Friday, May 27, 2016

Monaco Grand Prix Preview

by Dan Moore

Of all the sporting events that I force myself to like, car racing is the hardest to actively try to enjoy. It’s monotonous, it’s boring, and it’s goddamn loud. I pretty much hate it. But not the Monaco Grand Prix. Oh boy, this here is a race. Your typical NASCAR race is a buncha good ol' boys going around in circles, circles. Left turns for DAYS, son. But the Grand Prix is open wheel racing through the heart of a goddamn city. It’s fucking AWESOME to look at.

One day I’ll be on one of those yachts during this race (I’ll be a janitor)

I stumbled upon this race one random Sunday morning years ago in my apartment in South Boston. I woke up early for God knows what reason, and I saw these guys flying all over the road of a major metropolitan area. I immediately thought “I like this” and settled in to watch. I toasted up some waffles and drank the only thing I had left in the house, Bud Lights. Thus, a Monaco Grand Prix breakfast tradition was born. The race always starts at around 7am here in the states as Monaco is 6 hours ahead of us here on the east coast, so be prepared for early morning boozing.

Here now are my picks for the winner, with some favorites thrown in and a longshot pick.


Could there be another pick? The man has won three Monaco Grand Prix events in a row and is the premier driver in the circuit. He’s also a Kraut, so you know he’s a ruthless son of a bitch. He’s had a few hiccups this year but he has to be considered the favorite for this and for the Formula One season overall.


He comes into Monaco on a streak of 4 fourth-place finishes in five races. He’s been in every race this year, and Red Bull has been an incredibly strong team this year. He’s got a new engine for this race and I expect him to be in contention and definitely finish at least top 3.

Nico’s teammate, but don’t let that fool you. These two don’t get along at all. Their rivalry will conitinue in Monaco and it could get UGLY. They crashed into each other on May 15 at the Spanish GP and the animosity has only been growing. Could be some fireworks on the course between these two.


This scrappy billionaire has a lot of iron, man (ugh). Sure his one showing in Monaco ended in a DNF but that was more due to the Russian psychopath throwing sparkly jump ropes on him and not due to his racing acumen. I predict this steel-hearted American to be right in the thick of things.

Probably gonna need AAA after that

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