Friday, November 13, 2015

NFL Pick 'em: Week 10

Brandon (16-11, 21pts)
Miggsy (16-11, 20pts)
DNM III (13-14, 17pts)

Dan's Picks

Hey it's Dan. I got nothing to say.

Carolina (-6) @ Tennessee THE PICK - CAROLINA 
The Panthers defensive line has been bonkers lately and they might have the best linebacker group in the league. I mean, look at Luke Kuechly, he's an animal!

Ok, maybe this pic of him looking like an accountant in an
oversize jersey was the wrong one to pick. 

Tennessee's offensive line has been atrocious. Methinks young Marcus may need a dry cleaner big time come Monday for all the grass stains he'll be wearing.

Kansas City @ Denver (-7) THE PICK - DENVER
Peyton is 3 yards away from beating notorious dick pic slinger Bret Favre's all time yards passing record.

The official jeans for interception prone QBs with small wangs.

Even noodle arm Manning has to be able to sling a few lame ducks on this putrid Chiefs team. Denver's defense should give Alex "I was drafted before Aaron Rodgers" Smith fits all day. He may not even break 100 yards passing. You can do this with every draft, but the fact that roughly a million teams passed on Rodgers is astounding. It's such a huge blunder in a league where there's maybe 8 good quarterbacks. To have one ready to go in the draft and keep passing him by is amazing.

New England (-7.5) @ New York THE PICK - PATRIOTS 
Ah, the fly in the ointment. The pain in the ass. The New York fucking Giants. The one team that gives the Pats and all their followers nightmares.  I hate them. They've taken the Pats out the last three times they've played (and two of those games were kinda big). But not this time. No way in hell. The Giants defense can't stop any QB, let alone the GOAT. Greg Hardy has a better chance of speaking at a women's rights conference than New York's porous D has to stop Tom Brady. (TANGENT WARNING: How fucking INSANE is it that Hardy is playing? Goodell's excuse is he suspended him for ten games, it was brought down to 4, and there's nothing else he can do. Bear in mind, this is a man that is going to FEDERAL FUCKING COURT on an appeal about air that was missing from a football because of science. He's going back in front of a judge for that. But the guy chucking a woman on a bed of guns, gotta let him slide). Anyways, fuck Eli right in his stupid fucking face.

B-Cuddy's Picks

No surprises here. Still in first place. The other 2 are lingering around like Miggsy’s gas. (Never be in a room without windows around that guy). But I anticipate widening my lead in the coming weeks. Miggsy is only a point behind, but I think I am already in his follicle-challenged head. He can’t catch me and it has him shook like a halfway crook. Danny’s in 3rd place because it’s impossible to be any lower. I’m not in his head though. There’s no penetrating that giant, dense dome of his. It’s large and empty. It’s like being friends with a float from the Macy’s Day Parade. On to the picks.

Jacksonville @ Baltimore (-6) – The Pick: JAGS +6
The only way Baltimore should be a 6 point favorite over anyone is if they have Marlo, Snoop, & Chris leave the other team decaying in a vacant. The Ravens were already bad before they lost Steve Smith for the year. The Jags are still the Jags, but their offense is at least competent. They’ll be able to throw all over the Ravens atrocious secondary. Avon Barksdale would not be pleased with these corners. The Jags win outright.

Minnesota @ Oakland (-3) – The Pick: RAIDERS -3

You can’t go against sexiness like this.

(I mean, even Miggs and Dan are better looking than this guy. And they look like they were created in a lab)

Arizona @ Seattle (-3) – The Pick: Seahawks -3
I actually think the Cardinals are a better team. But this is a must-have game for the Seahawks. They’re 4-4 and in a tough division with the Rams also hanging around. If they were ever going to dial it up for a big game, it would be this week. Since the start of the 2010 season, Seattle has only lost to 'Zona once at home and given up an average of 8 points in those games. This has push written all over it, but I have a gut feeling Seattle wins by 6 or 7. My biggest concern is trusting Wilson. Not Tom Hanks’ island friend, that guy’s alright. I mean Russell Wilson. Ya know, the guy who talks to God and is in a sexless relationship with Ciara? This guy....this is not my kinda guy. Call me picky, but I like my QB’s sane. I think Seattle wins despite him. It’s what Jesus wants.
YTD Record: 16-11 (21 Points)

Miggsy's Picks

I’ve been one back of the bald guy in this pool (I’m not bald, I’m on the swim team) for the last two weeks. I’m hoping Drake dropped some new shit this week so he’s distracted and makes bad picks. I’m 3 clear of the human pez dispenser that is DNMIII. How did he even get in this pool? Has he ever had a bookie? What does he know about gambling? Oh that’s right, how to lose. Carry on Danny.

Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers -11.5 PICK: PACKERS -11.5 
The Packers have lost two games in a row, both on the road to undefeated teams. They can’t go down with three losses, not with three they can’t!

You all know Quint, know what team he roots for. 

Carolina Panthers – 6 @ Tennessee Titans PICK: PANTHERS -6 
The Titans are winless at home. How is that even possible 10 weeks into season? The Panthers are still undefeated and I don’t see how that can change after this week. J-Stew is a hobbled with an ankle injury but that’s not a concern because they still have Cam Newton healthy, which is a miracle with the way they play him. Their defense is great and the offense is playing with a lot of confidence. I can see a lot of hoes being ‘Superman’ed during this one.

Miggsy’s Monster Lock of the week:  
Houston Texans @ Cincinnati Bengals – 10.5 PICK: BENGALS -10.5
Has Arian Foster ever played an entire season? The answer is no, right? He got in a robust 4 games this year. His body is made of the same material as the third boob in Total Recall which much like Peter Griffin, I assume its papier-mâché. Also, Houston doesn’t win on the road. This year they are 1-3 on the road. Their one win was against Jacksonville; I’m not impressed. On the flip side, Cincy is 8-0 this year. More importantly, they are 7-0-1 against the spread. Now THAT’S impressive. The red rifle gets it done again this week.

No comments:

Post a Comment