Friday, February 3, 2017


by Dan Moore (@SouthieDanimal), Mike Parker (@UncleMiggsy) and Brandon Cuddemi

Here we are, the end of the NFL season and it’s the Super Bowl, or as it has now come to be known “The New England Patriots Invitational." Never mind that this is a dream matchup for me as I bet both the Falcons and the Patriots to win the Super Bowl back in week 6 for some sweet futures money. I’m already in the red…or the black. Whichever the good one is. But as always, the Super Bowl is a haven for silly prop bets, and here we go with our choices.

Dan’s Choice: Tails never fails, I’ve heard. And back in my day, I used to get all kinds of tail. You know what I mean? You know? Sex. I’m talking about sex.

Cuddy’s Choice: By “all kinds of tail” Danny is referring to both hands. Go with Heads here. Easy money.

Miggsy’s Choice: I too am going with the rhymey one. Tails always prevails.

Dan’s Choice: So easy, B-Cuddy will be higher. Only thing with more smoke running through it is a chimney.

Cuddy’s Choice: He ain’t lying. Ultimate insider info here. If you find a book that will take this bet, hammer me all day. Phrasing? I don’t know anymore.

Miggsy’s Choice: I was going to say B-Cuddy as well but I don’t think he’ll be at his uncle’s house that day so I’m going Brady rushing yards even though he runs like kimodo dragon.

Dan’s Choice: Being that it’s a Fox broadcast, I gotta side on the under. Notorious Peyton ball licker Jim Nantz won’t be calling this game, and he LOVES bringing it up. But Joe Buck and Troy Aikman seem to not care about it. Non-issue. Hammer the under.

Cuddy’s Choice: I like the Over. There’s two guys in the booth, and I say each bring it up at least once. It’s an easy storyline and they can’t help themselves. Aikman still thinks Brady did something because science hasn’t filtered to his concussed head.

Miggsy’s Choice: This will be brought up 100 times, even Lady Gaga will have a comment for Christ sake. It’s going to make me so angry.

Dan’s Choice: What will this talentless country bozo be wearing when he starts to sing? Hopefully a muzzle. FUCK THIS GUY.

Cuddy’s Choice: The line should be “Will he look stupid? (Yes -5000)” Country music blows. I can’t stand listening to it, and I sure as shit don’t look up wardrobes for these fucks. My guess is blue jeans are all he has.

Miggsy’s Choice: I’m not sure how to answer this one… pants I guess. I hope he’s wearing pants while he sings the most beautiful song ever written.

This guy right here can go fuck himself.
What a loser (also, bet the house on leather pants).

Dan’s Choice:   If you’re chasing the value, you gotta take ANY. But she’s riding a conservative train these days. She’s like…normal-ish now. I mean look at her repping Pats colors the other day. I’m taking the safe money with BLONDE


Cuddy’s Choice: Gotta be blonde. I don’t think her shtick is changing her hair color. It’s those ridiculous outfits. So she might pop out wearing a leaf skirt and a Harambe shirt, but the hair will be blonde.

Miggsy’s Choice: What color is garbage? That’s what color her hair will be. She’s always walking around all disheveled, make-up smeared all over the place, yellow cigarette fingers. Looking like she stayed one too many nights in Vegas when her buddies warned her not to. Trying to find her next fix and I ain’t mad at her. Totally would.

Dan’s Choice:  I’m going purple, in memory of Prince. RIP you magnificent bastard.

Cuddy’s Choice: Can I ask a question…what color is the lemon-lime Gatorade? Some people say yellow, others say green. Well which fucking one is it? My assumption is that it’s “Yellow” here. That’s your safest bet.

Miggsy’s Choice: The fact that they are calling it “liquid” and not Gatorade is such a squid move but there might be something to it. Belichik is a purest so I’m going with clear/water +300.

Dan’s Choice: Of course, they will. They never wanna rock the boat. They’ll all shake that lying snake’s hand. Hopefully they do it after sticking their own hands up their asses.  A good ol’ stink palm after a Super Bowl.

Cuddy’s Choice: 1000% they will. Everyone wants the story to die. Any kind of protest keeps this nonsense running forever. But the biggest reason is shaking his hand and looking him in the eye with a little smirk is the ultimate “FUCK YOU.” Goodell’s a lying coward. He knows it. And the Pats organization knows it. So if they’re all up there on the podium, shaking his hand while celebrating says one thing to him… “We own you.” Then he can worm his cuckold ass back to the league office (Quick side note: Goodell said that he would return to Foxboro if he were invited. Well, you’re not. You’re not welcome back. Ever.).

Miggsy’s Choice: Bobby Kraft will definitely shake his hands because he’ll be too blacked out to know better. Did you see him after the AFC title game? He could barely talk. All in the background texting potential booty calls. It was great.

Our fearless leader, ladies & gentlemen

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