's safe to say I'm a Star Wars fan.  No, scratch that, I'm a Star Wars OG.  I've been in Star Wars Heaven since '77.  Well probably more like '79, I was only 18 months old when the first movie came out.  As far as I'm concerned the original film is still the best of the entire franchise.  Empire is a damn close second, but to me A New Hope is one of the most perfect cinematic experiences ever crafted.  And it's Unaltered or nothing by the way, none of that Special Edition bullshit.  I don't need to see cartoon Jabba showing up or a CG-cluttered Mos Eisley, and don't even get me started on Greedo.  If you believe the updated version of that scene is superior to Han preemptively blasting Greedo through the fucking pelvis, you should check directly into a home for the criminally insane, as you are a danger to both yourself and others.

Take this shit right here, put it in a box, and throw it in the fucking ocean.

Anyway, even though Star Wars is one of my absolute favorite films ever made in this or any universe, there are nonetheless a few plot contrivances numerous people have pointed out, and that was even before Lucas completely fucked up the continuity with Special Editions and prequels.  The first and perhaps most frequently cited is when C-3P0 and R2-D2 launch an escape pod from Tantive IV and the Imperial gunners decide not to shoot it down, something which would have prevented the entire film from happening.  Way to cover your bases, assholes.  Another is, why didn't the Death Star just blow up the planet of Yavin, thus destroying the fourth moon and the Rebel Base with it, instead of taking the time to orbit around and allow the Rebels a chance to attack?  But these nitpicks are forgivable considering how fantastic the rest of the movie is.

I hope these two nitwits got Force-choked
and then Vader peed on their dead bodies.

Where I draw the line though is at Luke keeping the surname Skywalker despite being raised in hiding from his now evil father and the more evil Emperor.  Twenty years earlier Luke and his twin sister were separated and reared by different families so as not to pop up on Vader's radar (That almost rhymes).  Leia became Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.  But not only did they send Luke to Vader's home planet of Tatooine, they called him Luke SKYWALKER, after his father.  Real nice subterfuge, dummies.  Wait a second though, Luke grew up with his "uncle" Owen Lars, whom he was raised to believe was Anakin's brother, yes?  So why the hell wasn't he called Luke Lars?  And if Luke thinks Owen is his actual uncle, how did they explain to him why his father's surname wasn't also Lars?  Maybe they shared with him the terribly uninteresting saga of the time Anakin showed up at the Lars homestead and brought his dead mother home, and then left?  Jeezus what a boring bedtime story.  "Uncle Owen, how come my name is Skywalker?"  "Well Luke, your dad's mom married my dad.  I only met him for ten minutes and frankly didn't know him from Adam.  He was exactly nothing to me.  So forget all that stuff I told you about how he went off to war and I resented him for it.  'Twas all pure nonsense that homeless hippie Ben told me to tell you.  Here's what really happened, my stepbrother showed up, asked about his mom, buried her corpse in the backyard over there, and then skipped town with our protocol droid.  Wait, DID I JUST BUY BACK MY OWN FUCKING PROTOCOL DROID??  Son of a two-dollar whore!!!"

God I hate the prequels....


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Oscar Film Journal: Quiz Show (1994)

Welcome back to the Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

We're swingin' back to 1994 to close out that year, with Robert Redford's historical drama Quiz Show, chronicling the scandal that rocked television....well, quiz shows in the 1950s, when it was discovered through a Congressional investigation that one popular show in particular, Twenty-One, was not on the level.

John Turturro and Ralph Fiennes star as two wildly successful contestants.  Awkward, uncharismatic Herb Stempel (Turturro) has been on an unprecedented winning streak that for a while kept America glued to the television, but ratings are beginning to stagnate and the show's producers (David Paymer and Hank Azaria), along with the head of the show's sponsor Geritol (welcome surprise Martin Scorsese) and the NBC President (reptilian character actor Allan Rich), have decided it's time his streak came to an end.  Enter the debonair scion of a well-respected family of intellectuals Charles Van Doren (Fiennes), who auditions for the NBC shows to supplement his lowly income as a college instructor and demonstrates prodigious knowledge of various subjects, and the powers that be decide he's the perfect successor to Stempel.  An arrangement is made with both contestants that Stempel will stumble on an easy question (What film won the Best Picture Oscar for 1955?) and Van Doren will become the new champion by answering questions the he's already heard.  Van Doren becomes a sensation and his family hopes it will spark a wave of intellectualism across America.  But Stempel contacts the New York District Attorney's office to blow the whistle on the whole scam, and a young lawyer named Dick Goodwin (a surprisingly effective Rob Morrow doing a pretty good Boston accent) works to take down the network.

Top Ten Things: Chris Cornell Albums

**Originally published 5/21/17, updated in 2022**

Welcome to a special Top Ten Things here at Enuffa.com.

Chris Cornell's suicide last week has left a ragged, gaping hole in the music world many of us are still struggling to come to terms with.  As my colleague Dan Moore talked about HERE, Cornell was a golden-throated force of nature, whose mindbending vocal range and soulful power were unmatched in rock music.  He rose to prominence as one of the pioneers of grunge but later explored genres as wide-ranging as singer/songwriter rock, adult contemporary, folk, and even dance pop.  Few artists have created such a wildly divergent body of work, and for me no other singer ever wielded his instrument with such effortless agility and emotive grace.  My coping mechanism has been to learn and perform as many of his songs as I can and hope I do them even a modicum of justice (You be the judge).

But today I'll be talking about his amazing discography as I count down my ten favorite Cornell albums.  Here we go.....

HM. Chris Cornell - Scream

Cornell's most divisive album was 2009's Scream, an electronic pop collaboration with hotshot producer Timbaland that combined Chris's rock songwriting sensibility with a hooky R&B sound.  The results were understandably mixed, but the album yielded some excellently written songs, like the bleakly syncopated "Time," the anthemic, strikingly mature love song "Never Far Away," and the title track, a gloomy ode to relationship strife.  While far from Cornell's best work, Scream showed an artist cheerfully exploring new territory and reinventing himself.

HM. Soundgarden - Louder Than Love

Soundgarden's sophomore effort showed an improvement over its predecessor both in production and in songwriting, with songs like the anthemic lament of environmental destruction "Hands All Over," the dark and violent "Gun," the tongue-in-cheek "Full On Kevin's Mom" (about a friend of Chris's who actually hooked up with their friend Kevin's mom) and "Big Dumb Sex" (a parody of 80s cock-rock tunes), and the de facto title track "Loud Love."  Soundgarden were emerging as the leaders of this moody, sludgy rock n' roll movement coming out of Seattle, and Chris's soaring vocals were beginning to garner mainstream attention in a big way.  But the band's third album would show exponential creative growth....

10. Chris Cornell - No One Sings Like You Anymore, Vol. 1

The first of what will hopefully be numerous posthumous releases, NOSLYA is an album of cover songs, recorded in 2016 and put out in 2020 by Cornell's estate.  The eclectic material all lends itself well to Chris's unique interpretation, and he put his own beautiful stamp on all ten songs.  From well-known favorites like Guns N' Roses' "Patience" and Prince/Sinead O'Connor's mega-hit "Nothing Compares 2U," to John Lennon's semi-deep cut "Watching the Wheels" and songs I was unfamiliar with like "Sad Sad City" by Ghostland Observatory, this album is a bittersweet reminder of Chris's transcendent gifts, and a wonderful little addition to his already incredible discography.  I can't wait for Volume 2.

9. Soundgarden - King Animal

Cornell's grunge quartet had split in 1997 but reunited 13 years later for a tour, and began writing new music for their sixth studio album.  The result was King Animal, a safe but fairly triumphant return for the grunge pioneers, that fit right in with their previous output.  Album highlights included the Sabbathy "Blood on the Valley Floor," the eccentric, off-balance "Bones of Birds," the folky "Halfway There" which would've been at home on a Cornell solo record, and the classic Soundgarden feel of "Eyelid's Mouth."  It was a long time coming, but King Animal would be a worthy Soundgarden record and ultimately the band's final completed work.

8. Audioslave - Out of Exile

After his first solo album's disappointing commercial performance, Cornell was able to reinvigorate his career by forming a supergroup with three members of then-defunct Rage Against the Machine, creating an unusual groove-rock hybrid.  Their second album is our #8 entry on this list.  Released in 2005, Out of Exile may not have been the hard rock powderkeg of the band's debut, but it was a perfectly sturdy followup, providing trademark Tom Morello guitar riffs in songs like "Your Time Has Come" and the title track, and some gentler, more thoughtful tunes like "Be Yourself" and "Doesn't Remind Me."  Out of Exile built on the successful formula of the first record and in retrospect serves as a fine companion piece.

Top Ten Things: WORST WWF Wrestling Superstars LJN Toys

Welcome back!  Alright, now that we've counted down the ten best LJN Wrestling Superstars toys, let's look at some that didn't make the grade.  Ones that either looked like absolute shite or that served zero purpose when you were trying to put together a pretend wrestling match (a phrase I know is technically redundant).  Some of these damn toys just hurt my brain and I don't know what LJN was thinking when they created the molds.  Here we go.... 

10. Warlord

Alright, you might be asking why Warlord is on this list when a) the toy looks quite a lot like him and b) he's got a decent pose for doing wrestling moves.  This toy pissed me off to no end for one reason: WHERE THE FUCK ARE HIS PANTS???  The Warlord as of 1989 wore long tights, ALWAYS.  So why the goddamn hell is he wearing little Speedo trunks on this toy?  Did no one at LJN bother to look at even a single a picture of this guy that extended below his waist?  Not only that, he's missing kneepads.  Do just a cursory bit of homework and this toy becomes one of the best in the line.  But because of pure fucking laziness, he's relegated to the bottom of the pile.  Also, where the hell was Barbarian??

Likeness - 7
Playability - 7
Total - 14

9. Iron Sheik

This is another one that looks vaguely like the real guy but in a very superficial way.  If you look closely, the facial features don't particularly resemble the Iron Sheik at all.  Again, I feel like they based this sculpt on the cartoon show instead of the actual human.  So this one gets a middling score there.  And his pose kinda sucked.  He's doing the vaudville strongman pose, which was okay for headlocks, clotheslines and maybe a suplex, but it was absolutely impossible to do Sheik's finishing move, the Camel Clutch.  If you can't do the guy's finisher that subtracts significant points.  Pretty lame, LJN.

Likeness - 5
Playability - 5
Total - 10

8. Paul Orndorff

What the hell were the sculpting team smoking when they made the Orndorff figure?  He's got a gigantic, malformed head, he's impossibly jacked, and he's missing kneepads.  Clearly this mold was done by the same guy that did Greg Valentine's, because this is one of the most unpleasant-looking action figures ever made.  This is what Paul Ordorff would look like if someone parked a bus on his face.  Not to mention, the physique they gave him is more Arnold than Orndorff, who was quite buff but not bodybuilder huge.  As far as playability though, he scores fairly high since his arm flexing was conducive to clotheslines and elbows, plus you could do a press slam or a Torture Rack.  But Christ, what an awful-looking toy.

Likeness - 3
Playability - 7
Total - 10

Top Ten Things: WWF Wrestling Superstars LJN Toys

Welcome to a special two-part edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I have not one but TWO lists for you, and they're opposite sides of the same coin.  Back in the 80s we wrestling fans had very limited options as far as the available toys with which to recreate our favorite in-ring matches and rivalries.  In 1985 Remco (makers of the fabulous He-Man knockoff toys based on obscure DC Comics characters like Warlord and Arak) unveiled a modest series of AWA action figures (plus Ric Flair) and a cardboard ring for the action to take place in.  These toys were quite functional but sadly also very generic, being made from essentially the same body mold.  As I got older I came to value poseability over visual aesthetics, and along with my vast collection of He-Man guys the Remco figures became my primary wrestling toys.  Man did I run a helluva Federation.  But I'm getting ahead of myself....

Also in 1985 the WWF got into the action figure game, releasing a colorful, oversized line of LJN toys called Wrestling Superstars.  These massive hunks of rubber had zero points of articulation, paint that would rub off in literally minutes, in some cases questionable-at-best resemblance to their real-life counterparts, and were easily capable of inflicting blunt force trauma to a person's skull.  They were so heavy and dense the accompanying toy ring couldn't handle the stress of play and would routinely crack; my ring had to be replaced less than a year after I got it.  But if you were an eleven-year-old, new pro wrestling fan like me, goddamn these toys ruled.  They were unlike any action figures out there; at eight inches tall they dwarfed all other figures on the market besides the unwieldy 12-inch dolls that had long since become obsolete.  With a roster of memorable, larger-than-life characters to model the toys after, LJN had no shortage of eye-catching products to offer.  The sucky thing about these toys was their rather hefty price tag for the time.  These fuckers cost a good 8 bucks a pop, which for my age was way too much to easily collect them.  Thus my early matchmaking abilities were limited; when I first began accumulating these toys at the end of 1986 I only had three figures, all babyface characters.  The hell am I supposed to do with that?

Anyway, while some of these toys were very playable thanks to well-chosen poses and slight flexibility in the rubber, others were not so much.  Likewise, while some figures carried quite serviceable likenesses to the actual people they represented, others looked like barely-formed humanoid blobs.  I noticed a trend at the time - certain character molds seemed to be done by the same person, and that guy was terrible at capturing realistic facial features, plus all the toys this guy worked on had gigantic nipples for some reason.  Go back and look at the figures for Greg Valentine, Paul Orndorff, Brutus Beefcake and a few others.  The faces look awful and the nips are like the Capitol building dome.

So here's where these lists come in.  I've compiled the ten best and worst LJN figures, based on a combination of likeness accuracy and playability.  I'm trying to keep it as fair as possible, since some figures looked great but were useless to play with, and some had perfect wrestler poses but looked like Sloth from The Goonies.  This being an era long before computer-scanned faces I'll go fairly easy on the likeness ratings, and the playability will be somewhat determined by each wrestler's moveset.  I'll give you the ten best ones today and the ten worst in Part 2.  Let's get to it.....

10. Ricky Steamboat

The Steamboat figure had a pretty detailed face/hair sculpt and a lean, defined body type that more or less matched the real guy.  The resemblance wasn't exactly uncanny but it vaguely looked like Steamboat.  The arms were posed in a way that body slams and suplexes were possible, and his hands were open which lent itself to Steamboat's chops.  This toy was a solid bit of work from LJN.

Likeness - 7
Playability - 7
Total - 14

9. Greg Valentine

Valentine's toy was one of the uglier in the series, with a face like a mean old lady and bright yellow hair like banana ice cream.  Then again, Greg Valentine was always rather homely, so the rough sculpt kinda fit.  This was one of the toys in the series that looked like the sculptor either worked solely from memory or forgot to put on his glasses.  It's a vague representation of Greg Valentine that kinda sorta captures his essence, but by no means is it true to life.  Like at all.  But what this figure lacked in realism it made up for in utility.  Valentine was posed perfectly for slams, suplexes, and most of all, that signature Valentine elbow drop.  You couldn't do the Figure Four, but then again I've never seen a wrestling figure that could.  This one scores quite well on playability.

Likeness - 6
Playability - 8
Total - 14

8. Hart Foundation

Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart were more often than not sold as a team, so I'm including them as one entry.  These guys looked quite a bit like the real people and the sculpts captured their body types pretty realistically.  The ring attire looked pretty much just like the Harts' actual gear.  My only issue aesthetically, and this was true for a lot of these toys, is that Bret is wearing his sunglasses, which of course he never wore while wrestling.  As far as their respective poses, they were vaguely configured to do wrestling moves.  Bret's arms were partly outstretched to do clotheslines and slams, while Neidhart could easily do a powerslam (though I'm not sure why the fingers of his right hand are spread out).  These two toys looked good and could get you through a match.

Likeness - 8
Playability - 6
Total - 14

Top Ten Things: Opening PPV Matches

Welcome to yet another Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Time for an updated list of my favorite PPV opening matches over the last 40 years or so.  Like a killer opening song on an album, a great opening match can instantly grab your attention and set the tone for the rest of the evening.  It gets the live crowd excited, which in turn lends more energy to the rest of the PPV.  The quality of the opening bout can leave almost as big an impression as that of the main event; if a show starts well and ends well you tend to remember it as a damn fine show (I do anyway), even if the stuff in the middle isn't so hot.  At the very least a great opening match makes me want to watch the show a second time.  Most PPVs tend to feature shorter bouts to kick things off, but every so often the first match either steals the show outright or comes pretty damn close.  Here are ten such examples, plus some Honorable Mentions.....

HM: AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon - WrestleMania 33

The main card of the 2017 edition of WrestleMania kicked off with a match I wasn't at all happy about.  AJ Styles, by far the most accomplished star in the company over the previous 14 months, was saddled fighting Vince's son instead of tearing it up with someone of his caliber.  But I'll be damned if it wasn't incredibly entertaining.  AJ was amazing as usual, and Shane had his working shoes on just trying to keep up.  Many of the spots were over-the-top, including Shane countering AJ's 450 splash into a triangle choke, Shane missing a Shooting Star Press, AJ trying the Van Terminator but running into a trash can, and Shane doing his own Van Terminator.  AJ finally took the win after hitting the Phenomenal Forearm, capping off what was shockingly the best match of the night.  This match proved that AJ Styles could have a good match with anyone, and also earned AJ the company's permanent stamp of approval.

HM: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler - Bragging Rights 2010

Probably D-Bryan's first true standout match in WWE was this sleeper hit to kick off the second and final Bragging Rights PPV.  By far the best match on the show, this US Champ vs. IC Champ bout allowed Bryan to show off his technical prowess against an opponent who could hang with him move-for-move.  This see-saw match went a thrilling 16 minutes, including a false finish where Ziggler seemed to have won the match but Bryan's foot was on the rope, before Bryan tapped Ziggler out with the LeBell Lock.  The pair followed it up with an equally good rematch the next night on RAW.  At year's end, WWE cited this as one of the best matches of 2010, ranking it second (I believe) only to Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.  This was the first instance of the company openly showing appreciation for Bryan's abilities.

HM: Brian Pillman vs. Jushin Thunder Liger - SuperBrawl II

The second SuperBrawl PPV, the best in the series, had the show stolen by this groundbreaking opening contest for the newly minted WCW Light Heavyweight Title.  This 17-minute bout was full of great false finishes and big high spots, demonstrating this wonderful alternative to the norm known as cruiserweight wrestling and showcasing a style of wrestling North American fans weren't yet accustomed to.  Pillman won with a bridging leg cradle after Liger missed a top-rope splash, regaining the short-lived championship.  While Jr.-style wrestling wouldn't catch on for a few more years, this match served as one of the templates.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Batman Returns (1992)

Welcome at long last to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com!  It's been forever since I did one of these, so I might be a bit rusty.  Bear with me please....

We just got through another Christmas season, and since most of my annual Christmas movies like Scrooged, Just Friends and It's a Wonderful Life are getting a bit tired for me (Eh, who am I kidding, I'm always happy to watch IAWL), I decided to branch out and take another look at a less conventional holiday-themed flick, the 1992 Tim Burton sequel, Batman Returns!

With the runaway success of 1989's Batman, Warner Brothers was understandably eager to get a follow-up out as soon as possible.  But Tim Burton, having found the process of making Batman stressful and combative (He clashed with producers Jon Peters and Peter Guber at nearly every turn), opted to take some time for himself first.  The result was 1990's Edward Scissorhands (another sorta Christmasy effort), where he was reunited with Winona Ryder.  Ryder had just worked on the film Heathers, written by offbeat scribe Daniel Waters.  As a condition of being coaxed back for a Batman sequel, Burton insisted on creative carte blanche, which the studio granted.  Thus Waters was brought in to write a character-driven script with only a barebones plot, later refined by Batman writer Sam Hamm.  This would be a Tim Burton movie first and a Batman movie second, with a focus on the film's two freakish villains and precious little screen time for the Caped Crusader.  It would also be exceedingly dark and violent, earning a hard PG-13 rating and upsetting so many parents and children that McDonald's and other retailers received backlash for participating in their promotional tie-ins.  While Batman Returns made a $267 million killing at the box office, it fell far short of Batman's $411 mil, and Warner Brothers opted not to bring Burton back for the third installment.

Oscar Film Journal: Twelve O'Clock High (1949)

Welcome back to the Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

Up until yesterday I had two years in Oscars history where I hadn't seen any of the Best Picture nominees: 1949 and 1956.  I'm happy to say I've rectified one of those two by watching the 1949 war film Twelve O'Clock High, starring Gregory Peck and directed by henry King.  

TOCH is based on a novel, itself loosely based on true events surrounding the earliest American aviary missions during World War II.  Stationed in England, the 918th Bomb Group has been conducting raids on German-occupied targets in France, mostly without success and suffering heavy casualties.  Major General Pritchard recognizes that a leadership change is needed, and assigns Brigadier General Frank Savage (Peck) to whip the unit into shape, boost morale, and hopefully turn their productivity around.  Savage rules with an iron fist, demanding the members of the unit refrain from becoming attached to each other or even to surviving the war, lest their emotions jeopardize their mission.  "Think of yourselves as already dead," he tells them, earning the unit's disdain and prompting a slew of transfer requests.  But the unit's legal administrator Major Stovall (Dean Jagger, in a performance that won him a supporting Oscar) wants to see the mission succeed and agrees to stall the transfers until they've racked up some battlefield wins, banking that the requests will ultimately be withdrawn.  Slowly the team comes to trust Savage and his methods, and they make major strides in slowing down German munitions manufacturing, via repeated air raids on Germany itself.

Oscar Film Journal: Ben-Hur (1959)

Welcome back to the Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

Today's a doozy.  I'm finally breaking the seal on the year 1959, and starting at the top, with the Best Picture winner (along with the ten other awards it bagged), Ben-Hur.  Based on the 1880 novel by Lew Wallace, directed by William Wyler and starring Charlton Heston, Ben-Hur was a massive undertaking, boasting some of the largest film sets ever constructed and an epic three-and-a-half-hour running time, not including the overture and intermission.  At a $15 million price tag it was also the most expensive film every produced at that time, and was such a box office sensation it outgrossed every film that came before it except one: Gone With the Wind.

The narrative is set against the backdrop of the birth, rise, and eventual crucifixion of Christ.  A fellow Judean named Judah Ben-Hur (Heston), born around the same time as Jesus, grows up to be a wealthy Jewish merchant.  His childhood friend Messala has gone on to become a Roman tribune, co-governing Jerusalem.  Messala has fully bought into the idea of Roman global domination and tries to convince Judah to join him and become a high-ranking Roman official.  But Judah's loyalty is with his Jewish brethren and he vows to help them regain their freedom, driving an intense rift between the two friends.  During a parade held for Governor Gratus, Judah's sister Tirzah accidentally knocks a loose roof tile into the street, injuring Gratus.  Even though Messala knows it was an accident, he uses this as a pretext to imprison Judah, Tirzah and their mother Miriam, making them an example of what will happen to anyone who questions Roman dominion. 

WWE Backlash 2026 Preview & Predictions

It's three weeks after WWE WrestleMania, and that means it's time for WWE to experience the Backlash.....to making their audience pay $30 to sit through two nights of mostly ads and entrances.  Hey those poor deprived TKO execs gotta line their already exploding pockets somehow, right?

Have you heard about this shit?  WWE is forcing numerous wrestlers (New Day for example) to renegotiate their contracts, MID-CONTRACT, to take a pay cut, as walking trouser stains like Ari Emanuel and Nick Khan give themselves massive bonuses.  Or as its technically known, literal wage theft.  Man am I glad I stopped giving this shithole company any of my money.  You know you're a wealth-hoarding scumbag when your talent relations practices actually make Vince McMahon look like a fair guy by comparison.  Jesus fuck....

Anyway, we're back to the five-match PPV structure, because "We need to keep the shows shorter."  Even though the five matches will total less than half the show's running time, plus we have to have John Cena "host" it again to try and make people care, since ticket sales are down again from last year's show.  Say WWE, have you considered putting on a WRESTLING show?

A few of these matches actually have some promise at least (though one of them is a pointless comedy segment), and one of them was inexcusably left off the biggest card of the year, TO MAKE ROOM FOR MORE ADS.  WWE fans, how are you not demanding more for your dollar?  It's been speculated that Cody vs. Gunther for the WWE Title will be added, but it sure seems a weird move to tack on a main event match two days before the show.  More likely it'll be on Saturday Night's Main Event in two weeks.

This company is flailing like my dog when we try to wash him.

Let's get to the lineup....

Oscar Film Journal: Mutiny On the Bounty (1935)

Time for another Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

We're sailin' on back to the 1930s for a rip-roaring, seafaring yarn, the first cinematic adaptation of the classic historical novel Mutiny on the Bounty.  Directed by Frank Lloyd and starring Charles Laughton and Clark Gable, this version actually incorporates events from the first two books in the Bounty trilogy.  

Laughton plays the infamously ruthless Captain William Bligh, whose cruel treatment of his officers and men becomes so intolerable his executive officer Fletcher Christian (Gable) leads the titular mutiny.  The Bounty undertakes a daunting two-year voyage from England to Tahiti to transport a supply of breadfruit trees to the West Indies as a cheap food supply.  Throughout the voyage Bligh ruthlessly punishes his crew for even the slightest infraction, cuts their food rations while upping his own, and even accuses his own officers of theft when various supply counts are off.  Finally the usually even-tempered Christian can take no more, and he exiles Bligh and his loyalists to a lifeboat and sets them adrift, while opting to stay in Tahiti with the islander woman he's fallen for.  Complicating the matter is the presence of Christian's friend, midshipman Roger Byam, who out of duty remained loyal to Bligh but stayed on the Bounty because the lifeboat had no more room.  Eventually the idealistic Byam agrees to return to England, hoping his loyalty to his captain will save him from the hangman's noose.