This Sunday is WWE's 32nd annual flagship PPV, WrestleMania, and much like last year it's lookin' like kind of a stinker. What was once the most fun period on WWE's calendar has become just another shitty couple months where the creative team phones it in and the wrong guys get prime spots on the card. I will say though, there are a few matches I'm actually excited about this time, which was not the case for me last year. So let's get to predictin' this crap.
Pre-Show Match: The Usos vs. The Dudleyz
This year the two-hour pre-show will boast not one, not two, not three, but FOUR matches. Yup, of the eleven bouts booked, 35% will take place before the PPV even starts. When did WWE become incapable of fitting 8-10 matches on a four-hour show?? The first of these unfortunately placed showdowns pits The Usos against the recently heel-turned Dudleyz. I don't even remember what they're feuding over, but they're feuding apparently. Nothing at stake here, but the match should be fine.
My pick: The Usos
Dan's pick: I JUST DON'T CARE. Go Dudleyz
Pre-Show 5-on-5 Divas Match: Total Divas vs. Team Bad & Blonde
Yeah, this is pointless. There is some good talent in this match (Natalya, Paige, Naomi) but none of it will be used in a meaningful way. This is one of three "Let's get everyone on the card" bouts.
My pick: Total Divas win. Because ratings on E!
Dan's pick: Divas
Pre-Show Andre the Giant Battle Royal
Only took three years (two really) for WWE to make the Andre Battle Royal completely irrelevant. After Cesaro got a huge moment in 2014 and was then not pushed at all, WWE booked The Big Show to win in 2015, and not get pushed at all. So who will 2016's winner be, who won't get pushed at all? Since basically no one announced for this match thus far matters in the slightest it's a hard one to pick. My personal choice would be Tyler Breeze, because he's really good and they haven't done dick with him since he got called up. But Vince doesn't like him. Because of brass rings.
My pick: Someone Vince does like, despite his complete lack of talent or overness, Braun Strowman. For fuck's sake.
Dan's pick: I'll go with his brother in arms, Bray. But I don't care.
Pre-Show US Title Match: Kalisto vs. Ryback
New rule, guys. Stop putting Title matches on the Pre-Show. If a Title isn't important enough to be defended on a PPV it shouldn't exist. Period. This should've been the 7-man Ladder Match since Kalisto is a high-flier and there's zilch going on between these two other than the US Title (which isn't important enough for a PPV apparently). The match itself should be fine, though I'm not invested much in either guy.
My pick: Ryback wins the belt
Dan's pick: Ryback will win and will also probably injure Kal with some sort of botched move.