Top Ten Things: Vampire Movies

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  Continuing with the Halloween festivities, today we'll count down what are in my estimation the ten greatest vampire films of all time.

Before Stephanie Meyer temporarily ruined the vampire genre by turning it into insipid teen melodrama involving beautiful undead emo heartthrobs (who despite not technically being alive can somehow procreate), there used to be quite a few excellent films devoted to the subject.

Being a vampire really isn't any fun when you think about it.  I explored this topic a little in my Awesomely Shitty Movies piece about The Lost Boys:

"It is possible to create complex, thought-provoking films about vampires, exploring at what cost such powers come: isolation, loneliness, unending bloodlust, tedium, having to live with murdering people, having to evade capture and prosecution for murdering people, etc."

The vampire, no matter how romantic a character you try to make him, is still at heart a repulsive, predatory creature who must kill human beings in order to survive.  Think of how awful his breath must be after drinking all that blood.  Imagine how filthy his clothes would be after sleeping in dirt every day.  Really, are the fringe benefits of being eternally young and having superhuman strength and speed worth all the other headaches? 


Anywho, here's my ten picks, plus a couple honorable mentions....

HM: Horror of Dracula (1958)

One of the films that built England's Hammer Film Studios, the 1958 version of Dracula, retitled Horror of Dracula in the US, stars Peter Cushing as Professor Van Helsing and Christopher Lee as the immortal Count.  Unlike its 1931 counterpart, this version actually makes something of an effort to follow the structure of the novel, sending Jonathan Harker to Transylvania and including the often-ignored character of Arthur Holmwood.  It also shrouds the Dracula character in mystery, lending him few lines of dialogue but making his onscreen moments quite impactful.  As in Stoker's literary masterpiece, Dracula is a prisoner of his nature, often behaving like a wild animal, lent fearsome presence by the excellent Lee.  The climax of course veers into over-the-top silliness as Van Helsing is able to repel the Count into the sunlight using a pair of iron candlesticks as a makeshift cross.  Umm, isn't the consecrated nature of crosses supposed to be what repels vampires as opposed to their vague shape?  Anyway, not a bad entry in the Dracula filmography.

HM: The Lost Boys (1987)

As I mentioned, I've covered this film in depth for my Awesomely Shitty Movies series, but damn if it ain't a whole lot of fun.  It takes the vampire genre and turns it into essentially a summer action flick, light on scares but with plenty of humor and a healthy respect for the mythos.  The story takes place in the fictional town of Santa Carla, CA (shot in Santa Cruz), where loads of mysterious murders have been taking place, and a pair of teenage boys and their friends uncover a secret family of vampires.  Kiefer Sutherland shines as the film's chief antagonist David, while Jason Patric makes a vulnerable, conflicted hero and Coreys Haim and Feldman provide most of the film's laughs.  The Lost Boys has a ton of nostalgia value even though it's quite silly.

10. Near Dark (1987)

Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow's second film was an unusual mashup of the vampire movie and the Western.  Starring Bill Paxton, Lance Henriksen, and Jenette Goldstein of Aliens fame, Near Dark tells the story of a gang of vampires who live in a sun-proofed van and drift from place to place, going where the food is.  One of their group, Mae, inadvertently turns a young man named Caleb into a vampire and because of her romantic attachment to him, persuades the others to accept him into their gang.  Caleb spends much of the movie struggling with his transformation and trying to appease the others so they don't kill him.  Near Dark is a very unusual and modern take on the genre, portraying the vamps as scavenging marauders not unlike the post-apocalyptic villains in the Mad Max films.  They are evil but charismatic, and Bill Paxton especially shines as the brutal loose cannon Severen.  With this film Bigelow showed her adeptness at eschewing the conventions of genre films and gave us an exciting new take on the vampire mythos.

9. Dracula (1931)

The most famous of all vampire movies, and the one we most closely associate with the genre, Universal's 1931 adaptation of Bram Stoker's novel (via the Balderston-Deane play) launched the career of Bela Lugosi as Hollywood's premier horror star.  The film seems quite stilted and tame by today's standards, but upon its release it was considered a very effective and frightening film.  Lugosi gave an iconic performance, learning his lines phonetically and thus delivering them in a slightly awkward, otherworldly fashion, which only added to the strangeness of the Count.  Dracula also made Dwight Frye (Renfield) famous as one of the all-time great creepy character actors; Renfield's demented laugh is still an enduring hallmark of the character.  Director Tod Browning filled his cinematic palette with dark shadows, foreboding cobwebs, and beautifully lavish gothic sets.  While the film's limited budget restricted much of the story to a rather tedious parlor mystery, there's no arguing that 1931's Dracula has influenced nearly every subsequent vampire film.  Also check out the simultaneously-filmed Spanish version, which from a technical standpoint is actually superior to this one.

8. Dracula (1979)

In the late 70s the well-renowned John Balderston-Hamilton Deane theater production of Dracula was revived in London and on Broadway, and its success prompted Universal Studios to remake the 1931 Bela Lugosi film for modern audiences.  The result was this stylish, romantic Frank Langella version.  Directed by John Badham and featuring an excellent score by John Williams, this update of Dracula depicts the Count as a suave, handsome seducer, to whom women willingly give their last drop.  Langella is excellent as this debonair demon, imbuing the character with both smoothness and a fearsome underlying rage.  The rest of the cast is also first-rate - the legendary Laurence Olivier plays Dracula's nemesis Van Helsing, Kate Nelligan is an unusually strong and independent Lucy Seward (in this version Lucy and Mina's names are oddly swapped), and Tony Haygarth is a rather degenerate incarnation of the Renfield character.  This film is a triumph of production design and atmosphere, and a gritty, original take on the Lugosi version.

WWE Bad Blood 2024 Preview & Predictions

Why did WWE bring back the Bad Blood PPV?  I understand getting rid of Hell in a Cell as an annual event, I'd been calling for that for years, but why did they bring back a title from two of their least successful periods?  This event will mark the 27th anniversary of the first-ever Hell in a Cell, but I don't think that's a good enough reason.  Come up with something new.

So it's another five-match PPV and troublingly WWE's third in a row without any black male wrestlers on the card.  Yeah, nothing odd there...  Christ, even Bianca Belair, once pushed as a major star under Vince, is relegated to a co-host.  Why do PPV events need hosts?  It's not SNL and it's not an awards show.  The announcers are the de facto hosts and always have been.  Anyway, Triple H ain't beating the allegations of racism with a lineup like this.  Sorry.

The lineup looks typical of WWE B-shows and should provide a few decent matches but will once again be a forgettable, paint-by-numbers affair.  Let's take a look....

WWE Women's Championship: Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Jesus, this again?  Their match at SummerSlam was a snoozer and I still don't understand why Nia got pushed again.  WWE's women's division it far from the hotspot it once was.

Pick: Nia retains

AEW Dynamite 5th Anniversary Preview & Predictions

And we're back with the second preview/predictions piece in a row for AEW Dynamite, as tonight's show is the company's 5th anniversary on cable TV!  Hard to believe it's been five years already, and we're only about six months away from Dynamite eclipsing WCW Nitro's run (which will be a proud day indeed).

There are four matches announced for tonight, and given how big two of them are I could actually see that being the entire lineup.  The top-billed match should be pretty epic.  I'm also hoping we get an official announcement about the new TV deal.  Lots of anti-AEW grifters will be crying in their beers.

But let's look at the matches.....

Hangman Page vs. Juice Robinson

I don't remember if The Bang Bang Gang somehow ran afoul of Hangman over the last few months or if this is just a rando match for Page to try and murder someone, but Hanger's been on fire since making it his life's mission to ruin Swerve's.  Juice will give Page a good fight but Page will claim another victim on his killing spree.

Pick: Page

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Tremors

Welcome to another Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com!

Today's movie is the 1990 horror-comedy Tremors, directed by Ron Underwood (of City Slickers) and starring Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward.  Tremors takes place in a tiny Nevada settlement called Perfection (population 14) that gets attacked from below the ground by four gigantic sandworm-like monsters that reach through the turf and pull down anything that seems appetizing.  After the only road in or out of town gets blocked by a rock avalanche, the survivors must find a way to the mountains to avoid getting eaten.

I'll level with ya - the word "shitty" doesn't really apply to Tremors.  There's very little about this film I don't like, but I'm including it because it's just a really fun, silly B-movie, one I would describe as a "great piece of crap."  So no offense meant, Tremors fans.  I'm really just here to talk about the film's merits as an old-school piece of drive-in fare.



The Awesome

Val & Earl

Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward have tremendous chemistry as our dual protagonists.  Earl is the grizzled pragmatist, while Val is still holding out hope for a better situation and a new love interest who fits exactly his description of an ideal woman.  Together they're the brains and muscle of the town of Perfection, keeping everyone's stuff in order and doing whatever odd jobs they're needed for.  They're also the audience's guides through this adventure.

Every town should have a Val & Earl

Michael Gross

I've been a huge Michael Gross fan since his Family Ties run, where he played the optimistic, sentimental dad.  For most fans of the show Michael J. Fox was the star, but I always found Stephen Keaton funnier.  Here Michael is a very different character - an over-the-top gun enthusiast/survivalist who never met a firearm he didn't like (or purchase, judging by his vast arsenal).  While Stephen Keaton and Burt Gummer could not be more diametric opposites, Gross delivers excellent performances in both cases.

Stephen Keaton rocks the shit in this movie

TV Review: Mr. McMahon (2024)

What to say about the Mr. McMahon docuseries on Netflix?  Well, it was more or less what I expected it to be.  Any documentary made with Vince McMahon's willing participation is obviously going to include a lot of skewed viewpoints, half-truths, and outright lies.  Couple that with numerous talking heads who worked for Vince and consider him a mentor and father-figure, and there's no shortage of praise on display here, some of it valid, much of it not.  Fortunately this series also boasts plenty of fact-checking and counterpoints from industry figures like Wrestling Observer's Dave Meltzer (who got a ton of screen time), author David Shoemaker, and New York Post columnist Phil Mushnick.

The doc was mostly filmed before the Janel Grant allegations were made public (This is made clear via numerous title screens), and thus mostly plays out as a history of Vince's business ventures and myriad scandals over the decades, seemingly intended for a less initiated audience than someone like me.  There's not a lot of new information here if you're a wrestling aficionado, but it is one of the few McMahon history pieces where we get so much input from Vince himself.  We get the usual distortions and self-aggrandizing like "WrestleMania III drew over 90,000," "Ted Turner was mean to me in the 90s," "I was right to let the show go on after Owen Hart died," "I had no choice but to screw Bret out of the title," yadda yadda yadda, and fortunately (again), numerous voices of reason are on hand to refute most of Vince's more ridiculous claims.

AEW Grand Slam Dynamite 2024 Review: Bryan and Nigel Add to Their Rivalry

AEW Grand Slam was another banger of a show from Arthur Ashe Stadium, as we knew it would be.  Three stellar matches, all very different, plus two solid short matches made this show a very easy watch.

Things kicked off with the Danielson-McGuinness bout, and while not at the level of their best work, this was a helluva grappling contest that showcased the beautiful poetry of chain wrestling.  Nigel looked like he hadn't missed a step in his 13 years away from the ring, exchanging holds and counters with the best technical wrestler in the world.  Nigel worked Danielson's arm after slamming it into the ring steps and the post early on, and it affected Danielson's ability to use the LeBell Lock.  They exchanged their big moves and Danielson went for Nigel's rebound lariat, but Nigel cut him off with a lariat of his own for a double down.  But they landed in such a way that Danielson was able to apply the LeBell Lock after shaking off his injured arm, and he eventually got the tapout (Nigel appeared to say "thank you" as he gave up).  Just a lovely scientific match between two of the best to ever do it.  ****1/2

AEW Grand Slam 2024 Dynamite & Collision Preview & Predictions

It's September and you know what that means, it's time for AEW Grand Slam!

The fourth annual free TV PPV-caliber event once again emanates from Arthur Ashe Stadium in Queens, NY, and judging by the diminishing box office returns I think next year they should move it somewhere else.  Holding any wrestling event in the same venue every year is a challenge at best, and it seems like this one has run its course at Arthur Ashe for a while.  But as always the Dynamite lineup should be pretty spectacular, and even the Collision card this year looks very good.  Let's take a gander.....

Dynamite

FTW Championship: Hook vs. Roderick Strong

I still think it's time to lose this fake belt, as it's not officially sanctioned by AEW and it was only ever a prop that got defended once in a while.  Now it's become a full gimmick for Hook, who defends it frequently.  Let's get a real title on this guy instead, huh?  Anyway, this should be a very fun mix of grappling and no-DQ bells and whistles.  Hook just won this back from Jericho so he isn't losing it here.

Pick: Hook retains

Top Ten Things: Fawlty Towers Episodes, RANKED

Welcome to yet another edition of Top Ten Things, where I pick my ten favorite of somethingorother....

Today what's on my mind is the classic British sitcom Fawlty Towers, one of my all-time favorite comedy series.  Created by John Cleese and then-wife Connie Booth, Fawlty Towers takes place in a shoddy English hotel run by an eminently rude, impatient man and his rather domineering wife.  Supported by a clever, quick-thinking waitress and a bumbling Spanish waiter, the hotel and its staff get into various misadventures and hilarity ensues by the truckload.

Cleese's inspiration for Towers was a hotel called The Gleneagles, where he once stayed with the Monty Python cast.  Flabbergasted by the rudeness of its owner Donald Sinclair, Cleese mined this character for all the comedic material he was worth, and in the process created an incredibly funny, highly influential series.  As with most British sitcoms each season consisted of only six episodes, and Cleese and Booth only made twelve total, with a four-year lag between seasons. 

Here are the twelve episodes of Fawlty Towers, ranked.....

12. The Kipper and The Corpse

There are no bad episodes of Fawlty Towers, but my least favorite is episode 10, which involves a hotel guest dying suddenly in his sleep and the gang going to great lengths to hide his corpse from the other guests while they await the coroner.  This premise was actually recycled for an early episode of Roseanne, and in both cases things veer a little too far into unlikely slapstick for my taste.  Still this one has plenty of fun moments, such as Basil's ruthless sarcasm when the guest asks for breakfast in bed the next morning ("Rosewood, mahogany, teak?  What would you like your tray made out of?") or Basil's fear that expired kippers may have caused the man's death.   

Favorite Moment: When a doctor who's staying at the hotel examines the body, he grills Basil with "You mean to tell me you didn't realize this man was dead??" and Basil's reply is amazing: "Look, I'm just delivering a tray, right? If the guest isn't singing 'Oh What A Beautiful Morning,' I don't immediately think, 'Oh there's another snuffed it in the night!"

11. The Builders

The second episode of season 1 centers around some hotel renovations gone horribly wrong.  Basil and Sybil take an overnight trip and leave Polly and Manuel in charge of the hotel.  In order to save money (and unbeknownst to Sybil), Basil has hired the incompetent contractor O'Reilly to add a doorway to the kitchen and close off another doorway to a drawing room.  Unfortunately O'Reilly's men can't read a schematic to save their lives, and instead they wall off the dining room door.  In a panic, Basil demands O'Reilly come back and rectify the situation before Sybil returns.

Favorite Moment: Upon returning home and discovering the mess, Basil calls up O'Reilly and threatens physical violence if the shoddy work is not corrected: "If you're not over here in twenty minutes with my door I shall come over there and insert a large garden gnome in you, good day."

10. Basil the Rat

The final episode of the series deals with the hotel being slapped with a citation for numerous health code violations.  While the staff scrambles to rectify these issues and avoid closure, Manuel's pet rat gets loose, triggering a whole new set of problems.  This felt like a good way to end the show, as certain recurring jokes had reached the end of their shelf life.  But it was good for one last hurrah, culminating in the trademark zany Fawlty humor.

Favorite Moment: The health inspector reads a laundry list of health violations and Basil responds with "....Otherwise okay?"

9. The Anniversary

Probably the wackiest episode (Polly even mentions the Marx Brothers in this one), is #11, wherein Basil plans a surprise anniversary party for Sybil but pretends like he's forgotten their anniversary altogether.  This of course backfires as Sybil leaves in a huff just before their friends arrive, and Basil decides to pretend Sybil is upstairs sick in bed.  One of my favorite aspects of this episode involves Basil's friend Roger only half-heartedly going along with the ruse despite clearly knowing something's up, and repeatedly toying with Basil.  This episode is probably the most "sitcom-ish" but still has a ton of laughs.

Favorite Moment: Another of Basil's friends mentions she saw Sybil driving around in the town and Basil covers it up by claiming that's another woman who looks like Sybil.  When the real Sybil comes back, Basil pretends she's the fictitious lookalike and locks her in the kitchen while he says goodbye to his friends.

Top Ten Things: Family Ties Episodes

Welcome to another television-related Top Ten Things, where I'll pick my ten favorite episodes of a classic show.

Today it's the unforgettable 80s family sitcom that launched the career of Michael J. Fox, Family Ties!  When I was a kid, Thursday night primetime on NBC was unfathomably awesome.  For a few years you had The Cosby Show (fuck you Bill...) at 8pm, Family Ties at 8:30, and Cheers at 9.  Three of the greatest television shows ever, back-to-back-to-back.  Man, those were good times.

Anyway, Family Ties ran seven seasons, chronicling the goings-on of the Keatons, your average midwestern middle class family, but with a twist.  See the parents, Steven and Elyse, were ex-hippies who spent their college years steeped in the 1960s anti-war, peace & love movement, while their eldest son Alex was a stuffy, business-obsessed Republican who dreamed of becoming a powerful Wall Street executive.  This flipped the usual sitcom dynamic of the strict parents and the rebellious teenager.  Running contrary to most family TV shows, Alex (Michael J. Fox in the role he was born to play) generally didn't get into trouble with his parents in the traditional sense; instead their conflicts stemmed from their opposing ideologies and Alex's overactive ambition.

The two Keaton daughters were also wildly divergent characters.  Mallory the middle child (Justine Bateman in an often underrated performance) was a more typical teenage character - struggling at school and focused on her social life - while the youngest (until season 3) Jennifer was a precocious preteen who later displayed advanced intelligence and academic drive like Alex, albeit with much more compassion.  Then there was Andy.  Introduced in season three as a way to explain star Meredith Baxter-Birney's real-life pregnancy, Andy didn't become a full-fledged character until season five, when they magically aged him from toddler to preschooler so he'd have a speaking role.  Child actor Brian Bonsall was passable in the part, with stilted delivery but occasional moments of genuine sweetness and humor.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: The Lost Boys

Welcome back to Enuffa.com for another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies!  

Today we'll be examining the brazenly tawdry late-80s time capsule known as The Lost Boys.  Before the Twilight movies forever ruined the vampire genre Joel Schumacher gave us teenage vampire garbage we could really sink our teeth into.  Teeth, get it??  Cuz vampires like to bite people?  With their teeth? 

Buckle up and set the DeLorean for 1987, the heyday of such screen legends as Corey Haim, Corey Feldman (what's with all the Coreys??), Jason Patric, Jami Gertz, and the one teen heartthrob from this era whose career escaped more or less unscathed, Kiefer Sutherland.

Originally The Lost Boys was to be a Peter Pan-inspired film about pre-adolescent vampires, stemming from the idea that Peter could fly and never grew old (Kiefer's character was originally called Peter, while the protagonist brothers were Michael and John, later to be Michael and Sam).  However when Schumacher came on board he decided teenage characters would be much more marketable/sexier.

The resulting film is delightfully "late-80s," from the costumes, to the heavy metal-influenced fashion sense of the teenage characters, to the awesomely dated soundtrack, to the southern California setting.  It's a quintessential 80s summer movie.  And it's fantastically dumb.



The Awesome

The Cast

This movie's got a pretty great cast, all perfectly suited to their roles.  Corey Haim, while never ascending to the heights of great acting, was exactly right for the main character of Sam.  Sam is the audience's guide through the story, usually in way over his head and scared shitless the whole time.  Jason Patric as his older brother Michael is the character with the real arc (he goes from brooding, sullen prettyboy to brooding, sullen vampire), and he's the one whose relationship with the villains sets things in motion.  Dianne Wiest is excellent as always, as their mother Lucy.  Corey Feldman, whose childhood work was actually pretty underrated, is hilarious as the aspiring vampire killer Edgar Frog. 

Corey, Corey, and that other guy.

And of course the showstopper is Kiefer Sutherland as David, the leader of the vampire gang.  Sutherland was fresh off his breakout performance as teenage deliquent Ace Merrill in Stand By Me, and his performance here is similar, but with the volume turned way up.  In The Lost Boys he's a total badass motherfucker who repeatedly toys with the protagonists and kills rival gang members without remorse.  Great villain.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Flatliners

At long last we're back with another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com!  For those unfamiliar, I take a popular (or not so popular) film, pick it apart, separate the good stuff from the bad stuff, and more or less ruin it for everyone.  Sooo, let's get after it....

Today I'll be talking about the 1990 suspense thriller Flatliners, starring Kiefer Sutherland, Kevin Bacon and Julia Roberts, and directed by Joel Schumacher.  The premise involves a group of medical students who each decide to briefly experience death, hoping to prove once and for all what happens in the afterlife.  But each character unwittingly brings something back with them, and they all end up haunted by demons from their past.  Flatliners got mixed reviews but made a solid profit upon its release and later became a bit of a cult favorite.  Aaaand therefore Hollywood released a remake sequel a few years back.  Just fuckin' shameless, those people.....

But does the film actually work?  Let's take a closer look.



The Awesome


Acting

The whole cast is quite good in this film, from Keifer Sutherland's turn as the tormented visionary and original "flatliner" Nelson Wright, to Kevin Bacon as the likable pragmatist David Labraccio, to Julia Roberts as the generous and gentle Rachel Manus, to Oliver Platt and William Baldwin as the sarcastic worrier Randy Steckle and the hopeless horndog Joe Hurley, respectively.  Each actor gets clear territory to explore, and each of them brings their character to life admirably.  The two standouts are Sutherland and Bacon, who begin the film as best friends and gradually become romantic rivals as the story progresses.  I especially like the scene when they all confront Nelson outside David's apartment and all the cards are laid on the table.  Solid work all around.

A fine cast.  And handsome too.  Except Platt.  Sorry, that was mean....

Cinematography

Schumacher and Director of Photography Jan de Bont fill the frame with a visual richness and atmosphere that lends itself to the material and the mood.  Chicago's Loyola University served as the bulk of the film's locations, giving everything a very old-world, gothic feel.  The breathtaking opening helicopter shot for example takes the viewer across Lake Michigan right up to Kiefer as he stands on West Devon Ave.  This is a fine-looking film.

One of the most striking zoom-in shots I can recall.

Concept

The whole idea of a med student voluntarily dying so he can be revived with the secrets of life and death is certainly intriguing and creative.  It's oddly relatable on some level - who wouldn't want to know what lies beyond and live to tell about it?  Not to mention it's ripe material for farming cinematic suspense.  After all, reviving someone who's clinically dead is no exact science and there's little room for error.  The film doesn't explore this theme nearly as effectively as it could have (more on that in a bit), but the initial story idea was pretty inspired.

Cinema Showdown: Manhunter vs. Red Dragon

"I am the Dragon. And you call me insane. You are privy to a great becoming, but you recognize nothing. You are an ant in the afterbirth. It is your nature to do one thing correctly. Before me, you rightly tremble. But fear is not what you owe me.....You owe me awe!"

These chilling words from serial killer Francis Dolarhyde, the fearsome villain of Thomas Harris's novel Red Dragon, sum up perfectly his deranged mindset and motivation for murder.  He believes that killing families and arranging them like dolls will transform him into a god.  FBI Agent Will Graham, possessing a gift for empathizing with murderers, has been assigned to chase down Dolarhyde with help from famed sociopath Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Red Dragon has twice been adapted for the screen - first in 1986 as Michael Mann's thriller Manhunter, starring William Petersen, Dennis Farina, Tom Noonan, and Brian Cox; and again in 2002 as a direct prequel to the suspense classic The Silence of the Lambs, starring Edward Norton, Harvey Keitel, Ralph Fiennes, and of course Anthony Hopkins.

Manhunter was met with mixed reviews and anemic box office receipts but has since become a cult favorite on home video.  Red Dragon was fast-tracked following the massive financial success of Hannibal, and itself made a hefty profit and garnered generally positive reviews.

But which version is superior?  I will assemble a case, comparing the various aspects of each film, from casting/performances to sets to music, and decide definitively which adaptation works better.  ***Note: Interestingly both directors used Dante Spinotti for cinematography.***


Casting

Will Graham: William Petersen vs. Edward Norton

***Another Note: Hugh Dancy of the TV series Hannibal is actually the best onscreen Will Graham to date, in my opinion, but I'm only discussing the two films at this time.***

Both of these actors are quite talented and, in portraying the protagonist of this story, play to their individual strengths.  Petersen plays Graham as an emotionally wounded man, just barely recovered from his former profession of tracking serial killers.  His final assignment, capturing Hannibal Lecter, left him mentally broken and he subsequently spent time in an institution to heal his own psychological scarring.  Petersen's Graham carries an overwhelming hesitancy throughout the film, as he isn't sure he is up to the task of catching one more murderer.  Edward Norton's Graham seems less emotionally affected by his run-in with Lecter; his reluctance to participate in the Tooth Fairy case is borne more out of responsibility to his family and the fact that catching Lecter almost killed him (During the opening credits we learn that Graham was in a coma for a time).  So this Graham's motivation is a bit more physical in nature than that of his counterpart.  Norton is probably a bit more business-like, Petersen is more haunted.  Both of these interpretations of the character work fine, but I'll give a slight nod to Norton because he's just a more compelling actor than Petersen.  I think Norton more cleverly carries us through the process of Graham's work (and that's partly due to the script as well) while expertly portraying an everyman we can identify with.  Petersen's Graham is so morose it's sometimes hard to like him. 

Point: Red Dragon

Jack Crawford: Dennis Farina vs. Harvey Keitel

Again we have a close battle, as both actors are accomplished character veterans who tend to more or less play the same type of role - a grizzled but likable tough guy.  They both portray Crawford in the same way, and in both cases it works fine.  But for me the definitive Jack Crawford will always be Scott Glenn, who brought a sly intellectualism to the role and made you unsure if you fully trusted Crawford.  So since neither Farina nor Keitel quite nailed the character as I prefer him, I'll call this a push. 

Point: Draw

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Hannibal

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com, where I examine a movie that I want so badly to fully enjoy, but like a crappy, unreliable boyfriend/girlfriend, it just won't get its shit together and commit.

Such a description is very fitting of the film Hannibal (2001), the much-anticipated sequel to the iconic Silence of the Lambs, which saw Anthony Hopkins return to the role that made him a gazillionaire, Hannibal Lecter.  Hannibal had been planned for several years, after Lambs author Thomas Harris announced he'd be writing a follow-up to the massive hit.  Hopkins, Jodie Foster, and director Jonathan Demme jumped right on board, and the world waited patiently while the novel came to fruition.  Unfortunately by the time of its publication in 1998, Demme declined to participate due to the novel's lurid tone, and Foster had already decided to direct her own film and would not be available.  The scramble was on to replace two of the three integral pieces of the puzzle, and eventually Ridley Scott was attached to direct, with Julianne Moore replacing Foster as Clarice Starling.

So why does this movie qualify as Awesomely Shitty?  In short, I find Hannibal a pretty infuriating example of a movie I was absolutely pumped for and ready to love, but so many things about it were executed just plain wrong.  And a few of these things could've been fixed so easily, either with a quick rewrite or an edit.  Before I get to all that negative stuff though, let's talk about what worked.



The Awesome

Julianne Moore

Excuse me for a moment.....JULIANNE, I F*CKIN' LOVE YOU!!

If Clarice had to be recast (and she did), I can't think of a better actress to inherit this amazing character than Julianne Moore.  I've been a big Juli-fanne (TM pending) for a few decades now, and so despite my reservations about Jodie Foster not returning I was pretty stoked to see Moore take the part.  Julianne is one of the most versatile and consistently great actresses working today, who for years was undeservedly snubbed by Oscar until finally taking home the gold in 2015.  Where Foster's Clarice was young and idealistic, Moore's incarnation of the character has become cynical and untrusting after a decade of petty FBI politics and unsavory treatment at the hands of the Old Boy Network.  Over ten years she has earned the dubious honor of having more kills to her name than any other Agent, and at the start of the film she is forced to shoot yet another suspect when the uncooperative DC police undermine her authority in a drug raid.  The Bureau uses this incident as an excuse to take her out of the field, and she's reassigned to the seemingly futile case of the long-disappeared Lecter.  Moore plays Clarice as a woman who once dreamed of being an FBI agent, only to later find that the Bureau doesn't share her virtuous nature and in many ways isn't worthy of having her.

Top Ten Things: The Office (US) Episodes

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I'll be talking about my ten favorite episodes of one of my all-time favorite TV series, the US version of The Office (The original UK one is great too, but I'm partial to the American remake).  For nine years (six of them consistently excellent) The Office reigned as one of the most beloved shows on television.  Who can't relate to an awkward boss, dysfunctional co-workers, and office crushes (My wife and I met in much the same fashion as Pam & Jim, three years earlier, so this arc resonated with us on a profound level)?  The show had it all - memorable characters, palpable tension between its romantic leads, engaging storylines, and above all, truckloads of uncomfortably hilarious moments.  It lost its way a bit toward the end, as most sitcoms do, but taken as a whole The Office holds up as one of the great TV shows of the past thirty years.

But which episodes are the cream of the crop?  Well it's a difficult question to answer since a) there were so many and b) some of the best story arcs on the show took place over multiple episodes (The Michael Scott Paper Company saga for example).  But I think I've narrowed it down to my ten favorites, in chronological order.  Here goes.....

1. The Dundies

For my money Season 2 was the show's best.  The abbreviated first season wasn't quite enough time for the show to find its true voice and set itself apart from the UK version (though it did have some great episodes in its own right).  But in the second season all the actors fully settled into their characters, the Jim-Pam storyline surged to the next level, and we were treated to a bevy of classic episodes.  The first, and possibly my favorite single episode in the show's entire run, was the season premiere, "The Dundies," wherein Michael and his employees have an outing/awards show at the local Chili's.  Pam gets hammered (Pammered?) and flirts with Jim all night, Michael bombs as the Dundies host, and we get to see all the characters outside their work setting.  This episode is probably the one that got me hooked.

Best Moment: A shitfaced Pam yelling into the camera, "I would just like to say that this was the BEST. DUNDIES. EVER!! WOOOOOOO!!!"

2. The Fire

Another laid-back scenario from Season 2, "The Fire" sees our office workers stranded outside the building after a fire breaks out in the kitchen, and numerous parlor games ensue, including "Desert Island Movies" and "Who Would You Do?"  We also see Jim interacting with his new girlfriend Katy (Amy Adams, introduced in Season 1), Michael trying desperately to become Ryan's mentor, and Dwight discovering the source of the fire: Ryan's cheese pita, prompting the best line in the episode.

Best Moment: Dwight, presenting the charred cheese pita to the camera, performs a revamped verse of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire":  "Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Mon-roe, RYAN STARTED THE FI-YAH!!"

3. Christmas Party

The first Christmas episode of the series (one of three such episodes on this list - hey, I'm a sucker for holiday-themed sitcom episodes) sees the office holding a Secret Santa party.  Jim gets Pam in the drawing for the first time and buys her a teapot, but stuffs it with little personal gifts like his high school photo (which she found hilarious when she first saw it).  He also includes a card that expresses his hidden feelings for her.  But Michael throws a wrench into the works when after receiving a hand-knitted oven mitt from Phyllis, he changes the Secret Santa into a Yankee Swap.  Now everyone's gifts are up for stealing, and Jim's thoughtful gift to Pam finds its way into Dwight's hands.  The entire office rejects Michael's self-absorbed power play and abandons the proceedings, after which Michael makes a liquor store run to win them back.  This is yet another episode where we get to see everyone interacting in a more informal setting (Apparently I really like episodes like this) and it really captures the mood of office holiday parties.  Of course in the end, Pam, who had ended up with an iPod (Michael flagrantly overspent on his Secret Santa gift) trades it back to Dwight so she can have Jim's teapot, but Jim chickens out about the tell-all greeting card and secretly removes it from the box.  His confessional would have to wait until our next entry....

Best Moment: Michael opens his gift from Dwight, a bag of paintball pellets and a piece of paper entitling him to two paintball sessions with Dwight.  Michael gripes, "How is that better than an iPod?" and Dwight replies, "I never said it was better than an iPod."  Michael then takes Dwight's rubber elf ears off him and bounces them off Dwight's face before storming off.

Movies of Disbelief: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Welcome to another installment of Movies of Disbelief, here at Enuffa.com, where I examine one aspect of an otherwise okay or even a great film and discuss why it sticks in my craw.

Today's subject is one of my favorite movies of all time, ALL TIME.  It's the action film I hold above all other action films, and the one that solidified Harrison Ford as my first childhood hero.  I'm talkin' about Raiders of the Lost Ark!

The brainchild of George Lucas, Raiders was conceived around the same time as the original Star Wars, with Lucas paying homage to the adventure and sci-fi serials he enjoyed as a kid.  Both ideas began to flourish simultaneously but he set aside the earthbound action-adventure one and concentrated on what would become the most enduring sci-fi/fantasy franchise of all time.  Once Star Wars became the phenomenon it did, Lucas then turned to his other big idea, revealing it to his buddy Steven Spielberg after Steve suggested he'd like to direct a James Bond film.  Lucas replied, "I've got something better - The Adventures of Indiana Smith!"  After Lucas finished describing the concept in detail, Spielberg said he was all-in except for the name.  Lucas then suggested "Indiana Jones," and history was made.

Raiders of the Lost Ark was a masterful swashbuckler, chock full of iconic action set pieces and led by an equally iconic lead performance from Ford, whom Lucas initially wasn't even considering for the role, fearing that the actor-director pairing would be the popcorn version of Deniro-Scorsese.  Tom Selleck was eventually chosen as the world-traveling archaeologist, but ran into scheduling issues due to his Magnum PI commitments, and Spielberg again suggested Ford.  Had it not been for Magnum we'd have ended up with a very different movie.

Mustachioed Jones

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Regarding Henry

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com!  For those who haven't joined us for one of these, I take a movie with both good and bad aspects (or awesome and shitty ones), and separate them from each other.  Put each of them in "timeout," if you will.

Today's subject is the 1991 melodrama Regarding Henry, starring Harrison Ford and Annette Bening and directed by Mike Nichols.  Regarding Henry is the story of a hotshot jerk lawyer who's the MVP of his firm but who doesn't have much of a relationship with his wife or daughter.  Henry is the victim of a shooting, which leaves him with retrograde amnesia and a childlike personality, and he has to put his life and relationships back together from scratch.  Feel-good feelies ensue....

The film has elements about it that work and most certainly some elements that don't.  It received mixed reviews and failed to make much of a splash at the box office, but it's still affectionately remembered as one of Harrison Ford's more touching roles.

So here I am to lay out the pros and cons of this intriguing but very flawed film....



The Awesome


Harrison Ford

I'm a huge Harrison Ford fan.  Always have been.  I'll watch just about anything with him in it, and in 1991 I made it a point to do so.  His natural, effortless performance in this film carries it a pretty long way.  Had a lesser actor (Bill Pullman for example) been cast in this role the movie would've fallen right on its stupid face.  In the first act Ford plays a very convincing self-important asshole (which makes me wonder why he hasn't been cast in more villainous roles), and after the shooting he slips right into the simple-minded version of Henry.  We care for him a great deal in spite of his earlier transgressions.  Ford does more with facial expressions than just about anyone in the business, and he makes the material work about as well as it can.

For you wrestling fans, CM Punk's slicked hair was inspired by Henry's.

Annette Bening

Bening was an emerging star at this point and her turn as Henry's wife Sarah is fully believable and heartfelt.  When Henry's a successful, unscrupulous lawyer Sarah is basically a kept woman who seems at ease with this business-like relationship, and later she takes on the burden of becoming the breadwinner/caretaker of the household.  We feel this new, overwhelming stress weighing on her and the performance rings true.  Bening and Ford have great chemistry that holds the film together, even when the script shortchanges them.

For you wrestling fans, AJ Styles' soccer mom hair was inspired by Sarah's.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Starship Troopers

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com, where I'll examine a movie I have mixed feelings about and separate what works from what doesn't.  Today's entry is the monstrously violent political satire from Paul Verhoeven called Starship Troopers!

The 1997 film was based on Robert Heinlein's 1959 militaristic, rather pro-fascist novel about a group of high schoolers who enroll in the military to wage war against an army of alien "bugs."  In the novel the main character Johnny Rico has a fairly triumphant arc, becoming a respected officer and leader as the war wages on.  The film however has a decidedly satirical thrust, mostly poking fun at the very subject matter on which it was based.  On the surface this movie seemed like the usual alien invasion sci-fi/action tripe, but as he did with Robocop, Verhoeven created something much more substantial and sociopolitical.  He got a lot of things right with this film, but while Robocop is basically perfect for what it is, Troopers unfortunately leaves some things to be desired.  So let's take a look at this Awesomely Shitty Movie....



The Awesome


Satire

The militaristic tone and pro-meritocracy slant (having to earn full citizens' rights) of the novel are cleverly satirized by director Paul Verhoeven in a way that rides the line between honoring and lampooning Robert Heinlein's work.  In fact Verhoeven found the novel unreadable and still managed to make a capable film adaptation.  The officer uniforms are also clearly inspired by those of Nazi officials, and the propaganda films shown throughout are flagrantly a riff on Nazi indoctrination such as Triumph of the Will.  Structurally this film is strikingly similar to All Quiet on the Western Front, following a group of high school kids (who in this case seem lifted right out of 90210) who get duped into enlisting and have horrible things happen to them.

Who designed these space suits, Michelin?

Ultra-violence

Like with Robocop, Verhoeven sprinkled (or more accurately slathered) this movie with over-the-top, graphic violence which becomes both disturbing and oddly amusing.  There are countless battle scenes with humans being stabbed through various body parts by the bugs' spear-like legs, and plenty of scenes depicting bugs being inefficiently blown to gooey pieces by the soldiers.  Plus there's the climactic scene where the brain bug sucks Zander Barcalow's brain out through his skull.  It's not for the squeamish, but man is it entertaining for us sick folk (fucks).

Dammit Paul, I wanted to see what happened to the cow!

AEW All Out 2024 Review: Uncomfortable Violence

As I predicted, AEW All Out overshadowed All In for the second year in a row.  This show was on its way to maybe being the best top-to-bottom wrestling PPV I've ever seen, and for the first five matches nary a bout was below a four-star affair.  As it turned out the show didn't quite get to that level but it was still one of the best shows this company has ever done and an all-time great PPV, with a running theme of hatred and escalation, in the form of uncomfortable violence (that thing CM Punk promised going into SummerSlam before losing because of a friendship bracelet).

The show began with an absolute banger of a grudge match between MJF and Daniel Garcia.  These two got nearly 24 minutes (a few too many I thought, but that's a nitpick) and filled them with stiff, aggressive action.  Both guys were out to maim each other and targeted heads and necks throughout.  Late in the match they traded submissions and counters, and MJF eventually locked in a Zack Sabre Jr.-style multi-limb hold but Garcia got to the ropes and locked in a guillotine.  The ref went to check MJF's arm but Garcia stopped him and went for a second-rope piledriver from which Max escaped.  The ref was momentarily distracted and MJF hit a kick to the groin and a cradle for the win.  Post-match Max shook Garcia's hand and went to nutshot him again but Garcia blocked, kicked Max in the nuts, and gave him a second-rope piledriver to write Max off TV for a bit.  I'd have had Garcia win this (though he hasn't signed a new deal yet for some reason), but at least he stood tall at the end.  Excellent opening match.  ****1/2

Movies of Disbelief: Signs (2002)

Welcome to another Movies of Disbelief, where I examine one particular issue with an otherwise good film and why it irritates me so.  Today's subject, the 2002 alien invasion film Signs.

M. Night Shyamalan.  Has there ever been a more divisive film director?  Or more accurately, has there ever been a film director whose output has ranged from "universally lauded" to "fiery garbage on a stick?"  M. Night burst on the scene seemingly out of nowhere with his third film The Sixth Sense (I legit had no idea he'd made two other movies until I looked it up for this article), which proved a smash-hit and popularized the mindfuck ending like no other film had.  He followed it up with the mostly acclaimed but less successful Unbreakable, an intimate twist on the superhero genre (which of course spawned a trilogy nearly twenty years later), and then it was time for Signs.

Starring Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix, Signs was another "up close and personal" take on a genre film, this time The Alien Invasion picture.  Gibson is a widowed ex-minister-turned-farmer who finds a crop circle in his field, seemingly left by an alien presence, and soon other signs of an invasion spring up, including strange noises, animals exhibiting abnormal behavior, and lights in the sky.  Eventually news reports surface of alien sightings, leading to one of the great monster reveals, an amateur video taken at a kids' birthday party (This moment is chillingly effective).  The film expertly builds suspense throughout its entire running time, leading to a final showdown between Gibson's family (brother and two kids) and one of the creatures......and then it falls apart totally and completely in the last fifteen minutes, when it turns out the aliens are allergic to water.  Yeah that's right, simple, old fashioned water.

Dude, scary as fuck.

But that's not even what has my goat about this movie.  Don't get me wrong, it's annoying as all hell that an advanced species capable of interstellar travel - one that would've necessarily taken atmospheric readings before landing on any planet, to ensure the air is breathable - couldn't figure out that not only is our planet 70% covered with liquid that will disintegrate them, but its atmosphere is LOADED with it.  Like, how did they walk around a humid climate such as Brazil without inhaling moisture that would've corroded them from the inside?  How did it not happen to rain in any of the locales they invaded?  But okay, let's say for argument's sake, they couldn't figure out Terra Firma has water coming out its ass.  We'll shelve that gripe, as I have bigger goddamn fish to fry with this movie.

Hmmm, what d'ya suppose I could do with ol' Wonder Bat here?

No, what really pisses me off about this film is the other climactic "reveal," where Mel and his family are under siege by one of these lizard men, and only after flashing back to his wife's cryptic dying words "Tell Merrill to swing away" does it occur to Mel, "Say, perhaps I should urge my brother to grab that baseball bat on the wall and Al Capone E.T.'s fucking brains out."  Yeah that's right.  Instead of instinctively going for the first blunt instrument he can get his hands on, he ponders for a moment the last thing Mrs. Gibson said to him after a drunk driver pinned her to a tree, and it just so happened to suggest these Martian motherfuckers could be felled by a Louisville Slugger to their big green faces.  I know when I'm being attacked I try to think of a deceased loved one's final earthly guidance, no matter how irrelevant it might seem.  This one time I got mugged, I reflected on my grandmother's dying advice, "Boy, you show 'em you're good as gold," and I proceeded to take a golden piss all over that mugger, who ran screaming into the night.  What a fucking stupid ending to this movie.  Someone invades your home, you find a weapon and attack them with it.  It's literally one of the first two impulses you'd have, the other being to run/hide.  Why in the FUCK would this scene need an enigmatic flashback that neatly ties into the domestic crisis our heroes find themselves in?

This movie should be called Signs...That Your Director is a Pretentious Asshole.


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