Wednesday, March 1, 2017

WWE Fastlane 2017 Preview & Predictions

Welcome to your official predictions for this Sunday's WWE Fastlane!  God I hate that name for a PPV.  It's really just so stupid, and evocative of nothing.  Might as well call it WWE Morning Commute.

This year's show looks quite solid on paper, with a main event that will either deliver big or won't deliver at all.  I don't see it going any other way.  It'll either be a great fight or a pointless squash.

***I'm WAY ahead of Dan for the year, and Fastlane will be the final PPV of the 2016-17 season.  Dan needs a miracle to pull ahead in the final stretch.  I'm up 72/116 to 66/116.  Both our averages are terrible, by the way.***


PreShow Match: Akira Tozawa & Rich Swann vs. Brian Kendrick & Noam Dar

This here is your basic throwaway Cruiserweight match.  There's no real point to this except as a way to position Tozawa as a future contender for Neville.  This'll get eight minutes including a commercial break.

Justin's pick: Tozawa & Swann
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GUYS

Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

If this gets time and is a back & forth match it'll be good.  If it's another squash it'll suck.  But since the apparent plan is a Women's Title 4-Way at WrestleMania it only makes sense for Sasha to eke out a win and get back into the Title hunt.  Jax loses nothing by dropping this match - she's been built up as a monster for months.

Justin's pick: Sasha Banks
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GIRL

WWE Tag Team Championship: The Club vs. Enzo & Cass

Ugh.  I don't care about either of these teams right now.  Taking the belts off Sheamus & Cesaro was a batshit stupid idea - they were over, The Club isn't.  Not to mention S&C achieved a huge feat by ending New Day's record-breaking Title run only to drop the belts like two months later.  So now we have this uninspired feud.  There's no reason to do another title change here.

Justin's pick: The Club retains
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GUYS

WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville vs. Jack Gallagher

This is gonna be fun.  Gallagher is a tremendously entertaining chap.  He has zero chance of winning the belt here but this match should contain some comedy gold.  Then Neville can move on to his inevitable feud with Austin Aries, which will be actual GOLD.

Justin's pick: Neville retains
Dan's pick: THE OTH-- Well no, not here.  Neville.

Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn

This is gonna be fuckin' great.  It sucks we didn't get to see Joe vs. Rollins as originally planned, but Zayn is a way more likable babyface and will give Joe a fantastic match.  I predict this as the Match of the Night, unless they go the dumb route and make it a one-sided mauling.  Obviously Joe is winning here, although I have no idea where he fits into the WrestleMania picture.

Justin's pick: Joe's gonna kill you
Dan's pick: Fuck, not here either.  Joe.

WWE Women's Championship: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Jeezus fuck.  Why do they keep doing RAW Women's Title changes only to put the belt back on Charlotte at the next PPV?  Bayley's big moment should've been the culmination of a long chase.  Ya know, like they did in NXT?  Where it worked like a fucking charm and everyone loved it?  Nah, let's hotshot the belt onto Bayley so we can put it back on Charlotte two weeks later and artificially inflate her number of Title reigns.  She'll eclipse her dad's record in no time!  Anyway, this match should be excellent.  I just don't like how they've executed this feud, nor how similar it is to the Charlotte-Sasha feud thus far.

Justin's pick: Charlotte regains the belt
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GIRL

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Ya know what?  This could be a helluva match.  Strowman has grown immensely over the past year and carries himself like the real deal now.  Reigns has been very good in matches with bells & whistles, and I anticipate this being that kinda match.  Something around ringside is gonna get broken.  As for who wins, this is a bit of an impasse.  Reigns needs to be kept strong going into his 'Mania match with Taker, but Strowman also needs a big win.  I'm guessing he'll win this year's Andre Battle Royal, so I guess that makes up for his likely loss here.

Justin's pick: Roman
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GUY

WWE Universal Championship: Kevin Owens vs. Bill Goldberg

So yeah.  This match will either be a really enjoyable fight that gets both guys over (Even in a loss Owens holding his own with a monster like Goldberg will make him look great), or it'll be a totally pointless squash where Owens gets fed to a 50-year-old he could probably trounce in a real fight.  I'll say this - I HATE the idea of Goldberg winning the belt.  For a guy to come back after almost 13 years away from the business, beat one dude and then get a Title shot is insulting to everyone else on the roster.  For him to actually win the belt is just plain bullshit (Remember that time Hogan won the belt after being away a decade?).  Goldberg vs. Lesnar III does not need to have a championship at stake.  It's a big match for the sake of a big match.  Owens has a red-hot feud going right now with Chris Jericho.  Let their WrestleMania match be for the brand's top championship (plus Jericho's US Title).  Goldberg winning the belt here would be like a lifetime achievement award.  Guess what - WWE already has those.  They're called Hall of Fame rings.  Keep the fucking belt on Owens.

Justin's pick:  But yeah, WWE creative is full of dopes so Goldberg probably wins the belt here.
Dan's pick: THE OTHER-- Shit! Goldberg.

Well aside from what's probably going to be a sucky ending, this show looks pretty not-bad.  The two women's matches, Joe vs. Zayn and even Reigns vs. Strowman have a lot of potential.  Sadly this year's WrestleMania lineup doesn't.

No comments:

Post a Comment