Dan Moore & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Twenty Minutes

Hey, how'd your morning go?  Oh great, grand, I DONT CARE. This is how my day started.



That's me, under the elephant.

A little background here. I live with my girlfriend in a suburb of Boston with our dog and cat. The dog's a little fella and the cat is an orange furball of fury. He's great. (Editor's Note: False - that cat's a regular asshole.  And I love cats.)

Anyway, our dryer went on the fritz the other day. It's a real pain in the ass walking down to the basement to throw clothes into a dryer that doesn't work. So instead of forking out the cash for a new one, we called a repair man. Had I known the turmoil this guy's visit would cause, I woulda Kramer'd my clothes and put them in the oven.

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 9 (Lex Express)

In January 1993, for the second time in a row, I ordered a WWF PPV event.  The WWF Title match of Bret Hart vs. new top heel Razor Ramon interested me, as did the annual Rumble match despite the lack of star-power (What's the opposite of star-studded?  Star-missing?). 

But the big match for me that night was I-C Champion Shawn Michaels finally facing his former tag partner Marty Janetty.  This feud was a full year in the making, as Shawn had turned on Marty in January 1992 by superkicking him and ramming him head-first through a plate-glass window.  This was probably the most violent heel turn I had ever seen at that time and it immediately forced the audience to sit up and take notice of Shawn.  Still one of the most brilliantly-executed heel turns in the history of the biz.  Keeping Marty off TV for a year was genius too, as it added weight to Shawn's attack and made the eventual feud much more personal.

That's gonna leave a mark....

The Rumble '93 event was shockingly good considering how it looks now on paper.  I'll still dust this one off and watch it from time to time.  The Steiners made their WWF PPV debut in the opener against the Beverly Brothers - solid tag bout there.  Shawn vs. Marty was a damn good Intercontinental Title match, though it had less high-flying than I would've expected.  The Bret-Razor match was excellent and got both guys over.  Even in defeat, Razor looked like a million bucks.  There was even a Bam Bam Bigelow-Big Bossman match that was better than it had any right to be.

You Used to Be Sooooo Good: Summer Blockbusters

Today, my esteemed colleague Jingles and I, Dan Moore, will be discussing the disturbing trend of what was once our favorite popcorn eating time of year, summer, and how it has turned into a wasteland of special effects laden tripe on the big screen.

The Summer Blockbuster Season:  You Used to Be Soooo Good

JUSTIN: So, the summer blockbuster.  Yeah what's happened?  Summer movies are no longer allowed to be fun, are they?  Everything has to be deadly serious and feature wall-to-wall explosions to the point that you're just numb to the whole experience, like being smashed in the face with a hammer 600 times in a row.  By the end you don't feel anything, and you just wanna go home and curl up in a fetal position on the bathroom floor.

1980s summer movies conveyed a tone of adventure, wonder, and even comedy.  Indiana Jones for example had a ton of action set pieces but they were simple, easy to follow, and done with a sense of humor.  Action sequences now have to depict CGI armageddon and each scene has to be 25 minutes long.

Man of Steel......and Disaster Porn

There's no such thing as a fun little summer action movie anymore, they're all EPIC EVENT PICTURES.  The scope of all these films has to be as huge as possible so they're bigger than every other epic event picture.  And they must all cost over $200 mil and feature entire cities being destroyed.

Hulk Hogan's Rock N-Wording

Well it's come out that Terry Bollea has been fired from his WWE Legends deal over some alleged racist comments he made, that were captured on tape (Yeah, I still say "on tape," sue me).

***NOTE: My friend Travis came up with the title of this piece.  Credit where credit's due.***

I'm not here to take a side (but screw Terry, that racist prick); rather I'm here to share some amusing thoughts my friends have offered on the subject.  Be warned, they're basically all in very poor taste, and in no way represent the views of Enuffa.com or any of its subsidiaries.  Christ, I gotta get a better class of friends.....

The One Thing Wrong With Pixels, by Dan Moore

I'd rather watch this for two hours

(Note: I have not seen this movie nor do I ever intend to. It looks horrible and at this point any Adam Sandler flick should be out out to pasture. There are most likely millions of things wrong with this garbage movie, but this one bothers me)

The premise of 'Pixels' at least sounded like a decent idea until I found out it was a Sandler flick.  Then I lost all interest. A group of aliens disguise themselves as classic 80s arcade characters to destroy Earth. It's up to former video game champions Sandler, Peter Dinklage (why Tyrion,WHY!?!?!) and Kevin James, playing the most unlikely President of the Unites States EVER (Also a bit of a step down from being the King of Queens, eh your majesty?).

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 8 (Bret Wins the Big One)

The WWF started 1992 off amid a hugely memorable angle.  The World Title was vacated at the end of '91, stemming from a pair of (unwatchably terrible) matches between Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker, both of which ended in controversy.  WWF President Jack Tunney held up the Title and declared that the winner of the '92 Royal Rumble would be crowned the new Champion, thus making this the most important Rumble match in the event's history.

The company pulled out all the stops for this one, stacking the Rumble match with all the top contenders - Hogan, Flair, Taker, Savage, Sid, Jake, Piper.  They made sure to ramp up the unpredictability of who would walk out with the belt.  In the end of course it was a gutsy 60+ minute performance by Ric Flair that earned him the WWF Championship.  I was absolutely stoked!  Flair was the guy I was rooting for but I wasn't sure they'd pull the trigger on a Title run for him.

Awesome thing I never thought I'd see #1. 
BTW how tiny does that belt look
when compared to Flair's Big Gold Belt?

Following the Rumble was the press conference where Tunney would announce Flair's challenger at WrestleMania, and predictably Hulk Hogan was originally the choice (which I found idiotic - Hogan wasn't even the last guy eliminated from the Rumble match).  This would all be used as a way to set up the Hogan-Sid feud however, and on Saturday Night's Main Event they more or less recreated the Hogan-Savage angle from 1989 by having Sid abandon Hogan mid-match and turn heel. 

WWE Battleground Thoughts, or What Did I Just Watch??

WWE Battleground has come and gone, and I'm trying to assemble some pattern of logic for how it ended.  Still can't do it.  I found the booking of that main event baffling for so many reasons.  I've presented those reasons below, but first a few words about the rest of the PPV:

John Cena and Kevin Owens once again stole the show with a fantastic semi-main event.  I think Owens should've gone over here, because unless WWE Creative figures out things like proper follow-through (spoiler alert: they haven't), Owens could get lost in the shuffle like Rusev and Wyatt did after feuding with Cena.  Randy Orton vs. Sheamus was the second-best match of the night but their opener was lacking a bit of urgency.  Still, well-worked.  Reigns vs. Wyatt was a very good 16-minute match but unfortunately it was stretched over 22 minutes.  Reigns now seems so far away from being the next top guy it's just become sad.  The Divas 3-way was solid and considerably better than most main roster Divas matches, but nowhere near what the NXT women are capable of.  The Tag Title match was too short to amount to much and I'm still not sure why The New Day didn't get to keep the belts long-term.  Imagine a Honky Tonk Man-type reign with those guys.  It'd be gold.

Okay, now for that main event.  Lesnar and Rollins were on their way to a very good match, but at the nine-minute mark, Mark showed up.  Fuckin' Mark.....  As I said, there are several reasons I don't like this booking.  I've presented six of them.

Wait, what happened to the match I was just watching?

WWE Battleground 2015 Predictions!!!

And we're back for another set of official Enuffa.com WWE PPV Predictions!

This Sunday is the annual B-level PPV, Battleground, which this year is actually pretty stacked.  The 2013 and 2014 editions were widely considered the worst WWE shows of those respective years but with Brock Lesnar being included this time, there's a chance for the 2015 edition to be a solid outing.  The WWE product has been stagnant as ever of late, but there have been a few bright spots such as the US Title scene, the return of Brock Lesnar, and a smattering of NXT stars.  So there's certainly no shortage of talent on the roster, it's just up to Creative to properly use what they have, which they rarely ever do.

So let's get to predictin'.  Justin and Dan are currently tied for the 2015 season, 24/37.

Pre-Show Match: King Barrett vs. R-Truth

Jeezus H. Christ, can we put this feud to bed already?  No one cares, and you've succeeded in killing Barrett dead with the stupid King gimmick.  Don't bring back the KOTR tournament if winning it actually HURTS a guy's career.  Fortunately this match is for the Crown, so maybe Truth will relieve Barrett of that albatross and he can go back to delivering Bad News.

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 7 (The Year I Almost Quit)

As 1991 began, one of the big two wrestling promotions (AWA had folded in 1990 so it was really down to the WWF and the NWA, who soon became WCW officially) was stuck in a major creative rut and riding on fumes from the 80s, and the other was trying in vain to reinvent the wheel.

January 19, 1991 was significant for me because it marked the first WWF PPV I ever ordered, the 1991 Royal Rumble.  Why I picked that particular event to order after four years as a WWF fan I'm not sure, but I was excitedly hoping either Randy Savage, Undertaker, Hawk or Animal would win the Rumble match itself (This was before the Rumble winner automatically got a WWF Title shot so it was still anyone's ballgame).  Much to my dismay Hogan won it for the second straight year (yawn) and even worse, Sgt. Slaughter of all people won the WWF Title.  I figured we'd be getting a Warrior-Hogan rematch at WrestleMania, so it was mindboggling to me that Slaughter took the belt.  It was the first time I remember feeling like a championship had really been devalued - this long irrelevant, marginally talented 80s midcarder just waltzes in and wins the top championship in under six months??  Needless to say the '91 Rumble was and is not one of my favorite PPV events and it would be nearly two years before I ordered another one.

Yup, this actually happened.

Why they felt a cartoonish drill sargeant turned Iraqi sympathizer would draw huge money I'll never know.  But they cast their lot with the exploitation of the Persian Gulf War by pitting turncoat Slaughter against "Real American" Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania.  This was literally the least interested I had ever been in a PPV match.  Not surprisingly ticket sales for the event slumped and a lackluster 'Mania ensued. 

You Used to Be Sooooo Good: Superman Movies

Welcome back to another edition of You Used to Be Soooo Good, where Justin & I, Dan Moore, discuss things used to be awesome but now, eh, not so much. This week we discuss the FIRST superhero, the big blue boy scout, your favorite alien and mine, Superman, and how his cinematic exploits used to be great but now, not so much.

        Superman Movies:  You Used to Be Soooo Good

My God, LOOK AT HIM

DAN: Ah, the wonder of Superman movies. The man in blue flying heroically through the sky. There used to not be a superhero movie coming out every week. There was nary a special effects spectacular starring a comic book hero in theaters. It used to be Superman…and that was it for a loooong time.

Dan's Top 9: One-Time Seinfeld Characters

Welcome to another edition of Dan's Top 9, where my associate Dan Moore counts down his favorite 9 something-or-others.....

Seinfeld is the greatest sitcom of all time. About this, there can be no debate. Some people argue that there were better sitcoms in the past but it's an argument I can't listen to. I can't, I won't. The main cast was perfect, but the supporting characters also added to the show's greatness. Besides recurring characters like Newman and Puddy, there were some classic one-time characters on the show. Without further ado, here they are. I'm not counting the finale as the second appearance of these characters because it was a glorified clip show. So if you wanna cry about it? That's a shame.


9. Paul O'Neil

I'm from Boston, so I hate the Yankees. And growing up my cousin, John Michael, had an unnatural hatred for Paul O'Neil. I inherited that hate as well. Until he showed up in "The Wink." Kramer barges in on O'Neill, trying to get him to hit two dingers for a dying kid and O'Neill acts the only way a normal person in that situation would: by saying no one's dumb enough to promise two homers and wondering how the hell Cosmo got into the the Yankee clubhouse. Perfect reactions from a most hated Yankee.



He just needs to catch a pop fly in his hat

8. Joe Mayo

Do me a favor when you read this article, can you hit Ctrl-C to copy the article and send it to your friends, thanks! Fuckin' Mayo, ordering guests around at his party. His one saving grace is his Dr. Zaius man fur jacket.



BOSS

7. Todd Gack

Sure, this guy is a slimeball, but to be fair, Gack (I think that's Dutch) has the perfect system on how to get chicks. Make a bet you know you'll lose to take them out on dates. It's brilliant in its simplicity. With this system, he not only beds Elaine (you know they humped, she's loose) but also got Nicki, who is arguably Jerry's hottest girlfriend in the show. Good work, Gack.



Mmmmmmm.....Nicki

6. Meelosh

A hack of a tennis pro who decides that instead of letting his awful racket play be known, decides to dabble in the flesh trade. By trading his wife's...services to Jerry to keep his mouth shut, Meelosh becomes the first and only sex slave trader in this show's history! Good work. Coupled with his bad tennis and hilarious, over the top Russian accent, Meelosh holds a special place in my heart.


5. The Bubble Boy

Everything, I mean, EVERYTHING the bubble boy says is goddamn hilarious. A jaded, spoiled twenty-something stuck in a bubble (I thought it was like an igloo), he gets a glimpse of Costanza's chick and immediately asks her to take her top off. She scoffs, and he hits her with 'COME OOOOOON'. And even that didn't work. Susan sure was stuck up.  And then he loses Trivial Pursuit on a misprint. "Moops" my ass.


4. Marcelino

Cockfighting. Find another show that bases an episode's plot on illegal bird battles. You never will. And Marcelino was the kingpin. The owner of the bodega with another over-the-top accent. His pronunciations are hilarious, as is his request for a goddamn bird to take a dive in a fight. Brilliant.

Shop keeper by day, poultry pugilist by night.

3. Jiffy Park/Jiffy Dump guy

Yea, this is kind of a cheat as this guy was in two episodes, but I believe they were twin brothers, not the same character, so there ya go.  But I can't help it. The delivery of this guy's lines is impeccable. George parks his car in his lot which is being used as a mobile whore house. George finds a prophylactic in the car, confronts the guy. And then the guy hits us with one of the great throwaway lines in the show's history.

http://youtu.be/Oz0jkktVfJ8
First ten seconds of this clip is gold, Jerry. GOLD


2. Soup Nazi

He had to be on the list. Sure, he's overplayed and everyone says "No soup for you!" to this day. But he's a classic. Yev Kassem (his real name) is as iconic as any main character from the show. His soup recipes are perfect, evidently his bread is quite good and his furniture choices are also impeccable. He's a true Renaissance man.


1. Lt. Bookman

Could it be anyone else, joy boy? Philip Baker Hall KILLS this role. A lifetime library cop out for Jerry's blood for a long overdue book. His seriousness, his menacing looks, his line delivery all combine to make the perfect Seinfeld guest star. When my friends and I watch his performance, we use our pee pees and wee wees to wet our pants.  Undeniably the greatest guest star on the greatest show ever. Thanks for reading this list. I gotta get outta here to get my kicks, me and all my good time buddies. 

If you screw up again, he'll be all over you
like a pit bull on a poodle

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 6 (From Awesome to Boring)

January 1990 saw the NWA at the top of its game, with Ric Flair having vanquished the challenge of Terry Funk and seemingly moving onto a feud with rising heel Lex Luger.  Sting had just won the Starrcade Iron Man tournament and joined the newly reformed Four Horsemen, and was poised to become a full-fledged main eventer. The Steiners stood atop the burgeoning Tag division that included The Road Warriors, Doom, and The Skyscrapers, and The Midnight Express was rekindling their longtime feud with the returning Rock & Roll Express. 

Everything was going well, then suddenly the World Title picture seemed to shift completely away from babyface Flair vs. heel Luger, in favor of heel Flair vs. Sting (something we had seen already, brought on by a heel turn that came out of left field).  So now Sting would be the #1 challenger to Flair's Title and heel U.S. Champion Luger would be moved back into the midcard.  I was baffled and furious at this turn of events as I thought 1990 would finally be Luger's year, and we'd see the company take more risks like they had in '89.  But instead they played it completely safe and everything seemed to reboot to the 1988 Four Horsemen era. 

Then an abrupt injury threw a wrench into their plans as Sting hurt his knee and would be out of action for six months.  Heel Luger was moved into the #1 contender spot to challenge heel Flair.  Oh good.  So now there was no protagonist in this feud at all.  The ensuing Flair-Luger showdown at WrestleWar '90 ended up being a very good, epic match that involved Luger's "redemption" back into a babyface (only about 8 months after he turned heel).  Sting appeared at ringside to support Luger in the match, and then the Andersons showed up to attack him.  Then came one of the stupidest match endings I'd ever seen.

Come on, Luger was pretty badass in 1990

NJPW Dominion was All Kinds of Awesome

Well another New Japan PPV is in the books folks, and what a helluva show it was.  I just wanted to throw my two cents in about yesterday's Dominion PPV, so bear with me for a few moments.

Dominion was in my estimation the second-best PPV of 2015 so far, behind January's WrestleKingdom 9 (upon which I've heaped mountains of praise HERE).  Of the nine matches only two could be considered weak, and even those weren't bad at all.  The two headlining matches both fell in the four-star range, while several others were approaching that territory.  It's staggering how much better New Japan's product is than that of any other wrestling promotion right now.  Incidentally I went 8 for 9 in my predictions despite having only been a NJPW fan for six months, which I attribute to Jado and Gedo's booking being logical, concise, and satisfying.

The show opened with another wild, fast-paced offering from the Jr. Heavyweight Tag division, as The Young Bucks defended their Titles against reDRagon and RPG Vice.  While these matches won't ever be called epic examples of storytelling, they're always a highly entertaining way to dip your feet in the water.

Next up was one of the weaker matches of the night; Bad Luck Fale and Yujiro Takahashi vs. Tomoaki Honma and Tetsuya Naito.  This wasn't a bad match but the real story here was Naito's gradual heel turn.  He sauntered down to the ring, in no hurry to help out his partner who was being ambushed by the two Bullet Club members, and even refused to tag into the match until very late.  Eventually Honma got the surprise win, but Naito bailed immediately after the closing bell.  It'll be interesting to see where they go with this - Naito's been a pretty bland babyface character for so long, so a heel turn could be just what he needs to get to the next level.  It's nice to see Honma finally getting some kind of a push, as he's really fun to watch and super over.

The "stacked" portion of the card began next with the Shibata-Sakuraba fight.  And I mean FIGHT.  This was one of the best simulated MMA bouts I've ever seen and I'd rank it right up there with Sakuraba-Nakamura from WK7.  The grappling looked totally convincing and snug, and Shibata's strikes were brutal.  Sakuraba dominated the match with some amazing submissions, clinging to Shibata like a spider monkey, until finally Shibata broke free and took the match with the Penalty Kick.  Great fight.

NJPW Dominion 2015 Predictions!!

Welcome to the first-ever Enuffa.com New Japan PPV prediction column!  Those of you who already read my stuff know that I started drinking the NJPW Kool-Aid about six months ago and goddamn it's the most delicious beverage I've had in a long time.

This Sunday is the big Dominion PPV, and since a) I've become such a fan of this company and b) this is on paper the most stacked card so far in 2015, I thought I'd expand my prognostication wheelhouse to include major New Japan events.  I probably won't be quite as accurate as I am with WWE since I'm a pretty new fan and am not privy to the same backstage information or storyline/promo segments with NJPW.  But what the hey, let's give it a shot, no?

New Japan's WrestleKingdom 9 show is by far the PPV to beat in 2015, but if any show is going to top that one, it could very well be Dominion.  There's nary a bit of fat in this lineup, and with the exception of Kota Ibushi (whose presence will be missed on this card), all the company's major stars are accounted for.  So let's get to predictin'!

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 5 (I Like Heels Now)

February 3rd, 1989 - The moment which altered my perception of pro wrestling forever.  It was the second annual Friday night WWF special, The Main Event.  Like the previous year, the WWF used this live primetime broadcast to set the stage for WrestleMania.  This time however it was The MegaPowers vs. The Twin Towers - a match/angle that would be the catalyst for WrestleMania V. 

For months the company had been building to the eventual breakup of Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage, throwing in subtle hints of dissension before eventually staging multiple in-ring arguments.  The Main Event would be the night their partnership would dissolve.

During the bout, Savage was thrown out of the ring and landed on Elizabeth, knocking her to the floor.  Hogan spent the next several minutes seeing to her care and brought her to the dressing room for medical attention (Watching this segment now is positively guffaw-inducing, mostly due to Hogan's ridiculous overacting, but to my 13-year-old eyes at the time it was intense drama.), leaving Savage alone against his two massive opponents.  When Hogan finally returned to the ring, Savage abandoned him after slapping him in the face, much to the shock of the crowd.

So goofy by today's standards, but man this angle was brilliant.

The Wrestling Mid-Year Report

Welcome back to Enuffa.com, and a special Wrestling Mid-Year Report!  Today I'll be taking a look back at the first half of 2015 and examining what worked and what didn't, where the major companies are going, and I'll give my unofficial picks for the best of the year thus far.  Let's get on it.

2015's been a roller coaster for WWE so far; for the second straight year their planned direction for WrestleMania season was met with a mixed-at-best response.  Vince's choice for the next top babyface, Roman Reigns, failed to galvanize the fanbase.  Quite the opposite in fact; when it became evident Reigns would likely be given the ball at WrestleMania, he was met with a harsh backlash to which even The Rock wasn't immune.  After a pretty terrible Royal Rumble show where WWE seemed to completely bury the few babyfaces who were actually over (Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler), it looked like we'd be in for a pretty rotten WrestleMania season, particularly since WWE Champion Brock Lesnar seemed to be on his way out of the company. 

WWE addressed the elephant in the room at February's new PPV FastLane, by having Roman Reigns defend his WrestleMania spot against the fans' top choice, Daniel Bryan.  In what was both a very strong match and a good indicator that Reigns could handle himself in a singles main event, Roman retained his 'Mania spot and was seemingly confirmed as the next big star.  Also at FastLane rising heel Rusev got his first real main event-level match against John Cena, and actually beat WWE's posterboy somewhat decisively. 

Dan's Top 9: Fictional Drugs

Ah, Drugs. Can’t beat 'em when it comes to having a night out on the town that lasts for 4 days and ends in St. Louis. But we are getting screwed here in the real world. In the fictional world there are countless drugs out there with incredible powers that can only be brought to you be the very best special effects artists. Here now are the best of the best.

DAN'S TOP

FICTIONAL DRUGS

9. Nuke (Robocop 2):  The only real power this drug has is turning an awesome Sci-Fi action movie into a shitty, muddled mess of crap WITHOUT Kurtwood Smith’s evil Clarence Boddicker character…so pointless.

AWESOME

8. ALZ-112, ALZ-113 (New Planet of the Apes series): Erases Alzheimer’s AND empowers monkeys with smarts & less poo flinging. Which is quite remarkable as the feces toss is paramount to a good time in the primate world. And I, for one, welcome our new Ape overlords.

RIP My Playstation 3: How To Deal With The Loss Of A Loved One

(Editor's Note: Let's all offer our condolences to Dan Moore in his time of heartbreak.  I'm here for ya buddy.....)

Yesterday was a dark day in the Moore household. There I was, minding my own business, and John Marston's business as well; a standard game of Red Dead Redemption on the good ol' PS3, when BEEP...then blank screen. 'The hell? Glitches happen, what can ya do? I calmly (not at all calmly, I was swearing like a sailor with the clap) restarted the system and then I saw it. The light. The yellow light.  The awful, terrible yellow light of death.  I had heard about this horrible light before and was now experiencing its awfulness. It stared deeply into my eyes, taunting me. This was the light that signals a fatal problem with the motherboard, a death sentence for the system. I was devastated. My old friend was dead. 

Beautiful, isn't she?
RIP PS3: Summer 2007-June 18th, 2015

Game of Thrones Review: Mother's Mercy

Howdy all, Dan Moore here. I'm a huge fan of Game of Thrones, the TV show, so if you're one of those book know-it-alls, BEAT IT. I like when my imagination is shown to me, so screw you.

Well folks, another GoT finale, another kick to the groin for characters we love. It seems every year the creators decide that they've had enough of a fan favorite character and bump that person right off. It's brutal. RIP Myrcella Baratheon. You will be missed.

She was...probably cool.

WWE Money in the Bank 2015 Predictions!!

Welcome to what has become a biweekly tradition at Enuffa.com, the WWE PPV Predictions column, where my associate Dan Moore and I break down WWE's upcoming "special events."

After a pretty great Elimination Chamber show, WWE has assembled another strong on-paper lineup, and while the build has been uneven as usual, I look forward to several of the bouts.

Justin leads Dan 20/30 to 19/30.  It's a real horse race we've got goin'!

Preshow Match: King Barrett vs. R-Truth

Jeezus, Barrett's in a career free-fall.  I don't understand a) why they can't just push the guy as a dominant midcard bully and b) why having anyone win the King of the Ring tourney ruins that person's life for at least six months.  Anyway, this feud's pretty pointless and these two have wrestled each other about a million times on free television, with Truth usually getting the upset win.

Justin's pick: Christ, give Barrett a win, will ya?
Dan's pick: POINTLESS. How do you make a half assed, on the fly KOTR tourney, pick a guy to win it & then just bury him? I don't get it. The Truth will set you free.

Tag Team Championship: New Day vs. Prime Time Players

I found it odd that PTP was the last team eliminated in the Chamber two weeks ago, being that they just got back together and hadn't really been built up again.  That said, I'm glad Young and O'Neil are a team once again, since they're 2014 split was utterly useless for both guys.  This match should be solid.

Justin's pick: New Day retains
Dan's pick: Yup

Divas Championship: Nikki Bella vs. Paige

The Divas division is still a clustermess, with no clear moral alignment from anyone.  Are the Bellas heels or babyfaces?  Which one is Paige?  None of this shit makes any sense.  Is the entire division stuck in the "shades of gray" Attitude Era?

Justin's pick: Nikki retains, probably until she eclipses AJ Lee's record-breaking Title run.
Dan's pick: I think they'll have Nikki break the record. Just so Mrs. Punk is outta the record books. (BTW, they should really be making a bigger deal of Nikki's streak here, right? Make it sound like a big deal, get some intrigue & suspense into this thing)

Intercontinental Championship: Ryback vs. Big Show

Really?  This is the best challenger you could come up with for Ryback?  You are aware Ryback is taking up Daniel Bryan's old job of restoring the IC Title to prominence and prestige, yes?  Fuck me.....

Justin's pick: Ryback
Dan's pick: Dude, enough with Paul Wight. Goldberg II will win.

John Cena vs. Kevin Owens

After a near show stealing match at EC, these two have the stiff challenge of topping themselves.  I think they can do so now that they'll be more comfortable with each other in the ring.  Owens has been booked superbly, so let's hope WWE doesn't screw this up.

Justin's pick: I'm guessing Cena wins in non-decisive fashion to set up a rubber match.
Dan's pick: Cena by DQ

Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Neville vs. Kane

On paper this looks like a fine Ladder Match (though again I'm pretty burned out on this concept and it needs to be a once-a-year-at-most kinda thing.  I'm not sure why Kofi is suddenly being thrust into singles action when he's got a great three-man team going, but I'm sure he'll pull off some spectacular stunts, as will Neville.  What the flyin' hell is Kane doing in this match?  I guess if Kane were to win he could use that as something to hold over Rollins' head, which could be entertaining.  But fuck, man, the guy's almost 50 years old.  He needs to be phased out as an active competitor.

Justin's pick: Roman Reigns is the obvious choice, and Sheamus is the dark horse.  I guess Reigns presents more creative options than Sheamus, so I'll go with Rock's cousin.
Dan's pick: Yeah, the only entrants with a shot are Sheamus and RR. I prefer when a heel has the briefcase so he can score a title shot in nefarious ways, but I think Reigns takes it.

WWE Championship Ladder Match: Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

These two stole the show at Chamber and I fully expect them to do the same here.  I could watch Ambrose and Rollins pretend to beat each other up all day long.  Unlike the multi-man Ladder Match, I still really enjoy the one-on-one variety, as they can actually tell a story while taking sick bumps.  This should be great.

Justin's pick: Rollins retains and gets his strap back after Ambrose's theft of said item.
Dan's pick: Seth for the win here (though here's what I'd like to see: RR wins the briefcase. Seth & Dean go at it in a vicious brawl, with Ambrose coming out as champion, to be congratulated by his friend Roman...who promptly bashes Ambrose with said case, and pins him for the heel turn and the win. Sets up Reigns v Ambrose for the belt for summer slam, and Brock comes back as a good guy to get revenge on Rollins in the co-main event. BOOM - perfect booking)


That's certainly a popular scenario - a lot of folks are predicting exactly that.  I'd be okay with it, but I dunno how likely a Reigns heel turn is.


There's our MITB picks.  The show looks like another solid piece of bidness from WWE.  Let's hope it lives up to the promise.  See ya next time!

Game of Thrones Review: The Dance of Dragons

(Editor's Note: My associate Dan Moore is back to review the latest Game of Thrones episode.  As always the content of this review is Greek to me, being that I've never seen a single episode of this show.  Seriously, I haven't the slightest fucking idea what he's talking about......)


Howdy all, Dan Moore here. I'm a huge fan of Game of Thrones, the TV show, so if you're one of those book know-it-alls, BEAT IT. I like when my imagination is shown to me, so screw you.


This weeks episode was a torture chamber of emotions. Whereas last week's hour put the Night's Watch through a physical ringer, 'The Dance of Dragons' put the viewer through the emotional ringer. A lot happened in many locales this week so I'll break it down by region.


DORNE

Ok, let's recap this story: Jamie, with the help of sell sword Bronn, heads to Dorne to rescue his diece (that's daughter/niece, people) Myrcella from danger. Meanwhile, dead (Goddammit) Prince Oberyn's children, the Sand Snakes, led by their mother Ellaria Sand, decide they have to kidnap Myrcella to start a war with the Lannisters. It all goes to hell, Jamie, Bronn and the Sand Snakes all end up in the clink. One of the girls gets naked, Bronn is poisoned for like eleven seconds, and then The reigning Dornish Prince, Doran, decides to let everyone go. He not only lets Jamie take Myrcella with him, but also her betrothed, his son Prince Trystane to serve on the small council back at King's Landing.

Dumb Action Movie Reviews: Escape Plan

Welcome to another edition of Dumb Action Movie Reviews, wherein I, Dan Moore, traverse the cinematic wonderland that is Netflix, Youtube and various other websites looking for crappy action movies. The ratings are based on 1-4 Indiana Jones whips, as he's the premier action movie character ever and the whip is AWESOME.

NOTE: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW BECAUSE THERE HAS TO BE. BUT DONT WORRY, THE SPOILERS ARE POINTLESS, JUST LIKE THE PLOT TWISTS IN THE MOVIE.

Game of Thrones Review: Hardhome

**Editor's Note: I have never seen a single episode of Game of Thrones, so I'll have to take Dan's word for it that this week's show was the greatest thing since the discovery of the orgasm.  I didn't understand a word of this review Dan, not a fuckin' word......**


Howdy all, Dan Moore here. I'm a huge fan of Game of Thrones, as most people nowadays are. I've also only watched the TV show, so if you're one of those book know-it-alls, BEAT IT. I like when my imagination is shown to me, so screw you.

Anyways, this weeks episode was INSANE. The first 40 minutes were quite good, moving along the various plots of Westeros. Arya continues her training in the House of Black & White. Sansa has learned from the artist formerly known as Theon that her brothers are, in fact, alive. Tyrion has finally had his meeting with the Khaleesi, and these two put on a fine back and forth to see if they can work together to possibly bring peace to the Five Kingdoms.

But FUCK ALL THAT. Ice Zombie War!!! Holy SHIT that was awesome.

Elimination Chamber Is the Best WWE PPV So Far in 2015

What's up gang?  Just wanted to share a few thoughts about the Elimination Chamber PPV we all watched last night. 

First off, I really enjoyed this show.  There wasn't a bad match on the card and the two big singles matches delivered huge.  For a show thrown together in the span of two weeks, WWE did a tremendous job of making it feel important and assembling a strong, entertaining card.

The Tag Chamber was a really fun way to kick things off.  There are few things in wrestling that warm my heart quite like the sight of a full-fledged tag team division.  While not every team on the roster has a direction right now, just the fact that there are enough viable duos to fill a Chamber brings to mind the wonderful tag divisions of the late 80s.  Five of the six teams got at least a few moments to shine (Los Matadores kinda got the shaft, but El Torito got some highspots in), and The Ascension looked better than they ever have.  Cesaro/Kidd of course did the lion's share of the work to hold the match together, and I was a little disappointed they weren't in the final segment with The New Day.  But make no mistake, this was enjoyable from start to finish while also making the Tag Titles seem important.  The New Day continues to be one of the best acts on the show these days.  What a difference two months has made for them.

WWE Elimination Chamber 2015 Predictions!!!

Aaaand welcome back to Enuffa.com for yet another round of WWE PPV Predictions!

The Chamber is back!  Despite most arenas now boasting electronic scoreboards that make hanging the heavy, demonic structure from the ceiling impossible, WWE found one arena in Corpus Christi that hasn't yet made such upgrades.  Thus WWE is bringing back the Elimination Chamber for this Network "Special Event."

The show was hastily thrown together over the past two weeks but I'll be goddamned if this isn't the strongest on-paper lineup thus far in WWE's 2015 calendar.  Two Chamber matches for secondary Titles, an awesome WWE Title match, and the main roster in-ring debut of the current NXT Champ, against WWE's posterboy no less.  I'm actually very excited about this show, and I hope it delivers on all fronts.

Could WWE Revive the Territory System?

Welcome to a special discussion thread here at Enuffa.com.  My friends Travis and Jim each came up with scenarios whereby WWE could revive the territory system of old, but all under the WWE brand, in a way that would diversify the product and create a robust farm system for rising talent.  Without further ado, here's what they came up with.....

Travis: Watching the NXT crowd in Florida tells me that the possibility of regional territories remains surprisingly viable, in principle. I wonder if instead of taking a singular NXT brand on the road, Triple H has considered creating, say, up to half a dozen different shows like NXT, each with its own roster and local championships, with one traveling NXT World Champion, too. They could all air weekly shows on the Network, on different days and maybe even at different times, each with a different flavor. Pick cities like Chicago, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Corpus Christi or Dallas, Montreal or Toronto, Atlanta or Charlotte, or wherever they have the most distinctive and reliable fan bases. Have them all be feeders for Raw and SmackDown, like the territories fed the WWF – but this time in a symbiotic rather than suicidal way.

Movie Review: Fury Road, or Why I Love Mad Max

What is it about the Mad Max series that has resonated with me (and many others) for the past thirty years?  Why has its central character endured as an iconic dystopian anti-hero?  Why does this series of films with such barebones storylines and almost monosyllabic characters still inspire such fascination?

I've just seen the latest installment/rebirth, Mad Max: Fury Road, starring Tom Hardy in the titular role made famous by Mel Gibson, and it's left my brain swirling with so many varied thoughts and impressions.  Fury Road is one of the most unrelenting action vehicles (no pun intended?) I've ever seen.  Much like its predecessor The Road Warrior, it has the most basic of plots and tells almost the entire story through dazzling, kinetic action sequences.  Its hero has probably less total dialogue over two hours than one Joe Pesci scene in Goodfellas, and his purpose in the film is to assist Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron) in liberating five young women from the despotic Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne, who was also The Toecutter in the original Mad Max), a cult leader who has kept them imprisoned as baby factories in his mountainous fortress called The Citadel.  Once Joe discovers his "wives" are missing, he sends his army of War Boys after them, and the extended action sequences take it from there.

Beer Brawl: Night Shift Brewing vs. Idle Hands Craft Ales

Welcome to a special beer-related column here at Enuffa.com!  Today I'll be comparing and contrasting two local Massachusetts breweries my wife Kelly and I visited over the weekend - Night Shift Brewing and Idle Hands Craft Ales, both located in Everett, MA.  Both companies have been making beer for about three years, but have taken very different approaches. 

Visiting these two breweries back-to-back strangely brought to mind the 2006 Christopher Nolan film, The Prestige.  If you aren't familiar, The Prestige starred Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale as rival magicians in Victorian England.  Jackman's character (Robert Angier) is a consummate showman who knows how to work a crowd and present his act in the most entertaining way possible, while Bale (Alfred Borden) is more of an introvert and student of the prestidigitation game, obsessed with creating groundbreaking illusions but initially unskilled at dressing up his act to garner the best audience reaction.  Remember that comparison for later....

WWE Payback 2015 Predictions!!!

Jeez, it's already time for another WWE PPV?  Feels like we just had one three weeks ago.  Oh wait.....  And evidently we'll have ANOTHER of these "special events" in two weeks when Elimination Chamber returns.  Both of these events are free this month on WWE Network, cuz Vinny Mac wants to hook ya!

Anyway, Payback looks like a solid if unimportant show.  As of now only six PPV matches and a preshow match have been announced.  I'd love it if they'd keep the lineup to just those six matches.  Big fan of streamlined cards without clutter.  But I'm sure they'll add The Bellas vs. Naomi & Tamina.

***For the 2015 season, Justin leads Dan 11/16 to 10/16.***

DeflateGate, or How The NFL Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mob (Mentality)

(Editor's Note: The following statements are the opinion of Enuffa Contributor Dan Moore and do not necessarily reflect the views of Enuffa.com or its management.............ah, who am I kiddin', he's 100% correct.)

   
FULL DISCLAIMER: I am from South Boston, Massachusetts. The Bay State. The home of revolutions and tea parties. I am an unabashed Boston sports fan. I love the Sox, Celts, B’s and of course the Pats. I’ll try to be unbiased in this piece but that’s almost impossible as we’re living in bizzaro world with this particular subject so my opinion is a tad skewed. You’ve been warned. Also, I’m gonna swear. A lot.
   
The NFL has laid down Thor’s fucking hammer on the most successful franchise of this millennium. In the last 15 years, The New England Patriots have won the AFC East 11 times, been to 9 AFC championship games, 6 Super Bowls and have won the big game 4 times, including this year. They are, without a doubt, the cream of the crop of the biggest sports entity in the world. They are also being dragged through the mud by that same sports entity.

WWE Extreme Rules 2015 Predictions!!!

Welcome to another round of official WWE PPV predictions here at Enuffa.com!

This month it's the annual followup to WrestleMania, WWE Extreme Rules, where the gimmick match is king!  Not to be confused with TLC (and Stairs), where the gimmick match is.....queen, I guess?

The WWE product was hot coming out of WrestleMania once again, with new heel Champion Seth Rollins pulling off "The heist of the century," Daniel Bryan and John Cena capturing the secondary belts, and Roman Reigns being positioned for a slow rebuild.  Things looked very promising immediately following 'Mania but as usual Creative has settled into the standard procedure of going through the motions.

WWE vs. NJPW Supercard

Welcome to our 1st Annual WWE vs. NJPW Supercard, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I'll be discussing something we as wrestling fans haven't really had the opportunity to ponder in a long time - the interpromotional dream match.  Back in the olden days, ya know when there were two major North American wrestling companies, we could pontificate and debate who would win various fantasy matchups.  In the 80s it was matches like Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair, Ultimate Warrior vs. Sting, Randy Savage vs. Lex Luger.  In the 90s it was Steve Austin vs. Goldberg, The Rock vs. Booker T, etc.  Then the Monday Night War changed everything, as wrestling stars jumped back and forth between companies and some of the big dream matches actually came to fruition.  In 2001 Vince McMahon bought WCW and eventually signed all their top stars, and even more of these types of matches happened.  While it was a great time to see top bouts we could previously only fantasize about, an unfortunate side effect was that many major PPVs were now built around one-time dream matches that served no long-term purpose, thus hurting the drawing power of the full-time roster.  Not to mention some things are just better left to the imagination (**ahem** Sting vs. Triple H).

Dumb Action Movie Reviews: A New, Exciting Robocop for Our Time!!!

Welcome to another installment of Dumb Action Movie Reviews here at Enuffa.com, wherein I, Daniel Moore, traverse the cinematic wonderland that is Netflix, YouTube and various other websites looking for action movies removed from the mainstream that probably stink. The ratings are based on 1-4 Indiana Jones whips, as he's the premier action movie character ever and the whip is AWESOME.

********WARNING, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS********

This week I watched the new Robocop remake from 2014, directed by José Padilha. It’s a remake of the 1987 CLASSIC of the same name and stars Joel Kinnaman in the title role, with Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson, and Jackie Earle Haley. This review will not be a bellyaching, crybaby parable about how the original flick was perfect and there was no need for a remake. Let’s be realistic, people. Hollywood is a remake and sequel factory now. We all hafta get used to the fact that movies we loved that came out years ago are going to be redone to varying degrees of success and scorn (Can’t wait for ‘Citizen Kane’ starring the Biebs). No one’s raping your childhood, no one’s doing this to ruin the movies that came before. They are doing this for money, and that is the American way. Get used to it.

With that outta the way, this new Robocop is a slickly made, forgettable, loud affair. The plot mirrors the original film - Alex Murphy (Kinnaman) is a cop gunned down by criminals and reanimated as Robocop, Detroit’s last hope for justice.

Kinnaman is cast perfectly as the robotic supercop. He’s a fine Swedish actor you may recognize as the best part of the increasingly frustrating and implausible program “The Killing”. And the updated Robocop suit actually looks quite cool in the original silver and blue model.

BOSS.

But there are a myriad of problems with this film. The supporting cast is fucking USELESS. There was no reason to cast brilliant, Academy Award nominated actors such as Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson, and Jackie Earle Haley. They do next to nothing in this film, and Jackson, playing some sort of television talking head with a political show, is one of the most annoying film characters mine eyes have ever seen. Just awful.

The villains in this movie are not at all memorable. I have no idea what any of their names were, and I just watched the thing! In the original, Clarence Boddiker and his gang were fucking vile, GREAT cartoonish villains. Goddamn frightening at times. And Dick Jones, the evil OCP executive was spot on. The gang of vermin in this film are all cookie cutter bad guys who aren’t even threatening. Hell, they bump off the boss of the gang with about 45 minutes left, which then forces the script to turn Michael Keaton (up to this point just a normal businessman doing by the book business things) into the main bad guy. For basically no reason at all, Batman all of a sudden wants to kill Robocop. It makes zero sense.

Another issue I had was the over-humanization of Robo. They really add a lot more family crap than is needed. There are like eight scenes of Murphy’s wife crying over him and letting him know his son needs him. WE GET IT. It completely halts the action to a standstill and isn’t really necessary.

One more thing that bugged me; when they upgrade his new suit to the more ‘tactical’ black outfit, it looks like a poor man’s version of Iron Man. He doesn’t look like a robot anymore, he looks like a dude in a suit doing superheroey things. It destroys the illusion of his cyborg body.

Black pajamas.

Finally, I do hafta compare this film to the original.  This one tries to ground itself in reality, explaining the science, the real world implications of a robotic cop, etc., and it’s just boring and pointless. Part of the charm of the original is the fantastical, futuristic world that is presented. There’s no reason to take the 1987 film seriously because it doesn’t take itself seriously. It’s a great action movie, but look closer and you realize it’s a parody of the action genre. It’s a brilliant piece of moviemaking. This new version is filled with special effects, filled with jump cuts of Robo shooting down other evil robots, filled with dull sequences dealing with his family, dealing with doctors, and being sad. It’s no fun. It’s a mishmash of special effects and fake sentiment.

I wouldn’t watch this movie again. It’s a shame to waste Kinnaman in this bland action flick. Hopefully he gets to sink his teeth into a better movie next time around because he’s a real talent.

This movie gets ONE WHIP

WrestleMania 31 Review, or Why Seth Rollins Is the Cat's Pajamas

Alright folks, another WrestleMania is in the past, fighting for its spot in the historical pantheon.  How did it live up to the hype?  How does WWE's landscape look in its wake?  Let's pick it apart and see where we stand.  I'll also talk about last night's RAW which, like all post-Mania episodes, was nearly as noteworthy as the PPV itself.

Now I've read some reviews of 'Mania 31 calling it one of the best WrestleManias of all-time.  Dave Meltzer in fact called it one of the best shows he's ever seen.  Personally I find that assessment waaaaaay overboard.  I mean let's be honest, this show was nowhere near as good as 'Manias 17 or 19.  Come on.  This PPV had several good matches but no great ones, some great results and some not so great, not nearly enough wrestling for a four-hour broadcast (The seven matches totaled about 100 minutes which is pretty skimpy), and the longest match was in my opinion the worst by far.




WrestleMania Thoughts

There were two preshow matches this year (I will never understand why WWE can't fit nine matches on a four-hour PPV when they routinely fit eight on a three-hour one), and one of them was quite entertaining.  The Fatal 4-Way tag match had highspots galore and lots of fun tandem offense that showcased three of the four teams (Sadly Jey Uso sat out the match with a legit shoulder injury).  Cesaro & Kidd won as expected, and I liked Cesaro's douchy heel move of letting Jimmy Uso hit his finisher on Big E, tossing Jimmy out of the ring and covering E himself.  Fun way to open the festivities.

The Battle Royal on the other hand I found rather pointless.  The only participant who gained anything from it was Damien Mizdow (and by proxy The Miz I guess), when he finally turned babyface and nearly eliminated Big Show to win the whole thing.  Otherwise though, WWE wasted several opportunities to make some underneath guys look good - The New Day all got owned by Show and looked stupid in the process, Hideo Itami from NXT was given about thirty seconds to shine before also being punked out by Show (How pissed d'ya suppose Triple H was by this?), and finally Mizdow failed to get the job done in the end.  The announcers pushed the whole "Big Show has never won a battle royal" thing, but was anyone really clamoring to finally see that happen?  This ended up being another one of those matches that didn't help anyone.

Moving along to the main card.  The Ladder Match opened the show as I figured it would, and it was a fun watch that didn't really feature anything we haven't seen before.  Once it was over it was forgotten, like a run-of-the-mill Adam Sandler movie.  Obviously I'm glad Daniel Bryan won, and I truly hope WWE gives him the opportunity to revitalize the I-C Title.  He should keep it for at least a year, maybe even break the longevity record.  As for the multi-man Ladder Match I think it's time to retire the concept, for a while at least.  There's simply nothing more to do with these matches.  Every concievable high spot with ladders has been done it would seem, and each of these matches now blurs into the rest.

Next up was one of the two high points of the night - Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins.  At the time I was flabbergasted how early this was placed, but by the end it made sense.  Orton and Rollins tore the house down as expected.  The bout was fast-paced and featured multiple intricately timed spots, including a breathtaking finish.  Unfortunately these two were only given 13 minutes so the match wasn't able to get out of 3-star territory.  Had it gone five minutes longer we'd probably be looking at a Match of the Year candidate.

Those five minutes could've easily been taken away from match #3.  Personally I found Triple H vs. Sting a pretty wretched affair.  They started out having an okay match and after ten minutes it disintegrated into a total Senior's Tour clusterfuck involving DX and the nWo attempting to brawl around ringside.  The live crowd went nuts for this, but I spent the next ten minutes groaning.  In the first place this match was never supposed to be about WWF vs. WCW.  Sting even said as much in his promo.  But ol' Vince couldn't help shoehorning that tired, fifteen-year-old concept into the proceeding.  Second, why on Earth would the nWo ever rush to Sting's aid?  They were mortal enemies in WCW (minus the idiotic Wolfpac angle), and two of the three members are Hunter's best friends!  Not to mention all three are obviously working for WWE now.  None of this lunacy made any sense, and when it was over we were once again left with the takeaway "WCW are poopyheads, WWE rules!"  This match felt like it was booked by a child.  I half-expected a reveal that Will Ferrell and the kid from The Lego Movie were behind it all.  The nostalgia trip needs to end.

The Divas match was next, and just as I predicted it only went about six minutes.

This left two full hours for the final three bouts.  When you note that the longest of those three bouts went a shade under 17 minutes, it really speaks volumes about WWE's time management on these 'Mania shows.

John Cena vs. Rusev was a solid match but felt underwhelming compared to their FastLane encounter.  Both guys brought out some new moves which was nice, but the ending of the match felt totally anticlimactic, as Cena dispatched Rusev's year-long undefeated streak with a single AA.  The announcers also sold zero astonishment at Cena's conquering of said streak.  I think JBL made one offhand comment about Cena "defeating the undefeatable."  This should've been treated as a much bigger deal.

The next segment went on.  And on.  And on.  And onnnnn......  Now look, I enjoyed the Ronda Rousey involvement.  I like her a lot and I'd be very open to seeing her in a WWE match.  But this segment didn't need to be twenty minutes long.  It felt to me like they were trying to wait out the sunlight for Taker's entrance (I guess an outdoor stadium on the west coast isn't ideal for WrestleMania if Taker's there).  And am I the only one who has ZERO interest in seeing Rock vs. Triple H for the thousandth time?  The feud between these guys peaked FIFTEEN years ago.  Fifteen.  Why in God's name would I want to see them wrestle again now?  The whole point of bringing back past stars is to face today's top guys in dream match situations.  What is the point of rehashing old rivalries a decade-plus later, when there's no chance of them topping the work they did at age thirty?  This would be the equivalent of booking Hogan vs. Piper at WrestleMania 2000.  How absurd would that have been?  Anyway, this segment had moments that were entertaining, but I don't watch a PPV to see people talk for twenty minutes.  This slot could've gone to the Tag Title match.

It's still light out, but it's time for the Taker-Wyatt match.  This was fine too, but also pretty underwhelming.  Taker looked much healthier than last year and Wyatt was solid as always.  The spiderwalk vs. situp moment was pretty cool.  But I couldn't help wondering, what's the point of it all?  How does this match help Wyatt?  His whole reason for wanting the match was to become the New Face of Fear, and he failed.  So now what?  Taker went home and Wyatt's still here.  So who benefitted from this match?  This is a question WWE needs to ask themselves much more frequently when putting together WrestleMania cards.  "Yes, this will be a big money match and yes the crowd will mark out for this, but in the end, who does it help?"  If the only perk to wrestling Taker is you'll avoid the pre-show Battle Royal, it's probably time to rethink things.  And judging by last night's RAW, it's clear the company had no plans for Wyatt past Sunday.

Side note: When was the last time Taker put someone away on the first Tombstone?  That move has basically been killed dead by Taker's incessant WrestleMania appearances.  It was a HUGE deal in 2009 when Shawn Michaels kicked out of it, but now if a guy doesn't kick out on the first one he's not worthy of even being there.  Taker's inadvertently damaged his own finishing move.

Now for the main event.  This was really something.  One of the best pure "fights" I can remember taking place in a wrestling ring.  Lesnar proved once again what a truly compelling figure he is, and Reigns earned more than a few stripes by taking one of the stiffest "pretend" beatings I've ever seen.  I liked the use of blood, which made the match immediately stand out in this PG Era.  But it was once again Seth Rollins who stole the show, literally.  I absolutely loved the mid-match cash-in.  This was the perfect way for Rollins to finally lower the boom, and Michael Cole's comment at the end summed it up perfectly: "Seth Rollins has just pulled off the heist of the century!"  For a main event match I had basically no interest in two weeks ago, this was a helluva spectacle and was executed brilliantly.

So overall did I enjoy WrestleMania 31?  Yes.  It was an entertaining show with some good matches and a few great moments, and my outlook on the product is much better now than it was a few days ago.  Was it one of the greatest shows of all time?  Not even close.  I give WM31 a B or so.  There's still way too much emphasis on nostalgia and way too much time devoted to non-wrestling (Seriously, how many elaborate entrances do we need?  Did WrestleMania X-Seven have any entrances like that?).  I think this show will really be judged by how it was followed up.  If WWE continues rehabbing the secondary belts and makes Rollins the awesome heel Champion he can be, we'll be able to call this show an unquestionable creative success.  If things return to the way they were a month ago, we'll call it an anomaly.


RAW Thoughts

Last night's RAW was pretty amazing.  The Lesnar stuff was pure awesome, both Bryan and Cena's matches were about as good as anything at 'Mania, the tag team stuff was a lot of fun (Love those Lucha Dragons!), Neville's debut was cool (Don't eff that one up), and Rollins had more great chickenshit heel moments (Man that guy's great).  The only thing last night was missing was a big show-closing moment.  The six-man main event just ended.  There needed to be a challenge issued by Orton or Reigns, or a surprise return or something.

Going forward I think Bryan and Cena should defend their respective Titles just about every week against solid challengers in good matches.  That's the kind of thing that writes itself.  They'll quickly build equity in those Titles and they can save their big defenses against hated rivals on PPV. 

Seth Rollins on the other hand should almost never wrestle on free television.  He should take the attitude of "Why would I fight in a meaningless RAW tag team match and risk getting hurt?"  Rollins should act like he thinks he's as big a star as Brock Lesnar.  "Brock only wrestles on PPV.  I'm the WWE Champion, so that's what I'm gonna do too."  If anyone asks him what makes him so damn special, he only need hold up the Title belt.  Rollins should be the biggest absolute fucking PRICK this industry has ever seen, and it should be damn near impossible for a babyface to ever get his hands on Rollins outside of a PPV match.  Every time Orton or Reigns or whoever tries to mix it up with Rollins during a non-wrestling segment, he should escape and let his henchmen take the lumps.  Every. Single. Time.  And as I said before, Rollins needs to keep that belt for at least a year.  He can lose by DQ or cheat to win every Title defense, but he shouldn't lose it until at least 'Mania 32.  And don't even think about booking him in non-Title matches.  Those should be beneath him.

Finally, what to do with Roman Reigns?  I know the plan is a Rollins-Reigns Title feud, but I really think Reigns needs an uppercard feud with a different heel first.  Reigns needs to play off someone like Rusev who is not at all a cool heel.  Reigns also needs to figure out who his character is.  Why should the fans want him to win?  Why should we be emotionally invested in his success?  I don't have that answer, but he needs to figure it out pretty fast.


That'll do it for me.  Thanks for reading!