AEW Dynamite Grand Slam 2023 Review

Well the third AEW Grand Slam Dynamite was another rousing success overall, with an excellent slate of matchups, a super-hot New York crowd, a live gate on par with last year's show, and unfortunately a pair of injuries that hopefully won't prove too serious.

The show kicked off with Eddie Kingston finally getting his rematch with Claudio Castagnoli, this time for both the ROH Title and the NJPW Strong Openweight belt.  These two had a heated slugfest as expected, with Kingston's hometown crowd absolutely rabid to see him vanquish his longtime foe.  The battle of chops and uppercuts escalated to a series of big nearfalls, the most explosive of which occurred when Kingston kicked out of a Ricola Bomb.  Kingston came back with multiple backfists and a Northern Lights bomb for another nearfall.  Finally Kingston hit another backfist and a Kawada powerbomb to win the Ring of Honor Championship.  Claudio shook Eddie's hand before exiting.  Excellent hot opener with a feelgood story.  ****1/4

Second on the show was the first-time Chris Jericho-Sammy Guevara bout, and both men worked their asses off to try and steal the show.  The announcers referenced Jericho's hero vs. fan feud against Shawn Michaels, and it wouldn't be the last time we saw echoes of that epic rivalry.  A couple miscues aside this was pretty dazzling bout, with Sammy often trying to one-up Jericho at his own game, such as going for a top-rope Lionsault and hitting a Codebreaker.  The finish looked spectacular, as after hitting Jericho with a GTH, Sammy went to the top for a Shooting Star Press, but was countered mid-air with his own Codebreaker.  Jericho got the pin and the two friends hugged, but shades of WrestleMania 19, Sammy booted Jericho in the groin, Jericho slid down Sammy's body, and Sammy pie-faced him to the mat.  Just then Don Callis appeared, making it clear Sammy was now joining the Callis Family (and as we'd later find out on Rampage, setting up Sammy & Takeshita vs. Jericho & Omega in the future).  Another really good match.  ****1/4

NJPW Destruction 2023 Preview & Predictions

While wrestling tribalists bicker and name-call over who's better between AEW and WWE, we're all forgetting that NJPW has a two-part PPV coming up this weekend and two weeks later called Destruction.  And there's some fine stuff lined up for the initiated fan....

The 9/24 card is roughly half a proper PPV show, with a handful of warmup tag matches before the important stuff, but the 10/9 show is a true main-card lineup, unusual for the Destruction series.  Let's take a look, shall we? 

Night 1 - Kobe

KOPW Championship: Taichi vs. Sho

Alright, so the KOPW Title is stupid and should be discontinued, but Taichi vs. Sho on paper is a pretty good matchup, barring the inevitable overuse of House of Torture interference.  I'm still hoping against hope that stable is disbanded.  I think Sho probably captures the title here and Taichi probably wins it back later.

Pick: Sho

IWGP Tag Team Championship: Bishamon vs. TMDK

This should be a fine tag team battle, as Goto and Yoshi-Hashi have become a damn good team, and TMDK are excellent.  Bishamon have held the titles since early June so a title change could certainly happen here; these belts have jumped around like crazy over the years.

Pick: TMDK

AEW Dynamite Grand Slam 2023 Preview & Predictions

Time for the third annual AEW Dynamite Grand Slam, from Arthur Ashe Stadium in Queens, NY!

As with the first two Grand Slams, the Wednesday lineup is quite stacked and promises to deliver multiple bangers.  Now if we can just get people to buy these damn tickets again....  As anyone who's been following the business side of things is aware, AEW's live attendance numbers in the States are in bad shape.  Lately both Dynamite and Collision have been struggling to draw 3000 people to NBA arenas, and I'm not sure what needs to happen to make this product hot again.  Back-to-back Show of the Year-caliber PPVs, one in front of over 70,000 people hasn't done it.  The MJF-Adam Cole storyline hasn't done it.  The focus on young stars hasn't done it.  AEW needs something that galvanizes the fanbase and gets a real, positive buzz about the company again.  Maybe all the backstage drama surrounding CM Punk's firing turned some people off (and I'm sure his cult of fandom that refuses to hold him accountable for his actions simply stopped buying tickets).  But the company needs an Austin vs. McMahon, not in terms of the boss vs. talent story, but in terms of a white-hot angle unlike anything wrestling fans have seen before.  That and a more focused presentation.  

Anyway enough bad news, fortunately Dynamite's ratings have held steady (Collision's have yet to reveal a pattern since Punk's departure) and this week's show should get a boost because it's a special two-part event.  Let's look at the lineups.

Dynamite

Chris Jericho vs. Sammy Guevara

It's a first-time meeting between these Inner Circle buddies, and the idea is for them to get out their frustrations with each other so they can go back to being tag partners and chase the titles.  Somehow though I don't think they'll end up working things out.  To me this feels like the start of a feud that will lead to more matchups.  Sammy really needs the win here as he's had the most trouble of all the Four Pillars in gaining traction.  A clean win over Jericho would signal that he's poised to be more than Chris's sidekick.  The match should be quite good as both guys will be motivated like crazy.

Pick: Sammy

AEW Women's Championship: Saraya vs. Toni Storm

The former Outcast partners clash for the big belt, at the very venue where Saraya made her AEW debut last year.  Saraya's had very few singles matches since coming in, so this will be an interesting test.  Storm is so good she should be able to make up for any holes in Saraya's game.  The title win at Wembley felt to me like an honorary one, just as Hikaru Shida's win a few weeks earlier turned out to be.  With Storm tapping in to a new, highly entertaining character I could see her taking back the gold here.  Then again a loss would feed into said character, and Ruby Soho could interfere.  I suppose if Saraya retains that keeps this story going, with Toni becoming more and more unhinged.  This is the hardest one for me to pick.  Could there be a Mercedes Mone sighting?

Pick: I guess Saraya retains

Top Ten Things: A Perfect Circle Songs

Welcome to another Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

With the announcement of A Perfect Circle going back on the road in 2024, I thought I'd count down my ten favorite APC songs.  A Perfect Circle formed in 1999 when Tool's guitar tech Billy Howerdel played some original songs for Maynard James Keenan, and MJK liked the material so much he proposed adding his own vocals and recording them.  The following year the band's debut album Mer de Noms was released, garnering critical and commercial praise and setting new sales records for a debut album.  APC initially had a bit of a Tool-lite sound to my ears, incorporating Keenan's signature vocals with stripped down Adam Jones-esque guitar riffs, but with repeat listens it was clear they were their own animal, utilizing different instrumentation and a wider array of rock and alternative styles.  Keenan has bounced back and forth between both bands (plus Puscifer) ever since, and each band brings different aspects of his personality to the table (hence why he wears a wig for APC appearances).  A Perfect Circle album will always deliver something unique and unexpected, and their combined audio and visual presentation sets them apart from other alt-rock outfits.

Here are my ten favorite APC songs....

10. Blue

The band's second album Thirteenth Step largely deals with various aspects and points of view of drug addiction.  The third single "Blue" is about the aftermath of a drug overdose and the associated guilt of letting an addict indulge themselves to the point of death.  The dark subject matter is somewhat tempered by the sardonic lyrical tone - "Call an optimist, she's turning blue," and the result is one of APC's more lingering numbers.

9. Eat the Elephant

The oddly tearjerking opening track from APC's newest album is very simply about struggling to begin a journey or endeavor, not knowing how or where to start.  Billy Howerdel was apparently thinking of Chester Bennington when he wrote it, and lines like "Where to begin eludes me/Without you to remind me" evoke loss and being lost, in heart-wrenchingly straightforward terms.  This piano ballad is a very unusual way to kick off a rock record, but it sets the tone for a very different APC album and is one of its deeply moving standouts.

8. So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

The strongest song on Eat the Elephant in my opinion is this upbeat, 80s new wave-tinged single about our strange obsession with celebrities and how their deaths affect us, as well as our preoccupation with other modern paraphernalia.  With references to "Willy Wonka, Major Tom, Ali and Leia," this tune was apparently inspired by REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It," pointing out how absurd it all seems when you really think about what 21st century society deems important.

Top Ten Things: Tool Songs

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I'm thinkin' about everyone's favorite weirdo math-metal quartet, the Stanley Kubrick of rock n' roll, Tool!

I compare them to Kubrick because like Stanley, Tool are uncompromising in their artistic vision, relentlessly perfectionistic, and their output is not easily digestible, yet it's still commercially successful.  You need to put in some work to enjoy a Tool album; it's not something you can listen to passively.  Between the unconventional time signatures, the multi-layered instrumentation, the radio-defying running times, and the hooks that only sink in after several listens, a Tool record gets infinitely better with familiarity.  When I think of Tool I think of Maynard's snaking, undulating melodies, Adam's agile guitar riffs that fit together like puzzle pieces with Justin's pulsing bass lines, and Danny's impossibly complex drum patterns that sound like he has at least two extra limbs.  Tool is unlike any other band out there; the songs conjure vivid imagery and develop organically, taking as long as they need to get where they're going.

But which Tool songs are at the top of the pile?  Let's take a look at the Top Ten Tool Tunes.....

**Note: I'm a music nerd so some of this will deal with the songs' compositional theory.**

10. Lateralus

The title track from their third album, the wildly complex "Lateralus" features shifting time signatures (5/8 in the verse, 9/8 to 8/8 to 7/8 in the chorus) and a vocal rhythm inspired by the Fibonacci sequence.  The subject matter is about growing and pushing one's boundaries to achieve something greater than themselves, again tying into the Fibonacci theme ("Ride the spiral to the end/And may just go where no one's been").  The verse/chorus/verse/chorus structure then gives way to a climactic third act that employs a 4-over-3 polyrhythm, with the vocals in 4 and everything else in 3.  This is one of Tool's many epic tunes that dazzles musically but also carries a positive message.

9. Jambi

The second song on 10,000 Days borrows its strange title from Pee Wee's Playhouse (specifically the show's genie character), which Danny Carey said sprung to mind when he heard Justin Chancellor's bass line.  "Jambi" is mostly in 9/8, giving the song a circular pulse, and features some of Adam Jones' most impressive syncopated rhythm guitar work.  Lyrically the song seems to deal with the meaninglessness of wealth and power without being able to share it with one's soul mate, as it were - "If I could I'd wish it all away/If I thought tomorrow would take you away."  Then the song's conclusion mentions two uniting as one, a theme that recurs later in the album and in its stereoscopic artwork.  It's probably as close to a love song as the band has ever written.

Top Ten Things: Kurt Angle Matches

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com!

Today I'll be counting down the top ten matches of probably the greatest pure athlete ever to lace up a pair of pro wrestling boots, Kurt Freakin' Angle.  Angle made easily the most successful-ever transition from the amateur/Olympic mat to the WWF/E ring, picking up the mechanics and storytelling nuances faster than possibly anyone before him.  After only a few years in the business Angle became a company MVP, delivering dozens of Match of the Year candidates during his seven-year WWF/E run.  He then very unexpectedly signed with TNA and repeated his in-ring success there, proving himself a cornerstone for the better part of a decade.

So now, let's take a look back at the best matches in Kurt Angle's remarkable career....

10. Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle - WWE WrestleMania XX - 3.14.04

The billed semi-main event for the 20th WrestleMania was Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle for the WWE Title.  This was an instant classic with fantastic performances by both men, and had one of the cleverest endings I can remember (Eddie loosened his boot so that when Angle put him in the anklelock it would slip off his foot.  Then when Angle charged at him, Eddie nailed a small package for the win.  A perfect way for the Eddie Guerrero character to steal a victory.)

9. Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe - TNA Turning Point - 12.10.06

Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle was easily the greatest (and most profitable) feud in TNA history, and this was their best match together.  Only weeks after his TNA debut, Angle won their shockingly brief first encounter at Genesis, but now it was time for Joe to even the score.  After 19 minutes of spectacular back-and-forth chain wrestling and submissions, Joe finally made Angle tap out to the Coquina Clutch, ending one of the best matches of 2006.

8. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit - WWE Unforgiven - 9.22.02

The two best technical wrestlers in the company (and probably the world) at this time engaged in a legendary on/off feud from 2001-2003, and while not the apex of said rivalry (Hint: there's more Angle vs. Benoit on this list), this match is near the top.  There was no major angle taking place between Angle and Benoit, this was just a battle for dominance.  They built on their 2001 match series and delivered a blistering 15-minute clinic with nary a low point.  Benoit eventually won with a quick rollup, and these two would go on to become reluctant tag partners in the quest for the new WWE Tag Team Titles.

Top Ten Things: Nine Inch Nails Songs

Welcome to another edition of Top Ten Things!

Today I'm talking about the music of one of my favorite bands/artists, who I didn't get into until 2009 (You read that right, I was very late to the game), Nine Inch Nails.  I discussed my years-in-the-making appreciation for Mr. Reznor's most successful musical venture HERE, so I won't bore you with those details again, but I thought I'd narrow down what are in my opinion his ten greatest songs, from 1989's Pretty Hate Machine all the way up to 2013's Hesitation Marks (Nothing from Not the Actual Events, Add Violence, or Bad Witch made the cut for me).  NIN's output has been so varied and unapologetically experimental it was tough to limit this list to ten (Honorable Mentions include "Hurt," "In This Twilight," and "Into the Void"), but if I hadn't I'd be forced to call this Top Twenty-Seven Things, and that just sounds weird.  Like the music on Ghosts I-IV...

Anyway here are my ten favorite Nine Inch Nails songs.

10. Zero Sum

The closing track from my favorite NIN album Year Zero is more or less exactly what the title suggests - a Year Zero Summation.  The concept album portrays a near-future dystopia in which corporate interests and power-hungry politicians have taken over (just like now!), the populace is hopelessly hooked on mind-altering drugs (just like now!), and about halfway through, a superior species (or maybe God) issues a warning to the human race to change its tune or face extinction (just like-- wait, that hasn't happened yet...).  "Zero Sum" presents us with the end of the story; humanity has failed in its charge, and so dozens of gigantic alien hands reach down through the sky to crush us all to powder.  I'd love to see this album adapted as a film (HBO was developing a TV series but that fell through).  Musically the song is sparse and features Reznor's spoken word lament before a poppy, piano-driven chorus takes over: "Shame on us/Doomed from the start/May God have mercy on our dirty little hearts..."  This song is the perfect way to close this remarkable, evocative album.

9. Closer

The song that put NIN on the map (from the psychologically unsettling concept album that did the same) was this creepy disco-esque number about sex as an escape from the narrator's terrifyingly unbalanced state of mind.  I hated, HATED this song when it came out, and it wasn't until 15 years later that I finally accepted its simplistic genius.  It's one of the perviest songs I've ever heard and it really shouldn't inspire anything but revulsion, and yet it became a universally-loved crossover hit for its toe-tapping dance groove and infamously explicit hook line, "I wanna fuck you like an animal."  The bizarrely disturbing video brings this song to visual life in a way that truly captures Reznor's demented imagination.

8. Copy of a

In 2013 NIN returned from a four-year hiatus with Hesitation Marks, a fairly safe but very enjoyable collection of sparse, beat-driven songs, the first of which is "Copy of a."  This track features a repeated polyrhythm throughout, as a 5/16 synth figure plays over the song's 4/4 time.  Reznor's vocals are rather gently delivered as he ruminates about lacking personality and purpose.  The song (like many tracks on this album) has a less-is-more feel to it, never overstaying its welcome or veering into melodrama, and serves as a very welcome return for Reznor & co.

AEW All Out 2023: AEW Doesn't Need CM Punk

Moving on to the other big wrasslin' show from this past weekend, AEW All Out 2023.  

Before I get to the PPV itself, a brief word on the CM Punk situation.  Regardless whether or not you're a fan of the guy (and I was for a long time), it really all boils down to this: fucker had it coming.  Let's not bullshit ourselves.  He was lucky to still have a job after assaulting three coworkers a year ago.  But somehow he was given one more chance (one more than just about anyone else would've gotten), and it took two months and change for him to start ANOTHER backstage fight and then verbally and physically threaten his boss in front of numerous witnesses and ample security cameras.  Either CM Punk has serious involuntary narcissistic rage, or he was trying to get himself fired since AEW wasn't going to buy out his contract.  Apparently he went to WWE late last year, WHILE UNDER CONTRACT TO AEW, and made overtures to get hired back and be added to the Royal Rumble match.  WWE wisely wanted nothing to do with him at that point, and still may not, who knows?  But I guess all that shit he said about them in 2014 is out the window now, along with all the lip service he preached in AEW about helping the company and the young talent grow.  Sounds like he was just trying to raise his own profile so WWE would come a-runnin'.  AEW does not, nor have they ever, needed CM Punk.  He isn't a big enough star to make his incessant toxicity worth it.  I say this as a twenty-year fan of the guy's work (not to mention as someone who stands solidly on the same side of the political aisle), and as someone who supported him wholeheartedly when he walked out of WWE and gave his tell-all podcast interview with Colt Cabana in 2014.  I hope he gets the psychological help he so desperately needs, but if not, the wrestling industry as it turns out is better off without him.

Case in point, AEW just delivered one of the best PPVs they've ever done, a day after firing arguably their biggest star, and with only a week to throw most of the show together.  We should all just stop doubting this company's ability to do PPV events, because this show felt like everyone from top to bottom was firing on all cylinders and working their asses off to remove the stench of Phil Brooks' bullshit and create another fresh start.  I counted seven ****+ matches, one of which ranks for me as a top-ten MOTY candidate (a match that was announced only 24 hours ahead of time mind you, where one of the participants had a broken arm).  All In may have been the bigger and better spectacle, but in terms of wrestling quality All Out upstaged it.  All Out also upstaged Punk's debut All Out from two years ago.  Everyone involved should be bursting with pride at how well they pulled this off.

WWE Payback 2023: A Third of It was Good

Busy weekend for wrasslin', got two PPVs to cover.  One was an absolutely spectacular show, the other was WWE Payback.

Yeah so, Payback looked on paper to be a solidly B-tier PPV, and that's exactly what we got.  Aside from a couple standout matches (both of which were overbooked), this show was barely free TV material.  A pair of very promising title matches both turned out very flat, overlong and disappointing, and the live crowd responded as such.  But hey, that's ok because "ratings," right?

The show started out on a high (one it never reached again), with an unexpectedly pretty great steel cage match between Becky Lynch and Trish Stratus.  This went twenty minutes and both women worked really hard.  Early in the match Becky rammed Trish's head into the cage repeatedly, creating an ugly welt in the middle of her forehead.  But blading is too barbaric, right?  Anyway this ranged all over the ring and the steel, and there were a few scary moments when Trish would attempt to climb over the top only for Becky to stop her, and Trish's legs got caught in the truss atop the cage.  They did the crazy Hogan-Bossman superplex off the top of the cage spot, which looked brutal.  Late in the match Zoey Starks ran in while the door was open, and they made it look like her interference would cost Becky the match (run-ins in cage matches are way too common considering the whole point of a steel cage is to keep people out), but Becky overcame the odds and finished Trish with a Manhandle Slam off the top rope.  Post-match Trish berated and slapped Zoey, who then laid Trish out with her finisher.  Really good match and the best thing on the show.  ****

AEW All Out 2023 Preview & Predictions

Part 2 of this weekend's pair of hard-sell PPVs is AEW All Out (Holy shit, it's the FIFTH edition!), emanating from the United Center in Chicago, home of the guy who's suspended again.  A more easily-baited grown-ass man I don't think we've ever seen in pro wrestling.  Phil Brooks desperately needs anger management classes if a coworker throwing shade at him on camera causes him to fly into a rage right before his own match.  Both guys are at fault here but Jesus H. Christ, Punk, let shit go.

Anyway this show of course comes one week after the massive extravaganza at Wembley and it kinda feels like it.  There are some surefire bangers on this card but it mostly feels like a loaded Dynamite/Collision lineup and a few of the inclusions here are a little baffling.  That said I'm sure they'll pull off a very good show at worst, like always.  But man, I dunno if this back-to-back PPV strategy is sustainable every year.  Move All Out to late September or move All In to early August.  Side note: This show marks the first AEW PPV without Chris Jericho on the card.  That just seems wrong.  But let's dive in....

Eddie Kingston & Katsuyori Shibata vs. Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta

See this one right here is a weird choice.  Considering how stacked this lineup is not, maybe Claudio vs. Eddie for the ROH Title would've made sense here.  Are they saving it for Final Battle, because that's almost four months away.  Seems like this show could've used a big grudge match for the title.  I'm sure this tag match will be very enjoyable though.  I guess I'll go with the good guys to win?

Pick: Eddie and Shibata  

Miro vs. Powerhouse Hobbs

Miro's first PPV match in almost two years will be a big hoss fight against one of the company's most promising young bruisers.  This should be hard-hitting and intense, and likely on the shorter side.  Hard to pick a winner here since both guys need a win.  Hobbs seems like a future main event guy to me, but it's Miro's first PPV match in literally years, so I guess I'll go with The Redeemer.

Pick: Miro

WWE Payback 2023 Preview & Predictions

Busy weekend this Labor Day with back-to-back PPVs Saturday and Sunday night.  And oddly both shows are kind of lacking in star power while also looking on paper like a series of good matches.  

The first one is WWE Payback, traditionally one of the company's lesser shows.  And true to said tradition, this show feels like a low B-PPV lineup.  Still I'm interested in seeing a few of these bouts, particularly the World Title match.  Plus the two women's matches are holdovers from the intended SummerSlam card.  Oh and there's a Grayson Waller talk show segment featuring Cody Rhodes, because that sorta thing belongs on a paid event.  But let's get into it....

LA Knight vs. The Miz

This is not one of the more intriguing matches for me.  The Miz is beyond damaged goods at this point, a buffoon not to be taken seriously as a threat to anyone, while I simply don't get the LA Knight obsession, the same way I didn't get why everyone loved Zack Ryder 12 years ago.  Like, he's fine.  He's a reasonably entertaining act, I just don't see him as a top guy at all.  But this match should be alright, they're both perfectly capable in the ring and good at character work.

Pick: LA Knight is obviously winning

US Championship: Rey Mysterio vs. Austin Theory

Here's a rematch from a few weeks back, when Rey Mysterio was allowed a title shot to replace Santos Escobar who had won a tournament over Mysterio for said title shot.  To be fair I guess Rey was legit injured in that tourney final and was probably supposed to win it.  Anyway, not much interest from me in this match either, it should be fine.  My first instinct says Theory regains the title here, as that Mysterio win felt like just a quick feelgood moment.

Pick: Theory  

Top Ten Things: Avatar Songs

Welcome to another Top Ten Things, here at Enuffa.com, where I rank stuff in some kind of order, fully aware that my opinion really has no effect on the universe as we know it.  Today, in honor of having just had my face melted off by this band in concert (for the second time), I'm counting down my favorite tunes by Swedish metal band Avatar!

If you've never checked out this vastly entertaining quintet (and you should), their music ranges from melodic death metal to groove metal to orchestral to AC/DC-influenced blues-rock, but it's all done with a darkly caustic sense of humor.  From a technical standpoint the band is tight as a pair of spandex leggings, and they're led by one of the most captivating, sardonically entertaining frontmen to come down the pike in a long time.  Johannes Eckerstrom is positively magnetic on stage, sporting circus ringmaster garb and Norwegian Black Metal-style corpsepaint, his between-songs banter a morbidly comic nod to such figures as The Joker and Marilyn Manson.  Eckerstrom's maniacal antics drive the stage show, while his four bandmates hurl basketball-size gobs of molten heavy metal at the delighted crowds.  "Would you all bleed for me," he asks?  "YEESSS!" the audience eagerly shouts.  "Oh, don't do that, that's sick..." he replies.  If you like your music heavy, hooky and with a tinge of biting, razor-sharp sarcasm, don't miss a chance to check out Avatar's live show.  This band will kick your ass and have you laughing at the same time.

But I digress, we're talking about their best songs.  Avatar started out as a traditional death metal band, albeit with melodic guitar riffs and harmonies, but have evolved to include numerous eclectic musical elements and styles, including Eckerstrom tempering his strident death metal howl with melodic, power metal-inspired singing.  Their detuned guitars will put a rumble in your belly, the thundering drum and bass-driven grooves will get your head bouncing, and the vocal hooks will get stuck in your head for days.  Avatar is heavy metal for people who like to have fun listening to heavy metal.

On to the Top 10 list, but first a few honorable mentions....


HM: In Napalm

The nihilistic fourth track on Black Waltz has one of the album's best chorus hooks, featuring one of its most demented lyrics, "Let me cleanse my soul in napalm."  Pretty effed up thing to say if you ask me...


HM: Tower

The somber closing track from Hail the Apocalypse, "Tower" initially takes on the tone of a comforting lullaby, but the lyrics gradually reveal the speaker's true intention, love by imprisonment.  One of their most mellow, subtly sinister tunes.


HM: A Statue of the King

The driving first single from their latest album, "A Statue of the King" is a sly, tongue-in-cheek bit of blind cultism, as the lyrics weave phallic symbolism in describing the erection of a statue to the fictional(?) ruler, with phrases like "bigger than the best one" and "they lack proper stone and rocks and balls."


HM: The King Welcomes You to Avatar Country

One of the most memorable tracks from Avatar Country is this AC/DC-esque blues rocker, an invitation to prospective new worshipers of the titular king, with Brian Johnson-style vocals and a sardonic tone.  "Lay down, embracing the earth, this is your final rebirth."

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Robocop 2

Welcome to another edition of Awesomely Shitty Movies, where I take a closer look at a movie that's either a guilty pleasure, an overpraised mound of tripe, or just a disappointment.  Today's entry is the latter.  That's right, it's one of the biggest letdowns in movie sequel history, Robocop 2!

In 1987 director Paul Verhoeven and writers Ed Neumeier and Michael Miner unveiled a near-perfect masterpiece of sci-fi/action/dark comedy/political satire with the original Robocop.  Part takedown of unchecked capitalism, part Christ allegory, part superhero romp, part ultraviolent gorefest, Robocop amazingly managed to juggle all these different tonal elements and weave them into a tightly written, multi-layered thrill ride that could be appreciated on varied levels.  Robocop has to be one of the smartest-written popcorn movies of all time; a brilliant marriage of deft scripting, superb direction and gut-wrenchingly amazing makeup effects (courtesy of past-master Rob Bottin).  I could go on for pages about how goddamn awesome that movie is, but that's not why I'm here.

The 1990 sequel on the other hand, while not a total miss, nonetheless fails to live up to its predecessor on basically every front.  There was a lot of potential here, with a script from comic book genius Frank Miller and direction by Irvin Kershner, who a decade prior had helmed one of the greatest sequels ever.  How could they possibly go wrong?  Well, they found a way.  They found a lotta ways.  Robocop 2 has some things going for it, but it's also got a metric fuckton of issues.

Let's take a look, shall we?



The Awesome


Peter Weller

I'm not sure any other actor can ever play this role.  It certainly hasn't worked yet with anyone else (Robert John Burke and Joel Kinnaman, I'm looking in your general direction).  Weller was born to play the tragic figure of this martyred officer-turned-cyborg.  His understated, taciturn demeanor and everyman heroism make him perfect for this conflicted character.  Sadly the script here doesn't give him nearly as much to do as in the first film; in the first act he's still struggling to let go of his previous life (something that was seemingly resolved in the first movie), in the second act he's barely present at all, and in the third he's relegated to pretty mindless action movie antics.

The Adventures of Buckaroo BadAss.  No?

Same Tone

Robocop 2 brings back the satirical tone of the first movie, complete with over-the-top violence that is both disturbing and darkly comic, plus those wonderfully droll newscast/TV commercial interludes.  Two of the best moments in the entire film are when a couple of the "Robocop 2" prototypes immediately commit suicide; it's both grisly and hilarious, like so many moments in the first movie. There's also the political backdrop of OCP plotting to essentially buy out control of Detroit so they can tear the entire thing down and finally build Delta City.  This all fits in well with what Neumeier, Miner and Verhoeven established in the original.

This stuff is hy-larious.

AEW All In 2023 Preview & Predictions

Alright who's excited??  This Sunday is the long-awaited AEW All In PPV spectacular, the biggest show in company history, in front of one of the biggest crowds in wrestling history (It remains to be seen whether it's the largest paid wrestling audience or not, we'll have to wait to get the official number)!

Contrary to the veritable army of social media whiners, I'm actually very excited for this lineup, as I'm not the type of person who fantasy-books a show and then gets disappointed when said fantasy card doesn't come to fruition.  Newsflash: CM Punk vs. Kenny Omega was never going to happen on this show, nor was The Elite vs. CMFTR.  Anyone who built either of those bouts up in their head as a real possibility at this juncture wasn't being honest with themselves.  What we have instead is a huge AEW Title match involving the biggest angle in the company, a massive rubber match between the two best tag teams in the world (I can't believe people are griping about this one after pissing and moaning that it didn't happen a year ago), a huge dream match originally slated for the 2021 Tokyo Dome show, an absolute banger of a trios match with The Golden Elite, the return of Stadium Stampede, and much more.  As with most AEW PPV lineups, if you can't find *something* here to enjoy, the problem is you.

Anyway let's get into it....

Zero Hour ROH Tag Team Championship: Aussie Open vs. MJF & Adam Cole

This is a weird addition to the lineup but if the MJF-Cole story is going where I think it's going, it makes sense.  So here's where I think it's going (and it felt like AEW kinda tipped their hand last night with Renee showing all the clips of Cole acting shady and Cole storming off): Adam Cole came up short in the AEW Title Eliminator match back in June, MJF wouldn't give him another chance, they ended up tag team partners in the Blind Eliminator tournament, and it was at that point Adam Cole began manipulating MJF into eventually giving him a title match.  In classic parasitic form, Cole preyed on MJF's loneliness and insecurity, getting him to turn over a new leaf and trust again, and it was all designed to maneuver himself into a match for the Triple B.  And Cole's suggestion that they go after the ROH Tag belts together seems to be a way to wear MJF out ahead of the main event.  Cole will spend most of this match on the apron while MJF does the lion's share of the work.  Aussie Open will retain and MJF will come out of this match tired or kayfabe injured.  

Pick: Aussie Open retain

Zero Hour FTW Championship: Jack Perry vs. Hook

I figured once Perry vs. Rob Van Dam took place on free TV that Hook would ultimately show up and challenge Perry to a rematch at All In.  I was actually kinda hoping Perry would retire the belt as it doesn't actually mean anything, but this match should be good anyway.  Hook almost certainly regains the title so Jack can go after a real one.  The International Title seems a good choice for Mr. Perry, plus Jack vs. Orange would be stunning.

Pick: Hook

AEW Trios Championship: House of Black vs. The Acclaimed & Bad Ass Billy Gunn

It's the return of 90s Billy Gunn, whatever that means.  Last night on Dynamite Billy ran in to help Max and Anthony against the Trios Champs and said fun-loving Daddy Ass won't make it to Wembley but Bad Ass Billy Gunn will.  So long as The One Billy Gunn is nowhere to be found....  Anyway this rematch has been building for a while and should be a lot of fun.  I'd have kept these titles on House of Black for a while longer but this seems to be the logical spot for a title change.

Pick: The Acclaimed and Mr. Ass

WWE SummerSlam 2023: Never Get Your Hopes Up

Well, WWE has done it again.  And by "it" I mean snatched a pretty good show from the jaws of instant classic territory.

SummerSlam 2023 was yet another example of a show that should've been in contention for PPV of the Year (or at least WWE PPV of the Year), and was instead just a good solid PPV.  Between a live crowd that was oddly pretty subdued all night and some messy moments and their usual questionable booking decisions, this show overall fell short of my expectations.

Things started out very promisingly as Logan Paul and Ricochet had a very entertaining spotfest-type match that suffered a bit from WWE not being all that good at spotfest-type matches.  For a bout that was intended to "go viral" as an aerial spectacle this wasn't nearly as noteworthy as numerous other examples this year.  But it was very well-worked aside from a couple messy bits, and this was Ricochet's first main roster match with this high a profile.  After plenty of back-and-forth action and nearfalls, one of Paul's friends (who went unnamed) handed him brass knux, which Paul used to knock out Ric and steal a win.  Michael Cole's line "This was a great match but the ending sucked" was both amusing and a bit of unintentional commentary from WWE regarding their penchant for unsatisfying finishes.  ***3/4

Overall the strongest match of the night, most unexpectedly, was the Cody Rhodes-Brock Lesnar rubber match, which from where I sit marked Brock's best work since the 2019 SummerSlam.  This still suffered from Lesnar Repitition Syndrome, with Cody limiting his own moveset to match Brock's, and a long stretch where Brock was inexplicably trying to get a countout win over and over.  But ultimately the match worked in the same way as Brock vs. AJ in 2017 and Brock vs. Bryan in 2018 did.  Cody overcame all the punishment and hit three CrossRhodes in a row to put a decisive end to this feud.  Brock then took off his MMA gloves, shook Cody's hand, and hugged him, in an apparently unplanned show of respect.  Good stuff overall.  ****

WWE SummerSlam 2023 Preview & Predictions

This Saturday is the 2023 edition of WWE SummerSlam, and for the first time in several years the lineup actually looks befitting the company's second-biggest show of the year.  Mostly anyway.  Once again there are a couple important matches being left off the card, and even stranger they've added a battle royal with no real prize at stake, but hey, at least Shinsuke Nakamura's on a WWE PPV again....

There are actually more than a few bouts that could steal this show, something that hasn't been true of a WWE PPV in quite some time.  I know which match I think will earn Match of the Night honors, but on a given day I could see five of these matches do so.  The big stories going in are of course the neverending Bloodline soap opera, the Cody-Brock rubber match (to cap off a feud the company never came up with an adequate storyline reason for), Finn Balor going for perhaps his last chance at a top title while his stablemate waits in the wings with a briefcase, and two MMA fighters finally colliding in a wrestling ring.  Let's get into the lineup....

SummerSlam Battle Royal

So yeah, why are we doing this?  Just to get LA Knight on the card?  What does he get if he wins?  Nothing?  Anyway like I said, at least Nakamura's on a PPV for the first time in like a year and a half.  Remember when they made a big deal out of his return after 'Mania?  And then nothing really happened with him after that?  When's his contract up again?  And hey, what happened to Rhea Ripley vs. Raquel Rodriguez??

Pick: LA Knight

Logan Paul vs. Ricochet

Well this is pretty amazing.  Ricochet actually gets a one-on-one match at a major WWE event?  I never thought I'd see the day again.  There's zero chance he wins here, this is just a showcase for Logan against a guy who can more than keep up with him in the highspot department.  But it should be a helluva fun match and the first possible show stealer.

Pick: Logan Paul

ROH Death Before Dishonor 2023 Preview & Predictions

This Friday it's the most afterthoughtiest Ring of Honor PPV in history, Death Before Dishonor 2023!

I kid, I kid.  Tony Khan has a lot on his plate right now, from back-to-back PPV-level shows in August to last night's Blood and Guts Dynamite (which I got to see in person and it was AWESOME), but this ROH show has been rather haphazardly tossed together, thanks partly due to one guy being unavailable and another being injured.  The original main event was to be Claudio Castagnoli defending the ROH Title against Eddie Kingston but with Eddie being in Japan for the G1 Climax that was out.  Thus Mark Briscoe was slated to get the shot instead and he got hurt.  So now it's Claudio vs. Pac, which might actually be a better match than either of the other two.  There are also five other title matches and a couple fun undercard bouts.  Let's get into it.

ROH TV Championship: Samoa Joe vs. Dalton Castle

Yeah, this one doesn't blow my skirt up as they say.  Castle won a four-man Eliminator tournament to get this shot but he's never really been my cup of tea as wrestlers go.  He's amusing and all, but hard to take seriously as a title contender.  I imagine Joe gets a pretty one-sided win here.

Pick: Joe retains

ROH Pure Championship: Katsuyori Shibata vs. Daniel Garcia

This should be a fine contest, both are legit grapplers.  Garcia's title shot comes from a tag match on Dynamite where Garcia stole a pin over Shibata.  The title has jumped around pretty consistently over the last year, with each champion only getting 3-4 months with it.  I could see that trend continuing I guess.  Maybe Shibata regains it in December?

Pick: I'll go with Garcia

NJPW G1 Climax 33 Preview & Predictions

It's that time of year again, where a whole buncha badass dudes fight each other over a four-week period to earn a shot at the IWGP Championship at the biggest NJPW show of the year.

Well the company decided on the four-block format again this year, but unlike the 2022 edition this one has a much more exciting field with a great mix of established stars and compelling young guys looking to make their mark on this business.  For the first time in several years we have a handful of potential winners, plus a lot of names that could be made with a strong performance.  Opening things up even further is the fact that there will be a quarterfinal round, with the top two guys in each block moving on.  So eight guys will have a chance to get to the semis.  While I'm still not crazy about having four blocks, it does make for a lighter schedule for everyone and each night of the G1 gets to be all tournament matches instead of half throwaways.  The hard part for me is going to be keeping up with it all, although I think the block matches will have a 20-minute time limit this year.  

Let's look at the blocks below:

Block A: Sanada, Chase Owens, Hikuleo, Ren Narita, Shota Umino, Yota Tsuji, Gabriel Kidd, Kaito Kiyomiya

This block is almost all G1 first-timers and a few of them actually have a shot at winning this, as the company is clearly focused on making the next generation of headliners.  Lotta great youth vs. youth matchups in this one.

Block B: Kazuchika Okada, Yoshi-Hashi, Taichi, Kenta, Great O-Khan, Will Ospreay, Tanga Loa, El Phantasmo

Mostly G1 veterans in this block and it will almost certainly come down to two names, but we could see a spoiler make it to the semis.

Block C: David Finlay, Tomohiro Ishii, Evil, Tama Tonga, Shingo Takagi, Aaron Henare, Eddie Kingston, Mikey Nichols

This could be the block to watch as far as great, hard-hitting matchups.  Ishii, Shingo and Eddie in the same block = fireworks.

Block D: Hiroshi Tanahashi, Tetsuya Naito, Hirooki Goto, Zack Sabre Jr., Toru Yano, Jeff Cobb, Shane Haste, Alex Coughlin

Lots of G1 experience in this block, with Tana, Naito, Goto and Yano leading the charge in that department.  

 

Alright, as I did last year, instead of reviewing all 32 participants by name, let's take a look at the plausible list of winners/runners-up in each block and see where we stand.

Block A: In this block you have IWGP Champ Sanada, Shota Umino, Ren Narita as a longshot, and my personal pick Yota Tsuji, who impressed the shit out of me at this year's Dominion.  This kid has IT and should have a rocket strapped to his back.  I could see Tsuji winning this entire tournament.

Block B: Okada is always a favorite, and Will Ospreay is the second-favorite.  It'll be one of those two, with ELP as the longshot.

Block C: This one also has two pack leaders, former champ Shingo Takagi and new top heel gaijin David Finlay.  I think it's David's time to stamp his name on this tourney with a block win (and maybe more).

Block D: Weirdly I don't see either Tanahashi or Naito, two surefire bets, winning this block due to their nagging injuries.  Both of them have kinda moved on to the Nagata/Tenzan/Kojima role in this tournament, though either of them could make the quarterfinals at least.  Ultimately I think D Block goes to either Zack Sabre, with either Naito or Cobb as the runner-up.