This weekend is the 39th WWE SummerSlam, and the second two-nighter. Like WrestleMania there are a few promising matches on the docket, and some not-so-promising ones. I assume also that like WrestleMania, these shows will be full of abbreviated matches to make room for ads and overlong entrances. WWE is still relying on 40-plussers to sell tickets, and still seeing diminishing returns - this year's attendance is down a whopping 40% from last year. Yes we have Oba Femi featured in one of the three top matches (via a nonsensical storyline development), but the company's top four stars are still Roman, Punk, Cody and Seth. No Bron Breakker on the show at all, which is insane; wasn't he the next chosen one a few years ago? And whose gas tank did Carmelo Hayes piss in?
Anyway let's take a look....
Night 1
The Bella Twins & Paige vs. Fatal Influence
No idea what this feud is about but man does this company love riding 2010-2015 nostalgia right now (probably only because everyone from before that period is retired). The Bella Twins and Paige, all three of whom date back to before the "women's revolution." We're kinda going backwards aren't we? I know nothing about the Fatal Influence trio but I assume they're losing here.
Pick: Nikki, Brie & Paige
Jacob Fatu & The Usos vs. Solo Sikoa, LA Knight & Royce Keys
We're still seriously doing Bloodline shit in 2026? This was a Vince idea, for Chrissakes. I guess when you instruct AI to come up with storylines based on popular past storylines, AI will just recycle them. Guess that's why Cody's still trying to "finish his story" too. Also you're never gonna convince me that Royce Keys is a better name than Powerhouse Hobbs. "Powerhouse" is evocative, you know exactly what type of wrestler he's gonna be. "Royce Keys" is just a name (and yes I know Royce is his son's name, save it), evocative of nothing. Why is this company incapable of just letting ex-AEW talent use the names they've already been using (except for Ethan Page for some reason)? Anyway, The Bloodline wins and Powerhouse probably eats the pin.
Pick: Roman's cousins
Gunther vs. Nick Aldis
Oh good, another wrestler vs. authority figure storyline. Fuck's sake, we've been doing this shit for almost thirty years now. Who are we meant to be rooting for, by the way? Gunther is presumably the heel but Aldis has been messing with him for a couple months. Seems like two douchebags having a catfight. Anyway I assume Gunther's not losing to the guy who hasn't wrestled in three years.
Pick: Gunther
Women's World Championship: Liv Morgan vs. IYO Sky
So this match came about because Liv decided to enter the Queen of the Ring tournament despite already being champion. And IYO beat her in the finals to earn a shot against her at SummerSlam. Why did they do this? Anyway, IYO's great and Liv is decent, so this match should be good if given actual time. I think Liv probably retains since IYO won their last match.
Pick: Liv retains
Hell in a Cell: Brock Lesnar vs. Oba Femi
So Oba won the King of the Ring tournament, which guaranteed him a World Title match against the champion of his choice, but because Brock attacked him he decided to....*checks notes*....give up his title shot and fight Brock instead. Even though by winning one of the world titles he'd no doubt be able to fight Brock anytime he wanted after that. Why does WWE hate smart babyfaces so much? Anyway, Oba beat Brock decisively at 'Mania and Brock staged a fake, off-the-cuff "retirement," only for the company to renegue on that. Then Brock beat Oba in a rematch, and now here we are, with what's sure to be the shortest HIAC match of all time. Oba's obviously winning, Brock is obviously retiring for real this time, and they'll do the same tearful bit as 'Mania, where he takes off his gloves and leaves them in the ring.
Pick: Oba
WWE Championship: CM Punk vs. Cody Rhodes
It's crazy to me that this isn't the Night 2 main event, given that it's effectively a first-time match (Neither Cody nor Phil were main eventers the last time they had a singles match in 2008), and given that the actual Night 2 main event is a beyond tired retread. This should be very good. Punk's in much better shape now and his 'Mania match with Roman showed he can still go when motivated. Cody is beyond damaged as a babyface these days; the crowd definitely doesn't care about him the way they did two years ago. Such is life when you book your top good guy as an insufferable bore. If I didn't know better I'd say WWE's been slowly sabotaging Cody ever since the fans chose him over Dwayne at 'Mania 40.
Pick: Punk retains
Night 2
Human Monies on a Pole Match: Danhausen vs. Dominik Mysterio
Can we just admit now that WWE 2026 is just a slightly better WCW 1999? Fuck is this garbage? The winner gets to keep the $100k that's hanging from the stupid pole. Are we sure Vince Russo isn't on the booking team? Boy do I not give a shit about this.
Pick: Danhausen
US Championship: Trick Williams vs. Baron Corbin
Holy jumpin' shit, they actually brought back Baron Corbin? Couldn't be bothered to pay Sheamus or The New Day what they're worth, and they let Kairi Sane go, but Baron fucking Corbin is back? No Carmelo, Fenix or Ricky Starks on the show, but Corbin's here. Unreal.
Pick: Trick retains
Intercontinental Championship: Penta vs. Chad Gable
Apparently Chad Gable's mask vs. mask match against Ludwig Kaiser was a masterpiece. Still need to watch that one. But thankfully Gable is no longer stuck with the stupid El Grande Americano gimmick. He is however chasing another Lucha for the I-C Title, and this match should be a show highlight if given time. I think Chad probably wins it.
Pick: Chad
Interim WWE Women's Champion Ladder Match: Tiffany Stratton vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Jade Cargill vs. Chelsea Green vs. Giulia/Lash Legend
The final qualifying match isn't until this Friday for some reason, so it'll either be Giulia or Lash as the fifth entrant (or they'll do some wacky finish that gets them both into the match). Bless WWE's little heart, trying to follow AEW's Redemption ladder match with this one. So adorable. Is this the first time WWE is doing the Interim Champion thing? This came about because WWE Women's Champ Rhea Ripley is injured, presumably not for very long, so the winner of this will face her later on. I would've assumed maybe Cargill would win this, but it seems like Cargill is feuding with Charlotte. So I guess Tiffany Stratton wins to set up the match with Rhea?
Pick: Tiffany
#1 Contender's Match: Sami Zayn vs. Finn Balor
On paper this looks great; how very 2015 NXT of them. The winner will face the Punk-Cody winner, maybe at the next Saturday Sunday Night's Main Event? Poor Sami; they finally give him a WWE Title run, three-plus years after his popularity peaked, and it only lasted nine days. He's the Stan Stasiak of 2026. Sad, sad, sad. I imagine he wins this to set up a rematch with Punk, which he'll probably also lose.
Pick: Sami
World Championship: Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins
Alright, so this is the third one-on-one PPV match between these two, plus they've wrestled each other on free TV five times I believe. And in the build to this match they're still referencing the fucking Shield. Yes, the stable that broke up TWELVE YEARS AGO and was only a thing for about a year and a half. This is like when southern rebel assholes pretend the Confederate flag is part of their "heritage." Bitch, the Confederacy was only around for four years and it ended over a century before you were born. Nothing says "creatively bankrupt" like booking a feud that's still running on Shield fumes.
Pick: Roman retains
So yeah, couple of potentially strong main events, couple of potentially strong undercard matches, buncha filler otherwise, and there will almost certainly be more non-wrestling content than wrestling content. Because WWE and TKO are money-grubbing whores.
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