Wrestling Do-Overs: WrestleMania IX

Welcome to another edition of Wrestling Do-Overs, where I'll examine a wrestling show or angle and reshape it as I think it should've been (For other examples see my WrestleMania IV and Starrcade '89 editions).  Today I'll be going back and retroactively fixing what is the most widely reviled of all WrestleManias, the ninth edition!

Now let me preface this by saying 'Mania 9 is not my least favorite of them all.  It's certainly not a good show but it had a few decent matches and despite the worst-booked ending ever in the history of wrestling-- nay, entertainment-- nay, humankind, there have been worse installments in WrestleMania history.

But don't think I'm letting this show off the hook.  It was quite clearly a mess and could've been fixed up pretty nicely with only a few adjustments.  So let's first take a look at the lineup and see why it didn't work.


Intercontinental Championship: Shawn Michaels vs. Tatanka - 18:13
The Steiner Brothers vs. The Headshrinkers - 14:22
Doink the Clown vs. Crush - 8:28
Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund - 3:45
Tag Team Championship: Money Inc. vs. The Mega-Maniacs - 18:27
Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect - 10:56
The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez - 7:33
WWF Championship: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna - 8:55
WWF Championship: Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan - 0:22


Yeesh, that's what passed for a WrestleMania lineup in 1993?  Okay, first let's look at what did work.

To start with, I kinda liked the Roman Colosseum theme - I know, it was corny and led to way too many cheap laughs, but overall I enjoyed the idea of dressing up Caesar's Palace as a Roman arena.  It gave the show a nice sense of pageantry and made it look different from other PPVs and even other WrestleManias.  Could they have left out some of the window dressing, like making the announcers dress up in togas?  Yes.  But overall I didn't have a problem with the theme, and holding the event outside made it feel special.  By the way, the officially announced attendance figure was 16,891.  I call bullshit on that.  Look at this pic below.  No chance in hell did they fit more than 8,000 in that little venue, and that's being generous.

17 thousand people my ass

A few of the matches were good, as I said before.

The opening Shawn Michaels-Tatanka match was solid stuff, and while certainly not one of Shawn's career highlights, was easily the best match Tatanka ever had.  This got a good amount of time (though I would've shortened it to maybe 15 minutes) and Shawn got to steal the show (by default, but still).  The countout ending was weak, but I still like this match.

The Steiners-Headshrinkers bout was another good one.  Rick and Scott had burst on the WWF scene a few months earlier and were way over, and these two teams meshed quite well actually.  I'll never forget the spot where Rick reversed a Doomsday Device-type move by catching Samu in midair and suplexing him off Fatu's shoulders.  Just a sick spot.

This was both craze-balls and amaze-balls

I found Crush vs. Doink inoffensive and mildly entertaining, so I'll leave that one alone.  Doink's psycho clown character was great, and so of course they turned him babyface six months later and he became a throwaway comedy act.  Dipshits.  Anywho, this match can stay just because it furthered a feud.

Wrestling Do-Overs: WWF WrestleMania IV

What up fools?  Welcome to Wrestling Do-Overs, where I'll take a famous pro wrestling card or angle and reimagine it the way I would've booked it.

Today I'll be talking about WrestleMania IV, which took place March 27, 1988 at Trump Plaza in Atlantic City.  This show is best remembered for the first-ever WWF Title tournament which saw Randy "Macho Man" Savage win four matches to become the new Champion.  Now all that is great, but the show itself from a wrestling standpoint, well.....kinda sucked.  They tried to cram sixteen matches on a four-hour PPV, only one of which lasted more than twelve minutes (that being a terribly dull fifteen-minute draw in the first round).  There was simply too much going on and not enough time for any of the individual matches to properly deliver.

So I'm going to overhaul the card and present it the way I think it should've gone down.  Before I do though, let's look at the card the way it actually transpired:

Plus:

20-Man Battle Royal
Honky Tonk Man vs. Brutus Beefcake
Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules
British Bulldogs/Koko B. Ware vs. Islanders/Bobby Heenan
Strike Force vs. Demolition

See what I mean?  There just wasn't enough good wrestling going on, and even the tournament final/main event was an overbooked nine-minute mess when it should've been a potential Match of the Year.

So first off, let's change the 14-man tournament to an 8-man.  Now I know what you're thinking; but Justin, Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant are supposed to get a bye into the second round!  And they still do; Hogan and Andre are automatically entered into the tournament, whereas the remaining six competitors have to win qualifying matches on WWF Superstars of Wrestling in the weeks leading up to the show. 


Tournament Qualifiers

Ted Dibiase defeats Don Muraco
Jim Duggan defeats One Man Gang
Randy Savage defeats Butch Reed
Ricky Steamboat defeats Greg Valentine
Jake Roberts defeats Dino Bravo
Rick Rude defeats Bam Bam Bigelow

So your first-round bracket looks like this:

Wrestling Do-Overs: Starrcade '89

Welcome to another installment of Wrestling Do-Overs, here at Enuffa.com, where I'll take a famous wrestling event or angle and reimagine it the way I would've booked it.  Today I'll pick apart the 1989 edition of the NWA's flagship event, Starrcade! 

Starrcade '89 took place on December 13th (a Wednesday - what an odd night to do a PPV) at The Omni in Atlanta, GA.  The strategy to make this event stand apart from all other PPVs was to hold two simultaneous round-robin tournaments, one for singles wrestlers and one for tag teams.  The winners of each tournament would get.......bragging rights I guess?  There was never a tangible prize at stake, which right away raised a red flag.  Still the concept was intriguing and allowed us to see a handful of first-time matchups.

Before I get into my version of the lineup, let's take a quick look at what actually transpired and I'll explain why I don't think it worked.  The card was as follows:

Steiner Brothers vs. Doom - 12:24
Lex Luger vs. Sting - 11:31
Road Warriors vs. Doom - 08:31
Ric Flair vs. The Great Muta - 1:55
Steiner Brothers vs. Road Warriors - 7:27
Sting vs. The Great Muta - 8:41
The New Wild Samoans vs. Doom - 8:22
Lex Luger vs. Ric Flair - 17:15
The New Wild Samoans vs. Steiner Brothers - 14:05
Lex Luger vs. The Great Muta - 4:15
Road Warriors vs. The New Wild Samoans - 5:18
Sting vs. Ric Flair - 14:30

Sting won the singles tourney while the Road Warriors won the tag team round-robin.

On paper there are some top-flight matches here, to be sure.  Flair and Sting were the top two babyfaces at the time and their alliance added a new dynamic to this matchup.  Flair vs. Luger took place at the previous year's Starrcade but now their roles were reversed which made this bout different from the last.  Hawk & Animal vs. The Steiners was a major dream match as both teams were wildly popular and dominant.  Even Flair vs. Muta looked great in theory.

But here's why this card didn't really work for me.

Wrestling Do-Overs: WWF King of the Ring 2000

Welcome to another installment of Wrestling Do-Overs, here at Enuffa.com, where I dig out an old PPV that kinda sucked (or in the case of today's subject, was a vile, steaming shit burger), and reshape it to make it better.

Today I'll be revisiting the 2000 King of the Ring, which took place in my hometown of Boston, MA, and served as the most disappointing PPV of an otherwise pretty fantastic calendar year for the WWF.  2000 was of course the year when almost every B-PPV was awesome (Armageddon being the outlier), while almost every Big Five show was overloaded and mediocre (the wonderful 2000 Rumble was the one exception).  But the PPV that really stunk up the joint like a rotting carcass in the fireplace was King of the Ring.  At a time when the company had maybe the best roster they'd ever assembled up to that point, they bragged that the 2000 tournament would boast the largest field ever at 32 participants, with the final eight advancing to the PPV itself.  And aside from two very puzzling inclusions (What in the green fuck were Crash Holly and Bull Buchanan doing in the quarterfinals?), this Elite 8 was very strong indeed.  So how'd they screw it up so bad?  Hold that thought for a second while I go over the non-tourney bouts.

One of the drawbacks of including an eight-man tournament on one show is of course the time constraints.  The tournament ate up seven slots, and the WWF for some reason felt the need to cram four additional matchups onto this card (Keep in mind that back then PPVs were limited to three hours; no WWE Network luxuries in the double-aughts).  They included a four-way Tag Team Title match (which ended up being the one really solid thing on the show), a convoluted tables/dumpster tag team match, an Evening Gown Hardcore Title match between two quinquagenarians, and a six-man tag match for the WWF Title, wherein whomever scored the final pin would be the champion.  Said main event included two non-wrestlers, Vince and Shane McMahon, and ended with The Rock pinning Vince to win Triple H's WWF Title.  A lamer way to win the company's top championship I can't imagine.

Oooh, The Rock pinned a senior citizen to win the belt.  How impressive...

So back to the tournament - as planned, the bracket consisted of seven matches, the longest of which went 9:50.  And that match took place in the first round.  Yup, not one tournament match reached the ten-minute mark.  Contrast that with the 1993 King of the Ring, which featured two full-length Bret Hart matches (19 minutes and 18 minutes, respectively), one of which was the PPV's main event.  Which tournament do you suppose came off as a bigger deal?  Ya goddamn right.

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 11 (Royal Rumble 2002)

A new year dawns, but the Invasion Angle rages on, heading into the 2002 Royal Rumble....

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

Night After Vengeance

RAW opens with fireworks and revelry as Vince and most of the WWF roster march down to the ring in high spirits.  Vince takes the mic.  "Ladies and gentlemen, in my 28 years as owner of this company I don't think I've ever been more proud than I am at this very moment.  Last night at Vengeance, at long last, the World Wrestling Federation Championship returned home where it belongs, around the waist of a WWF Superstar.  After four months, Hollywood Hogan's reign of terror is over, the WWF and WCW Championships are unified as the Undisputed WWF Championship, our side has also regained the European Title thanks to Edge, and The Alliance controls only two remaining titles, the Intercontinental and the Cruiserweight.  That situation will be remedied tonight, in this very ring.  But first I'd like to welcome the man of the hour, the brand new Undisputed WWF Champion, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!!!"

Austin's music hits and he appears from behind the curtain, both championship belts slung over his shoulders.  Suddenly Chris Jericho runs up from behind and waffles him with a broom handle, knocking him down.  Vince and the rest of the WWF locker room are stunned.  Jericho bashes Austin repeatedly and pulls a microphone out of his back pocket.  "Congratulations Austin, you won back the WWF Title.  Well guess what, it's coming home to me next!  Last night I beat a rain check into The Rock's candy-ass, and that makes me the new #1 contender!  At the Royal Rumble Chris Jericho will be the new Undisputed WWF Champion!"  Jericho drops the mic and leaves as Austin crawls to his feet and the show goes to commercial.

Back from break, Austin is being checked out by doctors and Vince backstage, but pushes the doctors aside.  "Get these jackasses outta my face, a little snot like Jericho ain't gonna keep me down."  Vince tries to calm him down but Austin isn't having it.  "Get me Jericho in the ring tonight, damn ya!"  "Fine Steve, fine.  You pick a tag team partner and I'll notify Jericho to pick one as well."

The announcers inform us that Cruiserweight Champion Billy Kidman is up next to defend his title against X-Pac.  They have a whirlwind 10-minute match where Kidman retains by countering the X-Factor with a low dropkick and hitting the shooting star press.

Backstage, Hogan, Bischoff and friends are reeling from their defeat at Vengeance.  Bischoff says they need a new strategy to get back on top.  Hogan says "I have just the thing, brother.  You just wait and see."

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 10 (Vengeance 2001)

As 2001 comes to a close, the Invasion Angle coalesces around a huge Title unification....

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

Night After Survivor Series

RAW opens with Vince in the ring, beaming from last night's victory.  Vince says "Last night, the WWF took a major step in vanquishing The Alliance, as our Survivor Series squad won an incredible main event.  As a result, all of WCW's championships are hereby defunct.  And a wrestling company without legitimate championships is that much closer to oblivion.  Right now I'd like to call one man to the ring to personally congratulate him.  He's the reason our side has won this major victory.  Ladies and gentlemen, your American hero, Kurt Angle!"  Angle proudly comes down to the ring and hugs Vince.  "Vince, I'd just like to express how thankful I am for the opportunity to prove to all these people that not only am I the best wrestler in the world, not only do I live and breathe the three I's, but I bleed red, white, blue....and WWF!  I am so proud to be your Olympic hero and your Sole Survivor!  And now I'd like your permission to challenge Hollywood Hogan for the WWF Championship so I can bring that prestigious title back where it belongs."  Vince responds, "Kurt, I would be more than happy to grant that request.  Therefore, in three weeks at Vengeance, in this very ring, it will be Hollywood Hogan vs. Kurt--"  Steve Austin's glass shatter interrupts Vince.  Austin saunters to the ring and yanks the mic from Vince's hand.  "Hold on there, ya dumb bastards.  First off Kurt, you ain't the best wrestler in the world.  The best wrestler in the world is the one talkin' at you right now and lookin' at your stupid hang-dog face.  Second, if anyone's owed a damn title match with Hogan it's Stone Cold, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you screw this up again.  At Vengeance it's gonna be Hogan vs. Austin, or I'm gonna stomp both your asses down right now."  Hogan suddenly shows up on the Titantron.  "Oh boys....I see you're arguing among yourselves like a buncha little babies, but you're forgetting one thing.  I'm the WWF Champion and I decide who I face at Vengeance.  Oh, and you may have won at Survivor Series, but my main man Booker T ain't giving up his WCW Championship without a fight.  so here's what: how about we have a little mini-tournament at Vengeance?  One of you two idiots can challenge me, the other can challenge Booker, and the winners face each other to determine the first-ever Undisputed WWF Champion?  And I hate to break it to ya, but it's gonna end up Hollywood Hogan vs. Booker T, brother!"  Austin and Angle both nod to Vince.  Vince replies "Fine, Hogan.  At Vengeance it will be....Hogan vs. Austin, and Booker vs. Angle, with the winners facing each other for all the marbles.  But how about tonight we have a tag team match.  Hogan and Booker vs. Austin and Angle!"

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 9 (Survivor Series 2001)

It's November 2001, and that means the Invasion Angle do-over has reached Survivor Series, where the WWF will do battle with The Alliance!

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

Night After No Mercy

RAW opens with Kurt Angle already in the ring.  He apologizes to Vince and the WWF fans for letting them down last night.  He tried to reason with Steve Austin to work together and bring the WWF Title home where it belongs, but like a true rattlesnake, Austin could not be reasoned with.  He even offered him half the bounty to take the pin, but a rattlesnake doesn't care about money.  Austin's music hits and he charges the ring, attacking Angle.  Austin stuns him and Angle rolls out of the ring.  Austin takes the mic and demands Vince confront him right now.  "You stuck your stupid little nose in my business again last night and screwed me out of winning back my WWF Title, and now I'm gonna beat it out of ya!"  Vince reluctantly heads to the ring and tries to explain himself.  "I was just doing what was best for the WWF, dammit!  Why couldn't you and Angle work together?  We could've done this together!"  Angle is back in the ring now, backing up Vince.  Austin says "Last time I won the WWF Title I took your help and I damn near couldn't sleep at night for six months because of it.  I ain't never doin' it with your help again."  Austin goes to kick Vince but Angle blocks it and they're in each other's faces.

Hogan, Booker T and Bischoff appear on the Titantron.  Hogan speaks.  "Hello ladies.  Good to see you're still catfighting amongst yourselves.  Meanwhile guess who's still the WWF Champ.  Hollywood Hogan.  And who's still the WCW Champ?  Booker T, brother.  Ya know why?  Because The Alliance knows how to work together as a team to get things done!"  Austin, Vince and Angle stop arguing and Vince takes the mic.  "Funny you should mention teams.  Because in four weeks is the Survivor Series, where it's all about teamwork.  How about this?  You pick your best five, we'll pick our best five, and if we win, the WCW Championship gets absorbed into the WWF Championship!  Not only that, we'll have Intercontinental Champion vs. US Champion.  Light Heavyweight Champion vs. Cruiserweight Champion.  The team that wins at Survivor Series gets to keep their championship lineage.  The losers will see all their titles become defunct."  The WCW guys discuss for a moment.  "Ya know somethin' Vinny Mac?  That's not bad.  I always liked your style.  Since we're all here tonight, why don't we have some fun?  You, Steve and Kurt against Uncle Eric, Bookerman, and Hollywood, jack!"  It's official - Survivor Series will be headlined by a five-on-five elimination match, with the losing team's championships going away, plus a huge six-man tag to headline RAW.

The show features some Survivor Series qualifying matches.  Chris Jericho defeats Test to become the third man on Team WWF.  Sting defeats Ric Flair to earn a spot on Team Alliance.

In the show's main event, the WWF team has trouble getting along and the WCW team controls much of the contest.  Austin bickers with Angle and Vince slaps him from the apron.  Austin knocks tags Vince into the match and knocks him down with a punch.  With Vince loopy, Bischoff tags in and peppers Vince with martial arts kicks, gloating with each one.  Suddenly Vince catches one of them, tackles Bischoff and pounds him.  Vince drags Bischoff into his corner and tags Angle, who hits suplex after suplex.  Angle tags Austin, who hits a Stunner and covers Bischoff.  Angle and Vince run interference as the ref counts three.  RAW goes off the air with a glimmer of hope for Team WWF.

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 8 (No Mercy 2001)

Kurt Angle gets caught in the middle of the Steve Austin-Hollywood Hogan feud as we head toward No Mercy 2001....

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

RAW after Unforgiven

RAW opens with Vince in the ring, mic in hand, Kurt Angle at his side.  He starts to say something about Kurt Angle being a fair and impartial referee at Unforgiven but is immediately interrupted by Austin's music.  Austin storms down to the ring and yanks the mic out of Vince's hand.  "Vince, I ain't in the mood for your crap, so piss off, I got nothin' to say to your stupid ass.  I'm here to deal with this lump of garbage you call a fair and impartial referee."  Vince exits the ring and watches from ringside.  Austin berates Angle for not keeping control of the match, Angle keeps saying "I was doing my job."  Austin says to Vince, "You know damn well I'm not through stompin' a mudhole in Hogan's ass, but I want a piece of your suck-up Kurt Angle too.  At No Mercy it's Hogan-Angle-Austin for the WWF Title.  Make the damn match, because Stone Cold said so!"  Vince hesitantly slides back in, Austin hands him the mic.  "Fine Steve.  At No Mercy it will indeed be Hogan vs. Angle vs. Austin, for the WWF Title.  You two resolve your issues however you need to, but above all, one of you needs to win back that championship!  I'll personally put up one million dollars to whichever of you defeats Hogan and brings the WWF Championship home."  Angle shakes Vince's hand, then Austin shakes it, only to lay him out with a kick/Stunner combo.  Angle takes a powder and Austin walks up the ramp as the show goes to break.

Later in the show Hogan (with Booker, Bischoff and others) cuts a promo about The Alliance's continued dominance.  "Booker T made good on his promise last night, jack!  He regained his WCW Title from that Hollywood Hack, The Rock!  And guess what, I'm still the wrestling god.  I'm still the WWF Champion, brother!  But I hafta give a shout-out to the one WWFer I kinda like, Christian, who was Johnny-on-the-spot in my match once he saw Crooked Kurt Angle's officiating.  He was having none of it, and he stuck his neck out to see justice done, man!  Ya know somethin' Uncle Eric?  Booker?  I think we should throw young Christian a bone and give him a match, tonight, for your US Championship!  Now that you're the six-time WCW Champion, how 'bout you give an up-and-coming superstar an opportunity at greatness?"  Bischoff smiles and Booker nods.  "Ya know, Hollywood, I can dig THAT, SUCKAAAA!"

In the main event Booker faces Christian for the US Title.  They lock up and exchange some basic wrestling holds, but then suddenly Christian does a feeble rollup and Booker exaggeratedly waves his legs to kick out but can't.  Christian wins the US Title.  Booker stands up as the referee awards Christian the belt, and they hug.  Bischoff from ringside throws Booker a T-shirt, and Booker unrolls it, revealing a WCW logo, and presents it to Christian, who proudly puts it on.  Christian is the newest Alliance member.  Backstage an enraged Edge trashes the locker room as RAW fades to black.

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 7 (Unforgiven 2001)

SummerSlam 2001 left the WWF reeling as The Alliance captured the top championship.....

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

RAW After SummerSlam

RAW opens with the entire Alliance assembled in and around the ring.  Bischoff has the mic and he's standing next to Hogan, who's got the WWF Title around his waist.  "I told you!  I told all of you!  I told you at SummerSlam this man, the wrestling god, the Immortal Hollywood Hogan, would stomp all over your little Rattlesnake and win the WWF Title!  None of you believed me, but I told you!"  Hogan holds up the belt as the crowd boos like crazy.  Hogan takes the mic.  "Last night the WCW-ECW Alliance reigned supreme, Jack!  Oh sure we had a few setbacks.  Booker T, you had a rough night, brother.  But don't worry, you're still the US Champion and soon enough you'll send Dwayne back to LA and become the..."  Booker says it with him.  "Six time! Six time! Six time! Six time! Six time! Six time! WCW Champion!"  Hogan continues, "Lance, Bubba and D-Von, Sting, RVD and Goldberg all showed those WWF hacks how it's done, and last but not least, we have a new saying around these parts: Hogan 3:16 says 'I just killed your Rattlesnake.'"  Bischoff and Hogan share an obnoxious laugh.  Bischoff takes over: "Since we pounded the crap out of your WWF roster and left your company in ruins, we're gonna take a well-deserved night off and go party like only the Alliance can.  Enjoy your second-rate wrestling show, folks!"  The Alliance exit up the ramp as the show goes to commercial.

Back from break and Vince goes into the WWF locker room and orders the whole roster out to the ringside area.  They all come out, and Vince and his top guys are in the ring.  Austin is missing.  Vince takes the mic.  "I'm gonna say this quite frankly, guys.  WCW kicked our ass last night.  They made us look stupid.  And now they're off partying while we're trying to put the pieces back together.  I'm embarrassed, for both you and myself.  Dammit, you sons of bitches, get mad!  Rock, you hit 'em where it hurts, you're the new WCW Champion!  You're our shining beacon!  Wait, where's Steve?....Why isn't Steve out here?....In the back, anyone seen Steve?..."  A cameraman backstage runs toward a commotion and suddenly on the Titantron we see Austin interrogating an arena staff member.  "Where are they stayin', ya piece of crap?  Where's Hogan's hotel??"  "I don't know, I told you!"  Austin throws him to the ground and heads for the exit.  "I'm gonna comb this whole damn city for those pieces of trash!"  Vince yells after Austin, "No Steve, this isn't the right way!"  Austin ignores him and leaves the building, dragging a cameraman with him as we go to break.

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 6 (SummerSlam 2001)

The Invasion PPV has dire consequences, and SummerSlam promises several epic WWF vs. WCW matches......

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

RAW after Invasion

RAW begins with Eric Bischoff, Paul Heyman and the entire Alliance in the ring.  Bischoff gloats about winning the first battle at Invasion.  Rob Van Dam now holds both the Intercontinental and Hardcore Championships, and henceforth the Hardcore Title is no more.  "The Hardcore Title is for glorified stunt men like Mick Foley, not accomplished athletes like Rob Van Dam!"  Lance Storm captured the European Title from Matt Hardy, and The Dudley Boyz retained the WWF Tag Titles, meaning The Alliance now controls every WWF Championship but one.  "And the man who holds that Title, Steve Austin, got pinned in the middle of this ring by our fearless leader, The Immortal Hollywood Hogan!"  Hogan steps forward and laughs arrogantly before hugging Bischoff.  Hogan takes the mic and cuts a promo on Austin, saying Austin and his pathetic Team WWF couldn't get the job done and Team WCW made short work of those losers.  "As I recall there's a big PPV coming up in August called SummerSlam - just one of many WWF PPVs the Hulkster built.  Austin if you have any guts at all you'll give Hollywood Hogan a shot at that piece of tin on your shoulder, and I'll show you what a real WWF Champion looks like!"

The show goes to commercial just after JR announces that Vince McMahon and the WWF roster has not yet arrived in the building and he doesn't know what's been planned for tonight's show.

After the break, Heyman has returned to the announce table while Bischoff is still in the ring, with the Alliance surrounding it on the outside.  "Since Mr. McMahon and his band of losers still hasn't shown up to this arena, the WCW/ECW Alliance will be running RAW tonight.  And since The Alliance loves beating up losers, you're about to see a few of our guys tune up by squashing a handful of nobodies we found at the local bingo hall.  First up is your brand new European Champion, Lance Storm!"

Storm makes short work of a local jobber, submitting him with the single-leg Boston crab in just under two minutes.

"Wow, what an amazing athlete Lance is!  We are blessed to have him on the WCW roster!  Okay, next up it's one of the premier tag teams in wrestling today, Diamond Dallas Page and Kanyon!"

DDP & Kanyon kill two local jobbers.

"I know, it's incredible to watch DDP and Kanyon work, isn't it?  You're lookin' at the next WCW Tag Champs right here.  Anyway, you all might wanna sit down for this one.  Right now you're gonna be treated to a rare free television match from the premier Champion in this business today, the five-time WCW Champion, Booker T!!!!"

Booker begins squashing a jobber when a handheld camera shot appears over the Titantron.  JR and Heyman are in disbelief as a familiar voice bellows over the PA system.  "Booker T!  Oh Booker T?  Before you finish beating up on that jabroni I though you'd like to get a look at your opponent for SummerSlam.  Four weeks from now you'll be putting the WCW Title on the line against...." the camera pans over and it's The Rock! "...the trailblazing, eyebrow raising, jabroni-beatin', pie-eatin', best in the present, future and past, and if ya don't like it, YOU CAN KISS THE ROCK'S ASS!!"  The crowd erupts as Booker watches the Titantron in a state of shock.  The jobber comes up behind Booker and rolls him up for a three count, and Booker loses it, nailing the jobber with three axe kicks.  Suddenly the WWF roster storms the ring and the two rosters get into a wild brawl.  JR says, "My God, this is utter chaos!  Don't go anywhere, Monday Night Raw will be right back!"

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 5 (Invasion PPV)

We've reached the first official in-ring appearances of Team WCW.

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

RAW After King of the Ring

Vince comes out and says that after watching Kurt Angle beat his son to within an inch of his life at King of the Ring, he's come to realize how important it is to protect what he holds dear.  That means both his family and the company he built.  Since the end of March, the WWF has been under attack, and he's watched his employees suffer repeatedly at the hands of a bunch of lawless hooligans.  But when he watched his son Shane take the worst beating of his life to protect the family business, that lit a fire under him, and now the line is drawn in the sand.  The WWF will not stand for this any longer.  "Eric Bischoff, you want a war?  In four weeks there will be a WWF PPV event, and if you and your band of pirates have the cojones to show up, you'll get a war!  We'll call the event....INVASION!!"

It's announced that Chris Benoit suffered an injury during the Triple Threat match and its aftermath, and will be out indefinitely (real-life neck injury), but Chris Jericho has asked for a one-on-one Title match with Steve Austin tonight!

Undertaker and Kane will enact their Tag Title rematch clause next week against The Dudley Boyz, after Sting appeared and cost them the belts.

Edge has a coronation segment after winning the King of the Ring tournament, and Christian shows signs of jealousy, teasing a breakup.

Austin vs. Jericho is the main event.  The two have an excellent 15-minute match free of interference, and Austin counters a Lionsault and hits the Stunner to retain.  As he's celebrating, Bischoff appears on the Titantron.  "Congrats on another win Steve.  Tell your boss Vince that I accept his challenge at Invasion.  Whaddya say we each put together a five-man team for the main event of that show?  You pick your four best WWF pals, and I'll assemble my WCW contingent.  Let's see, we have WCW Champion Booker T, Goldberg, Ric Flair, Sting......I guess that leaves one spot open.  I wonder if we can find one more guy....."  Bischoff says to someone off-screen, "What do you think?"  The camera pans over and it's Hollywood Hulk Hogan!  "Uncle Eric, I think I'm wide open on July 22nd.  I will see you at Invasion!"

The announcers go bananas as RAW goes off the air.


The Next Week

Vince announces the members of Team WWF at Invasion.  It will be the WWF Champion Steve Austin leading the team of Triple H, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, and The Big Show!

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 4 (King of the Ring 2001)

It's time to build to the 2001 King of the Ring!  Check out Part 3 if you missed it....

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

King of the Ring

The next night on RAW, Vince announces that he is seeking legal action against Bischoff and WCW, and once again assures the audience that WCW talent will never again appear on WWF television.  Shane McMahon interrupts and tells Vince he is embarrassed by how badly Vince has handled this crisis.  Had Shane been in charge of the WWF, he'd have smoked out the WCW contigent long ago and challenged them to an all-out war.  "Dammit, you're Vincent Kennedy McMahon!  Are you scared WCW might actually win?  Over the collection of talent we have??"  Vince looks down, despondent, unsure what to do.  Shane slaps him across the face and begins to berate him, which brings out Kurt Angle to Vince's defense.  "How dare you slap this man?  He is your father, and my friend!  Anyone who questions Vince's manhood will have to answer to me!"  Vince tries to calm the situation down but Angle jumps on Shane and pummels him.  Vince pulls Angle off and yells at him.  Angle says, comically, "I was helping you!"

The KOTR tournament starts, and plays out mostly like it did in real life.  Over the next couple weeks it boils down to Angle, Edge, Christian and Rhyno.

Steve Austin petitions Vince for another match against Booker, but Vince unequivocally refuses to sanction another match with any WCW talent.  Instead he sets up a gauntlet match, with Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Undertaker, Kane, Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho.  The match starts with Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy.  Jeff wins with a Twist of Fate after seven minutes.  Then Kane enters and Jeff beats him with a Swanton after six minutes.  Triple H is next, and he gets caught by surprise with a rollup after three minutes.  Jericho is next and he dispatches an exhausted Jeff with a Lionsault after five minutes.  Undertaker is next, and they have a helluva big man-little man match, where Jericho counters a Last Ride with an over-the-top sunset flip after ten minutes.  Finally Benoit enters, and it's a classic technical match.  After twelve minutes Benoit hits a German suplex and the ref counts three.  But its revealed that both men's shoulders were down.  The show goes off the air with no official decision.

Over the coming weeks Angle pesters Vince to let him fight Shane at King of the Ring.  Vince says, "No, you're already in the tournament."  Angle kisses up to Vince, saying what Shane said was way out of line.  Shane cuts another promo saying he would love to fight Angle.  To make it interesting he proposes that if he wins, he gets control over the WWF, and will deal with WCW in the most aggressive manner possible, which is what Vince should've done if he really had "grapefruits."  Vince finally says, "You think you have the grapefruits to beat an Olympic gold medalist AND run this company?  Fine!  But whatever Angle does to you is out of my hands."  Shane agrees, and also proposes a Street Fight, so there's no excuses.

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 3 (Judgment Day 2001)

Continuing into May 2001.  Check out Part 2 if you missed it.....

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

Judgment Day

Austin shows up on RAW and talks about Booker T's challenge, saying he'll fight anyone who wants to try and take the belt away from him.  "Why don't we find out who the Undisputed Champion is, ya dumb sonofabitch?"  Vince interrupts to a chorus of boos and says everyone should calm down because Austin vs. Booker T is not happening.  "Not tonight, not any night.  Why?  Because WCW superstars don't deserve to wrestle in this ring.  They haven't earned that right, and I don't sanction B-players from a second-rate company competing against WWF Superstars."  Austin asks the crowd "If you wanna see this WWF Superstar kick the crap outta the WCW Champion at Judgment Day, gimme a 'Hell yeah!'"  The crowd of course obliges.  Vince again puts the kibosh on Austin vs. Booker.  "I'm still the boss, and I decide who your opponent for Judgment Day will be.  Tonight, in this very ring, we'll see a Battle Royal to determine the new #1 Contender!"

Elsewhere on the show, Undertaker and Kane defeat The Dudley Boyz in a Tag Title match, before DDP & Kanyon show up on the Titantron again, challenging them for the belts.

The #1 Contender's Battle Royal boils down to Triple H, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle.  Benoit and Angle take each other out of the match, grappling until they both go over the ropes.  But before Hunter and Jericho can determine a winner, the masked men surround the ring again, pausing a moment before laying waste to the two WWF stars.  Booker and Bischoff unmask, Bischoff grabs a mic and says, "Vince, this is gonna happen every week until you give my WCW Champion a match with your WWF Champion!"  The WWF locker room runs down again but the WCW crew retreats.

The following week Triple H wins the rescheduled #1 Contender's Battle Royal.

But in the weeks leading up to Judgment Day Austin continues pushing the issue of wanting to fight Booker, while Vince keeps resisting.  Security is beefed up to prevent further WCW interference but several attacks on WWF wrestlers happen outside the building.  DDP and Kanyon assault the APA at a bar, smashing them with beer glasses.  Booker T knocks Rikishi out with a shovel and slams a car door on him.

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 2 (Backlash 2001)

Continuing my revisionist version of The Invasion Angle (click HERE for Part 1)....

To read this series from the beginning, click HERE

The Next Night

Now here's where things really begin to take shape.  If you'll recall The Rock was leaving for several months to film The Scorpion King, so to write him off TV they had to "suspend" him.  Also to further Austin's heel turn he aligned himself with the despised Triple H, forming The Two-Man Power Trip.  I loved this alliance but again, it hurt business so I'm willing to erase it from the history books (particularly since it was short-lived).

Time for the Justin version: Austin goes to the ring, takes the mic, and explains why he accepted Vince's help at 'Mania.  During his year-long absence he was obsessed with winning back the WWF Championship.  It's all he thought about.  Then Triple H sidetracked him, and even bested him at No Way Out.  But when it came time to face The Rock, he was gonna do whatever it took to win back the Title, even duping Vince into thinking Austin would be the corporate Champion he wanted back in 1998.  So Vince agreed to help him beat The Rock.  But Austin'll be damned if he's gonna do anything differently than he ever has.

The Rock interrupts and points out that Austin couldn't beat him straight-up so he had to get help.  Austin says "I told you Rock that I was gonna do whatever it took to win back this Title."

Vince comes out and berates both Rock and Austin, and says he's not worried because in four weeks at Backlash Austin will defend the WWF Title against the man who beat him at No Way Out, Triple H!  The Rock reminds Vince that as the former Champion he is entitled to a rematch and is going to enact that clause tonight!

The main event arrives and Austin and Rock have a hard-fought rematch (Vince sits at ringside), with neither man seemingly able to get the duke.  Suddenly JR announces that there's been a security breach outside and there's some sort of commotion in the backstage area.  There's a split-screen keeping up with the action in the ring as the backstage camera tries to capture what's happening.  We see about fifteen masked men beating up the security team and they start pouring through the backstage curtain.

Wrestling Do-Overs: The Invasion Angle, part 1 (Bischoff Buys WCW)

Welcome to another edition of Wrestling Do-Overs, where I'll examine a famous (or infamous) event or angle from pro wrestling's rich history and reimagine it as I would've executed it, thereby demonstrating that a) I should be booking this stuff, and b) I should immediately seek psychological help.

Today I'll be talking about the 2001 Invasion - the fallout of the WWF's purchase of WCW.  As we all know this disappointing angle was a trainwreck from the start and Vince McMahon threw away tens of millions of dollars just to satisfy his own ego and present WCW as a vastly inferior organization/product.  After about five months of excruciating storylines the whole angle was prematurely nixed at Survivor Series 2001 and things went back to normal the next night.

Modern North American wrestling had seen two major invasion angles prior to this one.  One of them (the NWA's purchase of UWF) was an utter disaster and its architect Jim Crockett sold his own company to Ted Turner less than a year later.  The other (obviously the nWo) was a monumental success, at least for a little while, and made WCW the biggest wrestling company in the world.  Vince unfortunately modeled his Invasion angle after the former.

But what could the WWF have done to make the Invasion the record-breaking all-time classic it should've been?  I'm going to create an alternate reality where the WWF didn't horribly botch potentially the biggest money-making storyline of all time.  This will be a multi-part column covering a full year: March 26, 2001 (the date of the final episode of Monday Nitro) through March 18, 2002 (the RAW after WrestleMania X8).

Vince's first mistake was refusing to hire the handful of remaining top WCW stars because they were still under contract to Time Warner and buying them out supposedly would've cost too much money.  But the ratings and PPV buys yielded by such signings would've easily offset these costs and more.  Really Vince could have hired just five additional people, for a total of probably $15 million, and this angle immediately would've been a massive hit with almost no effort required.

With these five names they could earn back that $15 mil in probably two months:

1. Hulk Hogan
2. Ric Flair
3. Goldberg
4. Sting
5. Eric Bischoff

Four of these five men would end up signing with the WWF within two years anyway.  Hell, Flair redebuted with the WWF the night after the Invasion ended!


The Final Nitro

So here's how things should've kicked off.  On March 26, 2001 the final Nitro aired, and at its conclusion Shane McMahon showed up to announce he had bought the company out from under his father.  This is all wrong.  The McMahons' egos were so out of control they actually believed they and their family squabbles were bigger draws than the wrestlers themselves.  It obviously got worse that summer when they put Stephanie in charge of the ECW squad, and then in 2003 the PPV calendar was littered with McMahon in-ring appearances.  So this whole saga got off on the wrong foot, turning WWF vs. WCW into little more than a convoluted Vince vs. Shane feud.  Anyone who thinks Vince vs. Shane was really what the fans wanted to see is not being honest with themselves.

The man fans really wanted to see mix it up with Vince was a fella by the name of Eric Bischoff.  Vince and Eric had real-life animosity, and ever since 1998 when Bischoff issued a public challenge to fight Vince, fans had been intrigued by the potential matchup.

This is the power struggle we all wanted to see