Top Ten Things: Harrison Ford Characters

Welcome to a special edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  It's been a while since I created a new one of these, but the occasion definitely warranted a return to the list-making ring.....

It's July 13th, 2022, and that means it's the 80th birthday of iconic actor and national treasure Harrison Ford!  Growing up in the early 80s, Mr. Ford was my first celebrity hero, thanks of course to his not one but TWO transcendent popcorn movie characters, the swashbuckling scoundrel Han Solo and the intrepid, world-traveling archaeologist Indiana Jones.  Starring in that era's two most successful action-adventure movie franchises made him the most recognizable movie star in the world at the time, and for many years Ford's films outgrossed those of any other actor.  Not bad for a guy who'd all but given up on acting in the mid-70s due to a dearth of quality roles.  It's pretty staggering to think the film industry had written him off during his salad days, deeming him "not believable as a movie star," his looks too rugged and his acting style too understated to be a leading man.  

Indeed, Ford was never even supposed to be cast in the two legendary roles that made him world-famous.  George Lucas, having already used him in American Graffiti, only brought him in to read for other actors when casting Star Wars because he happened to be working as a carpenter across the hall.  But he nailed the character of Han Solo so completely Lucas had no choice but to give him the part.  Four years later when Steven Spielberg suggested Ford for Indiana Jones, Lucas again balked, not wanting Ford to become the Robert Deniro to his Martin Scorsese.  Only after Lucas's first choice Tom Selleck became unavailable thanks to his Magnum P.I. commitments did Lucas assent to offering Raiders of the Lost Ark to Ford.  His unexpected rise to superstardom is one of the great Cinderella stories of Hollywood lore.

From then Ford could pick and choose his projects, and throughout the late 80s and 90s he mostly focused on roles that would challenge him as an actor, rather than simply taking comfortable action star gigs.  Films like Witness, Frantic, Working Girl, and Presumed Innocent revealed new facets to his acting game and proved he could bring credibility and gravitas to any kind of film, be it a heavy drama, a suspense thriller, or a light comedy.  He'd continue taking on action vehicles as well - films like Patriot Games, The Fugitive, and Air Force One scored big at the box office, in no small part thanks to Ford's cache as a relatable everyman action star.  By the late 90s he'd established himself as a versatile leading man with a subtle economy to his acting style.  Rather than relying on flashy speech-making in his films, Ford leaned toward conveying emotion and tension through facial expression and body language.  Sadly at awards season he'd be perennially overlooked (except once), but his choices set did him apart from his fellow leading men.

In recent years Ford's filmography has mostly included a lot of B-movies, his only really notable projects being reprisals of his most famous characters, but regardless of film quality, anytime Harrison Ford is in a film, I'm interested in seeing what he'll do.  He is one of the all-time great movie stars, and by all accounts a pretty damn cool dude in real life.

Here are some of his career highlights....

HM: Quinn Harris (Six Days, Seven Nights)

Heads-up, some of the entries on this list won't so much be reflective of the quality of the film in question, but on Ford's contributions to it.  Six Days, Seven Nights is a highly entertaining piece of crap, an Ivan Reitman-helmed adventure comedy where Ford's character is a grizzled pilot hired to transport Anne Heche's magazine editor to Tahiti for a photo shoot.  They hate each other at first but of course end up falling in love after some wacky Pacific island hijinks.  But Ford's performance is a pretty great comedic spin on his usual rugged action hero persona, and helps elevate the film above its station.

HM: Dr. Norman Spencer (What Lies Beneath)

Likewise in Robert Zemeckis's pretty terrible attempt at Hitchcock-style suspense, Harrison Ford is the film's brightest spot, providing a rare and welcome performance as a villain.  I'd love to see Ford try this in a smarter film (Incidentally he'd been offered the Nick Nolte role in Martin Scorsese's Cape Fear but turned it down, hoping to land Deniro's spot instead), his performance here is so much against type it makes an otherwise drivelous piece of supernatural melodrama worth a look.

AEW Fyter Fest 2022, Week 1 Preview & Predictions

It's July and you know what that means.....

That's right, it's time for AEW's annual Fyter Fest episodes of Dynamite!  Week 1 has a solid lineup with two championship matches plus a non-title match featuring the Interim AEW Champ, and a certified hoss fight between two former tag team partners, while Rampage has an ROH Title match and a potential tag classic.  Let's take a gander at Fyter Fest 2022, Week 1.....

Serena Deeb vs. Anna Jay

This match is here to help build Serena's upcoming ROH Title match on July 23rd.  Anna will put up a fight but ultimately Deeb will twist her into pretzels and get some momentum heading into Lowell, MA.

Pick: Serena

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Jake Hager

This should be pretty great.  Claudio is a force of nature and Hager is a legit badass.  Everyone claiming AEW is just spotfest wrestling should watch this one and shut their cake hole.  Rugged, stiff powerhouse wrestling at its finest.  Claudio is obviously winning since he just arrived.

Pick: Claudio

The History of NWA/WCW Great American Bash (1989)

This one's generally considered the best of the bunch....

Glory Days - Baltimore Arena - 7.23.89

1989 was in my opinion the best year in NWA history.  The company had undergone major management and booking changes with the sale to Ted Turner, but the emphasis was still on simple storylines and athletic wrestling.  It's no surprise that the 1989 Great American Bash was and is considered a classic PPV, with loads of star power and several standout matches.  It's also a source of a bit of frustration for me, because with a bit of retooling this show could've been basically perfect.  It was the first hour that got in the way.

The show opened with a two-ring Battle Royal showcasing several midcard stars and some of the company's newest talent.  The 14-man bout included Eddie Gilbert, Terry Gordy, Steve Williams, Scott Hall, Bill Irwin, Brian Pillman, Ranger Ross, Mike Rotunda, Ron Simmons, Rick & Scott Steiner, Kevin Sullivan, and the Skyscrapers, who won the whole thing and split the winnings.  While the two-ring format set this apart from traditional Battle Royals (and made for a nice unusual visual the whole night) this was pretty nondescript stuff, really only notable for monster heels Sid Vicious and Dan Spivey getting a big win.

I thought the Skyscrapers were pretty boss at the time

What didn't make sense were the next two bouts that followed.  First Brian Pillman faced Bill Irwin in a ten-minute squash that clearly didn't belong on a PPV, then The Skyscrapers showed up again to annihilate The Dynamic Dudes, in another glorified showcase match.  These two matches took up nearly 20 minutes that should've gone to some of the later bouts.

Another pointless match was next as Jim Cornette faced Paul E. Dangerously in a Tuxedo Match.  I'm generally against manager vs. manager bouts full-stop, but especially when both of them are involved in one of the headlining matches designed to help settle their issue.

The show really got going in match 5, as the Steiner brothers faced Mike Rotundo and Kevin Sullivan in a wild Texas Tornado match.  This was about as good as could be expected, with all four guys doing a lot with what little time they were alotted.  Imagine how much better this could've been with five more minutes.

The really stacked portion of the show kicked off with Sting vs. Great Muta for the TV Title, a blazing match that's about as good as any 8.5-minute match you'll ever see.  Sting began the bout by diving from one ring to the other on top of Muta.  They crammed everything they could into this, with lots of wild top-rope spots and over-the-rope dives which were unheard of in 1989.  It's too bad they weren't given fifteen minutes to really steal the show.  After Muta accidentally spit mist into Nick Patrick's eyes, the finish was the old back suplex into double-pin spot, where it wasn't clear whose shoulders were down.  Sting was declared the winner but the belt was later held up and Muta won the rematch.  This was a damn fine little match but should've been a MOTY contender.

PLANCHA!  PLANCHA!  PLANCHA!

Top Ten Things: Guns N' Roses Songs

Welcome to another Top Ten Things, Enuffa.com fans!  You know the drill.  It's a countdown, there's ten items, I rant about each of 'em for a bit, and you either agree with me or not.

Today it's the top ten greatest songs by one of the most controversial rock n' roll bands of all time, Guns N' Roses.

Formed in 1985, GNR combined the lineups of singer Axl Rose's Hollywood Rose with that of guitarist Tracii Guns' band L.A. Guns, creating a dangerous hard rock powderkeg that drew from the decadence of the '80s L.A. music scene along with the blues-rock sensibility of '70s supergroups like Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith.

Their first full-length album, Appetite for Destruction, was released in 1987, and about a year later on the heels of the wildly successful singles "Sweet Child O' Mine" and "Welcome to the Jungle," reached Number 1 on the Billboard charts.  The band was the hottest act in rock music, seemingly overnight.  Appetite went on to become one of those universal records that literally everyone owns, like AC/DC's Back in Black, Michael Jackson's Thriller, or Metallica's "Black Album."

Three years later came their long-awaited followup, a double album called Use Your Illusion 1 & 2 that featured several epic songs and a much larger musical scope.  The albums contained a combined thirty tracks spanning over two-and-a-half hours, and spawned multiple radio hits.  The band had graduated to touring stadiums and it seemed they'd remain one of the biggest groups in the industry for the rest of their career.

But soon after releasing a rather ill-conceived covers album in the early 90s, Guns N' Roses split up due to personal and creative differences and went dormant, with Axl retaining rights to the band name, while the other members pursued their own projects.  The band seemed to have almost been erased from rock history, becoming largely irrelevant, until rumors surfaced a few years later of a new GNR album with a new lineup, called Chinese Democracy.  After several aborted recordings and lineup changes, Democracy was finally released in 2008, and while it failed to reach the success of previous albums, it was pretty well received by the critics and proved that Axl could still deliver that signature high-pitched howl.

GNR continues to tour (now with Slash and Duff McKagan back in the band!) and are working on a followup to Chinese Democracy, but given their track record who knows when it'll actually come out?  My money's on 2062, Axl's 100th birthday.

Anyway, enough history.  Here now are the ten best GNR songs in my estimation....

10. Don't Cry

A classic GNR-style ballad about Axl's breakup with Erin Everly (which inspired several songs on Use Your Illusion), "Don't Cry" was recorded in two versions.  The first was released as a radio single and had simpler, more radio-friendly lyrics - "Talk to me softly/there's something in your eyes/Don't hang your head in sorrow/And please don't cry," where the alternate version on UYI2 has a darker tone with more complex and introspective lyrics - "I thought I could live in your world/As years all went by/With all the voices I've heard/Something has died."  In either case, "Dont' Cry" is a somber but very hooky breakup song that builds to a soaring final chorus and that weird, sustained multitracked vocal note at the end.

NJPW G1 Climax 32 Preview & Predictions

The most intensive pro wrestling tournament in the land is back next week, and I'm here to give you all my thoughts about it, whether or not you asked.....

Yes, it's that time of year once again, the G1 Climax tournament, New Japan Pro Wrestling's annual grand tradition, wherein 20 wrestlers.......wait what?  It's twenty-EIGHT this year?  Cool, so does this mean they're including some AEW guys to really spice things up?  Okay, Lance Archer, who else?  That's it??  Seriously?  So it's just more filler than usual?  And they're splitting it up over four blocks?  The hell??

Yeah I'm not crazy about this new format.  If guys like Moxley, Danielson, Page, Claudio, Kingston, etc. aren't being added to the mix, what's the point of expanding the field?  You're literally just adding more guys who have no chance of winning and diluting the number of must-see matches.  Seriously, look at this field.

Let's examine how many possible winners there are in each block.

Block A: Kazuchika Okada, or Jeff Cobb as a longshot.  But it's Okada.

Block B: Jay White, or Sanada as a longshot.  But White's the champion, he's winning the block.

Block C: This actually has numerous possible winners - Hiroshi Tanahashi, Tetsuya Naito, Evil (Please no), or Zack Sabre Jr.  So at least there will be some suspense in this block.

Block D: Will Ospreay or Shingo Takagi

Not much point in watching the bouts that don't involve the aforementioned folks, is there?  Toru Yano vs. Jonah for example isn't going to impact anything.  Sure, there are nothing matches like that every year, but with four blocks there's gonna be way more of that stuff than marquee matchups.  I just don't get it.  Is this like a test run for next year when they'll add some AEW fellas?

Anyway, rather than go through all 28 guys in this piece, I'll just talk about the potential winners I mentioned.

The History of NWA/WCW Great American Bash (1988)

We've entered the PPV era of the Great American Bash.....

The Price for Freedom - Baltimore Arena - 7.10.88

Jim Crockett's NWA dove into the PPV market in late 1987 and again in January of 1988.  Both events flopped, largely due to the WWF airing shows opposite, but in July of '88 JCP finally had a chance to run a PPV unopposed.  This PPV would be a streamlined, five-match card, much as the first two Clash of the Champions specials had been.  The buyrate hinged on the popularity of new babyface Lex Luger, and his quest to dethrone former mentor Ric Flair for the NWA Title.  While the lineup was strong and most of the matches worked to some degree, the booking would be questionable at best.

The show opened with a wild, very exciting World Tag Title match, Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Sting & Nikita Koloff.  Structurally this was your typical Tully & Arn match where they get their asses kicked for the first ten minutes before using some underhanded tactic to take over on offense.  In this case it was JJ Dillon distracting Koloff and baiting him to go for the Russian Sickle on the outside.  Koloff missed the clothesline and hit the post, and the Horsemen smelled blood.  Tully and Arn worked over Koloff's arm until the hot tag spot when Sting cleaned house.  Sting nailed Tully with the corner splash and applied the Scorpion Deathlock, but time ran out before he could get a submission (Strangely this match only got a 20-minute time limit).  Aside from the formulaic structure this was a helluva fun tag match with an absolutely NUCLEAR crowd.

The biggest standout of the show was the Fantastics vs. Midnight Express US Tag Title match. Taking over where the Rock n' Roll Express left off, Tommy Rogers and Bobby Fulton gave the Midnights one of their greatest feuds, as both this and their previous match at Clash of the Champions were full of athletic, high-impact tag wrestling.  The big stipulation here was that Jim Cornette was locked above the ring in a cage, wearing a straitjacket - a hilarious visual, but it took forever to get Cornette in there due to his repeated protests.  The match finally got underway and was almost non-stop motion.  Just a super display of tag team work that didn't follow the traditional formula.  The Midnights won the US Tag belts when Bobby Eaton hit Fulton with a chain.

Heh...

The History of NWA/WCW Great American Bash (1985-1987)

What's up everybody?  It's July, and that means it's time for yet another stroll down Wrestling History Boulevard, with Enuffa.com's PPV History series!

Since July was the month of the NWA's Great American Bash, (which became a month-long tour before morphing into a standalone PPV and later WWE/NXT event), let's take a look back at this glorious summer tradition.  For the purposes of this piece I'm only including the original NWA/WCW lineage, not the ill-advised WWE retread from 2004-2009 or the newfangled NXT versions.  Before I get to the actual PPV history though I'd like to talk a little about the '85 show and the '86-87 tour highlight tapes.

GAB '85 - American Legion Memorial Stadium - 7.6.85

The Great American Bash was originally a one-night supercard held on July 6th, 1985 and co-headlined by a Ric Flair-Nikita Koloff World Title match and a Dusty Rhodes-Tully Blanchard cage match for the TV Title.  No uncut copies are available to my knowledge (Come on WWE, throw that shit up on Peacock!), but in the 80s Pro Wrestling Illustrated released a severely hacked-up VHS tape where they boiled the entire show down to one hour.

Not sure who the babyface is here, but ok.

Sadly it wasn't much of a watch since nothing got adequate time.  And looking at the undercard lineup we probably didn't miss a whole lot.  The Road Warriors faced Ivan Koloff & Krusher Kruschev (later known as Smash from Demolition), and Magnum TA fought Kamala.  Moving on...

GAB '86 - Numerous Venues - 7.1.86-8.2.86

The first full Bash tour took place in 1986 and was notable for Ric Flair defending the NWA Title on literally every show.  Guy worked like a horse!  His challengers were as follows:  Ricky Morton, Hawk, Ron Garvin, Nikita Koloff, Robert Gibson, Animal, Magnum T.A., Wahoo McDaniel and Dusty Rhodes.  What I wouldn't give to see a full DVD set of just those Title defenses.  Anyway, Turner Home Entertainment would release a highlight VHS tape consisting of 9 matches.  Top bouts from that cassette included Flair vs. Hawk, Ronnie Garvin vs. Tully Blanchard in a Taped Fist match, The Road Warriors vs. Ivan & Nikita in a chain match, The Rock n' Roll Express vs. Ole & Arn Anderson, Nikita Koloff vs. Magnum TA in Match 4 of their Best of 7 series, and of course Flair vs. Dusty in a cage, which culminated in Dusty capturing the NWA Title (He'd lose it back three weeks later but this was a huge moment at the time).  As I recall this was a solid two-hour collection of matches.  The Flair vs. Dusty match was included on one of WWE's DVD collections (Greatest Stars of the 80s I believe), and is probably the best Flair vs. Dusty match I've seen.  It's tough to give this tape a full grade based on two-decade-old memories, but roughly:

This match wasn't too shabby

Best Match: Ric Flair vs. Dusty Rhodes
Worst Match: Jimmy Valiant vs. Shaska Watley
Overall Rating: 7/10

AEW x NJPW: Forbidden Door Preview & Predictions

Are you ready to open the Forbidden Door?  Well get ready....

Yes, this Sunday it's the long-awaited AEW/NJPW crossover PPV, Forbidden Door, featuring a who's who of both companies, minus a few badly timed injuries.  Goddammit Bryan....

Despite the one match I was most looking forward to no longer being on the show, this is still a fine lineup and should provide some excellent in-ring action.  A few too many multi-man bouts for my taste but a) that's not unlike your average NJPW PPV and b) that's to be expected on a cross-promotion event for political reasons.  Don't wanna have too many of your guys lose one-on-one matches to the other company.  That said, I'd tweak the lineup in a few places, but I'm not gonna complain too much about it.

The build for this show has been very mixed, some of it exciting, some of it sloppy, and I'm not sure how many new fans either company will make with this show - it's more of a gift to the core audience like me, salivating at the chance to see both companies in one place.  It has felt weird to see so many of the important AEW talents de-emphasized during this build, so next week's Dynamite will sorta feel like getting back on the clock.  But I'm looking forward to this show.

Let's take a gander....

Pre-Show: Max Caster & Gunn Club vs. Yuya Uemura, Alex Coughlin, The DKC & Kevin Knight

This Buy-In match is pure filler but should be mildly amusing.  I'm not familiar with any of the NJPW side, but I think they probably win here, as the Gunn Club can afford a loss.

Pick: Team NJPW

Chris Jericho, Sammy Guevara & Minoru Suzuki vs. Eddie Kingston, Wheeler Yuta & Shota Umino

This should be a fun schmozz that furthers the Jericho-Kingston feud while also spotlighting Suzuki and introducing the AEW audience to Shota Umino, who is absolutely loaded with potential.  This kid has it.  Sammy will do some nutty things and Yuta will look like a badass.  Should be fun.

Pick: I think Umino probably eats the loss and then Team Eddie will get their revenge at Blood & Guts

AEW All-Atlantic Championship: Malakai Black vs. PAC vs. Miro vs. Clark Connors

Another fucking injury.  What the hell is going on with this show??  I was really looking forward to seeing Ishii and Miro mix it up but I guess that's another one we'll have to see another day.  Christ.  Anyway, I'm not crazy about the idea of this new title unless they do something special with it so it stands out.  Either have it defended weekly or have it defended on non-AEW shows on a regular basis.  And it should really be renamed since Japan and China aren't on the Atlantic.  Should be a helluva match though, even with the substitution.  I think either Black or Miro probably wins here.  Eh, I guess I'll go with Miro.

Pick: Miro

Top Ten Things: Quentin Tarantino Films

Welcome to another edition of Enuffa.com's Top Ten Things, where I compile a list of ten of something and then demonstrate the arrogance to imply my opinion of them is undisputed fact.  Buuut who are we kiddin', it is....

Today I'll be discussing the films of one of my favorite writer/directors, Quentin Tarantino.  Exploding on the scene in 1992, Tarantino brought a "film geek" sensibility to Hollywood, having absorbed decades of movies while working as a video store clerk and using his natural stylistic ability to create a new genre of films.  He sold his first two screenplays to the studios before making his directorial debut with Reservoir Dogs, and then became a household name with his second film Pulp Fiction.  Since then Tarantino has created pastiches of crime dramas, samurai films, Westerns, and even horror movies with unabashed glee and incredible attention to memorable characters and quirky dialogue.  When you sit down to watch a Tarantino film you know you're getting an unforgettable (and likely very uncomfortable) cinematic experience.

Note: I'm including three films Tarantino wrote but didn't direct, as I felt they all warranted inclusion.  

12. From Dusk Till Dawn

One of two horror homages on this list that's split into two distinct halves, From Dusk Till Dawn is a skillfully-made roller coaster of a vampire film starring an exceedingly compelling George Clooney and Tarantino himself as Seth and Richard Gecko, two escaped criminals attempting to reach the Mexican border before the authorities catch them.  On the way they take a family of three hostage and hijack their mobile home before stopping off at a Mexican strip club to await an associate.  The first half of the film plays out in typical Tarantino fashion, with playfully vulgar dialogue and high-tension standoffs, with director Robert Rodriguez lending his own visual style to the proceedings.  In the second half though the film takes a 90-degree turn when it's revealed the strip club is a lair for the undead, and our protagonists must fight for their lives against a gaggle of bloodsuckers to make it till morning.  Structurally this plays out like a Romero zombie film but with a much more sardonic tone and a ton of uncomfortable laughs.  Clooney demonstrated in his first major Hollywood role what a strong leading man he was - Seth is an eminently likable bastard - and his chemistry with Tarantino is undeniable.  The two leads and scores of snappy lines of dialogue really carry this film past being a crappy horror film and into the realm of a loving tribute.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Jurassic Park

Welcome to another Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com, where I dissect a beloved classic and explain why it doesn't quite hold up for me the way it does for everyone else, while also demonstrating why most of my friends don't like me.

Today it's Steven Spielberg's 1993 megahit Jurassic Park.  Based on Michael Crichton's 1990 novel (also called Jurassic Park), Jurassic Park tells the story of an eccentric billionaire who gets the bright idea to open an ecological preserve on a remote island near Costa Rica.  The rub is that this preserve is populated with DINOSAURS!  That's right, a team of scientists has recovered fossilized mosquitoes containing dinosaur blood, from which DNA has been extracted and complemented with genetic material from frogs to create a whole new race of giant lizards (ahem, bird ancestors)!  The billionaire flies in a team of scientists and a lawyer, plus his grandchildren, to evaluate the park so they can get the go-ahead from their investors to open the place to the public.  Of course all the dinosaurs get out and all hell breaks loose, and what ensues is one of the most successful blockbusters of all time, which spawned five sequels and counting.

So why can't I just sit back and enjoy the goddamn dinosaur movie you ask?  Well, read on and I'll lay it all out for ya.  Here we go....



The Awesome


Fucking Dinosaurs!

Jurassic Park was the first movie in a long time to portray dinosaurs in a realistic way, and it's light years ahead of every film before it in that respect.  The dinosaurs in this film look and sound amazing.  They're scary, they're awesome, they're occasionally funny, and they have little behavioral quirks like real animals do.  The blend of state-of-the-art animatronics and early CG almost totally holds up to this day, and represents one of a long list of spectacular achievements by ILM.  When we sat in that theater in 1993, we were plunged into a world of goddamn fucking dinosaurs and it was incredible.

My god, just LOOK AT IT.

Jeff Goldblum

The one actor who steals the show from the dinos, if such a thing is possible, is Jeff Goldblum as the peculiar, sardonic mathematician (chaotician, chaotician) Ian Malcolm.  Malcolm provides most of the film's humor but also has several great lines and speeches about how dangerous the idea of a dinosaur park is, both in the immediate sense and in the long-term.  From a comedic standpoint he's basically the Han Solo of Jurassic Park, and his character was so popular they made him the lead in the sequel, despite Malcolm having been killed off in the original novel.  Yes, Michael Crichton had to resurrect Malcolm via retcon in the The Lost World so Goldbum could be in that film.  Of course in the second movie he's a total wet blanket and nowhere near as cool as in the first.  Goldblum would essentially reprise this role in Independence Day as well.

You might be cool, but you'll never be
Ian Malcolm backlit by a projector, wearing sunglasses indoors cool.

NJPW Dominion 2022 Preview & Predictions

This Sunday it's NJPW Dominion 2022, boasting one of the more loaded cards in recent memory, though still not the kind of can't-miss lineup we saw from 2015-2018.

It's a weird time in NJPW, with numerous injuries and illnesses derailing plans and title reigns (and NJPW isn't alone in this regard), and a normally huge show like Dominion kinda taking a backseat to Forbidden Door in terms of buzz.  Many of the matches on this show are there to help set up bouts two weeks later, which may be a first for Dominion.  Nonetheless, this show actually kinda feels like a Dominion card, the top half anyway.  Let's take a look.....

Six or Nine & Hiroyoshi Tenzan vs. United Empire

Before we get to the good stuff we have to talk about the throwaway undercard matches, starting with Ryusuke Taguchi and friends against United Empire's B-team.  This will be short and sweet, and I imagine United Empire goes over.  Not much more to say.

Pick: United Empire

LIJ vs. Bullet Club

It's weird to see Naito and Takahashi this early on a major show.  Kinda seems wrong.  Bullet Club just introduced Ace Austin as their newest member so I think they probably win here, likely pinning Bushi.  Lotta talent in this match though, so it should be fun.

Pick: Bullet Club

WWE Hell in a Cell 2022 Preview & Predictions

It's June and for WWE that means a half-assed attempt at a Hell in a Cell PPV!

Seriously, they've announced six matches for this show, all of them from the RAW side of things.  Refreshingly though, only one is a HIAC match and it's the blowoff to a two-month feud.  Also on the bright side, Finn Balor and Mustafa Ali actually get to be on a PPV.  Throw in Nakamura and Ricochet and you'd have something.  To be fair, this lineup is pretty solid.  Once again it's about two-thirds of a good show on paper.  Let's take a look....

Kevin Owens vs. Ezekiel

What a fucking pointless feud this is.  Imagine taking a guy who main evented Night 1 of WrestleMania against a returning megastar like Steve Austin, and following that up by feuding him with Elias pretending to be Elias's brother.  Jesus H. Christ.  And stupidly, Owens likely has to job to this toolbag.  Elias was never very good in the ring so I don't see this match being much at all.  It's a shame, because they could book the match to last exactly 25 minutes and 17 seconds.  Ya know, Ezekiel 25:17?  Anyone?

Pick: Ezekiel

Bobby Lashley vs. Omos & MVP

I cannot believe this feud has gotten three goddamn PPV matches.  Stop trying to make fetch happen with Omos.  Just stop.  Mercifully this should be the end of the feud and Lashley should win, but Jesus, what a nothing feud.

Pick: Lashley

AEW Double or Nothing 2022 Review: Another 9/10

Well that was a doozy of a PPV.  Four hours and forty minutes of a loaded 12-match main card.  It's not a sustainable length on a regular basis, but a company can get away with it once in a while, and AEW certainly did here - just ask the live crowd.

AEW Double or Nothing 2022 is in the books and it was yet another excellent show from a promotion always striving to deliver one's money's worth.  Once again the card had a wide variety of match types, almost all of them good or better, and things ended in historic fashion with the crowning of a brand new AEW Champion.  On balance I'd place this in the top four AEW PPVs to date.  Let's look at the evening that was....

In the opening slot we were at long last (and after a tumultuous 24 hours) treated to Wardlow getting his hands on MJF, in a bout that could hardly be called an in-ring classic due to how it was booked, but one that delivered exactly what the fans wanted to see.  Over the first four minutes, MJF did everything he could to avoid Wardlow's crushing finisher, but finally after being caught trying to use his diamond ring, the Long Island snob offered to quadruple Wardlow's pay, Wardlow shook his hand and pulled him into the first of ten powerbombs.  Halfway through the barrage Wardlow teased a pin by putting his foot on MJF's chest, but stepped away after a two-count and hit five more, then got his well-deserved dominant victory over his former boss.  The crowd ate up this match with a spoon and Wardlow came off like a megastar, becoming emotional when Tony Schiavone announced he was now officially under contract to AEW.  MJF was stretchered out of the arena, presumably writing him off television until he and Tony Khan work out whatever their contract dispute is.  This was more of an angle than a match, but it was executed to perfection - a brilliantly laid-out, emotionally satisfying conclusion (for now anyway) to the MJF-Wardlow saga.  ***

Next up was the Hardys-Young Bucks dream match, in which Matt and Nick Jackson (sporting Elvis-style mutton chops) worked their asses off to cover up Matt and Jeff Hardy's very visible ring wear.  There was lots of back and forth action with the Bucks playing the brash heel roles to the hilt, and the Hardys struggling to keep up with their faster counterparts.  Late in the match Jeff avoided a BTE Trigger but the Bucks laid in multiple superkicks to both Hardys, who withstood the blows and kicked out of a pin attempt.  Jeff hit a swanton on Matt Jackson across the steel steps, while Matt Hardy hit Nick with a Twist of Fate and Jeff came off with a swanton for the win.  This was a step below the usual Bucks PPV match but still very good.  The Hardys look reeeeally tired out there and should adjust their style to be lower impact.  ***3/4

AEW Double or Nothing 2022 Preview & Predictions

It's Memorial Day weekend and you know what that means....

That's right, it's time for the fourth annual AEW Double or Nothing PPV extravaganza!  Once again we've got a loaded card (ten matches on the main show - that's gonna be a time management challenge to say the least), four of them for championships and two for the Owen Hart Tournament finals.  Plus a slew of other high-profile non-title bouts.  This should be another classic show.  Let's get right into it....

Buy-In: Hookhausen vs. Tony Nese & Mark Sterling

This one's just a showcase for the newly created alliance between Hook and Danhausen, and will probably be pretty short.  Nese will get some time to showcase his in-ring skills, but Hook will likely dominate and put away Sterling with Redrum.

Pick: Hookhausen

The Young Bucks vs. The Hardys

This is a dream match of sorts, even though it did take place five years ago (I still need to go back and watch their ROH ladder match).  But it's the first time we're seeing it in AEW on a stage this big.  Matt and Jeff have been looking in pretty rough shape lately so hopefully Matt and Nick will be able to guide them through this one in a way that hides the Hardys' age.  It should be a fun tag bout and I'm sure the Jacksons are thrilled to be able to wrestle their heroes again.  I feel like the Hardys probably win this but it could go either way.

Pick: Hardys

Top Ten Things: George Carlin HBO Specials

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

George Carlin.  For me no two words better encapsulate stand-up comedy.  George was a wordsmith, a philosopher, an iconoclast, and above all a goddamn funny motherfucker.  He was in love with the music of language, he enjoyed picking apart human idiosyncrasies and traditions, and he lived to offend.  George consistently evolved with the times, going from a laid-back hippie channeling Lenny Bruce to an angry, filthy old man fed up with society's inability to get out of its own way.  His greatest bits were conceptual and universal; material like "Seven Filthy Words," "Baseball vs. Football," and "Hello and Goodbye" have stood the test of time and are still hilarious now because of their everlasting relevance.  I'd wager nearly every comic working today was at least indirectly influenced by Carlin, the same way nearly every current band owes at least a roundabout debt to The Beatles.  George Carlin, Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce are pretty universally considered the Holy Trinity of stand-up.

George began releasing comedy records in 1971 and grew such a following that in 1977 he performed an extended comedy special for HBO.  From then on Carlin's HBO specials were event viewing, and eventually his albums were simply audio-only versions of the shows.  His 1970s album output was quite prolific and included gems like Occupation: Foole and FM/AM, but today I'll just be talking about his HBO shows.

So which Carlin specials were the best?  Let's take a look.....

10. Life Is Worth Losing (2005)

George only had three specials in the 21st century, and this was the second.  He'd been through drug rehab earlier that year and announced that he was nearly a year sober at the time of the recording.  Life is Worth Losing, as the name suggests, contains a lot of material about death and mortality, plus some reworked items originally intended for Complaints & Grievances which had to be cut due to the events of 9/11.  This show has grown on me a lot over the years, particularly the segments about suicide ("That's probably the most interesting thing you can do with your life - end it..."), extreme human behavior ("A buncha people stranded in the wilderness, run out of Pop-Tarts, you gotta eat something.  Might as well be Steve."), and education ("There's a reason education sucks and it will never ever ever be fixed - because the owners of this country don't want that.").  LIWL is probably George at his most gleefully pessimistic.

9. What Am I Doing in New Jersey? (1988)

As a teenager this show was one of my two favorites - Jersey was the show where Carlin fully transitioned into the angry old man persona, railing against the Reagan Administration and complaining about traffic.  Most of his work after this was tonally similar in terms of his delivery.  This one hasn't aged as well as I thought it would, partly because of the segments specifically topical to the late 80s, but the material about keeping people alert with bizarre behavior still cracks me up.  "Stand on line at the bank for a long time, and when you get to the window, just ask for change of a nickel..."  The first time I watched this one I was damn near incontinent.

Top Ten Things: AEW PPV Events, RANKED

Welcome to a special Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!  It's time to talk about AEW....

Coming up in a couple weeks is AEW's newest PPV offering, Double or Nothing 2022, but before we dig into that show and its loaded slate of matchups, let's take a trip through the company's PPV history.  Despite only being in existence for three years, this young company has already produced some of the best PPV events of the last decade (and in some cases beyond).  Limiting their schedule to four tentpoles a year (soon to be five with the addition of Forbidden Door) has allowed the company to make them feel special and to load them up as much as possible.  Over the last nine months they've basically been untouchable when it comes to delivering in the clutch, and as their roster grows and matures they'll have plenty more chances to add to an already pretty stellar PPV legacy.

Here are my rankings for every AEW PPV thus far - this list will be a living document as the company adds new PPVs to their impressive collection....

12. All Out 2020

AEW for my money has yet to deliver a bad PPV, but the weakest in their catalog has to be All Out 2020.  The big matches mostly delivered on this show but there was just too much filler for a PPV event, like the first (and thankfully only) Tooth and Nail match pitting Big Swole against Dr. Britt Baker, a silly hardcore-style match taking place in and around Baker's dental practice.  Another miss was Matt Hardy's Broken Rules match against Sammy Guevara, which was all but aborted when Matt took a bad table bump that clearly left him concussed.  The third unworthy bout was a TV-quality 8-man tag between Dustin Rhodes, QT Marshall, Scorpio Sky and Matt Cardona, and four Dark Order members.  In the middling category we had Orange Cassidy defeating Chris Jericho in a Mimosa Mayhem match, Lance Archer winning the Casino Battle Royal, and Hikaru Shida defending the Women's Title against Thunder Rosa.  Fortunately three bouts really delivered - The Young Bucks vs. Jurassic Express in a fast-paced tag battle, FTR's AEW Tag Title win over Kenny Omega and Hangman Page, and my pick for match of the night, Jon Moxley's successful AEW Title defense against MJF, a fantastic old-school tough babyface vs. smarmy heel main event.  Definitely the company's PPV nadir so far, but still a solid 7/10 or so.

11. Revolution 2021

AEW's most disappointing on-air moment so far has to be the botched climax of this show, wherein Kenny Omega and Jon Moxley delivered a very good, spectacularly brutal AEW Title main event only for the Exploding Barbwire Death Match pyrotechnics to fail at the end.  Omega and the Good Brothers stole the match from Moxley and continued to pummel him, Eddie Kingston ran down to make the save and cover Moxley just as the final explosion countdown expired, and then.....little firecrackers.  The company managed to come up with a creative explanation for this technical snafu, but whenever anyone remembers Revolution 2021, this is the moment that will surely spring to mind.  Still it was a solid overall outing, with The Young Bucks and Chris Jericho/MJF delivering a very good opening Tag Title match, Rey Fenix winning the Casino Tag Team Battle Royal, and Scorpio Sky winning the Face of the Revolution ladder match (featuring a debuting Ethan Page).  Somewhere in less memorable territory lay Hikaru Shida vs. Ryo Mizunami, Miro & Kip Sabian vs. Best Friends, Hangman Page vs. Matt Hardy, and Darby Allin & Sting defeating Team Taz in a cinematic street fight.  Overall another good-not-great show, in the 7.5/10 neighborhood.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: The Matrix

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies here at Enuffa.com, where I take a closer look at a film that is either beloved in spite of its faults or reviled in spite of its virtues, or that simply has such a mix of those two things it's stuck somewhere in between.

Today's subject is the 1999 cyberpunk action smash-hit, The Matrix!  The brainchild of the Wachowskis, The Matrix was a hip, new take on the humanity vs. machines theme that's been explored extensively in science fiction, driven by a capable cast and revolutionary special effects.  It became a touchstone at the time of its release, having such a profound and immediate influence on the genre that its visual tropes had actually become hackneyed by the time the sequels came out four years later.  In a way it was too big a hit for its own good, and the second and third films were viewed as a pretty massive disappointment (As of this moment I have yet to see the fourth film).  But however botched the follow-through on this saga, the first film remains a visually engaging, conceptually neat sci-fi/action vehicle that could've been even more had the producers not dumbed it down for us popcorn-gorging slobs.

So let's take a look at what still works, and what still doesn't, about The Matrix!




The Awesome


Concept

The plot of this movie is super cool.  It's a dystopian future and machines have become self-aware and taken over the world, imprisoning the human race as an energy source while plugging them into a virtual reality designed to keep them pacified and complacent.  Nearly every person left after the apocalypse was born into this matrix, occupying a cryo-pod but under the impression they're all living normal human lives in the late 20th century.  A few resistors like Morpheus got wise and dared to pull back the curtain, hoping to free the others and bring down the machines.  Our main protagonist Neo is a highly sought-after computer programmer/hacker, whom Morpheus believes will be "the one" to free humanity.  It's high-concept sci-fi fun, with lofty, existential themes that are eminently relatable; who wouldn't be able to get behind a small band of heroes trying to save the world?  It's the cinematic embodiment of Rage Against the Machine!





Effects

The special effects invented for The Matrix were possibly the most influential of that era.  Nearly every action sequence features "bullet time" effects, where a computer-controlled ring of cameras rapidly spins around a subject, firing off a single frame in quick succession.  When blended with a CG-modeled background, the effect creates the illusion of time stopping as our hero manipulates space-time within the Matrix.  The martial arts scenes made liberal use of this effect and it was unlike anything ever put to film at that time.  It was so successful and popular nearly every action movie for the next few years ripped it off in some form, even when it didn't make sense in context (which was usually the case - see Charlie's Angels or Mission Impossible 2).  The visual effects here were hugely groundbreaking.

This move was so popular WWE wrestler Trish Stratus started using it.

Awesomely Shitty Movies: The Fifth Element

Welcome back to Enuffa.com, and welcome to yet another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, where I suck all the enjoyment out of one of America's most beloved popcorn films and demonstrate why I don't get invited to parties anymore.

Today I'll be dissecting Luc Besson's 1997 sci-fi epic The Fifth Element - a richly visual, futuristic action vehicle, starring Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Ian Holm and Milla Jovovich.  This film was released at the start of the 1997 summer movie season, and while not a success in the United States, made a killing overseas.  The story centers around a battle of good vs. evil, life vs. death, as a cosmic force threatens the existence of all life in the universe unless the five elements are assembled to stop it.  Caught up in the middle of this war is Korben Dallas, a former special forces officer now driving a cab for a living.  Dallas is recruited to deliver "the fifth element" - a supreme being in the guise of a young woman named Leeloo - to an alien in possession of four stones representing the other four elements, so they may be used to save the universe.

This is a pretty goofy premise if I'm being honest, and were it not for Luc Besson's gleeful abandon and quite obvious love for the project (plus several other factors), this film would likely belong in a compost heap.

But let's examine the reasons this movie is actually quite delightful, and then we'll talk about what could've been improved.


The Awesome

Casting

What first attracted me to this film, and what immediately sets it apart from its B-movie schlock brethren, is its first-rate cast.  Bruce Willis is typecast but perfect as the reluctant everyman hero Korben Dallas, whose life as a cabby seems unbecoming of a former decorated soldier.  Dallas lives a lonely existence in a shoebox apartment with only his cat for companionship.  In Leeloo he sees a chance for redemption and a sense of purpose.  Milla Jovovich is quirky, often goofy, but also quite touching in the role of Leeloo.  Despite being a superpowered alien she projects vulnerability and makes us identify with and care about this strange person.  Ian Holm improves every film he's in, and his turn as Vito Cornelius is no exception.  Cornelius is the priest entrusted with being the caretaker of the five elements, and Holm's performance brings instant credibility to the project, much as Alec Guinness did for Star Wars.  And last but certainly not least, Gary Oldman once again steals the show as the villainous, slimy weapons dealer Zorg, who is also after the elemental stones.  Boasting a southern accent and oversized front teeth, Oldman is almost unrecognizable as this craven but charismatic scoundrel.