But let's get to the picks.
***I'm leading still, with 68/96 (71%), Landon's right on my heels with 58/84 (69%), Dave's in third with 41/62 (66%), and Dan's in the basement with 58/96 (60%).***
Pre-Show match: Zack Ryder vs. Mojo Rawley
Christ, the team no one gave a shit about has now split so we can see a feud no one gives a shit about. What a pointless feud. On a show whose tag division is super thin as far as viable tandems, why break up an underdog babyface team you could use in a Young Stallions-type role? Anyway, Zack is never getting another push, so there's no chance he wins this.
Dave: Jesus Christ. Mojo I guess.
The Bludgeon Brothers vs. Breezango
I like that they've repackaged Harper & Rowan. Harper is one of the most wasted talents on the entire roster - he really should be getting the push Strowman's currently enjoying. But I'll settle for him and Rowan destroying the entire tag division for a while. Breezango is obviously getting crushed-- er, BLUDGEONED here.
Justin: The Bros
Dan: Mario Bros
Landon: Bludgeon, who managed to eke out a win against one of my favorite local wrestlers Colin Delaney on Smackdown. Love me some Colin.
Smackdown Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way: The Usos vs. The New Day vs. Gable & Benjamin vs. Rusev & English
Oh good, another clusterfuck match. This tag division needs a shakeup. The Usos and New Day are the only two real contenders at the moment, with the Bludgeons soon to be added to the mix. Gable & Benjamin is okay on paper but the magic was with Gable and Jordan. Rusev and Aiden English?? Get the fuck outta here.
Justin: Usos retain
Dan: New Day gets 'em back
Smackdown Women's Championship Lumberjack Match: Charlotte vs. Natalya
This should be fine. I hate the lumberjack stipulation though. Charlotte just won this belt so there's no reason to take it off her yet.
Justin: Charlotte retains
Dave: I don't care. Charlottetown.
Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn vs. Randy Orton & Shinsuke Nakamura
Another episode of Wrestler vs. Authority Figure. This time Owens and Zayn face the Smackdown GM's handpicked team of Orton and Nakamura, with both Smackdown managers as guest referees. If Owens and Zayn lose they're fired from the company. Umm, why? What's the point of booking guys you want to get rid of in a match where you've stacked the deck against them, and if they lose you'll fire them? Why not just, I dunno, FIRE THEM? This stupid shit's been going on since Austin vs. McMahon and it never made sense. Obviously Owens and Zayn aren't going anywhere, so I can't imagine they lose here. The question is, who takes the pin? I'm betting real money Nakamura gets the shaft here, despite actually being over and despite being paired with a top star who's had the worst year of his career in 2017. This match will also presumably plant the seed for a possible Daniel Bryan vs. Shane McMahon match at WrestleMania. Yes, because of all the potential opponents for D-Bryan returning to action after two years, fucking SHANE's at the top of everyone's list. Fuck off with this.
Justin: KO & Sami
Dan: RKO & Funaki
US Championship Triple Threat: Baron Corbin vs. Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler
The main roster crew has already made me not care about Roode. I haven't cared about Ziggler in a while, and I never cared about Corbin. So I have little interest in this match. Positioning Roode as a babyface was a terrible idea. His whole moveset is about heel work. Ziggler should've left the company and carved out a Cody Rhodes position for himself in ROH and New Japan. Corbin just stinks.
Justin: Corbin retains
Dan: Dude, I legit don't care. Throw the names in a hate and pull one out for me, and that's who I picked. (Editor's Note: Dan's pick, based 100% on chance, is Dolph Ziggler)
Dave: I want Roode, but that shitty Corbin will retain.
WWE Championship: AJ Styles vs. Jinder Mahal
Welp, Jinder headlined a show in India last week, and attendance was WAY below expectations. So they booked him to lose to Triple H, who despite being a heel and despite being booked against the hometown hero, was cheered just as much as Jinder. It's safe to say this Jinder experiment was an abysmal failure, as anyone with a brain could've predicted. You simply cannot job a guy out for literally YEARS and then make him a main eventer overnight. Doesn't work that way, never has, never will. AJ better retain here so Nakamura can win the Rumble and we can finally get AJ vs. Nak at WrestleMania. If Vince gives us that match for the WWE Title on April 8th, he can book whatever shitty card around it that he wants. Just give us the one match to be excited for, ya senile ol' bastard.
Justin: AJ retains
Dan: DJ Tanner for the win
Landon: AJ retains
Dave: Styles, no question about it.
Well, that's your show, take it or leave it. What a wheel-spinning, water-treading waste of a PPV. There isn't even a Match of the Night frontrunner - everything looks mediocre. Cheers!
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