Friday, March 30, 2018


by Dan Moore

My secret shame* is I love techno music, in all its incarnations. Trance, trip, dubstep, happy hardcore, bebob, skeet skot, shmendrick, bumfuzzle, you name it, I got it (good luck figuring out which of those genres I made up).

That's me on the left. 

In the quest to find the hottest bangers to fist pump to, I’ve run into my fair share of clunkers. I typically have bought compilation albums, so along with hearing the hottest hits that kids 20 years my junior enjoy,  they're filled with enough scorching GARBAGE to fill up 9 landfills. Most of them make me laugh...but these ones here...they're not my kind of techno.  I submit the worst 4 I’ve ever heard in the next few posts. Lemme know which is the worst so they can win MARCH TECHNO MADNESS

*It's no secret, I'm not ashamed

1. I'm an Albatraoz by AronChupa (Vocals by Nora Ekberg)

First up, a truly deplorable song about…a sea faring bird? A mouse? I have no clue. Not only is this girl's voice infuriating but the "music" behind her while she sings the chorus is UNREAL annoying.

HUH!?!?! What the FUCK was that all about?

2. Let Me Hit It by Sporty O 

Next up, we have this bouncing, bopping, ridiculous sort of rap song. This song is ludicrous in a hilarious way. The guy's rhymes are BONKERS stupid...but awesome. This is an actual lyric in the song. 

I'd really like for you to be my private dancer

Her body smoking, bet she'll die from cancer

She dancing hard, hard as good crack
More fucking hook back


3. My Egyptian Lover by Space Cowboy (Vocals by Nadia Oh)

This one is just straight up racist. The lyrics consist of a girl who can't sing reciting middle eastern stereo types over a bad Egyptian like musical track all the while having her voice auto tuned to the point of parody. Proceed with caution. 

Nadia...oh, why'd you do this to me?

4. My Heart is Beating Boom by DJ Krissy & DJ Cammy

Fuck off, Krissy & Cammy. 

So there you have it...4 of the worst ones I've ever hear. Personally, my vote goes to Egyptian lover. Her monotone like voice over the racket behind her just makes me feel dead inside. But let me know what you think is the worst one, because I'd like you all to share in my misery. That's all I got for now. See you all at the rave later. 

Image result for rave gif

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