Music Review: Sia - Everyday is Christmas

To start, a little something about me: I hate pop Christmas albums.  They generally scream "cynical money grab" and have little to no substance, undermining the joyous, wide-eyed naivete we're all supposed to feel this time of year.  And yet here's Everyday is Christmas, the new album of original Christmas-themed tunes from Sia, to evoke warm holiday spirit and kickstart your yuletide merriment.  And the songs are pretty damn good to boot.

The album's ten tracks are mostly light and fluffy like so much Christmas snow (back when it actually snowed on Christmas), but there are a few piano ballads as well, shades of her Some People Have Real Problems era.  It's nice to hear Sia bring back some of that stuff.

An early standout for me is the Darlene Love-esque "Candy Cane Lane," which features the bounce of "Baby Please Come Home" but also a darkly uncertain chorus for a song of this ilk.  Another is the melancholy "Snowman," whose lyrics seem to suggest a metaphorical love song: "Don't cry, snowman, don't leave me this way/A puddle of water can't hold me close, baby."  My only complaint about this track is its short running time; this is one of those choruses she could get away with repeating several times.  The album's apex for me is the ode to holiday boozin', "Ho Ho Ho," another springy track with another instantly infectious chorus hook.  You may have heard a snippet of this in JC Penney's Black Friday weekend TV ads.  The album peters a little in the second half, peaking with the title track, an oddly minor-keyed love song reminiscent of "Bird Set Free," where Sia proclaims to her love interest that "Everyday is Christmas when you're here with me/I'm safe in your arms, you're my angel, baby."   

At 33 minutes, Everyday is Christmas is a quick listen but worthy of multiple spins, as there's enough going on harmonically and instrumentally for new ear candy to reveal itself each time.  It's very telling of Sia's considerable songwriting ability that even an undemanding album like Everyday is Christmas still boasts memorable hooks and quality tunes.  This could've been a total throwaway record of gratiuitous covers just to cash in on the season, but it actually holds up as a solid album.  I don't think this marvelous talent is capable of a bad record.

I give the album *** out of *****.


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Justice League Movie Review

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

Someone's missing...

I finally watched Justice League yesterday. As someone who didn't hate but didn't love Batman V Superman, I was somewhat looking forward to this one after watching the excellent Wonder Woman. So let's dive into this and check out the good and the bad. 

GOOD: Jason Momoa as Aquaman and Ezra Miller as the Flash. They both are given some time to develop a backstory and both are quite good in these roles. Momoa as a cocky Arthur Curry is perfect casting. He's funny and he's ready for combat. Plus he confuses my pants area...I'm surprised by that. And Miller plays the Flash as a socially awkward nerdy guy. It's not the characterization I woulda gone with but dammit, the kid nailed. He's funny throughout the whole thing and really kills this role.

These two were awesome. 

BAD: Cyborg. Not Ray Fisher playing Cyborg, he's fine. Cyborg the actual character. There is essentially no explanation for why he's this shape shifting Iron Man type dude. They tell us he was in an accident and boom he's the T-1000. It's way too fast an origin. In fact...

BAD:...Way too fast origins. They give Flash, Aqua and Cyborg like ten minutes each to tell their stories. It's simply not enough time. The reason the Marvel movies work so well is we see those characters through the growing pains and how they become heroes. In this, it's all way too quick. Here's a fast guy who even tells Batman "I've never been in a fight" aaaaaaand now he's fighting flying demons. Here's a robot guy that doesn't even know how his robot body works aaaaaaand now he's shape shifting to make a laser gun. Without the proper setup for these guys and their powers, there's no individual arc for us to cheer on. It's simply "here's superheroes, cheer along" 

GOOD: SPOILER ALERT but not really. So Superman is back and they finally seem to understand how to do this character, at least a little bit better. I mean, it's strange for him to come back from the dead and lighten up, but whatevs, I'm glad Henry Cavill gets to play a real Superman. 

WWE Survivor Series 2017: I Hate This Family

Man, how awesome is this?  Wait, it's all gonna go to shit in ten minutes??

Well, just like last year's Survivor Series, this was a very good PPV that had a mindnumbingly stupid main event.  The problem is, unlike last year's main event which only took up 90 seconds of my time, this one took 33 minutes.  Brock Lesnar went from the worst match of the night in 2016 to the best match in 2017, while the men's elimination match took the opposite path.  What the hell is this company doing?  And for the love of shit, why is it necessary for these RAW vs. Smackdown shows to feature everyone clad in idiotic red and blue T-shirts?  We know who's on which show, dickheads.  All you need is for all the wrestlers to include red or blue in their normal ring gear.  Stop insulting me.

The show opened, smartly, with the six-man tag between two very over squads, The Shield and The New Day.  The crowd was into this and loved both teams (except Roman who got a smattering of "you still suck" chants).  Both trios worked hard and aside from a couple miscues (which seemed oddly prevalent on this show), threw together a very enjoyable 21-minute match which loads of false finishes and an actual ending that was a callback to an earlier spot.  After being thwarted earlier in the match, The Shield put it away with their signature triple powerbomb, but delivered it from the second rope.  If anything this match could've been maybe three minutes shorter, and it wasn't at the same level of the Shield's amazing 2014 matches with The Wyatts and Evolution.  But it was a hot opener with a big-fight feel and established The New Day as very worthy opponents for the dominant Shield.

If you didn't pick these guys to win, I dunno what to tell ya.

The women's elimination match was next, after a baffling backstage pep talk from Stephanie McMahon to her RAW team that once again made the actual women wrestlers look subservient to the boss's daughter.  I don't want to see McMahons on my TV screen anymore.  I'm sick to goddamn death of this family.  Anyway, the match itself got over 18 minutes and didn't feel like a sprint, but still felt a bit rushed.  Too many eliminations were too sudden, like Becky Lynch's unceremonious exit two minutes in.  Stop doing these surprise early eliminations, god damn you!  They aren't surprising if you do them every year.  From there we got a battle of the bulls, as Nia Jax and Tamina faced off.  Tamina won this round by repeatedly attacking Nia outside the ring and hitting her dad's Superfly splash on the floor, getting Nia counted out.  Bayley also fell to Tamina's splash, while Alicia Fox was the victim of a horrendous fast count by the ref.  Naomi had rolled her up and she was clearly supposed to kick out before being locked in a submission hold, but the referee counted 1...2-3 and basically pushed her out of the ring.  Someone fucked up.  It all boiled down to Nattie and Tamina vs. Asuka, allowing the Empress of Tomorrow to fully demonstrate her dominance by eliminating both opponents clean.  Not a great match but a good one that accomplished what it needed to.  Asuka is the woman of the hour.

Asuka's main roster push is back on track.

NXT TakeOver: WarGames Preview & Predictions

Oh man.......oh mama......it finally happened.......WWE is resurrecting WARGAMES!!!!

Nevermind that the new version of the rules doesn't make much sense and is yet another entry in the WWE Fixed Something That Wasn't Broke category, this is gonna be a lotta fun.  I've been a fan of WarGames since I first bought the NWA Great American Bash '87 tape back in the day.  The visual of two rings surrounded by a steel cage with ten guys bloodying each other senseless for 25 minutes was the stuff of legend.  I'm not sure how NXT will handle the blood situation; maybe there will be a few "accidental on purpose" hardways.  Regardless, I'm looking forward to this main event.  But as always, NXT has a host of other intriguing matchups this Saturday, so let's take a look...


First off, there's a dark match between UK Champ Pete Dunne and Johnny Gargano, and I'm baffled this isn't on the special.  That would probably steal the goddamn show.  Christ.

Kassius Ohno vs. Lars Sullivan

I know next to nothing about Sullivan, so it's hard to give much of an educated opinion on this one, but Ohno will work hard to make him look good I'm sure.  Since Sullivan is 303 pounds you know WWE officials are salivating at the idea of a new monster character.  I'm guessing Ohno's only here to give him a good win.

Justin: Lars
Landon: Sullivan

Aleister Black vs. The Velveteen Dream

Former Tough Enough contestant Patrick Clark will be the latest to get bludgeoned by Black, on his rise to the NXT main event scene.  Not much more to say about this; it's obviously another Black showcase match.

Justin: Aleister Black
Landon: Black is probably being groomed to take the title from Adam Cole, or he'll be ready very soon.

NXT Women's Championship: Ember Moon vs. Kairi Sane vs. Nikki Cross vs. Peyton Royce

I'm looking forward to this.  Asuka's departure left a vacant NXT Women's Title, and this is the match to fill that vacancy.  As I see it, this is really a two-horse race.  Royce has no chance of winning, nor should she, Nikki is the spoiler candidate here but won't end up taking it.  It's realistically between Ember Moon, who was Asuka's heir apparent, and Kairi Sane, who, like Asuka, is a very accomplished Japanese import.  I think it's too soon for Sane to win the belt, and it would look too much like they were just plugging her into Asuka's spot.  Ember Moon should finally capture the title and get a decent run before Sane eventually dethrones her.

Justin: Ember
Landon: Ember

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Batman v Superman

Welcome to Enuffa.com!  It's been a while, but the time has come to resurrect the old favorite, Awesomely Shitty Movies!  Some of you know the drill, but for those who don't, ASM is where I examine the good and bad elements of some piece of cinematic tripe.  

And today's entry certainly falls into that category.  That's right, it's Zack Snyder's divisive creation, the long-awaited Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice!

This 151-minute superhero mashup marks the first time in history that Metropolis's messiah and Gotham's masked vigilante share the big screen, and I can assure you it ain't to swap gazpacho recipes.  Nope, it's to pummel the ever-lovin' shit out of each other (and also to set up the Avengers-esque Justice League movie in 2017....mostly it's for that reason actually).

Henry Cavill is back as Kal-El, the brooding, reluctant alien hero from Man of Steel who sorta looks like Superman but doesn't share any of his character traits.  In Batman's cape and cowl this time is Ben Affleck, who might just have the greatest superhero jaw in the history of the world, and who is also ENORMOUS in this film.  Huge.  Like, did anyone check who's supplying his "vitamins?"  Plus we have Israeli model Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman and Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor(??).  So let's get to it - what worked and what didn't?



The Awesome (For the purposes of this column I use that term loosely)


Visuals

As with most of Zack Snyder's work, the visuals here are super slick, very stylized, and moody.  Just like Man of Steel, the color palette in BvS is very muted and there are a lot of CG enhancements, but the costumes look badass and there's plenty of eye-candy.

Lotta cool-looking stuff in this movie

Batfleck

For all the complaining when he was cast, Ben Affleck makes a pretty good Batman.  It helps that his costume is based on Frank Miller's wonderful version of the suit, giving Affleck a fearsome, bulky appearance.  His Bruce Wayne is older, more grizzled, more cynical, and more ruthless.  Affleck plays possibly the most tortured screen version of the character to date, who's given up trying to be a normal dude, even letting Wayne Manor fall into decay and settling for the modernized guest house nearby (This was a nice touch I thought, and served as interesting symbolism for the character).  Also his electronically-enhanced "Bat-voice" is way cool-sounding and I think they've finally found the right way to execute that.  All that said though, I still never fully felt I was watching Batman.  I was always at least slightly aware it was Ben Affleck in a Batsuit.  But overall no real complaints about Batfleck.

Possibly the best-looking cinematic Bat-suit

Some Superman Scenes

Cavill as Superman is still monosyllabic and therefore almost impossible to identify with.  Aside from his look (which is perfect), Cavill has still not proved to me that he's the correct choice for Kal-El, nor does he even bother playing Clark Kent as a different character.  To all those people who say Lois should know Clark and Supes are the same person because it's unrealistic for her not to figure it out, I say this: If Superman doesn't act any differently as Clark Kent, isn't it more unrealistic for everyone else (including the World's Greatest Detective Batman) not to put it together?

However unlike Man of Steel, BvS at least provides Clark a few scenes where we feel a little something for him, such as the one after he fails to stop a bombing and expresses to Lois that maybe he wasn't meant to be a hero.  This idea doesn't really get explored further, but the scene itself was well done.



Frank Miller Influence

This movie is FULL of visual references to Miller's The Dark Knight Returns.  I already mentioned the Batsuit lifted right out of Miller's artwork, plus the armored Batsuit (which looks INCREDIBLE in movie form), much of the Bats vs. Supes fight itself, and some unrelated moments I'll get to in a bit.  It was cool to see Miller's iconic version of Batman brought to life.

I knew this looked familiar....

WWE Survivor Series 2017 Preview & Predictions

Wow.  What a bizarre build to this year's Survivor Series.  The card has changed roughly 78 times since the matches were first announced four weeks ago, and amazingly the show went from a surefire stinker to one of the best on-paper lineups of the year.  That doesn't mean of course that WWE won't fuck this up, they've demonstrated on many occasions their uncanny ability to botch something as simple as bagged salad mix.  But my optimism for this show being good has probably tripled in the last two weeks.  I went from full-on dreading it to actually having hope that this will be on par with last year's surprisingly excellent Survivor Series.  While I do think the champion vs. champion gimmick is dumb overall, three of the four matches are now very promising.  And while the RAW vs. Smackdown nonsense is forced and drivelous, the two elimination matches have the potential to be great.

So let's take a look at the matchups and see what makes sense.

***I'm leading still, with 62/88 (70%), Landon's in second with 51/76 (67%), Dave's in third with 36/54 (66.666666%), and Dan's in the rear (heh....rear...) with 54/88 (61%).***

Pre-Show Cruiserweight Championship: Enzo Amore vs. Kalisto

Thank Christ this got bumped to the pre-show.  What a pointless match, feud, and title.  This division is deader than dead.  If anyone's tuning in specifically for the 205 Live stuff, I feel sorry for you.

Justin: Enzo retains.  Who gives a shit?
Dan: I guess.  He stinks.
Landon: Enzo.  Fuck this company.
Dave: My god, I don't care.  Enzo I guess.

Champion vs. Champion: The Miz vs. Baron Corbin

This is the one main card match I'm really not at all interested in.  Who fuckin' cares about this?  Both guys are heels, only one is good at his job, and there's literally nothing at stake.  This match should get as little time as possible.  Corbin really should've dropped the belt to a rising babyface star prior to this (Not you Sin Cara!), so there'd be something to care about.

Justin: Miz gets a cheap win
Dan: COME ON MIZZY!
Landon: Miz.  Fuck this company.
Dave: Miz rules.

2017 World Tag League Preview

Well...This is certainly underwhelming. Usually there's some fun to be had out of the World Tag League, but this year the rosters seem really barren. Naito is vacationing in Mexico, Kenny is off in the Eliteverse, and I can only assume that Okada and Tanahashi are going into two of Lord Frieza's Medical Machines for the next month. So what we're left with is a handful of established tag teams, odd faction amalgamations, and a few last minute cobbled together teams that fill out a weak Tag Tournament. But, there's still some joy that can be found in all this. What's good, what's bad, and what'll work? That's what we're here for.



A Block

Bad Luck Fale and Chase Owens (Bullet Club)

Landon: I love Chase Owens and he deserves to do better than he will.

Justin: This here is the Bullet Club C-Team.  They won't be winning the tournament.



EVIL and SANADA (Los Ingobernables de Japon)

Landon: I think that EVIL and SANADA are going all the way. They're at least sweeping this block. They have nothing better going for the next few months, so they could drop the 6-Man belts (sorry BUSHI) and be a proper native top heavyweight tag team.

Justin: Evil and Sanada have to be one of the two or three favorites to win the whole thing.  They aren't involved in a feud right now and they need something good to do for the Dome.  A tag title match would do nicely.



Hangman Page and Yujiro Takahashi (Bullet Club)

Justin: And this is the Bullet Club D-Team.  Next?

Landon: You know at least they were a tag team before literally these announcements. I know they won't go far, but Yujiro and Hangman have both stepped up their efforts in their respective home companies. Maybe they'll show promise here.

ESPN 30 For 30 Documentary Review: Ric Flair Nature Boy

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

Last night, ESPN premiered their newest sports documentary about the stylin', profilin', limousine riding, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin' n' dealin' son of a gun Ric Flair.

This man is not only a wrestling legend but he has transcended that stardom in the squared circle to become one of life's superstars. Everyone knows who Ric Flair is. Everyone knows what his bedazzled robes look like. And of course we all know his signature catchphrase--'WOOOOOO!'

But what about the man? This documentary gets in to the man...kind of. It's definitely more about the playboy persona of RIC FLAIR WORLD CHAMPION but it does give some insight into Richard Fliehr, the adpoted son of strict, tie wearing parents. It delves into how young Richard loved wrestling but his father wanted nothing to do with it...and that's it. It's barely five minutes of talking about Ric's childhood and lack of interest from his parents. There's clearly more to the story there as you can see it affected Ric greatly but the director chose to move on from that pretty quickly I thought.

We then move onto his wrestling career and man oh man did this guy do some hard living. There's a scene (some scenes were animated when Flair was telling stories, as this one was) where he describes his daily intake of booze. 10 beers and 5 mixed drinks everyday he worked. Well, he's a wrassler, and he worked everyday so he drank that amount EVERYDAY.

Well, hello new phone background. 

WWE Smackdown: AJ Hinders Jinder

Well.  That's certainly an improvement.

Last night on Smackdown, AJ Styles unseated WWE's worst Champion of all time (Yup, I'm goin' there), Jinder Mahal to not only capture the belt but take Jinder's spot in the Survivor Series main event against Brock Lesnar.  And thus we now potentially have a main event worth watching, provided Vince doesn't just book Lesnar to squash AJ.  What SHOULD happen at Survivor Series is Brock has a bitch of a time catching the lightning-quick Styles and is kept off balance for much of an 18-minute match, finally getting his XXXXL-gloved hands on AJ toward the end and lowering the boom.  I have zero problem with Brock beating AJ, but it's gotta look good and be a competitive match.  For the first time in a WWE ring we have two former IWGP Heavyweight Champions squaring off.  That in and of itself is quite something.  The match could be fantastic if they do it right.  Please do it right, Vince.  Throw us a frickin' bone here.....

There was another title change this week, as Cesaro & Sheamus regained the RAW tag belts from Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose.  I'm not crazy about this change unless it's to create a Shield match (more on that in a sec), as we now have yet another heel champion vs. heel champion match.  For 24 hours every title in the company was held by a heel.  Normally I'm fine with that scenario, but not if you're doing champion vs. champion matches in two weeks.  I really would've liked to see Owens & Zayn beat The Usos for the Smackdown belts and face Ambrose & Rollins, but that one's not in the cards. 

Instead what seems imminent to be added to the lineup is The Shield vs. The New Day.  At least that's what's being teased.  Should be a good match, but why not just add The Bar and The Usos (or better, KO & Sami) and make it another 5-on-5 elimination match?  There's no belts on the line anyway, so who cares?  I'd rather see a third Survivor Series match on the Survivor Series PPV.  Call me crazy, call me a pervert.  Anyway....

Next week's Smackdown will have two title matches that could further change the card.  This build has been the weirdest since the Russo era.  Baron Corbin is defending against Sin Cara - why are they pushing him again all of a sudden?? - but I won't be sad if Cara wins because a) it's makes a heel vs. face match at Survivor Series, and b) Miz vs. Sin Cara will be a helluva lot more fun than Miz vs. Corbin.  And Nattie is defending against Charlotte.  While I'd be sad to see Nattie's reign cut so short, Alexa vs. Charlotte is also a heel vs. face matchup and will probably get the crowd more engaged than Alexa vs. Nattie.  So both changes could be positives, and I assume Nattie would take Charlotte's place in the women's elimination match. 

If the Shield-New Day match gets added, Survivor Series will have an 8-match lineup.  Please tell me the Enzo-Kalisto match gets bumped to the pre-show then?  No one gives a shit about that one, and even for a four-hour show, eight matches is a lot when two of them are 5-on-5.  I'm guessing Owens and Zayn get involved in the men's elimination match and screw over Shane's team.  I'm also guessing Jinder gets added as the fifth man for Smackdown (Ugh)? 

Still so much up in the air for this show, considering it's in eleven days.  But at least we have a strong main event now.  More importantly, Jinder Mahal's Reign of Suck is finally over.  Let's keep it that way.



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Movie Review: Jigsaw (2017)

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

All right, I've said A LOT about these movies in the last month. I had to re-watch 'em all just so I'd be good and prepared for the newest chapter, Jigsaw. So how does it compare to the rest of these flicks?

Eh. It's ok. It's a ton of the same shit that came before. And a lot more convulted-ed-ness (that's a word). John "Jigsaw" Kramer is dead...OR IS HE?!?!? A new group of shmucks are stuck in a new shithole trapped in a situation eerily similar to Jiggy's M.O. Is it him? Come back from the dead?!?!?

We're introduced to a buncha new characters. There's hard-boiled detective Halloran, his partner detective Hunt, medical examiners Logan and ginger Eleanor. And then the whole slew of folk trapped inside of Jigsaw's newest game. I'd tell you their names, but they're completely forgettable.

Our suspects, ladies & gentlemen. 

Without getting too spoilery, these people hafta atone for their past sins by having pieces of their body flayed off. It's fun! While they're all trapped up bleeding everywhere, the cops and the medical folk obviously start suspecting each other as being the new Saw dude because they're the only ones in the movie that could. So a buncha people get hacked up, no one learns a lesson and there's a twist ending with SOMEONE being a murderer type.

Did I like this one? I mean, I like them all, but this one kinda stunk. The problem with this particular episode is it's kinda obvious who's pulling the strings. At least in the other flicks I was sorta guessing what the plot twist was gonna be. When it happens here, it only confirmed my suspicions. There's a point in the movie where they make it quite obvious that the person doing the Saw'ing is the only possible one that could've manipulated everything into place. So without the surprise element, this one's lacking a fundamental Saw piece.

NJPW Power Struggle Review: JERICHO!!!!

Wow, what a show, both in terms of match quality (three ****+ matches to close the PPV by my calculation) and perhaps more significantly in terms of setting up WrestleKingdom 12.  NJPW Power Struggle is likely to be remembered at least as much for its post-match angles as for its matches, with Tokyo Dome bouts set up for the Jr. Tag belts (RPG3K vs. Young Bucks is sure to be spectacular), the Jr. belt (if you're doing a Fatal 4-way these are the four guys you want), the Intercontinental Title (the push seems a little sudden but I've been eagerly awaiting Jay White's return to the company), and one of the most earth-shattering announcements in New Japan history, Kenny Omega defending the US Title against Chris Jericho!

This is simply huge.  That an 18-year WWE veteran has jumped ship to New Japan indicates a potentially seismic shift in the industry the likes of which we haven't seen since WCW came knocking on Vince's door back in 1995.  For the first time since the Monday Night War, a very relevant WWE fixture has willingly decided to try his hand in a different company that currently has a major buzz around it.  For a wrestler at this stage of his career to yearn for a new challenge rather than taking the easy, reliable paycheck is remarkable, and it illustrates how much hotter the New Japan brand is right now than WWE (not to mention how committed Jericho is to reinventing himself).  NJPW is becoming the place where wrestlers go to improve their game.  WWE is where wrestlers go to make as much money as they can while they're still healthy.  What's also telling is the numerous New Japan/ROH talents who have declined WWE contracts like Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks, and the recent WWE departures like Austin Aries and Neville who asked for their WWE release.  Wrestlers are increasingly discovering they can make a good living and actually be used based on their strengths outside of WWE, rather than floundering in a company that doesn't seem interested in creating legitimate box office draws.  It's a truly exciting development and I can't wait to see both the Jericho-Omega match, and Jericho's post-Dome New Japan run.  I assume it'll be a 3-6 month tenure and then he'll go back on tour with Fozzy.  We could easily see him return to WWE at some point as well, but the fact that he chose to go somewhere else after repeatedly vowing never to wrestle for any other company speaks volumes of how hot New Japan is right now.   

Alright, moving on to the actual PPV.  Power Struggle was, in my estimation, New Japan's third-best show of 2017 (after WK11 and Dominion of course).  The undercard was a solid, consistently entertaining series of matches, and from the Jr. Tag Finals on we were treated to a variety of good-to-excellent bouts, concluding with, as I mentioned, three stupendous outings.

The Young Bucks returned to New Japan in the opening match to make fairly quick work of Titan and Dragon Lee.  It was a brief seven-minute encounter but a nicely executed, fun opener that re-established the Bucks as the division's team to beat.  No complaints there.

Next up were a pair of multi-man tags to keep the crowd feelin' good.  Suzuki-Gun took a quick dive against Juice Robinson's squad when Kushida tapped out Taka Michinoku.  Not much to that match but it was inoffensive and quick.  Then TenCozy and Togi Makabe had an enjoyable little match against the Bullet Club C-team when Kojima pinned Chase Owens. 

NJPW Power Struggle 2017 Preview & Predictions

Power Struggle is, barring the World Tag League, the final stop to the Tokyo Dome. After this, there are no more matches for the Big Four titles of New Japan, all the title matches for the Domewill be decided here, or soon after. The undercard is underwhelming, but the second half promises to be a rockin' outing. It's only a few days away, and Justin and I are running down just what's gonna happen in Osaka.




David Finlay vs. Katsuya Kitamura

Landon: This might end up being Kitamura's first win over a non-Young Lion in New Japan. There's obviously a tremendous upside to the rookie, but history tells that Finlay will pick up the win here.

Justin: Gotta stick with the non-rookie.  Should be a nice little match though.




Nick Jackson and Matt Jackson vs Dragon Lee and Titan

Landon: "We have nothing for the Young Bucks really, and we have the CMLL guys here still. So..." Young Bucks to win here, possibly to face SHO and YOH at the Tokyo Dome.

Justin: Bucks of Youth have to win here.  YB vs. RPG3K at the Dome.




Juice Robinson, Jushin Thunder Liger, Tiger Mask IV, Kushida, and Hirai Kawato vs Suzuki-Gun (Zack Sabre Jr., Taichi, Yoshinobu Kanemaru, El Desperado, and TAKA Michinoku)

Landon: Something for the Suzuki-Gun Junior Brigade to do, and something for the Seiki-Gun to do. Kawato probably eats the fall, maybe from El Desperado

Justin: Yes, SG wins, if for no other reason than to keep ZSJ strong heading into the Dome.




Togi Makabe, Hiroyoshi Tenzan, and Satoshi Kojima vs. Bullet Club (Cody, Yujiro Takahashi, and Chase Owens)

Landon: This entire Undercard for this show is really weird. I guess the only thing that could come of this is Makabe pinning Chase. Whether that sets up for the NEVER Openweight title match against Suzuki I've been demanding for months, or even an ROH World Championship match, I don't know. I don't expect much.

Justin: Bullet Club so Cody looks strong.

Fast & Furious Controversy: Tyrese Threatens To Quit

By B-Cuddy

[EDITOR'S NOTE I'll be honest, no one here at Enuffa gives a rat's ass about Tyrese or these movies. In fact, this is all just an excuse for B-Cuddy to bitch about these 8 (fucking EIGHT?!?!?) pieces of shit. Take it away, Cuddy.]

My wife loves these movies so I have had to sit through the last few of 'em. I still love her though cause I'm a helluva guy. Anyways, it's like the Olympics of bad acting. The stories are so over the top and nonsensical, that for any of those morons to think they're irreplaceable is laughable.

Here are the 5 worst performances from the two that I've watched.

5. The Rock

Seems like a nice guy but he has the emotional range of a can opener. Being on steroids has done his career wonders. I bet even Justin agrees with this. I'd ask him about it, but anytime the Rock gets brought up, you gotta wait a while until Justin cleans himself off.  (Editor's Note: Umm, that's Prof's gig).

4. Ludacris

How is he an actor? And how the fuck did he get cast as the nerdy tech guy?? It would be more believable if my aunt had this role, and she can barely turn the TV on. 

3. Tyrese

Sucks at singing, sucks at acting. He plays the "comic relief" and is always panicking for some reason or another. Which is odd because he continues to be part of a crew who's entire existence is based off high speed chases and explosions and I don't fucking know what else. Perhaps it is actually time for both he and his character to quit. Also, not a laugh to be had. But since he's taking his ball and going home, a spot has opened up. And if you want laughs, hire my man Pickles. He's an actor. (In theory). Just change it to an R-rated flick because there's gonna be a lot of colorful language. C-bombs like ya read about. 

2. Michelle Rodriguez

In one of these hunks of shit, this dame gets amnesia. FUCKING AMNESIA. Because when you get 8 deep into a movie franchise, you gotta break amnesia out at some point. I wish I had amnesia from watching her act. The only one who's worse is Vin himself (SPOILER ALERT!). Apparently Vin's character fancies himself a gal on his acting level, and someone who looks like him. No, seriously, they look similar. It's weird. 

1. Vin Diesel

First of all, what a preposterous asshole name. If a porn actor told a studio his name was Vin Diesel, they'd tell him to pick something less stupid. But i digress...

Maybe the worst actor I've ever seen. Its close between him and that kid who turned Darth Vader into a whiney bitch. From what I've gathered between these movies and his dodge commercial, his entire career is based of having a deep voice. And supposedly being bulky? Maybe that worked until the Rock showed up and cucked him into the next galaxy. AMIRITE, Jingles???!!!

I wish I was surprised these movies made money, but I mean, just look at the world we live in now. It's utter chaos. 

That's all for B-Cuddy.  Thanks for reading, and join our Facebook group HERE.

WWE RAW: The Return of Braun Super-Strowman

Sooo, Braun Strowman's totally fine then?  What a shock.  In yet another example of WWE stomping all over suspension of disbelief, Strowman has made a full recovery, only eight days after being crushed inside a garbage truck.  I'll repeat that - CRUSHED. INSIDE. A GARBAGE TRUCK.

Hey, remember that time Triple H got in a car and then Steve Austin picked it up with a crane and dropped it thirty feet, and it flipped over before hitting the ground, pancaking on impact?  And then Triple H showed up the very next night on RAW, barely injured?  Or the time The Rock was being carted away in an ambulance and Hulk Hogan rammed it with a semi truck?  And The Rock was basically fine the next night? 

Ya know what the problem is with angles like these?  If these guys are so indestructible that attempted vehicular homicide barely slows them down, what are they doing losing to plain ol' wrasslin' moves?  Braun Strowman has been involved in two angles like this, plus he's apparently strong enough to flip over an ambulance.  But one F-5 from Brock Lesnar puts him down?  Triple H can withstand being crushed under a car but a Seth Rollins Pedigree is too much for him?  Why should we ever invest in these matches when the company is calling attention to how unrealistic they are?

Furthermore, surely in a believable "universe" Kane and The Miz (and the truck driver) would face criminal charges for this incident, no?  They literally tried to murder Strowman by tossing him into a garbage compactor and turning it on.  Nothing?  Real-world laws don't apply in WWE?  Then why doesn't Kane just bring an AR-15 to the ring next time?  Plug 'em all fulla lead.  If you're going to incorporate attempted murder into a storyline, why not go all the way with it?

In other news, Kurt Angle will be wrestling again, as the captain of the RAW Survivor Series team, and it sounds like if he loses he's fired as the GM.  But since GMs are basically interchangeable, who gives a shit?  One would think Shane will be on the Smackdown team but since Randy Orton's already been named as the captain, it seems odd for Shane to be included.  Anyone else find it appallingly hypocritical that Angle and Shane have been cleared to wrestle but Daniel Bryan hasn't?  Shane's got his own history of concussions, no doubt exacerbated by the twenty-foot dives he frequently does, while Angle's body has absorbed insane levels of punishment over the last 20 years.  Bryan on the other hand has been cleared to wrestle by every doctor he's seen, except Joseph Maroon.  Ya know guys, I'm beginning to think Bryan's physical state has nothing to do with it.... 

Regardless, this match does have potential.  With Samoa Joe back in action it looks like Team RAW will likely include Angle, Joe, Brawn, Balor and maybe Reigns?  That there is a solid lineup.  Smackdown's isn't too shabby either, with Orton, AJ, Bobby Roode and probably Nakamura.  And I imagine Shane gets shoved down our throats again.  Question though - where does that leave Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn, since they're the hottest act on Smackdown right now?  They can't seriously leave them off the card, can they?  Here's what I would do - have 'em win the tag belts from The Usos and go on to face Ambrose and Rollins at Survivor Series.  You'd have yourself a major show stealer.  But what do I know?

I predict this Survivor Series will be one of those half-good shows, where the good stuff is outstanding and the bad stuff is unwatchable. 


That's about all I got today - don't forget to join our Facebook group HERE to keep up with all Enuffa goings-on....




   

Your Definitive Saw/Jigsaw Movie Guide

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

Hello. I want to play a game. The device you are reading is hooked into your brain. What follows is a half-assed sorta guide review thing summarizing all the Saw movies in anticipation of the newest installment of the series, Jigsaw, being released tomorrow. Here's what happens if you read this article.

There is only one way to read the device. It is with your eyes. Look around, internet consumer, and know that I'm not lying. You better hurry up. Read or die. Make your choice.

I am a huuuuuuuuuuge fan of these shitty, torture porn movies. The bad acting, the gory messes and the interlocking stories of all these flicks really get me going in the murder regions. As such, I cannot wait to go see the new one all alone, as no one I know will accompany me to this bullshit movie. Even Mrs. Danimal doesn't care. 

See?

I just re-watched all seven (7!!!) of 'em and here's some thoughts. (Obviously spoilers are ahead but come on. These movies are all the same. Capture. Torture. Kill. Implausible twist. Repeat) 

Saw: The one that kicked off the franchise has what is possibly the most ridiculous plot twist of the whole saga (and that's really saying something in a series filled with more and more improbable plot twists). The fact that John Kramer, Jigsaw himself, was laying on the floor of the murder basement where he was keeping Dr. Lawrence Gordon and Adam is absolutely absurd. Dude just laid there half naked in a puddle of fake blood for like 12 hours. Just insane. But I loved it. Still do (you can find my actual review of this classic HERE). 

You gotta move your arms eventually, right? I'm sore just looking at him. 

Saw II: Part 1 was essentially all a lead up to the reveal the Jigsaw was in the room the whole time. Part II really set up the plot of the rest of the series going forward. Donnie Wahlberg is a New Kid/Cop whose son gets kidnapped and thrown into a murder house, a huge upgrade over the murder basement in the previous installment. Eventually, Donnie done fucks up and is himself locked up into the murder basement, seemingly to perish for all time. This sets up what I consider to be the best element of the next three (3!!!) movies, the search for Donnie Wahlberg. That being said, part II was my least favorite of the films until a much later installment. The murder house is cool and all, but the characters in it are fucking TERRIBLE. There's a steroid freak in the house that realizes the combination they need for a safe are all written on the necks of his fellow kidnapped folk. Instead of telling them this so they can all work together to get out, he MURDERS them to read the back of their neck. Yeah, MURDERS THEM ALL. It makes zero sense. 

He's got nice form. 

WWE RAW: Survivor Bragging Rights Series 2017

Ya know, WWE is really screwing up this Survivor Series thing.  It was so simple and would've been so poetic, and as usual they got it all wrong.  The 2017 Survivor Series should be taking place on November 26th, not the 19th.  Why?  Because it's the 30th anniversary of the inaugural edition.  Come on Vince, get your head outta your ass.

But seriously folks, this show is shaping up to be yet another misfire on the WWE PPV calendar.  Last year's Survivor Series (Bragging Rights) was an unexpected gem, despite being built around a forced, completely phony RAW vs. Smackdown rivalry, plus a 90-second main event.  The reason it worked so well was the booking and execution of the three elimination matches, which comprised the vast majority of the PPV.  Survivor Series 2016 turned out to be, in my opinion, the best main roster show of the year.  Had they followed that same formula they could've potentially repeated that feat and delivered the best pair of back-to-back Survivor Series since the original two (The '87 and '88 editions are still two of my favorite all-time PPVs).  But as we found out last night, we'll be going back to the watered down version of the concept, with only two elimination matches and four Champion vs. Champion bouts, only one of which has much intrigue.

Jeezus, they might add this match too....

I've already talked HERE about how idiotic and terrible this Brock vs. Jinder (May-haul, according to Kurt Angle) match is gonna be.  This here is what you'd call a no-win situation.  Mahal is in no way qualified to hang with Brock and either guy jobbing to the other is bad for that guy's belt.  But let's look at the other three matches that have been announced:

Alexa Bliss vs. Natalya has potential to be a good in-ring contest, but with two heels fighting each other, who are the fans supposed to be rooting for?  Heel vs. heel matches almost never work from a crowd perspective.  They aren't invested in either participant, so they end up sitting on their hands the whole time and the match falls flat.  And women's matches lately have had a hard time keeping the live crowds attentive as it is, what with their often less-than-ideal placement on the show and main roster creative's complete ineptitude in presenting compelling feuds in that division (or any other for that matter) - look no further than Bayley's recent nosedive in popularity for example.  How do you make fans boo the most likable babyface on the roster?  Alexa vs. Nattie is a fresh matchup and both women are talented, but without anything to root for I don't see this going well.

The Miz vs. Baron Corbin.  You gotta be shitting me with this.  First off, see what I said above about heel vs. heel matches.  Now you're booking TWO of them on this show?  Miz is way over as a douchebag upper midcard heel.  Baron Corbin is not.  Which of these guys do you think the fans will be cheering here (if they cheer anyone at all)?  You're gonna have a guy with great "love to hate him" heat getting cheered against a guy with "go away" heat.  Not to mention The Miz's matches are only as good as his opponents.  Last year against Sami Zayn he had a solid outing, because Zayn is great, and The Miz's in-ring strength has always been his ability to follow the other guy's lead.  Corbin on the other hand is mostly Sycho Sid-bad in the ring.  If you think The Miz will be up to the challenge of pulling a great match out of him you're very much mistaken.  This is going to be piss-poor.

Guns N' Roses at TD Garden Boston

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

Last night was Sunday. The Lord's day. A school night. A day for rest. So I went out and got my face promptly rocked the FUCK off.

They're real. And they're spectacular. 

3/5 of Guns N' Roses have reunited for the Not In This Lifetime Tour and dear God can they still rock. Axl, Slash & Duff have returned in what I thought was a situation that would never occur. They're back and destroying eardrums all over the world.

Myself and my dear friend, Uncle Miggsy, sat and stood for a marathon 3 and a half hours as the gang blazed through their most iconic songs at decibels which I will never forget. The beginning of the set sounded a little iffy, as it appeared like Axl had lost some speed off his fastball. "Welcome to the Jungle" didn't sound as good as it should have vocally. But it's clear that Axl's chords just needed a little warming up because that bastard tore the house down after the first few songs.

After performing "Better", the only really great song of Chinese Democracy, they busted out the first of many "HOLY SHIT" songs with their version of "Live & Let Die". This is one of those covers that has really come to be known better by the band covering it, like "Hurt" is known more for Johnny Cash's version than Nine Inch Nails. And GNR killed it with this song. The place went absolutely BANANAS.

And so did this guy. He was ELECTRIC. 

They then busted into what I thought was one of two highlights of the show, "You Could Be Mine". As they played this song, behind them on the video screens were versions of the band members made to look like Terminators. It was very badass looking and I'm sorry you cannot see it for I took no pictures at this time, as it's impossible to focus while your eyeballs melt out of your face because of all the rock. 

They also covered "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden. But they didn't really add much to it. It was an ok version of the song but basically pointless, I thought. They followed that up with incredible versions of their biggest hits. "Sweet Child of Mine". "I Used to Love Her". "Night Train". All the songs that I played repeatedly mostly on tape and then CD. Man, I'm old. 

The second highlight and easily the coolest part of the show was when a giant grand piano came out on the stage and Axl sat down to play it. They then burst into an absolutley incredible version of "November Rain". I have never really been a huge fan of this song but holy shit it sounded awesome live last night. There was nothing that could come close to that last night. It was the absolute peak. 

Seeing these guys back together and playing all the hits of my youth was an awesome sight. I had a blast and it seemed they did as well. Axl was playful with the crowd and Slash destroyed guitars as usual. I leave you with these final two thoughts about last night. 

Pros: GUNS N' FUCKIN' ROSES

Cons: Fuck you, TD Garden beer prices. 

WWE TLC 2017: Balor vs. Styles (and a Buncha Nonsense)

Tables, Ladders & Chairs 2017.  This here is what you call a one-match show.  I shudder to think how completely skippable this PPV would've been had the locker room not been stricken with a case of the mumps.  Like most WWE PPVs, there were no matches one would really categorize as bad, but aside from a long-awaited debut and a long-awaited dream match you could go the rest of your life without seeing this show and it literally would not matter.

Things started off just dandy, with Asuka finally arriving on the main roster with a fairly invested crowd behind her.  She and Emma put together a decent RAW-quality match that was sadly far below their NXT TakeOver bout from two years ago.  As I said going into this, Asuka's debut match needed to be largely one-sided to establish her as something special.  Unfortunately they didn't heed my advice and Emma got in almost as much offense as Asuka did.  Also Michael Cole's line about Asuka "having fun" and being "all about entertaining" was laughably tone-deaf.  Histrionics and sadism aside, Asuka's character has never been about "entertaining."  She has fun torturing opponents the way a cat does picking apart a dying mouse.  Your cat doesn't do this to amuse you.  If this is what Vince thinks Asuka's character is about, we're already off to a bad start.  The man could literally screw up 90-second microwave rice.  Fuckin' hell....

I should mention how super weird it was for a WWE PPV to begin with five matches in a row (if you include the pre-show) that were either women's or cruiserweight bouts.  Man this roster is thin.

The cruiser tag match was.....a match.  It was fine.  Everyone worked well mechanically.  I didn't care about any of it.  Jack Gallagher now wrestles in a shirt & tie apparently.  Kinda weird.

Next up was Alexa Bliss defending the Women's Title against Mickie James.  Like the opener, this match was solid and well-worked, but lacked something special to really set it apart.  It didn't help that Alexa was obviously not losing the belt here, so there was little suspense.  But this match needed a really memorable moment or three and it didn't have that.  At this point it makes sense to keep the belt on Alexa until Asuka takes it from her.  Hot potatoing the title around before then just cheapens Asuka's rise to the top.

WWE TLC Gets a HUGE Makeover

Okay this is just bizarre.  The WWE locker room has been stricken with some kind of illness, as Bray Wyatt, Bo Dallas, Jojo Offerman, Roman Reigns, and Kevin Owens have all been sent home.  What this means for Sunday is Roman will no longer be involved in the Shield main event.  Instead, and this is fucking crazy, KURT ANGLE is making his WWE in-ring return after 11 years to take his place.  And since Wyatt is also out of action, AJ Styles will now be facing Finn Balor, I believe for the first time ever.

Now, while this show just became must-see for me, I am absolutely baffled that they'd just throw these two changes on this card with only two days' notice.  Kurt Angle's in-ring return should've happened at a WrestleMania, or at worst, SummerSlam.  But they're just tossing him on this show as a last-minute sub.  It's kind of a no-win situation I guess, with no TV left to shoot any kind of storyline change.  But man, Kurt Angle returning to action after literally years should be so much bigger a deal than this.  I hope they start using him pretty regularly for some of these big PPV matches now.  Christ, if Shane can get two or three matches a year, Kurt Angle can sure as shit get that many.

As for Balor vs. Styles....WWE now has a shot at a legit Match of the Year contender.  But again, the two former Bullet Club leaders facing each other for the first time in history should be saved for a way bigger occasion, when they're actually feuding.  This whole situation is just so bizarre.

I sincerely hope everyone is okay health-wise, above all.  There must be one helluva virus going around that locker room for this many people to be affected.  AJ was apparently pulled from an event last night due to stomach issues.  Pretty scary.

But with these two changes my interest in this show just increased by a factor of ten.

My prediction for the main event stays the same obviously, while I'll pick Styles over Balor.

WWE TLC 2017 Preview & Predictions

It's been two weeks, and that means it's time for ANOTHER WWE PPV.  They should just cancel RAW & Smackdown and have weekly PPVs like TNA used to.  That worked out well, right?

This year's TLC is a very thin lineup, with the Universal Champ missing and only the bottom two RAW titles on the line.  But it's built almost entirely around the long-awaited Shield reunion, which WWE has already managed to turn into a clusterfuck.  I say this all the time, but WWE could fuck up a bowl of cereal.  WWE could fuck up a second-grade math quiz.  WWE could fuck up flicking on a light switch.  But let's get to the predictions....

***I'm in the lead with 57/82 (69.5%), Landon's in second with 46/70 (66%), Dave's got 31/48 (64.5%), and Dan's at 49/82 (60%).***

Pre-Show Match: Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox

This is one of three women's matches on the show, which is a cool thing.  Sadly this one doesn't matter much and seems to be something for Sasha to do.  It'll be short and forgettable.  If anyone not named Sasha wins I'll be shocked.

Justin: Sasha
Dan: Sure
Landon: Sasha
Dave: Sasha

Brian Kendrick & Jack Gallagher vs. Cedric Alexander & Rich Swann

This match was added to fill time.  It'll get stuck just before the main event so as to garner the weakest possible crowd reaction.  Wouldn't want anyone to care about 205 Live, would we?  I really like Gallagher too.  His style is fluid and unique, and he's funny on top of that.  But this company simply does not care about the Cruiserweights.  Because bigger is betterer....

Justin: Kendrick & Gallagher I guess
Dan: Much like WWE doesn't care about the Cruiserweights, neither do I.  I'll take the other guys.
Landon: Kendrick & Gallagher
Dave: I have no clue who any of these guys are.  Kendrick & Gallagher.  Jesus....

Cruiserweight Championship: Kalisto vs. Enzo Amore

All the pointless title changes are making me insane.  They put the belt on Enzo (at the expense of Neville leaving the company), just to turn him heel and make him the "anti-Cruiser," which actually came off pretty well.  Then two weeks later they had him lose it to Kalisto, and I'm fairly certain he wins it back here.  Either that or they did this "division-killing" angle and then abandoned it almost immediately.  Is Vince Russo back?

Justin: Enzo regains the strap
Dan: I guess Enzo.  I don't understand his appeal anymore.  He bores me.
Landon: Fuck me.  Enzo.
Dave: Why push Enzo as a heel and not have him win it back?  Enzo.