Awesomely Shitty Movies: Hannibal

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com, where I examine a movie that I want so badly to fully enjoy, but like a crappy, unreliable boyfriend/girlfriend, it just won't get its shit together and commit.

Such a description is very fitting of the film Hannibal (2001), the much-anticipated sequel to the iconic Silence of the Lambs, which saw Anthony Hopkins return to the role that made him a gazillionaire, Hannibal Lecter.  Hannibal had been planned for several years, after Lambs author Thomas Harris announced he'd be writing a follow-up to the massive hit.  Hopkins, Jodie Foster, and director Jonathan Demme jumped right on board, and the world waited patiently while the novel came to fruition.  Unfortunately by the time of its publication in 1998, Demme declined to participate due to the novel's lurid tone, and Foster had already decided to direct her own film and would not be available.  The scramble was on to replace two of the three integral pieces of the puzzle, and eventually Ridley Scott was attached to direct, with Julianne Moore replacing Foster as Clarice Starling.

So why does this movie qualify as Awesomely Shitty?  In short, I find Hannibal a pretty infuriating example of a movie I was absolutely pumped for and ready to love, but so many things about it were executed just plain wrong.  And a few of these things could've been fixed so easily, either with a quick rewrite or an edit.  Before I get to all that negative stuff though, let's talk about what worked.



The Awesome

Julianne Moore

Excuse me for a moment.....JULIANNE, I F*CKIN' LOVE YOU!!

If Clarice had to be recast (and she did), I can't think of a better actress to inherit this amazing character than Julianne Moore.  I've been a big Juli-fanne (TM pending) for a few decades now, and so despite my reservations about Jodie Foster not returning I was pretty stoked to see Moore take the part.  Julianne is one of the most versatile and consistently great actresses working today, who for years was undeservedly snubbed by Oscar until finally taking home the gold in 2015.  Where Foster's Clarice was young and idealistic, Moore's incarnation of the character has become cynical and untrusting after a decade of petty FBI politics and unsavory treatment at the hands of the Old Boy Network.  Over ten years she has earned the dubious honor of having more kills to her name than any other Agent, and at the start of the film she is forced to shoot yet another suspect when the uncooperative DC police undermine her authority in a drug raid.  The Bureau uses this incident as an excuse to take her out of the field, and she's reassigned to the seemingly futile case of the long-disappeared Lecter.  Moore plays Clarice as a woman who once dreamed of being an FBI agent, only to later find that the Bureau doesn't share her virtuous nature and in many ways isn't worthy of having her.

Top Ten Things: The Office (US) Episodes

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I'll be talking about my ten favorite episodes of one of my all-time favorite TV series, the US version of The Office (The original UK one is great too, but I'm partial to the American remake).  For nine years (six of them consistently excellent) The Office reigned as one of the most beloved shows on television.  Who can't relate to an awkward boss, dysfunctional co-workers, and office crushes (My wife and I met in much the same fashion as Pam & Jim, three years earlier, so this arc resonated with us on a profound level)?  The show had it all - memorable characters, palpable tension between its romantic leads, engaging storylines, and above all, truckloads of uncomfortably hilarious moments.  It lost its way a bit toward the end, as most sitcoms do, but taken as a whole The Office holds up as one of the great TV shows of the past thirty years.

But which episodes are the cream of the crop?  Well it's a difficult question to answer since a) there were so many and b) some of the best story arcs on the show took place over multiple episodes (The Michael Scott Paper Company saga for example).  But I think I've narrowed it down to my ten favorites, in chronological order.  Here goes.....

1. The Dundies

For my money Season 2 was the show's best.  The abbreviated first season wasn't quite enough time for the show to find its true voice and set itself apart from the UK version (though it did have some great episodes in its own right).  But in the second season all the actors fully settled into their characters, the Jim-Pam storyline surged to the next level, and we were treated to a bevy of classic episodes.  The first, and possibly my favorite single episode in the show's entire run, was the season premiere, "The Dundies," wherein Michael and his employees have an outing/awards show at the local Chili's.  Pam gets hammered (Pammered?) and flirts with Jim all night, Michael bombs as the Dundies host, and we get to see all the characters outside their work setting.  This episode is probably the one that got me hooked.

Best Moment: A shitfaced Pam yelling into the camera, "I would just like to say that this was the BEST. DUNDIES. EVER!! WOOOOOOO!!!"

2. The Fire

Another laid-back scenario from Season 2, "The Fire" sees our office workers stranded outside the building after a fire breaks out in the kitchen, and numerous parlor games ensue, including "Desert Island Movies" and "Who Would You Do?"  We also see Jim interacting with his new girlfriend Katy (Amy Adams, introduced in Season 1), Michael trying desperately to become Ryan's mentor, and Dwight discovering the source of the fire: Ryan's cheese pita, prompting the best line in the episode.

Best Moment: Dwight, presenting the charred cheese pita to the camera, performs a revamped verse of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire":  "Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Mon-roe, RYAN STARTED THE FI-YAH!!"

3. Christmas Party

The first Christmas episode of the series (one of three such episodes on this list - hey, I'm a sucker for holiday-themed sitcom episodes) sees the office holding a Secret Santa party.  Jim gets Pam in the drawing for the first time and buys her a teapot, but stuffs it with little personal gifts like his high school photo (which she found hilarious when she first saw it).  He also includes a card that expresses his hidden feelings for her.  But Michael throws a wrench into the works when after receiving a hand-knitted oven mitt from Phyllis, he changes the Secret Santa into a Yankee Swap.  Now everyone's gifts are up for stealing, and Jim's thoughtful gift to Pam finds its way into Dwight's hands.  The entire office rejects Michael's self-absorbed power play and abandons the proceedings, after which Michael makes a liquor store run to win them back.  This is yet another episode where we get to see everyone interacting in a more informal setting (Apparently I really like episodes like this) and it really captures the mood of office holiday parties.  Of course in the end, Pam, who had ended up with an iPod (Michael flagrantly overspent on his Secret Santa gift) trades it back to Dwight so she can have Jim's teapot, but Jim chickens out about the tell-all greeting card and secretly removes it from the box.  His confessional would have to wait until our next entry....

Best Moment: Michael opens his gift from Dwight, a bag of paintball pellets and a piece of paper entitling him to two paintball sessions with Dwight.  Michael gripes, "How is that better than an iPod?" and Dwight replies, "I never said it was better than an iPod."  Michael then takes Dwight's rubber elf ears off him and bounces them off Dwight's face before storming off.

Movies of Disbelief: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Welcome to another installment of Movies of Disbelief, here at Enuffa.com, where I examine one aspect of an otherwise okay or even a great film and discuss why it sticks in my craw.

Today's subject is one of my favorite movies of all time, ALL TIME.  It's the action film I hold above all other action films, and the one that solidified Harrison Ford as my first childhood hero.  I'm talkin' about Raiders of the Lost Ark!

The brainchild of George Lucas, Raiders was conceived around the same time as the original Star Wars, with Lucas paying homage to the adventure and sci-fi serials he enjoyed as a kid.  Both ideas began to flourish simultaneously but he set aside the earthbound action-adventure one and concentrated on what would become the most enduring sci-fi/fantasy franchise of all time.  Once Star Wars became the phenomenon it did, Lucas then turned to his other big idea, revealing it to his buddy Steven Spielberg after Steve suggested he'd like to direct a James Bond film.  Lucas replied, "I've got something better - The Adventures of Indiana Smith!"  After Lucas finished describing the concept in detail, Spielberg said he was all-in except for the name.  Lucas then suggested "Indiana Jones," and history was made.

Raiders of the Lost Ark was a masterful swashbuckler, chock full of iconic action set pieces and led by an equally iconic lead performance from Ford, whom Lucas initially wasn't even considering for the role, fearing that the actor-director pairing would be the popcorn version of Deniro-Scorsese.  Tom Selleck was eventually chosen as the world-traveling archaeologist, but ran into scheduling issues due to his Magnum PI commitments, and Spielberg again suggested Ford.  Had it not been for Magnum we'd have ended up with a very different movie.

Mustachioed Jones

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Regarding Henry

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com!  For those who haven't joined us for one of these, I take a movie with both good and bad aspects (or awesome and shitty ones), and separate them from each other.  Put each of them in "timeout," if you will.

Today's subject is the 1991 melodrama Regarding Henry, starring Harrison Ford and Annette Bening and directed by Mike Nichols.  Regarding Henry is the story of a hotshot jerk lawyer who's the MVP of his firm but who doesn't have much of a relationship with his wife or daughter.  Henry is the victim of a shooting, which leaves him with retrograde amnesia and a childlike personality, and he has to put his life and relationships back together from scratch.  Feel-good feelies ensue....

The film has elements about it that work and most certainly some elements that don't.  It received mixed reviews and failed to make much of a splash at the box office, but it's still affectionately remembered as one of Harrison Ford's more touching roles.

So here I am to lay out the pros and cons of this intriguing but very flawed film....



The Awesome


Harrison Ford

I'm a huge Harrison Ford fan.  Always have been.  I'll watch just about anything with him in it, and in 1991 I made it a point to do so.  His natural, effortless performance in this film carries it a pretty long way.  Had a lesser actor (Bill Pullman for example) been cast in this role the movie would've fallen right on its stupid face.  In the first act Ford plays a very convincing self-important asshole (which makes me wonder why he hasn't been cast in more villainous roles), and after the shooting he slips right into the simple-minded version of Henry.  We care for him a great deal in spite of his earlier transgressions.  Ford does more with facial expressions than just about anyone in the business, and he makes the material work about as well as it can.

For you wrestling fans, CM Punk's slicked hair was inspired by Henry's.

Annette Bening

Bening was an emerging star at this point and her turn as Henry's wife Sarah is fully believable and heartfelt.  When Henry's a successful, unscrupulous lawyer Sarah is basically a kept woman who seems at ease with this business-like relationship, and later she takes on the burden of becoming the breadwinner/caretaker of the household.  We feel this new, overwhelming stress weighing on her and the performance rings true.  Bening and Ford have great chemistry that holds the film together, even when the script shortchanges them.

For you wrestling fans, AJ Styles' soccer mom hair was inspired by Sarah's.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Starship Troopers

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com, where I'll examine a movie I have mixed feelings about and separate what works from what doesn't.  Today's entry is the monstrously violent political satire from Paul Verhoeven called Starship Troopers!

The 1997 film was based on Robert Heinlein's 1959 militaristic, rather pro-fascist novel about a group of high schoolers who enroll in the military to wage war against an army of alien "bugs."  In the novel the main character Johnny Rico has a fairly triumphant arc, becoming a respected officer and leader as the war wages on.  The film however has a decidedly satirical thrust, mostly poking fun at the very subject matter on which it was based.  On the surface this movie seemed like the usual alien invasion sci-fi/action tripe, but as he did with Robocop, Verhoeven created something much more substantial and sociopolitical.  He got a lot of things right with this film, but while Robocop is basically perfect for what it is, Troopers unfortunately leaves some things to be desired.  So let's take a look at this Awesomely Shitty Movie....



The Awesome


Satire

The militaristic tone and pro-meritocracy slant (having to earn full citizens' rights) of the novel are cleverly satirized by director Paul Verhoeven in a way that rides the line between honoring and lampooning Robert Heinlein's work.  In fact Verhoeven found the novel unreadable and still managed to make a capable film adaptation.  The officer uniforms are also clearly inspired by those of Nazi officials, and the propaganda films shown throughout are flagrantly a riff on Nazi indoctrination such as Triumph of the Will.  Structurally this film is strikingly similar to All Quiet on the Western Front, following a group of high school kids (who in this case seem lifted right out of 90210) who get duped into enlisting and have horrible things happen to them.

Who designed these space suits, Michelin?

Ultra-violence

Like with Robocop, Verhoeven sprinkled (or more accurately slathered) this movie with over-the-top, graphic violence which becomes both disturbing and oddly amusing.  There are countless battle scenes with humans being stabbed through various body parts by the bugs' spear-like legs, and plenty of scenes depicting bugs being inefficiently blown to gooey pieces by the soldiers.  Plus there's the climactic scene where the brain bug sucks Zander Barcalow's brain out through his skull.  It's not for the squeamish, but man is it entertaining for us sick folk (fucks).

Dammit Paul, I wanted to see what happened to the cow!

AEW All Out 2024 Review: Uncomfortable Violence

As I predicted, AEW All Out overshadowed All In for the second year in a row.  This show was on its way to maybe being the best top-to-bottom wrestling PPV I've ever seen, and for the first five matches nary a bout was below a four-star affair.  As it turned out the show didn't quite get to that level but it was still one of the best shows this company has ever done and an all-time great PPV, with a running theme of hatred and escalation, in the form of uncomfortable violence (that thing CM Punk promised going into SummerSlam before losing because of a friendship bracelet).

The show began with an absolute banger of a grudge match between MJF and Daniel Garcia.  These two got nearly 24 minutes (a few too many I thought, but that's a nitpick) and filled them with stiff, aggressive action.  Both guys were out to maim each other and targeted heads and necks throughout.  Late in the match they traded submissions and counters, and MJF eventually locked in a Zack Sabre Jr.-style multi-limb hold but Garcia got to the ropes and locked in a guillotine.  The ref went to check MJF's arm but Garcia stopped him and went for a second-rope piledriver from which Max escaped.  The ref was momentarily distracted and MJF hit a kick to the groin and a cradle for the win.  Post-match Max shook Garcia's hand and went to nutshot him again but Garcia blocked, kicked Max in the nuts, and gave him a second-rope piledriver to write Max off TV for a bit.  I'd have had Garcia win this (though he hasn't signed a new deal yet for some reason), but at least he stood tall at the end.  Excellent opening match.  ****1/2

Movies of Disbelief: Signs (2002)

Welcome to another Movies of Disbelief, where I examine one particular issue with an otherwise good film and why it irritates me so.  Today's subject, the 2002 alien invasion film Signs.

M. Night Shyamalan.  Has there ever been a more divisive film director?  Or more accurately, has there ever been a film director whose output has ranged from "universally lauded" to "fiery garbage on a stick?"  M. Night burst on the scene seemingly out of nowhere with his third film The Sixth Sense (I legit had no idea he'd made two other movies until I looked it up for this article), which proved a smash-hit and popularized the mindfuck ending like no other film had.  He followed it up with the mostly acclaimed but less successful Unbreakable, an intimate twist on the superhero genre (which of course spawned a trilogy nearly twenty years later), and then it was time for Signs.

Starring Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix, Signs was another "up close and personal" take on a genre film, this time The Alien Invasion picture.  Gibson is a widowed ex-minister-turned-farmer who finds a crop circle in his field, seemingly left by an alien presence, and soon other signs of an invasion spring up, including strange noises, animals exhibiting abnormal behavior, and lights in the sky.  Eventually news reports surface of alien sightings, leading to one of the great monster reveals, an amateur video taken at a kids' birthday party (This moment is chillingly effective).  The film expertly builds suspense throughout its entire running time, leading to a final showdown between Gibson's family (brother and two kids) and one of the creatures......and then it falls apart totally and completely in the last fifteen minutes, when it turns out the aliens are allergic to water.  Yeah that's right, simple, old fashioned water.

Dude, scary as fuck.

But that's not even what has my goat about this movie.  Don't get me wrong, it's annoying as all hell that an advanced species capable of interstellar travel - one that would've necessarily taken atmospheric readings before landing on any planet, to ensure the air is breathable - couldn't figure out that not only is our planet 70% covered with liquid that will disintegrate them, but its atmosphere is LOADED with it.  Like, how did they walk around a humid climate such as Brazil without inhaling moisture that would've corroded them from the inside?  How did it not happen to rain in any of the locales they invaded?  But okay, let's say for argument's sake, they couldn't figure out Terra Firma has water coming out its ass.  We'll shelve that gripe, as I have bigger goddamn fish to fry with this movie.

Hmmm, what d'ya suppose I could do with ol' Wonder Bat here?

No, what really pisses me off about this film is the other climactic "reveal," where Mel and his family are under siege by one of these lizard men, and only after flashing back to his wife's cryptic dying words "Tell Merrill to swing away" does it occur to Mel, "Say, perhaps I should urge my brother to grab that baseball bat on the wall and Al Capone E.T.'s fucking brains out."  Yeah that's right.  Instead of instinctively going for the first blunt instrument he can get his hands on, he ponders for a moment the last thing Mrs. Gibson said to him after a drunk driver pinned her to a tree, and it just so happened to suggest these Martian motherfuckers could be felled by a Louisville Slugger to their big green faces.  I know when I'm being attacked I try to think of a deceased loved one's final earthly guidance, no matter how irrelevant it might seem.  This one time I got mugged, I reflected on my grandmother's dying advice, "Boy, you show 'em you're good as gold," and I proceeded to take a golden piss all over that mugger, who ran screaming into the night.  What a fucking stupid ending to this movie.  Someone invades your home, you find a weapon and attack them with it.  It's literally one of the first two impulses you'd have, the other being to run/hide.  Why in the FUCK would this scene need an enigmatic flashback that neatly ties into the domestic crisis our heroes find themselves in?

This movie should be called Signs...That Your Director is a Pretentious Asshole.


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AEW All Out 2024 Preview & Predictions

Well I wasn't sure All Out 2024 would upstage All In 2024 like All Out 2023 did All In 2023, but after watching Hangman Page BURN DOWN Swerve's childhood home, and with how many absolute bangers are on tap this Saturday, AEW might pull it off a second time.

AEW returns to Chicago for All Out, two weeks after their second annual Wembley show, and once again, while this lineup isn't as stacked as All In, I could see All Out being the superior PPV.  Danielson's first title defense, Ospreay vs. Pac, two really strong women's title matches, an MJF-Garcia grudge match, and the mother of all blood feuds, Hangman Adam Page vs. Swerve Strickland, in an unsanctioned cage match (Dammit, how cool would it have been to see that happen at Wembley?).  This show is going to slap, as the kids say.

Not all the matches have been announced yet, so maybe after Friday's Collision/Rampage shows I'll update this piece.  But for now we have eight matches to predict.

Chicago Street Fight: Willow Nightingale vs. Kris Statlander

I'm not sure if this is for the CMLL Women's Title or not.  I thought their previous match was an eliminator; maybe CMLL didn't agree to putting their belt up in a street fight or something.  Anyway, this should be excellent as Willow and Kris have great chemistry and Willow's delivered in No DQ matches before.  I think Willow wins this since she's CMLL Champion and Kris beat her last time.

Pick: Willow

WWE Bash in Berlin Review: Well It Was Better Than SummerSlam

It's a few days late, but here's my review of WWE Bash in Berlin.  This was a much better show than SummerSlam and the crowd was white-hot like at Backlash France but unlike that crowd they weren't just there to chant shit the whole time, they actually responded to the action in the ring.  Except during the main event when they broke into the wave for some reason.  The company though decided to make it cringe by showing a decibel counter every so often.  Didn't WCW do that in the early 90s?  Can WWE for once NOT make something lame?  Nothing on this show was bad, though nothing came close to MJF-Ospreay or Swerve-Danielson from six days earlier.  For the record I went 5 for 5 on my predictions, which I only posted to Twitter.  You can go look if you don't believe me....

Cody Rhodes vs. Kevin Owens opened the show and was a very good championship match that built throughout.  It was undermined a bit by the need to cram in "cinema," where Cody went for a springboard cutter (I think) but his injured knee buckled and Owens refused to capitalize on the injury because as Michael Cole put it he didn't want a "tainted victory."  Uhh that's not tainted guys.  Tainted would be if Owens had cheated to inflict such an injury.  This was just a pre-existing condition.  If Owens had worked over Cody's leg during the match and injured it, he'd capitalize on it, right?  How's this different?  Anyway they traded all their big moves, Cody hit a pair of CrossRhodeses and went for a third but Owens countered into a stunner for a nearfall.  Owens went for a swanton but Cody got the knees up and hit a third CrossRhodes for the win.  A very fine match but Cody as champion still feels like Goldberg 1998, where the company cares way more about the top heel stable and their drama than finding something meaningful for its babyface champion to do.  Cody's just fighting guys for the belt without a dramatic feud to hold it together.  Hey if WWE wants to be known as The Land of Storytelling, I'm gonna judge them on that basis.  Tough titty.  ****1/4

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com, where I examine the pros and cons of an entertaining-but-stupid movie.  Oft-times it'll be an old film I liked at the time but later discover to be pretty shabby.

Such is the case with today's entry, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey!

In 1988 the world was introduced to two lovable dunderheads with a taste for hard-rockin' music, Bill S. Preston, esquire, and Ted "Theodore" Logan, who as it turns out were destined to change the world with their special brand of heavy metal, if only they could pass their History exam.  With the help of a futuristic mentor and a time traveling phone booth, these two dummies saved the day and secured their future.

Fast-forward three years and our (second) favorite pair of dopey cinematic metal dudes were back, this time fighting for their very lives against evil robot clones created by Chuck De Nomolos, a futuristic heavy with designs on retroactively altering the timeline.  Hmm, evil robots sent back in time to kill the protagonist?  That premise sounds oddly familiar.

So what worked about this silly sequel and what didn't?  Let's zoom in for a closer look...



The Awesome

Cool Premise/Lofty Concepts

Where Excellent Adventure had a very lighthearted, pretty small-scope time travel premise (Bill and Ted need to travel through time and recruit various historical figures for their high school history project to avoid flunking out and derailing their rise to global fame), the second film ups the ante by having the aforementioned evil robots actually kill our heroes, allowing the filmmakers to show us what heaven and hell look like.  Conceptually this is a really fun story with lots of room for imaginative visuals and afterlife-related gags.  Bill and Ted spend over half the movie as wayward spirits and we get to explore various mythical and surrealistic locations with them.



George Carlin

My all-time favorite standup comedian returns as Bill & Ted's futuristic mentor Rufus, and while his comedic talents are sadly wasted in this franchise, he's always a welcome onscreen addition.

George was the best

Top Ten Things: Stephen King Film Adaptations

Welcome to another Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  I was told recently that I seem to do a lot of top ten lists of things I hate.  I'm pretty sure I've posted way more lists about things I like, but here's another one.  So suck on it, Larry.

Stephen King.  Perhaps no two proper nouns better exemplify the horror genre.  The very name sounds somehow sinister, like you can't say it without the gritty "movie trailer" voice.  Go ahead, try it.  When I was first introduced to King's work as a child there was something intimidating about that name with the imposing logo his publisher used at the time.

This one.  Looks so badass and they never should've changed it.

Thirty-some years later and Stephen King has produced more timeless horror stories and iconography than any other author.  He is the Edgar Allen Poe of his generation, and continues to churn out novels at a superhuman pace.  To borrow a line from Hamilton, he writes like he's running out of time.

King found success as a muse for Hollywood films very early in his career, selling his first novel Carrie for film adaptation only about a year after it was published.  From then on, King's work became an inspirational gold mine for filmmakers, to the point that in 1977 he began granting film rights to aspiring auteurs and students for only one dollar, provided the films would never be shown commercially without explicit permission.  As for Hollywood, the films inspired by King's writings over the years have grossed over $2.3 billion domestically when adjusted for inflation.  Not exactly a lightweight.

Stephen King's stories and novels have always lent themselves well to cinematic interpretation, and while the results are sometimes mixed, his works have indeed inspired some bona fide film classics.  Below are ten such examples....

10. Christine

One master of horror adapting another, John Carpenter's 1983 film version of King's novel is one of the great "killer car" stories.  Nerdy high school kid Arnie Cunningham falls in love with and buys a dilapidated (and unbeknownst to him, possessed) 1958 Plymouth, restoring it to pristine condition and gradually becoming its servant, at the expense of his actual friendships.  "Christine" then begins attacking Arnie's enemies and even displays the ability to repair itself after being damaged (In a scene that totally blew my mind as a kid).  John Carpenter spectacularly brings to life the evil car, imbuing it with the villainous idiosyncrasies of a human character and giving us one of the screen's most frightening vehicles.

9. The Running Man

This one a) hardly even qualifies as a Stephen King movie and b) is the guiltiest of pleasures.  King's novel The Running Man (published under his Richard Bachman pseudonym) is rife with sociopolitical commentary in addition to being a taut-as-fuck suspense/action thriller.  The protagonist volunteers for a sadistic game/reality show where he'll be hunted down by the authorities for a full month.  If he wins he gets one billion dollars.  If he gets caught he dies.  This novel is harrowing and smartly written, with a sensational climax.  The film on the other hand is a dumb, goofy Arnold Schwarzenegger action vehicle with pro wrestling-style villains and cartoonish set pieces.  But goddamn is it a lotta fun.  In the film, The Running Man is simply an American Gladiators-esque game show where convicted criminals face off against suped-up military types, and if they survive they get a full pardon.  Arnold's character (wrongly convicted of mass murder) not only has to escape over-the-top villains like Buzzsaw and Dynamo, but is also tasked with finding his friends' hidden resistance base, in the hopes of hijacking the TV signal and clearing his name.  As I said, this has VERY little in common with its source material but it's still an exceedingly enjoyable cheesy action film from a bygone era.  That said, I'm dying for someone to do a faithful adaptation.  (Check out my in-depth analysis HERE)

8. Carrie

The one that started it all, Brian DePalma's adaptation of King's first novel blended supernatural horror elements with an intimate character study.  Sissy Spacek shines as the socially crippled, telekinetically gifted title character, who is bullied by both her schoolmates and her overbearing, religiously fanatical mother (a crazy-scary Piper Laurie).  The film has an almost dreamlike quality, with washed-out visuals and plenty of DePalma's signature slow-mo technique.  It all builds to the iconic, horrifying climax where Carrie, soaked in pig's blood as the result of a cruel prank, lashes out at the entire school and later has a final showdown with her psychotic mom.  Boasting two excellent lead performances and one of the all-time classic climaxes, Carrie helped launch the careers of both King and DePalma and proved a highly influential example of its genre.

AEW All In 2024 Review: Bryan Danielson Gets His Flowers

AEW All In 2024 is in the books, and like its predecessor it was a helluva spectacle.  Though they only sold about 55,000 tickets compared to last year’s 81,000, the presence of Taylor Swift’s massive stage and the adjacent ramp actually helped make Wembley look just as full as it did last year.  And the crowd was mostly very hot.

I would say this show was less consistently good than 2023 but the two best matches here topped anything on that show.  Let’s get into it….

*NOTE: I’m on vacation this week so this review will be a little less in-depth than usual.*

The main show opened with the four-way trios ladder match, which consisted of the usual party match stuff.  Lots of standard ladder spots, lots of time for everyone to get their stuff in.  The most memorable spot was Nick Wayne hitting a tope to the outside, which he then converted into a destroyer on Malakai through a table.  Crazy spot.  Killswitch set up a ladder at the end and put Christian on his shoulders to climb, but Pac cut him off, knocked him to the mat, and retrieved the belts.  Christian then berated Killswitch to yet again tease a babyface turn.  Fun opener.  ***1/2

Next up was Toni Storm vs Mariah May in a very dramatic match.  Started off a bit sluggish with Mariah dominating and Toni seeming reluctant to engage, but it picked up once Toni made a comeback, and built to a nice crescendo.  Mariah’s mother was in the front row, and Mariah slapped her at one point, but Toni comforted her with a hug.  Mariah tried to hit Toni with the shoe.  Toni took the shoe away and considered using it but couldn’t bring herself to.  Mariah then hit a pair of knees and Storm Zero to win the title.  Toni seemed to have a mental breakdown after losing, dancing to the back while crying.  Great character work, solid wrestling.  ***3/4

The weakest bout of the night was Chris Jericho vs Hook.  This was FTW rules so Bryan Keith and Big Bill interfered copiously, but Hook overcame the odds.  Jericho brought a bag of cricket balls which didn’t cooperate since they rolled around.  Hook got a bat from under the ring and hit a couple balls off Jericho.  Hook kept locking in submissions but Jericho’s friends broke them up.  He finally locked in Redrum and Taz pulled Bryan off the apron and locked in the worst ever Tazmission.  Jericho submitted.  This was fine.  **3/4

The first excellent match was Young Bucks-FTR-Acclaimed, in an energetic party sprint filled with nonstop action and inventive spots.  Matt and Nick’s gear paid homage to Sgt. Pepper-era Beatles.  The Bucks played the buffoon heels who eked one out as always.  One of the most fun moments involved FTR and The Acclaimed doing each other’s finishers in tandem.  The Bucks eventually won with BTE trigger on Dax.  Grizzled Young Veterans showed up after the match and confronted the Bucks who bailed, then attacked FTR.  That should be phenomenal.  ****

The most pleasant surprise of the night was the Casino Gauntlet, a super fun match with some good surprises including the in-ring return of NIGEL MCGUINNESS.  Once he entered I was rooting for him so we could finally have a Danielson-McGuinness rematch.  Also Ricochet made his debut and ran wild.  Hangman Page and Jeff Jarrett interacted a lot, setting up a singles match together.  Jarrett took him out with a guitar shot.  Okada and Zack Sabre both looked great and each almost won.  Christian entered unexpectedly and then Luchasaurus (not Killswitch), who choke slammed Kyle O’Reilly and put Christian on top to win.  Odd choice for a winner but really fun match.  I wasn’t that excited about this but it way overdelivered.  ****1/4

The first of two instant classics was next, Will Ospreay vs MJF.  MJF’s gear paid homage to both Apollo creed and Lex Luger.  This was an awesome match, though not quite as good as the hourlong one.  Loads of suspenseful nearfalls led to a ref bump when Ospreay hit a Hidden Blade that knocked Max into him.  MJF tried to use brass knuckles (his diamond ring was legit stolen over the weekend) but a mystery man stopped him and unmasked to reveal Daniel Garcia.  MJF attempted the Tiger Driver but Ospreay countered with his own (scary as fuck spot) to regain the title.  Daniels then presented him with the proper International Title.  Fantastic stuff.  ****3/4

Mercedes vs Britt was unfortunately asked to follow this, and thus the crowd wasn’t that into it.  Still it was a very good match if a little messy in a couple spots.  Mercedes worked Britt’s back for the first third, Britt made numerous attempts at lockjaw but couldn’t get it on.  Late in the match Kamille saved Mercedes by putting Mercedes’ foot under the ropes.  Mercedes tried to hit Britt with the belt but the ref stopped her.  Kamille tried to use the strong belt but Britt took it, threw it back to Kamille and fell down as though Kamille had hit her.  The ref ejected Kamille, Britt went for lockjaw but Mercedes bit her hand.  They jockeyed for backslide position but Mercedes finally hit the Mone Maker for the win.  ***3/4

Second-to-last was Jack Perry vs Darby Allin, a match that was cut short and was shockingly one sided.  Perry beat the bejesus out of Darby for a lot of this.  Darby had thumbtacks glued to his face.  Jack brought out a bag that turned out to be broken glass, eliciting a “cry me a river”chant.  Marvelous.  Darby dropped Jack in the glass, which cut him up.  Jack taped Darby’s hands together and then tied Darby’s belt around his ankles and threw him off the stage through a table.  Jack put him in a body bag and into the coffin, then hit a running knee and closed the lid.  The Bucks came down with a can of gasoline.  The Elite tried to light the coffin on fire but Sting came to the rescue.  Very good car wreck.  ***3/4

Finally we had Swerve Strickland vs. Bryan Danielson in an absolutely fantastic main event.  They started with rugged back and forth offense, but Swerve got the upper hand after a Death Valley Driver on the ring bell, and Danielson bled.  The match built in intensity and led to loads of near falls after finishers.  The final ten minutes were spectacular.  Hangman tried to interfere but was dragged away by security.  Danielson hit the knee but Swerve kicked out.  Swerve went for the Flatliner but Danielson cut him off with another knee, then the LeBell Lock.  Swerve broke the hold but Danielson snapped Swerves fingers and locked in a Rings of Saturn variant for the tap out.  BCC and Danielson’s family celebrated with him.  I had mixed feelings about this whole situation and still do, but this match and moment were epic.  The followup needs to be on point.  *****

So yeah, another great AEW PPV in front of their second-biggest crowd.  I’d say this show was on par with last year’s, though more uneven.  All Out needs to be another great sequel.

Best Match: Swerve vs. Danielson

Worst Match: Jericho vs. Hook

What I’d Change: The gauntlet could’ve been a few minutes shorter so Jack-Darby didn’t get so shortchanged.  I’d have swapped the TBS and Coffin match slots so the women had more crowd engagement.

Most Disappointing Match: The Coffin match was fun but too short to reach the next level.

Most Pleasant Surprise: The Gauntlet was fun like a good Royal Rumble

Overall Rating: 9.5/10

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Movies of Disbelief: Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Welcome to another edition of Movies of Disbelief, here at Enuffa.com, where I examine a film that is generally either good, even great, or at least competently assembled, and point out one absurd flaw that had me throwing my hands up skyward.

Today's subject is the Walt Disney classic Sleeping Beauty.  Released in 1959, Sleeping Beauty retells the timeless fairy tale about a lovely princess, cursed by an evil sorceress to fall into a sleeping death before the end of her sixteenth birthday (by pricking her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel, of all things).  In the Disney version there are three good fairies who vow to protect Princess Aurora from this fate, by keeping her hidden from the wicked Maleficent until the time window of said curse has closed.

**Side note: each fairy bestows a magical gift, the first being Flora's decree that Aurora will grow up to be beautiful, begging the question, does Flora not have any faith in this girl's gene pool?  I'd be insulted if I were her parents.  "Excuse me, I think we're both fairly handsome people, she'll turn out just fine on her own!"  Seems like a waste of a gift if there's even a chance that she'll be a looker anyway.  Come to think of it, so is Fauna's gift of song; how does she know this girl won't naturally have musical ability?  Or at least enough to get by with some practice?  Superficial jerks...**

I'm sorry, these women are morons...

But back on the clock; the fairies quickly whisk her away to a remote cottage in the forest and raise her as a common peasant girl until such time as it's safe for her to return and reclaim her royal heritage.  Solid plan right?  Especially since the fairies have also vowed not to use magic during the girl's upbringing, so as not to rouse the suspicions of passers-by.  Princess Aurora, or Briar Rose as she is now known, has no awareness of her regal bloodline or the fact that she is betrothed to Prince Phillip of a neighboring kingdom.  On her sixteenth birthday, the fateful day in question, she meets a stranger in the woods and falls instantly in love, but the fairies spill all the beans, revealing to her that not only is she a princess, she is already spoken for and must never see this strange man again (of course none of the four is aware said stranger IS Prince Phillip).  Rose is crushed at the news and runs to her room sobbing.

AEW All In 2024 Preview & Predictions

AEW's biggest show of the year All In is this Sunday, and while for the first time I have kinda major issues with the booking and build for parts of this show, it should be a pretty stunning PPV, as only AEW can deliver.

Yes, when it comes to Tony Khan's booking and his flaws in that area I'm generally much more forgiving than even most AEW fans (at least from what I see on social media), largely because this company's big shows always live up to and often exceed the hype.  And that will likely be true with All In as well, but ever since Bryan Danielson (my favorite wrestler of all time, don't @ me) upset Hangman Page in the Owen Cup tournament to take the main event slot at Wembley, I've felt Tony went in the wrong direction with this title match.  And judging from the crowd reactions to what little Swerve-Hangman interactions we've gotten since Page returned, I'm certainly not alone.  Swerve-Hangman is AEW's answer to Austin vs. Bret.  Two mortal enemies who switched places, one a former heel who was so cool he became a babyface, the other a longtime babyface so destructively obsessed with vengeance and justice he turned heel.  How in the blue hell does this match not take place for the title at the biggest show of the year?  Yes I know Danielson is retiring from a full-time schedule and this might be the last chance to give him an honorary title run, but since when are honorary title runs more important than paying off a fantastic story?  AEW seems to have sacrificed a great long-term title feud for a fleeting feelgood moment, and in the bigger picture that's a major mistake from where I sit.  Couple that with Danielson constantly doing interviews saying he's ready to hang it up and isn't that interested in being champion and it's like, if the challenger doesn't care about this, why should I?

My minor gripes with this lineup are the fact that two tag title matches came about because of a draw between the two top contenders - pretty lazy booking - and the absence of Kazuchika Okada on this card unless he's in the gauntlet match despite already having a title (Was Tony hoping Kenny would be back by now?).  Aside from that though, this show has numerous bangers on tap.  So let's get into it...

Zero Hour: Willow Nightingale & Tomohiro Ishii vs. Kris Statlander & Stokely Hathaway

So it's already been announced that Willow and Kris will duke it out at All Out for the CMLL Women's Title (which was supposed to be won by Stephanie Vaquer until she backed out of numerous committed dates to sign with WWE - gotta love their predatory business practices).  This match will determine who picks the stipulation for that match.  It's odd that Hathaway is Kris's partner as opposed to an actual wrestler.  We'll obviously get to see Ishii and probably Willow beat the snot out of Hathaway and I'd be surprised if the babyfaces lose here.

Pick: Willow/Ishii

AEW All In 2023 Review: A WrestleMania-Sized Spectacle

***ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED 8/29/23***

AEW's biggest show of all time is in the history books, and it was a doozy of a PPV.  While not quite on the level of their greatest shows for me (Full Gear 2021, Revolution 2023), this show was pretty spectacular overall.  By my count seven of the nine main card bouts reached **** or better, which is a new record.  We had rock-solid old-school wrestling, we had wild, chaotic multi-man matches, we had a couple bouts full of intense violence, and above all we had an epic, story-driven main event that kept the company's most successful angle going a little longer.  This was a WrestleMania-sized spectacle in front of a white-hot live crowd.

After a pair of pre-show matches, the latter of which apparently led to yet another backstage altercation involving CM Punk (less serious and may not have been Punk-instigated this time), Punk himself opened the show with a "real" World Title defense against his old rival Samoa Joe.  These two had a fine opening match that fell somewhere between their classic ROH encounters and their rather forgettable Collision one.  It only went 14 minutes but they packed a lot into it, including homages to Hulk Hogan and Terry Funk.  At one point Joe swung Punk through the bottom half of the announce table, breaking the front of it apart and causing Punk to bleed.  Late in the match Joe did his sequence of submission holds, softening Punk up for the Muscle Buster, but Punk escaped and hit his old finish, the Pepsi Plunge, to retain his fake title.  Very good opener in front of a pro-Joe crowd.  ****

Next up was the Golden Elite vs. Bullet Club Gold/Takeshita trios match.  This got twenty minutes and was a lot of fun, with tons of athletic exchanges, building to a strong peak and a logical finish meant to set up a singles match (Why I didn't see such a finish coming when I did my predictions, I'm sure I don't know).  Kota Ibushi was sadly still the weak link here, as he has more ring rust to shake off.  There was a moment where Ibushi and Omega did their stereo springboard moonsaults and Ibushi slipped off the second turnbuckle and had to do the move from the bottom one, and another moment where he seemed unsure where he was supposed to be.  Hopefully with time he'll come close to the quality of work he was putting in two years ago.  Anyway this match built to a tremendous peak, with Page and Omega hitting big moves on the heels, but suddenly out of nowhere Takeshita scored a rollup pin on Omega to win the match.  It was announced after the show that Kenny Omega vs. Konosuke Takeshita is official for All Out, and man is that gonna be a good one.  ****1/4 for the trios bout.