.......Sigh.......another lackluster WWE show is upon us, folks. Time to pretend any of it's interesting and make some predictions. It continues to baffle me how badly WWE wastes their insanely talented roster on boring, tired matchups while leaving potentially great ones on the table (or ruining them with stupid booking, a la AJ vs. Nakamura). Of the ten scheduled matches this Sunday only two interest me, and there are a few others that should be decent despite my not caring about them. Sooo, let's get to it I guess. How did the B-PPVs actually get LESS interesting since they dual-branded them??
***Dave has taken the lead this season, with 26/42 (62%), Dan and I are tied with 25/42 (60%), and Landon has fallen slightly behind with 24/42 (57%). But Jeezus, none of us are doing well, thanks to the nonsensical booking that's plagued the product since 'Mania.***
Pre-Show Tables Match: The New Day vs. SAnitY
This was just added. Christ there's a lot of matches on this show. Tables matches are usually lame. New Day matches are usually good. I'm so torn. Anyway, SAnitY are the new team on the block so they win here.
Dan: 'The fuck is Sanity? I don't even watch the shows anymore. I don't care, Sanity wins.
Dave: New Day
Finn Balor vs. Baron Corbin
First off, how the FUCK did this make the card but Sasha vs. Bayley still hasn't happened yet? They've been teasing that goddamn feud since February! Shit or get off the pot, for fuck's sake. Anyway, I have zero interest in seeing Finn attempt to get a good match out of Corporate Corbin or whatever the hell they're calling him now (Yeah, I know, it's Constable - because there's been one of those in this country in the last 200 years). Two years ago Finn became the first Universal Champion. Now he's curtain-jerking (or worse) against a hump like Baron. Welcome to WWE, home of the reverse ladder to success.
Justin: I guess Finn takes this? Christ, I hope so.
Dan: Yeah Finn
Dave: Finn I guess.
RAW Tag Team Championship: Deleter of Worlds vs. The B Team
I have a feeling this gets bumped to the pre-show. Does anyone care about this match? A mongrel tag team defending against a jobber tag team? Pointless.
Justin: Matt & Bray retain
Dan: Matt & Bray
Landon: Champs retain
Dave: Matt & Bray
Extreme Rules RAW Women's Championship: Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax
Oh good, this match again. Look, I enjoyed their first two outings. In fact I'm one of the few who did. But why do we need it again? Ronda Rousey is going to be sitting at ringside for this so obviously it's setting up her next title shot at SummerSlam, presumably against Alexa. I guess the Extreme Rules stip could make this different.
Justin: Alexa retains
Dave: Alexa but who cares?
Smackdown Women's Championship: Carmella vs. Asuka
Dude, how badly have they fucked over Asuka? Remember after the Rumble when she looked like a megastar on the verge of conquering the entire roster? Yeah, now they have her being outsmarted by James fucking Ellsworth. Fuck this company. Asuka better win this.
Justin: Asuka, but probably not
Dave: Asuka. Right?
Smackdown Tag Team Championship: Bludgeon Brothers vs. Team Hell No
I've bitched about this scenario already HERE - what year is this? How is a reunion with Kane the best thing they can come up with for their most popular guy? A guy they're hoping to hold onto when his contract expires in two months, mind you. Aside from truckloads of money, which we all know Bryan isn't motivated by, what possible incentive does he have to stick around in September? Since his comeback he got to wrestle half a match at 'Mania, then got three months feuding with Cass, who is now gone, and now a career reset to 2012. Awesome. Fuck this company, part 2. Bryan needs to get out and go where the good wrestling is.
Justin: I could see THN getting a short tag title run but then again the Brothers just won these belts three months ago. I guess Harper & Rowan retain.
Landon: Bludgeon Brothers pin Kane
Dave: Jesus, really? Team Hell No? I have no idea, the Brothers retain.
US Championship: Jeff Hardy vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
This was supposed to happen a few weeks ago on Smackdown but thanks to an overzealous drug enforcement squad, Nakamura was bitten by a dog backstage. Thanks guys. Anyway, now he's getting his shot at a consolation prize after failing to win the WWE Title six times. Fuckin' hell, they better give him some gold. Jeff's hoping to take some time off I think, so that's probably a safe bet.
Justin: Nak finally wins one
Landon: Somewhere in the multiverse, Jay White begins choking on the irony. Nakamura wins.
Dave: Nak, but the push is dead for him.
Steel Cage Match: Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens
I like both these guys but I don't care about this feud. Strowman is supposed to be the good guy but he's done nothing but bully and harass Owens, and destroy his property. Who are we rooting for again? This should be fine, I guess.
Justin: Strowman wins
Landon: Kevin Owens via Valentine's Day Massacre '99.
30-Minute Iron Man Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins
This is the one match that should really deliver. Seth is the best thing on RAW and should be the face of the company. Dolph has renewed enthusiasm after being jobbed out for literally years. They've got 30 minutes to shine. And they will.
Justin: Seth regains the strap
Dan: Dolph, with help from Drew
Landon: Dolph retains
Dave: Seth. I do love the Zig Zag man though.
Roman Reigns vs. Bobby Lashley
Holy fucking god do I not care about this. Not in the slightest. Literally the only thing this feud has accomplished is getting Lashley over after months of no one giving a shit. And that's only because Bobby is not Roman. The company went from a multi-man #1 Contender's match, to a singles #1 Contender's match, to Maybe Brock Isn't Coming Back At All. So who gives a FUCK about this? The match will be okay from a performance standpoint but this audience is gonna shit all over it something fierce. Give it up with the Roman thing guys. It's just not happening.
Justin: Roman obviously
Dan: Go Lashley!
Landon: Roman wins
Dave: Reigns, but Jesus Christ. BORING.
WWE Championship: AJ Styles vs. Rusev
Hey, here's a question, WHERE IS SAMOA JOE ON THIS CARD?? How do you go with Rusev of all people to get a PPV title shot after years of not pushing him? Yes, Rusev is way over. Yes, he's a solid wrestler with a good character. But you can't just go from barely using him to making him the top contender. Did they learn nothing from the Jinder fiasco? I swear if Rusev is the guy to unseat AJ......
Justin: AJ has to retain, right?
God this show's gonna be long. And probably pretty bad. Going from the first two nights of New Japan's G1 Climax tournament to this in the span of a day is like following a filet mignon with a bag of wet leaves. Hold your nose and open up.....
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