It's time for WWE's Elimination Chamber, or as my wife likes to call it, Menimination Mamber. To me the phrase "elimination chamber" sounds like a room you poop in. "I'll be back in 20 minutes, I'm just gonna hit the elimination chamber before the movie starts...."
Anywho, it's Chamber time, and usually that means we get a couple of fun garbage matches involving a few credible participants and some filler. No women's Chamber this year, which is odd. In fact there's only one women's match on the card at all, and it's now up in the air. But we'll get to that. Let's pick some winners....
US Championship Triple Threat: Bobby Lashley vs. Keith Lee vs. Matt Riddle
Yeah, I refuse to just call him "Riddle." What is with Vince's predilection toward single-word names? Why can't he just be Matt Riddle? What, in case he leaves in a few years, you want everyone to be like "MATT Riddle?? Who's that? I know a fella named Riddle, but never heard of this Matt person you mentioned." Jeezus H. Christ. Anyway, this match should be solid as long as Matt isn't presented as a chump. He had a good showing in the Rumble and should come off as a credible challenger. Keith Lee is long overdue for some kind of real push, as opposed to the Vince McMahon three-week special everyone seems to get. One of these guys ought to dethrone Lashley. But they probably won't.
Pick: Lashley retains
RAW Women's Championship: Asuka vs. TBD
So this match was supposed to see Lacey Evans challenge Asuka, and I was dreading the fuck out of a Lacey win leading to Charlotte challenging her at WrestleMania to further their stupid fucking feud. Would've been yet another case of Asuka getting screwed over for Mania season. But it turns out Lacey is pregnant and is therefore off the show. So who gets the shot now? No idea. Usually a surprise opponent means that person is winning. Maybe Becky is coming back to reclaim the championship she never lost? Seems silly to not advertise the return of Becky Lynch, but who knows? Maybe Rhea Ripley gets the call-up? Anyway, I hate to bet against Asuka and I hate even more that Vince doesn't seem to have a WrestleMania plan for her, basically ever. But you never bet against the surprise opponent.
WWE Championship Elimination Chamber: Drew McIntyre vs. AJ Styles vs. Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy
WWE has a serious age problem. Over half the men's Royal Rumble field was over 40. Four of the six men in this match are over 40, one is 39. The youngest, Drew, is 35. I keep saying it, but there's a reason young people no longer watch WWE. Stop holding young talents down until their late 30s. It's not that complicated. Anywho, I have no idea what their plan is for the WWE Title at Mania, and I doubt Vince does either. I can't see any of these challengers beating him for it here unless they're doing Edge vs. Orton again, which would be terrible. So I think Drew retains.
Pick: Drew retains
#1 Contender Elimination Chamber: Kevin Owens vs. Jey Uso vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Baron Corbin
Guys, stop trying to make fetch happen with Corbin. Why is he in this? Couldn't Nakamura take his spot? Anyway aside from Baron, this looks like a swell match on paper. The winner of course gets to face Roman Reigns later in the night, which seems to me like a good time to finally deliver on Roman vs. Bryan from 2019. But they're gonna have it be Owens again, since he lost the Last Man Standing match under questionable circumstances. Fucking lame. No one buys Owens as a legit threat to win the belt here.
Universal Championship: Roman Reigns vs. TBD
Wow, the second match with a TBD challenger. As I said, I think it'll be Owens in this spot, losing for the third time against Reigns. But no matter who wins the Chamber, they're not beating Reigns for the belt, as I believe Reigns vs. Edge is the plan for Mania. Meh....
Pick: Reigns retains to remain champ againe.
And that's where I'm at headed into Elimination Chamber. Looks like a decent show on paper, as I said before. We'll see if they deliver.
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