By Dan Moore
Welcome to another edition of Dan's
Top 9, Top 11 where
I count down 9 11 items that happen to be bouncing around my diseased
I'm a man of repetition. I wake up in the morning, I go poopie, I shower, I go to work and I complain all day. Everyday. I also watch the same movies over and over again. The idiots that I hang out with all do it too. And we quote movies at each other ad nauseum. So I decided to make a list of all the movies I find hilarious AND have watched too many times to count. Now, I'm not saying these are the greatest comedies ever, but these are easily my personal favorites. Man, this one was hard. This is the toughest list I've done, and had to expand the list to not 10, but ELEVEN. And I know once it's posted, I'll hear from those idiots about the movies I forgot and be ridiculed. Fuck them.
Vulgarity makes me laugh. A LOT. And that's reflected in this list and this movie. The classic tale of a man getting fired on his day off and then smoking weed with his smartass friend while avoiding bullets in the ghetto. A star-making turn from show stealer Chris Tucker makes this a must-see when puffing on the giggle smoke.
10. Men at Work
Without a doubt, the apex of both Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen's careers. A movie that makes ZERO sense. Garbage men find out about a conspiracy involving politicians, dumped toxic waste and all kinds of bribes. But the plot is pointless. Because KEITH FUCKING DAVID. He absolutely OWNS this movie as E & C's supervisor. Any movie that has a shell-shocked Vietnam vet mistaking a pizza man for a Vietcong while yelling out "THE COMMIE BASTARD GETS NO FOOD!" gets my vote every day and twice on Sundays.
Taken out of context, this seems a little racist. But funny.
The first and funniest of all Kevin Smith films. Dante and Randall curse all day at their shitty job in a shitty convenience store while contemplating their lives and what went wrong. Packed with hilarious vulgarity and all kinds of great Star Wars talk, Clerks is a classic.
One of my favorite movies to watch over and over again cause it's so goddamn quotable. You know how many times I watched this movie? 1+2+2+1 times, that's how many. The perfect cast with impeccable comic timing, this flick is a classic. And you can make it a drinking game by picking a character, room and weapon and drinking each time they say it. Just don't get stuck with Col. Mustard with the revolver in the study cause you'll be HAMMERED.
In a movie full of great quotes, this may be the greatest.
An absolute comedy classic. A monster in the genre. When you think of Bill Murray, this is typically the first role that pops into people's minds. A damn near perfect action comedy with special effects that still look good today. My sneaky favorite line in the whole movie is this exchange. Perfectly underplayed for massive comedic effect.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Of course you forget, Peter. I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray, the sponges migrated about a foot-and-a-half.
6. The Big Lebowski
Easily the most vulgar film on the list and one that I've watched drunk the most. Coupla caucasians never hurt a guy. A superb cast of actors that interact with the most crass words ever put to screen. Jeff Bridges and John Goodman entered the Swearing Hall of Fame with this entry. I've heard that people hate this film. Well, that's just like, your opinion man. Also...
5. Coming to America
Another entry in the Swearing Hall of Fame, this is 100% my favorite Eddie Murphy movie. The whole flick is front to back hilarious. But you're driving down the comedy highway at full speed whenever the movie is in the barbershop. Excellent vulgarity mixed with insanely dumb comedy. I dare you to watch these scenes and not piss your pants. Ya can't.
4. My Cousin Vinny
Along with Goodfellas, this is Joe Pesci's signature role. This fish out of water tale of a New York lawyer dealing with the Alabama court system is not only hysterical, but OSCAR WINNING! Every person in this movie is perfectly cast, with Fred Gwynn stealing the show as Judge Chamberlain Haller. His sparring with Pesci throughout the flick is goddamn hilarious. Maybe my favorite movie that takes place in a courtroom.
3. Better Off Dead
No lie, I just watched this again last night. This subversive take on teen life cracks me up every single time. The timeless tale of a high school kid getting dumped by his girlfriend so he tries to commit suicide multiple times while trying to join the ski team at the same time as he's romancing the French foreign exchange student next door, who's stuck living with Ricky Smith, who just sits around crocheting all day and snorting nasal spray. And I haven't even touched upon the Chinese brothers who speak only in Howard Cosell.
In all honesty, this whole article happened because I watched this one scene the other day.
2. Weird Science
This one's got it all. Magic women made from dolls. Bras on people's heads. And a missile. A MISSILE! A MISSILE IN MY HOUSE, GARY! This brilliant piece of smut movie making was introduced to me by my cousin John when I was waaaaaay too young to understand what tossing off in the bathroom meant. Sure, I laughed, but I didn't truly get it till I started tossing off in the bathroom. Hands down the best scene in the movie is when these young guys talk about their own trials and tribulations to hardened, black blues singers. Fucking hysterical.
1. Weekend At Bernie's
And there it is. The one I've watched the most in my life. I dunno what that says about me or my comedy stylings, but goddammit this movie still cracks me up. Richard & Larry traipsing around the Hamptons with their dead boss Bernie never fails to put a smile on my face. I have stolen so many lines from this movie that I use in my regular life that I should be arrested for plagiarism immediately. I love this movie so much, I had my brother and my buddy dress up as Weekend at Bernie's for Halloween years ago.
This low brow, piece of shit movie is the golden crown of my comedy kingdom...pathetic, I know, but the heart wants what it wants. And what it wants is to catch the early ferry because I don't wanna miss the big parties.