Monday, December 21, 2015

The Dive Bars of America: Stage Door Casino (Las Vegas, NV)

Stage Door Casino
4000 Audrie St.
Las Vegas, NV 89109

Welcome to a special Dive Bar Review, well outside my safety zone of New England. I'll be using a different rating system instead of the standard handlebar mustache for this special review.


The glitz and glamour of Las Vegas is a unique splendor. Ordinarily when you think of Sin City, you think of this majestic view:



You typically wouldn't think of this lovely spot, hidden on a side street on the strip in between the Flamingo and Bally's:



That right there, my friends, is The Stage Door Casino.  Located in what can only be described as an alleyway, this Mecca of debauchery is a beacon calling out to degenerates like myself.

After hitting the Bellagio all-you-can-eat buffet, losing some scratch at the craps table and hitting a few bars in between, it started to downpour on our walk along the strip. My friends and I were running for cover in the rain and saw this place hidden down the street. And it was one of the greatest discoveries of my life. The Stage Door is a two-room bar, one room is a legit convenience store while the other is the real deal bar.


Fun Factor: It's got TVs, chicks in small clothes serving dirt-cheap booze, and gambling. The place is a scumbag's DisneyLand (as long as Minnie Mouse is a strung out chain-smoker). I was watching sports, gambling on sports, drinking shots and playing video poker all at the same time. It was the happiest I've ever been. You bet your ass it gets a perfect four out of four Fat Elvises




Cast of Regulars: Man oh man the folk in this bar were amazing. From the blind girl hanging out with the legless guy to the bald chick eating hot peppers, I was enamored with them all. I plopped down on a stool next to a guy chain-smoking Marlboros and pounding Michelob Lights. He had a ponytail and was bald up top. He had maybe four teeth and wore a buncha gold chains. His name was Rex, and he had me at hello. So yea, again, four out of four




Beer Choices: They have just about every bottled beer under the sun and the place is dirt cheap. Their special as advertised is a hot dog and bottle of Budweiser for $2.50. You can't afford not to buy it. Sure, the hot dog tasted like reanimated roadkill, but it came with packets of chopped onions. ONIONS!

You're a goddamn liar if you say you've seen these before.


The other booze deals there are also amazing. $2 Jaeger shots, $3 Royal Crown, dollar PBRs, I mean it's a poor man's drinking paradise. My blackout gives it a perfect




Stench: We've found it. The perfect dive bar stench. It's AMAZING. The perfect combo of cigs, stale beer, shot residue, hookers and week-old chopped onion bits. So it was great. And clearly four outta four




Overall: I think it's obvious how much I fell in love with this place. It was a great reprieve from the $8 beers and $14 cocktails on the strip. Down-to-earth folk, some sweetheart bartenders and plenty of cheapo boozing options make this the perfect Vegas dive bar. Good night, Stage Door Casino. I'll see you soon. Miss you.

A PERFECT FOUR OUT OF FOUR CHUNKA CHUNKA BURNING LOVES

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