Well sports fans, it’s been a little over three weeks since the Patriots have won a championship and the Boston region is officially in a drought. And this is KILLING me. I haven’t been to a parade celebrating sports greatness in almost a month. Tragic. It’s truly frightening. But not as frightening as these (nailed that segueway).
9. Walking Back to Your Seat Carrying Two Beers, Three Hot Dogs and a Pretzel
Nevermind that you’ve already had a few before the game so you’re wobbling like a drunk penguin. Forget that the steps at Fenway are uneven concrete slabs created in the late Jurassic. The real issue getting back to your seat are the other drunk assholes not paying attention to the roughly $400 dollars’ worth of food and libations in your hands. These jerks don’t care that you just spent a car payment on twenty ounces of beer. They just wanna yell MOOOOOOOOOOKIE and get in your way. Pricks.
|Killer Microsoft Paint job there|
8. Jeremy Jacobs With a Checkbook.
Cause you know that cheap fuck is just gonna put it right back in his pocket.
|I'd love to punch him|
7. Aroldis Chapman’s Fastball
This thing comes flying in at you faster than Maverick buzzing the tower. The Cuban Missile throws the fastest pitch in the history of MLB and I for one would never have the balls to stand in the batter’s box to face him. Nor would I mouth off to him in a garage while he holds a gun. These are good tips for life.