Awesomely Shitty Movies: Batman Returns (1992)

Welcome at long last to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com!  It's been forever since I did one of these, so I might be a bit rusty.  Bear with me please....

We just got through another Christmas season, and since most of my annual Christmas movies like Scrooged, Just Friends and It's a Wonderful Life are getting a bit tired for me (Eh, who am I kidding, I'm always happy to watch IAWL), I decided to branch out and take another look at a less conventional holiday-themed flick, the 1992 Tim Burton sequel, Batman Returns!

With the runaway success of 1989's Batman, Warner Brothers was understandably eager to get a follow-up out as soon as possible.  But Tim Burton, having found the process of making Batman stressful and combative (He clashed with producers Jon Peters and Peter Guber at nearly every turn), opted to take some time for himself first.  The result was 1990's Edward Scissorhands (another sorta Christmasy effort), where he was reunited with Winona Ryder.  Ryder had just worked on the film Heathers, written by offbeat scribe Daniel Waters.  As a condition of being coaxed back for a Batman sequel, Burton insisted on creative carte blanche, which the studio granted.  Thus Waters was brought in to write a character-driven script with only a barebones plot, later refined by Batman writer Sam Hamm.  This would be a Tim Burton movie first and a Batman movie second, with a focus on the film's two freakish villains and precious little screen time for the Caped Crusader.  It would also be exceedingly dark and violent, earning a hard PG-13 rating and upsetting so many parents and children that McDonald's and other retailers received backlash for participating in their promotional tie-ins.  While Batman Returns made a $267 million killing at the box office, it fell far short of Batman's $411 mil, and Warner Brothers opted not to bring Burton back for the third installment.

Oscar Film Journal: Twelve O'Clock High (1949)

Welcome back to the Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

Up until yesterday I had two years in Oscars history where I hadn't seen any of the Best Picture nominees: 1949 and 1956.  I'm happy to say I've rectified one of those two by watching the 1949 war film Twelve O'Clock High, starring Gregory Peck and directed by henry King.  

TOCH is based on a novel, itself loosely based on true events surrounding the earliest American aviary missions during World War II.  Stationed in England, the 918th Bomb Group has been conducting raids on German-occupied targets in France, mostly without success and suffering heavy casualties.  Major General Pritchard recognizes that a leadership change is needed, and assigns Brigadier General Frank Savage (Peck) to whip the unit into shape, boost morale, and hopefully turn their productivity around.  Savage rules with an iron fist, demanding the members of the unit refrain from becoming attached to each other or even to surviving the war, lest their emotions jeopardize their mission.  "Think of yourselves as already dead," he tells them, earning the unit's disdain and prompting a slew of transfer requests.  But the unit's legal administrator Major Stovall (Dean Jagger, in a performance that won him a supporting Oscar) wants to see the mission succeed and agrees to stall the transfers until they've racked up some battlefield wins, banking that the requests will ultimately be withdrawn.  Slowly the team comes to trust Savage and his methods, and they make major strides in slowing down German munitions manufacturing, via repeated air raids on Germany itself.

Oscar Film Journal: Ben-Hur (1959)

Welcome back to the Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

Today's a doozy.  I'm finally breaking the seal on the year 1959, and starting at the top, with the Best Picture winner (along with the ten other awards it bagged), Ben-Hur.  Based on the 1880 novel by Lew Wallace, directed by William Wyler and starring Charlton Heston, Ben-Hur was a massive undertaking, boasting some of the largest film sets ever constructed and an epic three-and-a-half-hour running time, not including the overture and intermission.  At a $15 million price tag it was also the most expensive film every produced at that time, and was such a box office sensation it outgrossed every film that came before it except one: Gone With the Wind.

The narrative is set against the backdrop of the birth, rise, and eventual crucifixion of Christ.  A fellow Judean named Judah Ben-Hur (Heston), born around the same time as Jesus, grows up to be a wealthy Jewish merchant.  His childhood friend Messala has gone on to become a Roman tribune, co-governing Jerusalem.  Messala has fully bought into the idea of Roman global domination and tries to convince Judah to join him and become a high-ranking Roman official.  But Judah's loyalty is with his Jewish brethren and he vows to help them regain their freedom, driving an intense rift between the two friends.  During a parade held for Governor Gratus, Judah's sister Tirzah accidentally knocks a loose roof tile into the street, injuring Gratus.  Even though Messala knows it was an accident, he uses this as a pretext to imprison Judah, Tirzah and their mother Miriam, making them an example of what will happen to anyone who questions Roman dominion. 

WWE Backlash 2026 Preview & Predictions

It's three weeks after WWE WrestleMania, and that means it's time for WWE to experience the Backlash.....to making their audience pay $30 to sit through two nights of mostly ads and entrances.  Hey those poor deprived TKO execs gotta line their already exploding pockets somehow, right?

Have you heard about this shit?  WWE is forcing numerous wrestlers (New Day for example) to renegotiate their contracts, MID-CONTRACT, to take a pay cut, as walking trouser stains like Ari Emanuel and Nick Khan give themselves massive bonuses.  Or as its technically known, literal wage theft.  Man am I glad I stopped giving this shithole company any of my money.  You know you're a wealth-hoarding scumbag when your talent relations practices actually make Vince McMahon look like a fair guy by comparison.  Jesus fuck....

Anyway, we're back to the five-match PPV structure, because "We need to keep the shows shorter."  Even though the five matches will total less than half the show's running time, plus we have to have John Cena "host" it again to try and make people care, since ticket sales are down again from last year's show.  Say WWE, have you considered putting on a WRESTLING show?

A few of these matches actually have some promise at least (though one of them is a pointless comedy segment), and one of them was inexcusably left off the biggest card of the year, TO MAKE ROOM FOR MORE ADS.  WWE fans, how are you not demanding more for your dollar?  It's been speculated that Cody vs. Gunther for the WWE Title will be added, but it sure seems a weird move to tack on a main event match two days before the show.  More likely it'll be on Saturday Night's Main Event in two weeks.

This company is flailing like my dog when we try to wash him.

Let's get to the lineup....

Oscar Film Journal: Mutiny On the Bounty (1935)

Time for another Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

We're sailin' on back to the 1930s for a rip-roaring, seafaring yarn, the first cinematic adaptation of the classic historical novel Mutiny on the Bounty.  Directed by Frank Lloyd and starring Charles Laughton and Clark Gable, this version actually incorporates events from the first two books in the Bounty trilogy.  

Laughton plays the infamously ruthless Captain William Bligh, whose cruel treatment of his officers and men becomes so intolerable his executive officer Fletcher Christian (Gable) leads the titular mutiny.  The Bounty undertakes a daunting two-year voyage from England to Tahiti to transport a supply of breadfruit trees to the West Indies as a cheap food supply.  Throughout the voyage Bligh ruthlessly punishes his crew for even the slightest infraction, cuts their food rations while upping his own, and even accuses his own officers of theft when various supply counts are off.  Finally the usually even-tempered Christian can take no more, and he exiles Bligh and his loyalists to a lifeboat and sets them adrift, while opting to stay in Tahiti with the islander woman he's fallen for.  Complicating the matter is the presence of Christian's friend, midshipman Roger Byam, who out of duty remained loyal to Bligh but stayed on the Bounty because the lifeboat had no more room.  Eventually the idealistic Byam agrees to return to England, hoping his loyalty to his captain will save him from the hangman's noose.

Top Ten Things: Star Wars Characters

What's the haps, folks?  Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Well we are in between trilogies in the grand Star Wars saga.  Lots of rumors swirling about upcoming film projects but so far nothing concrete.  In the meantime Disney+ has no shortage of television series for us to dig into.  But for the record I'm a big fan of the overall sequel trilogy, in spite of its imperfections (and let's be honest, part of the charm of Star Wars has always been its imperfections).  For me what's worked so well about the sequels are the numerous captivating characters that have pulled me into the story, much as their OT counterparts did four decades ago.  The prequel trilogy unfortunately introduced almost no characters I found interesting or terribly memorable, even including the young versions of Obi-Wan and Anakin (the one real keeper for me was Darth Maul, whom George Lucas didn't, um...keep).  So no, this list does not include any characters from Episodes 1-3, except in their respective 4-6 form.  Sorry Prequelers, I think those movies stink.

Anywho, here are my ten eleven favorite Star Wars characters.  Here we go....

11. Yoda

The Empire Strikes Back introduced a spectacular achievement in the art of puppetry.  In Episode V, Luke travels to the Degobah system and encounters Yoda, the most powerful wizard in the galaxy.  So strong is he with the Force that his diminutive size matters not.  Voiced by Frank Oz, Yoda provided so many quotable lines and taught us all about the nature of the Force and what it means to be a Jedi.  His involvement in the story elevated its mystical concepts to something much more complex and philosophical than simple magic.  Yoda hammered home the spirituality of the Jedi arts, forcing Luke to reexamine his outlook and grow immensely as a character.  The prequels sadly reduced Yoda to a lightsaber-wielding video game character, but originally Yoda was quite remarkable and represented everything beyond the narrow limits of the physical world.

10. Finn

The #2 good guy of the sequel trilogy is former Stormtrooper FN-2187, dubbed Finn by his new BFF Poe Dameron.  Finn was raised by the First Order for one reason - to be an agent of death and oppression.  But during his mission on Jakku he had an attack of conscience and defected, rescuing Poe and eventually helping Rey and the Resistance destroy Starkiller Base, before being maimed by Kylo Ren.  In The Last Jedi Finn and series newcomer Rose are dispatched to a casino planet to find a codebreaker who can stop the First Order from tracking the crippled Resistance through hyperspace.  Finn starts the second film disillusioned about our heroes' chances, but by the end his friendship with Rose and loyalty to his new allies win out, and he embraces his role in helping to lead the "Rebel scum."  In The Rise of Skywalker we learn through a few subtle hints that Finn very likely has budding Force powers, as he can sense Rey's movements while she's away.  Their implied romance never comes to fruition but it seems that they've connected on a different level.  This charismatic, rather reluctant hero played by John Boyega has tremendous chemistry with his fellow protagonists and is a very welcome addition to the Star Wars mythos.

9. Obi-Wan Kenobi

When the original Star Wars was being cast, George Lucas enlisted several unknowns to play the principle characters, but he realized he'd also need some veteran actors in supporting roles.  One such actor was Sir Alec Guinness, who immediately lent this bizarre space movie some credibility.  Guinness brought to life the character of Obi-Wan Kenobi, a former Jedi Knight instrumental to the growth of Luke Skywalker.  Kenobi's primary function in the story is to begin Luke's (and our) education on the concept of the Force.  Through Obi we learn about this mystical power and how vital it is to the success of the Rebellion.  We also learn about the Dark Side and how it corrupted Darth Vader.  Kenobi sacrifices himself so our young heroes can escape, but then as an ethereal being aids Luke in destroying the Death Star.  Obi-Wan represents our first glimpse into the spiritual side of this galactic good vs. evil struggle.  In the prequels Obi-Wan (as played by Ewan MacGregor) is also the one heroic character with any real depth (and the new Obi-Wan Kenobi series lended even more to that incarnation of the character).

Top Ten Things: Star Wars Films, RANKED

Welcome to a Special Edition (See what I did there?) of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  It's time for a ranking of the live-action Star Wars films, making this technically a Top Eleven Things....

I literally can't remember a time before Star Wars came into my life.  I was 18 months old when it came out, and I'm not sure when exactly I saw the original film.  I think it was probably during the 1979 re-release but I can't be sure.  I am however certain that I saw Empire multiple times in the theater between 1980 and 1982, and rushed out to see Return of the Jedi in '83.  The original unaltered trilogy is still my favorite series of films (I can't watch the Special Editions anymore, I just can't), and it's still the yardstick by which I measure every other movie trilogy.

When the prequels were released from 1999-2005 I was hooked on those right away too.  Only later as I actually thought about them did I realize how far short they fell, and for the better part of a decade I'd resigned myself to being an OT purist.  But then Disney bought the property and took the series back to all the things I'd originally loved about it - enduring characters, profound themes, thrilling battles, and visually stunning worlds and creatures.  The Star Wars series was ready to expand, for realsies this time.

But how do the films stack up against each other?  Well if you read my intro the lowest-ranked entries should be no surprise.  So let's get to it - here are my rankings for the Star Wars live-action films.....

11. Attack of the Clones

Sigh... yeah, I gotta get through the three bad ones before I get to the good ones.  Look, when the prequels first came out I was so blinded by my love of Star Wars that I couldn't see the glaring, logic-defying, nonsensical plot contrivances that made the story being told incomprehensible.  And I was so dazzled by "oooh, lightsabers!" that I forgave the embarrassing performances from nearly every cast member (Seriously, Natalie Portman is an Oscar-winning actress and George Lucas failed to get even one passable performance out of her in these films).  The specific problems with the prequels have been explored ad nauseum, so I won't go into too much detail, but suffice it to say, there really isn't one redeeming thing about Attack of the Clones.  The storyline of Obi-Wan discovering an illegally created clone army that the Republic then actually uses(??) makes no sense and is pointless as the main plot of a film.  Why wasn't the middle chapter of this trilogy dedicated to the actual Clone Wars?  Isn't that what everyone was looking forward to, aside from seeing the creation of Darth Vader?  Instead we get the very beginning of the Clone Wars here and it turns out to be a fake war orchestrated by Palpatine just so he can remain in power, while not one of our protagonists can see through this shovel-to-the-face obvious ploy.  Plus we get the worst love story ever put to film.  Plus we get PlayStation One-esque CGI in every frame.  Plus the aforementioned terrible acting.  Plus the "I don't like sand" speech.  This stuff is Ed Wood-bad.  Attack of the Clones is the worst live-action theatrical Star Wars film.

10. The Phantom Menace

Only slightly less terrible is Episode I, in which the dialogue is every bit as cringeworthy, the story every bit as preposterous, and the acting equally wooden.  Plus fucking Jar Jar.  Damn, this is a tough call....  But what The Phantom Menace has over Clones is twofold - the pod racing sequence is fun, despite being a totally convoluted way just to get Anakin off Tatooine, and Darth Maul is a badass villain, despite only having ten minutes of screen time and no real character to speak of.  From a technical standpoint the lightsaber duel in this film is the best of the series (Sure, there's exactly zero going on between the participants, but the choreography is cool at least).  So those two aspects are enjoyable, even if the rest of the film isn't.  But yeah, The Phantom Menace is drivel.

Oscar Film Journal: On Golden Pond (1981)

Welcome to another entry in the Oscar Film Journal, here at Enuffa.com!

I've been meaning to watch today's film for some time now and kept putting it off.  I remember as a six-year-old hearing about this one and thinking it sounded like an "old people movie," probably because it's about a couple of old people.  

Today's subject is On Golden Pond, starring Katharine Hepburn, Henry Fonda, and Jane Fonda, in Henry's final film role (He passed away only eight months after its release).  Based on the play by Ernest Thompson, On Golden Pond tells the story of an elderly couple spending the summer at their vacation cottage by a New England lake.  Norman is about to turn 80 and is beginning to suffer from dementia and angina, and his wife Ethel struggles to convince him it's worth hanging on for a while longer.  Their daughter Chelsea arrives with her fiancé Bill and his son Billy, and we learn pretty quickly that Chelsea and Norman's relationship has long been strained (She even calls him by his first name instead of "Dad").  Chelsea and Bill take a trip to Europe and leave Billy in the care of his soon-to-be step-grandparents for a month, giving Norman a chance to learn how to be an actual parent, thus softening his sardonic, grim worldview.

Oscar Film Journal: Lilies of the Field (1963)

Welcome to another Oscar Film Journal entry, here at Enuffa.com!

Heading back to the early 1960s and a peculiar little film called Lilies of the Field, starring Sidney Poitier, in the role that won him an historic Oscar, the first Academy Award given to a black actor for a lead performance.  Based on the novel by William Edmund Barrett, Lilies is a very simple story of a transient California-bound handyman who stops off at a makeshift Arizona convent for a water refill, offers to help the nuns who live there in exchange for cash, and instead gets roped into the months-long assignment of building them a chapel.  Homer Smith (Poitier) initially hopes to make a quick few bucks repairing the roof of their shared housing, but the head nun Mother Maria (a stern but oddly likable Lilia Skala, who earned a Supporting Actress nod) seemingly underplays her knowledge of English to avoid paying him.  Homer stays the night and shares the scant meal the sisters offer, but one night turns into many, as Maria keeps giving him odd jobs to perform for free, telling him God sent him to help.  As he gets to know their mostly Spanish-speaking local congregation (Sunday mass is held outdoors) he begins to feel a duty to follow through on the challenge, an admittedly appealing task for the amateur architect.