Thursday, June 18, 2015

Game of Thrones Review: Mother's Mercy

Howdy all, Dan Moore here. I'm a huge fan of Game of Thrones, the TV show, so if you're one of those book know-it-alls, BEAT IT. I like when my imagination is shown to me, so screw you.

Well folks, another GoT finale, another kick to the groin for characters we love. It seems every year the creators decide that they've had enough of a fan favorite character and bump that person right off. It's brutal. RIP Myrcella Baratheon. You will be missed.

She was...probably cool.

I kid. Sure they bumped her off, but she was a character we knew literally nothing about except she was Jamie and Cersei's child born of their shunned-upon "twincest" love.

No, no, of course I'm talking about our last hope for a possibly happy ending in this Westeros game, good ol' Jon Snow. Stabbed multiple times by his 'brothers' on the wall for...reasons? I mean, the motivations seem odd to me at this point. So the other Crows wanted nothing to do with bringing the Wildlings back through the wall. That's all well and good...but seriously, was Sam the only one that Jon told about the insane undead ice war he went through? Did the other survivors just all of sudden go Monk and take up a vow of silence? Because Jon's reasoning for bringing the Wildlings back was 100% correct. He was gathering more men for the inevitable war against giant deadly snowmen...which happened when Jon was gathering more men. The other Crows kinda lose points here in their cold-blooded murder because Jon was right.

So now what? Well, I dunno if he's all dead, just mostly dead. As seen prior to Jon's pin cushion impression, dark priestess Melisandre showed back up at Castle Black. She's magical and in good with the Lord of Light, who has in the past resurrected folk who looked a tad deadish (Berrio Dondarrion, the leader of the Brotherhood without Banners, has been resurrected multiple times following prayers to the Lord of Light).

My guess is Mel will use some kind of magic to bring back Snow, otherwise, what the hell is she doing there? It's the old Chekov's Gun. If you show a dark priestess who is talented in black magic, then you have to use her to resurrect a bastard who may or may not actually be the hero of the whole series. Or something.  DO THE RIGHT THING, MELLY!

Also, you're purdy...

Quick hit thoughts on all the rest:

-Arya couldn't separate herself from her Starkness and revenge-killed the HELL out of Meryn Trant. She paid the price for it, as she was blinded when she returned to the House of Black & White. No clue if this is permanent blindness or not. I'm also clueless about where this storyline is going and slowly losing interest in it.

-As stated above, Myrcella is dead, having been poisoned by a sexy deadly kiss from Ms. Sand on her Bon voyage from the pointless Dorne escapades.  But not before revealing she knew Uncle was really Daddy.  Once she said that, you knew she was dead. Can't just have that info all out willy-nilly like. Which seems to mean war is coming...again.

-Cersei confessed to the High Sparrow about infidelities with her cousin Lancel (which should really make Jamie happy when he comes back to King's Landing, huh?). She was then made to make the ultimate walk of shame through the streets, shorn of her hair and as naked as the day you're born. It was a long, drawn out, uncomfortable-to-watch scene. It did its job as far as making you feel bad for her (almost) but man was it long. And then we get to take a look at the newly resurrected Franken-Mountain back at the Red Keep. He's got a vow of silence going because undead Incredible Hulks should be seen, not heard.


-Back in Mereen, Tyrion's in charge of the city, Jorah and Daario are off together to look for Dany, as she's like a million miles away after Drogon took off with his foot on the gas. Then she abandons the dragon. Yea, she leaves the safety of the flying, fire monster cause she's bored, I guess? She then runs straight into some Dothrakis. Are these the same crew she was the Khaleesi of, and do they even recognize that after their Khal is long dead? She could be in some trouble there.

-DING DONG THE STANNIS IS DEAD! We think. We never actually saw the deathblow delivered by Brienne of Tarth. Here's hoping.

-And finally, Reek may be dead as well. It seems Theon has broken through the beaten-down shell of a man he has been for years. He saved Sansa and killed Ramsay's main squeeze by chucking her off a wall. They then jumped off the same wall into what better be 80 feet of snow or they dead. That scene ended so abruptly. Just jump and POOF. Guess we'll see next season. 

This episode gets 3 out of 4 Ned's dead severed heads.

That'll do it for this year's reviews of Game of Thrones. Come back next year when we watch more characters we love get murdered, and boobs.

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