NXT TakeOver: Orlando Preview & Predictions

Welcome to another round of NXT TakeOver Predictions, here at Enuffa.com.  My colleague Landon Wayne and I will dissect this Sunday's Network special and offer our predictions.

NXT has fallen off a bit in quality since last year's near-perfect Dallas show, but the black & yellow brand still has the potential to deliver a high-quality WrestleMania precursor that scratches us die-hard fans where we itch, in a way the main roster show probably won't.  So let's get after it....

Tye Dillinger, Roderick Strong, No Way Jose & Ruby Riot vs. SAnitY

Our opener (I'm assuming) is this eight-person mixed tag match, pitting NXT's big heel stable against a collection of babyfaces.  This should be a pretty crazy affair and a lot of fun.  The babyface team has the good workers, the heel team has the good characters.  I expect a lot of outside the ring brawling and a whole lotta cheating.  Good way to kick off the show if that's the direction they take.

Justin's pick: SAnity's winning this
Landon's pick: If you want Young and his unit to have any kind of momentum, then they win here. A loss doesn't kill them, but the win over the babyfaces helps immensely.

Aleister Black vs. Andrade Almas

This match could also be the opener but since Black is a new commodity and presumably this is a showcase match for him, it might make sense to go second.  Almas is finally finding his niche character-wise but still seems to be fodder for the new guys.  This should be a fine little match though.  I've heard good things about the former Tommy End so I'm intrigued for his NXT debut.

Justin's pick: Black
Landon's pick: Black wins an obligatory "Takeover Debut match" Match

WWE WrestleMania 33 Preview & Predictions

Welcome to a brand new season of WWE Predictions here at Enuffa.com!  Today my esteemed colleague Dan Moore and I will talk the sprawling dumpster fire that is the WrestleMania 33 lineup.  Jeezus this card's all over the place....

Well for the third year in a row WrestleMania looks passable at best, with not one match that for me qualifies as "must-see."  I miss the urgency of the WrestleManias of yesteryear, when the company put together the best possible feuds and matches so 'Mania felt like a climax instead of a bloated standalone show.  This card has 13 bouts scheduled, with at least three of those already bumped to the pre-show.  I have to think one more will join them - no chance in hell WWE can fit more than 9 matches on the five-hour main PPV, not with that 700-yard entrance ramp.  Also, how in the hell is there room on the main card for Goldberg, Taker and Shane but not Zayn, Joe or Kurt Angle??  If you're gonna bring back a near-50-year-old how do you not pick the guy who never stopped wrestling and who could still outwork 90% of the active roster??

Anyway, let's get to it.

***I won the 2016-17 season of predictions, with a 64% accuracy rate to Dan's 56%.  We suck.***

Pre-Show Andre the Giant Battle Royal

I've been saying this for two years, but this concept's shelf life is over.  The annual Battle Royal to Get Everyone on the Show should be a dark match like in the olden days.  Does anyone give a shit about this anymore?  Also how do you justify relegating Braun Strowman and Sami Zayn to the goddamn pre-show?  Why not do a Strowman-Big Show rematch?  Why not do a Zayn-Joe rematch?  Christ....

Justin's pick: Strowman is a mortal lock to win this.
Dan's pick: Yeah, he's GOT to.

Pre-Show Cruiserweight Championship: Neville vs. Austin Aries

It's a shame this is on the pre-show because this should be pretty great if given time.  Neville's been a great heel Champion so far and Aries is one of the best in the biz.  Time to just do a 205 Live PPV event if RAW Creative isn't gonna give this division the main show attention it deserves.

Justin's pick: It's too early to change this belt.  Neville retains in a way that allows for a rematch.
Dan's pick: AA will win the day.

Pre-Show Smackdown Women's Championship Six-Pack Challenge: Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Mickie James vs. Carmella vs. Naomi

This is pretty pointless.  Again, gotta cram everyone on the card, so let's have a six-way clusterfuck instead of presenting a compelling feud.  Rather than a six-pack challenge (which is what I'll be doing from my couch that night) I was really hoping for a six-way Makeout Match.

Justin's pick: Since Naomi just came back, Naomi.
Dan's pick: I dunno...Mickie.

RAW Tag Team Championship Ladder Match: Anderson & Gallows vs. Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Enzo & Cass

First off, I'm not sure why WrestleMania needs a goddamn host every year now.  It's a pointless bit of window dressing that just takes time away from the wrestling.  Furthermore I'm not sure why The New Day isn't involved in this match or why they seem generally uninterested in winning back their Tag Titles.  Ya know, the ostensible reason all these guys are in this fake fighting organization?  Anyway, this is another match set up to get as many people on the card as possible.  Not terribly interested in the tag scenes on either show right now.  Both divisions feel like an afterthought.  But the addition of the Ladder Match stip just made this a little more interesting.  TLC 2000 this won't be, but they have a better chance now of the match being kinda fun.

Justin's pick: A&G just won these damn things so they should retain
Dan's pick: I'm sick of Enzo & Cass' schtick, so I'm hoping they don't win...but I think they will.

Intercontinental Championship: Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

This could be alright.  Corbin's been improving slowly over the past few months.  I'm still not totally sold on him but Vince obviously is.  Because TALL.  Should be a fairly unruly match given the two participants.

Justin's pick: Corbin picks up his first Title.
Dan's pick: Yea, I don't dig Corbin too much but he's got the momentum going in.

John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse

I can't even wrap my head around this one.  Like him or not, John Cena is still the company's biggest star AND one of its best workers.  Why then, in the FUCK, would you waste him in a mixed tag match at the biggest show of the year?  This is akin to Savage & Sherri vs. Dusty & Sapphire.  In both cases one of the company MVPs was paired with a female wrestler against the guy he was feuding with and his non-wrestler companion.  The 1990 match stunk up the Skydome, and I can't see this being all that noteworthy either.  The whole situation is fucking baffling to me.  Couldn't we at least get Cena vs. Miz one-on-one (And no, I'm not picking on the women, I just don't like mixed tag matches.  At all.) since this show is apparently about redoing shitty 'Mania matches from years past?

Justin's pick: Team Cena wins
Dan's pick: This is so dumb. Cena should be fighting Reigns or Taker or JESUS ANYTHING BUT THIS. Whatever. Cena.

Movie Review: Raw (2017)

French newcomer Julia Ducournau's gripping psychological body horror brings to mind many of the great aspects of Roman Polanski's Repulsion, including and especially the idea of a young woman's sexual awakening.  Starring an exceedingly gifted Garance Marillier as freshman veterinary student (and staunch vegetarian) Justine, Raw begins during her first week at school - a cruel, rather torturous hazing period during which new students have their rooms ransacked, are dragged to mandatory late-night raves, are doused with animal blood, and are forced to eat rabbit kidneys.  The latter incident seemingly triggers a long-repressed hunger in Justine which manifests itself as a constant, overwhelming craving for human flesh.

This haunting, disturbing film unfolds as a metaphor for Justine's budding sexual maturity and self-discovery.  Her older sister Alexia, an upperclassman at the same school, serves as both mentor and tormentor, in very unexpected ways, and the story soon begins hurtling toward a showdown for the role of alpha-female.

Ducournau uses bleakly gorgeous cinematography and somewhat muted colors as an understated canvas on which to render her vivid character study.  The coldness of the setting reminded me of Kubrick at times, with expansive, wide-angle shots showing the characters' tiny forms off in the distance.  At other times she uses shaky handhelds to plunge the viewer directly into the chaos, like when the diminutive Justine tries to navigate her way through overcrowded, decadent parties.

The guitar/synth-driven score by Jim Williams heightens the severity of the horror elements in much the same way as Disasterpiece's superbly unnerving score for It Follows.  Moments of revulsion are made that much more jarring with Williams' piercing strains; one particular bit of Justine's new self-awareness merged amazingly with the music underneath to hammer home the severity of we've just seen.

I can't say too much about the narrative itself without giving away spoilers, and it's better if you go into this movie cold.  Suffice it to say Raw delivers multiple shocks that impact far more effectively than your garden-variety jump scare, gruesome imagery that unsettles on a very elemental level, profound and universal themes that resonate long after you've left the theater, and deliciously unexpected, horrific twists.  The acting is understated, internalized, and wholly believable, particularly from the two leads, Marillier and Ella Rumpf, both relative newbies who fully embody the two halves of this perverse sibling rivalry.

Raw is one of the best, most original horror films I've seen in recent years; thought-provoking, urgently captivating, and thus far for me a psychological lingerer.  I can't wait to watch it again.

I give this film **** out of ****.

Movie Review: The Great Wall (2017)

by Dave Moore

1000% Garbage.

New Japan Cup: The Opening and Quarter Final Matches

With the opening round and the quarter finals of the New Japan cup in the books, speculation has been reinvigorated in earnest over who will win the semifinals and finals match, and what title they’re going to challenge for. After a loaded set of first round matches, the last two days shape up to certainly be interesting. We have a representative of each faction in the New Japan wars who could take the cup, setting up great scenarios no matter who wins. With the final two days on the horizon, I'm going to go through the first round matches with you all, as well as the quarter finals briefly, and give some insight on the remaining match-ups .  I’m not going to discuss the undercard matches, just know that they serve the same purpose as G1 undercards (Namely to build up to the important singles matches the next day.)

Movie Review & Discussion: Logan (2017)

Well folks, this is a week late because I just got around to seeing it (I have a kid, sue me), but holy crap was Logan awesome.  It was an emotionally complex, grounded, and above all moving look at the character of Wolverine.  I have no qualms about saying this is the best-ever cinematic execution of the character, and easily Hugh Jackman's strongest performance in the role.  Dan, what did you think of Logan?

Dan: A damn fine feature film. One of the best comic book movies I've ever seen. It was action packed, at times funny, and truly an emotional ride. And I damn near cried. Which is saying something, because I'm a heartless monster. Jackman really played up the world weary, beat-up and just plain tired version of Wolverine. He looked like a pair of jeans you've owned for a decade, all frayed and destroyed. It's a real departure from the un-killable superhero we've become used to in the last 17(!) years of X-Men movies. This run-down version of Logan really adds humanity to the character. Jackman always played Wolverine to the Nth degree and has been great in the role. But seeing him here as his life is winding down adds another incredible layer to the performance.


Justin: His physical vulnerability and emotionally wrecked persona just made for a much more interesting version of the character and gave Jackman more dramatic meat than he's ever had in these films.  I also liked the elements borrowed from the Mad Max films and numerous westerns like Unforgiven and Shane.  I've read a few reviews comparing this iteration of Logan to Clint Eastwood's aging gunslinger in Unforgiven and I think that's pretty spot-on.  This guy lived through the battles, saw most of his friends die, and just wants to wind down the clock at this point, but is called to do one last heroic job.

Jackman is surrounded by excellent supporting performances as well.  Patrick Stewart is a 90-something, near-senile version of Professor X, and conveys pathos and heartbreak as never before, Stephen Merchant shows incredible dramatic chops as Caliban the mutant tracker, Boyd Holbrook brings southern swagger and cold sadism as the villainous Donald Pierce, and newcomer Dafne Keen shines in a near-wordless performance as Logan's genetically engineered daughter Laura/X-23, nailing both the emotional scenes and the berzerker rage action stuff.

Music Review: Avenged Sevenfold - The Stage

What a return to form!  After 2013's lackluster Hail to the King, which to me resembled a phoned-in attempt to duplicate Metallica's "Black Album," Avenged Sevenfold returned in 2016 with....well, a vengeance, abruptly unleashing their....well, seventh album The Stage.  The release of this AI/outer space-centric concept album was handled with a bit of calculated misdirection; to coincide with the release of the first single (and title track), pro wrestler and A7X chum Chris Jericho "leaked" on his podcast that the band's album would drop in December and would be called Voltaic Oceans.  Then suddenly on October 27th photos of the actual album sprang up on the internet, confirming that its surprise release was in fact scheduled for the 28th, and also revealing its real title.

Regardless of the album's unconventional publication, Avenged Sevenfold have crafted a melodic, progressive metal masterpiece that repeatedly rewards the listener over multiple spins.  M. Shadows described the record as "a grower, not a shower," and I couldn't agree more.  My first impression was roughly, "Hmm, okay there's some good stuff here - nice to hear A7X doing what they're good at again."  The complexity and versatility of the music impressed me but only a few songs really jumped out at first, like the Alice in Chains-y "Creating God," and the vocal harmony-rich, almost baroque-sounding "Higher."  Then after three or four full listens it finally clicked.  These songs get better and better with each listen - you pick up little nuances and bits of ear candy you didn't catch before, and despite the technology-driven subject matter the album has a real personal, human touch to it.

For one thing the band and their producer Joe Barresi bucked the trend of making the album as loud and compressed as possible.  The Stage has a dynamic range and sonic intricacy I haven't heard on a metal record in years, if not decades.  Here's an album that demands the listener meet it halfway; it's not going to bludgeon you over the head with "state-of-the-art" walls of compression to make sure you're still paying attention.  There's a real depth of sound that harkens back to classic metal from the 70s and 80s.  The band is also in incredible form here.  Guitarists Zacky Vengeance and Sinister Gates deliver some of their best-ever lead work on this album, crafting passionate but technically pristine solos, while new drummer Brooks Wackerman fits the A7X paradigm like a custom-made glove.  On top of this, singer M. Shadows has forgone any pitch correction on his vocal tracks.  What you hear is the real deal - unaltered, human performances by a frontman intensely invested in the subject matter.

Shadows perused loads of material about artificial intelligence, space exploration, simulation theory, and philosopher Giordano Bruno, and wove all of these elements into a complex, 74-minute musical journey that spans multiple genres and moods.  The album begins and ends in epic fashion, the opening title track a tempered rumination on humanity's self-destructive tendencies, and the closing track "Exist" a prog-metal opus intended as a musical interpretation of the beginning of the universe.

A few words about "Exist" - this is a fifteen-minute song that feels like eight; its numerous, distinct sections fly by, from the whirlwind Philip Glass-inspired guitar arpeggio showcase and thrashy syncopated rhythmic front section, to the pensively serene, almost folky vocal movement halfway through, and finally to the galloping extended outro over which Neil deGrasse Tyson delivers a thoughtful monologue about our place in the universe.  I can't explain exactly why, but this song leaves me choking back tears every time I listen to it.  Perhaps it's the spectacularity of the music, the tranquility of the vocal section, or the strange hopefulness of Tyson's words.  Or all of it.  This is a truly affecting piece of music and a major achievement from an already accomplished band still finding new ways to stretch its legs.

Other standout songs include the aforementioned "Creating God," the vocals of which bring to mind not only AIC, but John Corabi's work with Motley Crue, "Higher," which harkens back to some of the material on Diamonds in the Rough, and the succinct but tremendously hooky "Paradigm."

But this is not an album about individual songs.  The Stage is a collective work of musical art, meant to challenge our ideas about humanity and the consequences of our achievements.  As an album it is greater than the sum of its parts, one that a listener needs to really spend some time with in order to fully absorb and appreciate.  The Stage almost defies a conventional review because it would be scarcely possible to speak intelligently of it after only a cursory listening experience.  It's kind of paradoxical that such a meticulously crafted, multifaceted piece of music was released as a surprise.  "Oh, by the way, here's our new album and it's gonna blow your freakin' mind if you let it."

With The Stage, Avenged Sevenfold have delivered a timeless prog-metal album that by all rights should be remembered as one of their greatest triumphs, and an all-time genre classic.

I give the album ****1/2 out of *****.

NJPW New Japan Cup Preview & Predictions

What's up everyone?  NJPW has announced the brackets for the 2017 New Japan Cup, so my colleague Landon Wayne (@LSWayne21) and I will look at the participants and potential outcomes and see who the likely winner is.  There are several new faces this year and only one previous NJ Cup winner (Tanahashi), in addition to some potentially awesome first-round matchups.  

The structure is different this year in that they've spread out the tournament over ten days.  I have mixed feelings about this layout - I get that they want to draw as much money from the bracket as possible, and by stacking the first round with big matches they can headline multiple shows throughout.  But at the same time it does feel a little contrived; Kenny Omega vs. Tomohiro Ishii shouldn't be a first-round match.  They're both top seeds and realistically ought to be facing each other later on.  Ditto with Shibata and Suzuki.  But I guess since those matches will be headlining or co-headlining their respective cards they'll get time to be great.  It's just very odd to me that a big first-time match like Omega vs. Ishii is being thrown out there at the beginning of a tournament.

Anyway let's get to the participants....


Hiroshi Tanahashi

Justin: This two-time Cup winner is one of six believable winners this year, but I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell of him taking this down.  Okada vs. Tanahashi should probably never happen again except maybe in the G1.  Tanahashi should make it to the semis and then probably lose to Michael Elgin.

Landon: Tanahashi’s lost in the first round two years in a row, to Fale and to Yano in 2016 and 2015, respectively. My gut feeling is that he’s gonna lose again this year, hopefully going on to have a higher caliber match with this opponent than the past two.



Evil

Justin: You know, there is a chance Evil pulls out a huge upset and knocks Tanahashi out in the first round.  I could see that happening and it'd be a great feather in his cap.  Then maybe he faces Elgin in the semis.

Landon: Well, Justin, I’ll go one step beyond that and say he could make it to the finals themselves, where he and Omega could have a great match. I have a lot of faith in EVIL (whacky gimmick excluded) and him going far in this tournament would be a great kickstarter

WWE Fastlane 2017: More like FastLAME

Welp, that was just plain fuckin' stupid.  The Universal Title is now around the waist of a 50-year-old who's had a total of just over five minutes of in-ring time in the last 13 years.  All so he can finally lose to another part-time guy, who will take the belt and go screw for several months until he drops it to Roman Reigns at SummerSlam.  What a worthless prop this Title is gonna be when it's all over.

Fuck right off with this

But let's back up and start from the beginning.  Fastlane sucked.  Yes there were several good matches, but no great ones and the booking was nonsensical almost across the board.  WWE's Good 2017 PPVs streak has ended at two.  And I don't see WrestleMania 33 starting a new one.

This PPV started out fairly promising, with Samoa Joe and Sami Zayn putting together a pretty good nine-minute match that got Joe across as a murdering bastard.  This obviously could've been a lot better had it gotten 15 minutes or more, and considering they had time for two unannounced throwaway matches that no one cared about, I'm baffled this was so short.  Is Joe not allowed to do the Muscle Buster anymore?  He attempted it here but Zayn blocked it and Joe used the Uranage slam in its place before locking in the Coquina Clutch for the win.  If WWE has banned the Muscle Buster officially, they're idiots.  Tyson Kidd is literally the only guy who's been injured by that move, and that was a freak accident for which Joe was not held responsible.  Anyway this was fine.  No idea what Joe's role will be at 'Mania though.  Maybe Joe vs. Finn Balor?

Next up was a perfectly serviceable Tag Title match, with Anderson & Gallows (no longer calling themselves The Club apparently and thankfully) retaining over Enzo & Cass thanks to some heelish shenanigans.  No complaints here.  This was exactly what it needed to be.

Sasha Banks and Nia Jax had a pretty entertaining David vs. Goliath match that played out more or less how I expected.  Aside from a few awkward moments I liked this match, as did the live crowd.  I was actually kinda shocked they were so into this considering how poor Sasha and Nia's previous outings were.  Sasha won with an O'Connor roll to get a flukish victory, as I figured.  Jax isn't hurt much by this loss, although this would be one of three winning streaks ended on this show, further proving an earlier point of mine that WWE should never again do a winning streak angle, as they always, ALWAYS fuck up the payoff.

Bare Naked (Chicken) Ladies

by Sok Maher

Taco Bell pulled a KFC on us and invented an item where fried chicken replaces the flour based carbohydrate-rich outer layer.  This food item needs no introduction, but for posterity’s sake I give to you the Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa (NCC)!

Needless to say, there was a huge public outcry for a review.  But this, my friends, is more than just a review; it’s a confession.  Here it goes… I HAVE NEVER EATEN A KFC DOUBLE DOWN.  I know, I know.  I can hardly believe it myself.  This is one of those classic, “I’m not mad… I’m disappointed” situations.  

Love at first bite?  Pretty damn close.  This chicken is spiced up real nice.  Not really a fan of cold, raw tomatoes, but even they are tolerable when wrapped in this deep fried deliciousness.  I wish someone would wrap me up in a piece of deep fried chicken   On to the review…



Flavor – So the chicken really makes or breaks the NCC.  This should come as no surprise for a sandwich made entirely of chicken.  It is perfectly spiced, perfectly cooked, and I’m pretty sure gluten-free for all you hypochondriacs out there.  I’d say it’s at least 90% actual chicken.  It’s rare that anything I do is 90% pure.  Gracias Taco Bell.  I give this 5 sombreros on the standard 5 sombrero scoring system.
   

WWE Fastlane 2017 Preview & Predictions

Welcome to your official Enuffa.com predictions for this Sunday's WWE Fastlane!  God I hate that name for a PPV.  It's really just so stupid, and evocative of nothing.  Might as well call it WWE Morning Commute.

This year's show looks quite solid on paper, with a main event that will either deliver big or won't deliver at all.  I don't see it going any other way.  It'll either be a great fight or a pointless squash.

***I'm WAY ahead of Dan for the year, and Fastlane will be the final PPV of the 2016-17 season.  Dan needs a miracle to pull ahead in the final stretch.  I'm up 72/116 to 66/116.  Both our averages are terrible, by the way.***

Dan: OH YOU'RE SAYING I GOTTA PICK THE OPPOSITE OF ALL YOUR PICKS?!?!?! CAN DO!!!

PreShow Match: Akira Tozawa & Rich Swann vs. Brian Kendrick & Noam Dar

This here is your basic throwaway Cruiserweight match.  There's no real point to this except as a way to position Tozawa as a future contender for Neville.  This'll get eight minutes including a commercial break.

Justin's pick: Tozawa & Swann
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GUYS

Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

If this gets time and is a back & forth match it'll be good.  If it's another squash it'll suck.  But since the apparent plan is a Women's Title 4-Way at WrestleMania it only makes sense for Sasha to eke out a win and get back into the Title hunt.  Jax loses nothing by dropping this match - she's been built up as a monster for months.

Justin's pick: Sasha Banks
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GIRL

WWE Tag Team Championship: The Club vs. Enzo & Cass

Ugh.  I don't care about either of these teams right now.  Taking the belts off Sheamus & Cesaro was a batshit stupid idea - they were over, The Club isn't.  Not to mention S&C achieved a huge feat by ending New Day's record-breaking Title run only to drop the belts like two months later.  So now we have this uninspired feud.  There's no reason to do another title change here.

Justin's pick: The Club retains
Dan's pick: THE OTHER GUYS

WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville vs. Jack Gallagher

This is gonna be fun.  Gallagher is a tremendously entertaining chap.  He has zero chance of winning the belt here but this match should contain some comedy gold.  Then Neville can move on to his inevitable feud with Austin Aries, which will be actual GOLD.

Justin's pick: Neville retains
Dan's pick: THE OTH-- Well no, not here.  Neville.

WWE Smackdown: Vince Admires Jerks

A couple quick things about last night's Smackdown....

1. This John Cena-Miz feud is all wrong for multiple reasons.  The most glaring thing I took away from this is that Cena legitimately doesn't think The Miz is worthy of his attention at WrestleMania.  While that may sorta be true, Jeezus H. Christ, John!  Ya don't go saying that on national television.  During their face-to-face promo, Miz accused Cena of having too much backstage pull, to which Cena replied, "If I were actually pulling the strings, there's no way I'd be standing here talking to you, I'd be face to face with The Undertaker."  Wow, way to marginalize a guy who's worked really hard over the years to progress as a viable star.  Is The Miz a main event guy?  No, not right now.  But in the past year he's improved immensely and gotten himself way over as a dirtbag, chickenshit heel.  Cena should show him a little more consideration than that.  A lot more consideration, really.  And even if Cena didn't write that line, he's certainly got enough clout to get it nixed from the script, as it makes both The Miz and this entire feud look like a big fat waste of time.

"Wait, I gotta fight THIS loser??"

Not to mention, The Miz is entirely correct when he points out that a few years ago Cena gave The Rock a vatload of shit for being a part-timer who used wrestling as a springboard to Hollywood before opportunistically returning for a big WrestleMania spot, while Cena was there busting his ass every night.  And now the shoe's on the other foot - Cena is more or less exactly where The Rock was at the beginning of his film career, while Miz is a hardworking full-timer who can't get a top match.  Just like in 2012, WWE is trying to persuade us to cheer the wrong guy.  Why in the world would anyone root for Cena in this situation?  He's making himself out to be a total hypocrite while also undressing Miz as a worthy opponent.  Just another example of WWE not understanding what makes a sympathetic babyface (which by the way is probably the biggest reason no full-timer on the main roster is a draw anymore).

This feud and match would be bad enough just with all that, but they're also adding Nikki Bella and Maryse to the match, when there have been exactly ZERO mixed tag matches that were really any good (The best one I can think of was Sable & Edge vs. Marc Mero & Jackie at SummerSlam '98).  Nikki by the way still hasn't really resolved her feud with Natalya, being that their only two televised matches ended in a draw and a Nikki loss.  But now Nikki's in a prominent WrestleMania role while Nattie will be where, in a pre-show six-woman tag?  "Wins and losses come and go," I guess, as Nikki would say.


2. So lemme get this straight - Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble but gave up his Title shot out of apparent loyalty to Bray Wyatt.  Okay, historical precedent would say that the Rumble runner-up now gets the automatic Title shot, but with a split roster I guess that's out the window now (Plus, who wants to see Roman Reigns get ANOTHER WrestleMania Title match)?  Fine.  So we have a battle royal to determine a new challenger, which comes down to a botched ending where AJ Styles and Luke Harper are supposed to hit the floor at the same time, necessitating a singles match.  Harper clearly actually won the battle royal, but whatever, let's do the one-on-one match.  AJ beats Harper clean to become the #1 contender, but then at the end of the show Orton announces he wants the match with Wyatt after all.  Umm, no Randy.  You gave up your Title shot.  Piss off.  You don't get to just change your mind after someone else has already earned it.

Because nothing says "HERO" like a nice graveyard desecration.

So we have yet another supposed babyface who isn't worthy of being cheered - a wishy-washy, untrustworthy dick who pledged undying allegiance to his friend Bray and then set fire to his sister's grave.  That's not at all admirable.  Like, in any way.  Has Vince McMahon never actually met a virtuous human being in real life?  Cuz this isn't how they act.  Meanwhile AJ Styles, another supposed heel, is about to get screwed out of his title shot because of Orton's indecisiveness.  Either that or they have a runoff match next week to finally determine the #1 guy, which if you ask me is a waste of a potentially incredible first-time match that should be saved for a PPV.  I assume if that match happens Shane will somehow cost AJ the match so they can set up that debacle at 'Mania.  And again, who are we rooting for in that scenario?  The heel got fucked over by his boss.  On RAW Seth Rollins (a top babyface) got fucked over by his boss and we're supposed to rally behind him.  Can we get even a modicum of consistency?


Lately WrestleMania season feels like Vince has just come back from a nine-month absence with a ready-made 'Mania lineup, and any current angles and feuds just need to be dropped so they can shoehorn all the wrestlers into place for the big PPV.  There's almost nothing organic about any of these 'Mania matches.  They exist because Vince wants them to.  Rollins vs. Triple H is literally the only big match with a real backstory.  I miss the days when there was a logical buildup to WrestleMania and it was about the culmination of a year's worth of feuds and angles, or the emergence of new stars.  Instead it's become a standalone show where wrestlers are plugged in wherever they sorta fit, after the matches with the biggest possible appeal to the casual viewer are sorted out months in advance.  What a fuckin' bummer....

Dan's Top 9: Scariest Things in Sports

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

DAN'S TOP

Well sports fans, it’s been a little over three weeks since the Patriots have won a championship and the Boston region is officially in a drought. And this is KILLING me. I haven’t been to a parade celebrating sports greatness in almost a month. Tragic. It’s truly frightening. But not as frightening as these (nailed that segueway).

9. Walking Back to Your Seat Carrying Two Beers, Three Hot Dogs and a Pretzel

Nevermind that you’ve already had a few before the game so you’re wobbling like a drunk penguin. Forget that the steps at Fenway are uneven concrete slabs created in the late Jurassic. The real issue getting back to your seat are the other drunk assholes not paying attention to the roughly $400 dollars’ worth of food and libations in your hands. These jerks don’t care that you just spent a car payment on twenty ounces of beer. They just wanna yell MOOOOOOOOOOKIE and get in your way. Pricks.

Killer Microsoft Paint job there

8. Jeremy Jacobs With a Checkbook. 

Cause you know that cheap fuck is just gonna put it right back in his pocket.

I'd love to punch him

7. Aroldis Chapman’s Fastball

This thing comes flying in at you faster than Maverick buzzing the tower. The Cuban Missile throws the fastest pitch in the history of MLB and I for one would never have the balls to stand in the batter’s box to face him. Nor would I mouth off to him in a garage while he holds a gun. These are good tips for life.

89th Academy Awards Recap Discussion

Welcome to the Enuffa.com Oscar post-show discussion, with Mike Drinan (@mdrinan380) and myself.  It was a fairly unorthodox presentation, with Jimmy Kimmel's comedic style quite at odds with the usual timbre of the evening, plus that bizarre turn of events at the end of the show.

Mike, your thoughts coming out of Sunday night's unusual awards spectacular?


Mike: First off, congrats on winning our Oscars predictions face off!

The show itself was just alright but it ran on waaaaaay too long. It lagged in a couple of spots but I enjoyed the bits Kimmel had; the constant ribbing of Meryl Streep, and his faux-feud with Matt Damon is something that doesn't get old for me. The tour bus bit was pretty entertaining but went on forever.

No big shocking upsets in the awards. I was surprised that Casey Affleck pulled out the Best Actor award from Denzel since he won the SAG award and for the past 10 years, the winner of the SAG Award for Best Actor has gone on to take home the Oscar as well. I actually watched Fences on Saturday night and considering how stunning his performance was I didn't see any reason why that would change. I don't have a problem with Affleck winning because his work in Manchester By The Sea was fantastic and he totally earned it as well.

I was very happy that Moonlight won Best Picture. It was by far the best film of the year for all kinds of reasons and I'm glad Hollywood proved me wrong in this instance. At first I was pissed when they announced La La Land but when it all got figured out, I was a happy man.


Justin: I liked Kimmel as a host - he was very different for an Oscars ceremony, with a dry, kind of awkward delivery.  Loved the Mean Tweets segment and the Matt Damon stuff.  The tour bus segment was fun but yeah, too long.  Kimmel's self-deprecating humor was all great.

Yeah bitch, 9 for 10!  Goddamn I'm good.

I was very happy to see Affleck win (I haven't seen Fences yet and I'm sure Denzel is fantastic in it) - this was a career performance for him and it was great to see that recognized.

That ending was amazing.  They announced La La Land as the winner and I was tempted to just turn the TV off and go to bed.  Man am I glad I waited it out.  Moonlight deserved this award waaaaaaay more than LLL so I was glad to see my faith rewarded here.  And the inadvertent twist ending will be remembered forever.

I was disappointed that Barry Jenkins was passed over for Best Director though.  Has a black director ever won that award yet?  Seems like every time a black director's film wins Best Picture, the director himself loses.  Steve McQueen not winning it for 12 Years a Slave is one of the most baffling decisions in recent memory.

The 89th Academy Awards Preview & Predictions

Well it's that time again folks.  The 89th Academy Awards are upon us, and that means Mike Drinan (@mdrinan380) and I are back to give you our picks.  It's an eclectic bunch of films this year, and as usual I'm scrambling to catch up and see as many as possible before the ceremony.  Jimmy Kimmel is the host this year - an unusual choice I must say.  Kimmel sort of conveys a dorky everyman quality not normally associated with such an extravagant ceremony.  So this'll be interesting. 

As with last year we'll pick the ten main categories plus an obscure tie breaker so there will be a clear winner.  Drinan killed me in the predictions last year so I'm out for revenge.  So let's get to it....

Best Picture

Arrival

Fences

Hacksaw Ridge

Hell or High Water

Hidden Figures

La La Land

Lion

Manchester By the Sea

Moonlight

Justin: Wow, a musical, a sci-fi movie, a western crime drama, a war movie, and five other dramas.  Pretty diverse buncha films up for the big award this year.  I've only seen four of these so far and hope to catch at least two or three more by the 26th.  I loved Arrival, a rare sci-fi alien film that's about real ideas and the human condition moreso than it is about aliens and spaceships.  It was so refreshing to see a movie about this subject matter that was understated and thoughtful.  I also loved Manchester By the Sea, a quietly tragic drama about a lonely man carrying a horrible burden from his past.  Moonlight was a deeply touching, brilliantly acted film that at times reminded me of Boyhood and Brokeback Mountain.  La La Land.....well, if you read our discussion HERE, you know neither Mike nor I was particularly impressed by Hollywood's latest love letter to itself.  I'll be pretty goddamn pissed if LLL wins Best Picture, quite frankly.  As for the other five, I'm very much interested in Hell or High Water, Hacksaw Ridge, Lion, and Fences, and less interested in Hidden Figures.  But I'm sure I'll see all five of them at some point.  But what's important here is which film I think is going to take home the gold.  It's clearly between the dual Golden Globe winners, La La Land and Moonlight.  I could see this going either way actually.  On one hand, LLL is about Hollywood, and Hollywood loves that.  On the other hand, Moonlight has "underdog Oscar winner" written all over it, plus the Academy has taken quite some flak in recent years for only seeming to honor white actors and filmmakers.  So it's really a question of whether the Academy can turn off the "Hollywood is awesome" blinders for a minute and get out of its own way.  I'm going to be optimistic and say yes.

Prediction: Moonlight


Mike: I've slacked this year at getting to the theater and have only seen five of the nominees. Like you, I loved Arrival for the reasons you mentioned. Such an original idea and delivered brilliantly. Hell or High Water I found to be very good as well and at times gave me a No Country For Old Men type feeling...maybe it was the Texas desert, might've been Jeff Bridges. I originally thought this would be a three picture race between La La Land, Moonlight and Manchester By The Sea, however Manchester's stock fell way down in this category as soon as LLL began garnering rave reviews. In the meantime, Moonlight is the brilliant little engine that could and is easily my favorite of the nominees. Such a perfect film with incredible acting from the entire cast. I'm easily rooting for Moonlight to win this, however I think it's La La Land's. LLL is a throwback musical that is heavily saturated with classic MGM musical material. Plus, it's about Hollywood and, as we've all learned when Crash won Best Picture, L.A. is in love with itself. I am not as optimistic as Justin, but I do hope he wins this category.

Prediction: La La Land

Best Director

Denis Villeneuve (Arrival)

Mel Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)

Damien Chazelle (La La Land)

Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester By the Sea)

Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)

Justin: Well they've taken the most diverse cross-section of Best Pic nominees and included their directors in this category.  Denis Villeneuve lent a quiet, meditative feel to Arrival and I was so impressed with his work here I'm excited to see his previous (and upcoming) films.  Mel Gibson's inclusion here is pretty staggering considering his fall from grace a few years back.  But I'm glad to see that he's put all that behind him and returned to making quality films; say what you will about him personally but I've always considered him a very gifted actor and director.  Chazelle really should've won this award two years ago for Whiplash, but he's got a very real chance to make up for it here.  Lonergan's gift for pacing and emotional weight made Manchester By the Sea a deeply compelling human drama.  Barry Jenkins (like Chazelle) has only directed two feature films and has displayed prodigious skill in doing so.  As with the Best Pic category I see this coming down to two candidates - Chazelle and Jenkins.  In either case we'll be getting a first-time Best Director, so that's historic.  But for me Chazelle failed to capture the magical touch he demonstrated with Whiplash.  La La Land to me barely felt like a musical and lacked the splendor one associates with films like that.  Jenkins on the other hand conveyed a very personal, intimate character arc with real visual flair.  So in a perfect world Jenkins should take this.  But I have a sneaking suspicion the Academy has a full-on boner for Chazelle's work, so I'm gonna pick him.

Prediction: Damien Chazelle


Mike: Denis Villeneuve is a really impressive director. I loved his drug cartel-themed Sicario and Prisoners with Jake Gyllenhaal. His film Enemy also starring Jake Gyllenhaal is currently in my Amazon watchlist queue and I'm very much looking forward to watching. BUT I DIGRESS!!! His film Arrival was another excellent film in his resume and like I said in my Best Picture summary, the delivery of how that story unfolded was brilliant and seamless. I'm also impressed with how Mel Gibson has found his way back in Hollywood's good graces following his controversial behavior. It would make for a nice redemption story if he were able to snag Mr. Oscar on this comeback trail. Kenneth Lonergan did a wonderful job with Manchester By The Sea but you're right, this is between Chazelle and Jenkins. With Moonlight, Barry Jenkins brought forth an exquisite story and was able to get his actors to display such humanity and emotion that it's almost uncanny. However, since he's a relative newcomer I think he also will get passed up for this award in favor of Chazelle. Whiplash was a great movie and he did a spectacular job with it as it won him a ton of industry praise. With La La Land being a musical, I think they will lean in his direction. Once again, I'll be rooting for Barry Jenkins since I feel he deserves it more than Chazelle.

Prediction: Damien Chazelle

Do’s & Don’ts for the Daytona 500

Last year, The People I Call My Friends and I headed to Daytona for the most storied of NASCAR events, the Daytona 500. I’m not a huge NASCAR aficionado, but it was a bachelor party and our bachelor is a big supporter of going around in circles. I’m a casual fan, in that I’ll watch if nothing’s on and I’ve been to a few events, though moreso for the accepted binge drinking in the stands. Having just NOW recovered from that weekend, here is a list of what you should and shouldn’t do during the grand-daddy of them all in the racing world.
 

These guys look prepared.....they weren't.

DO: Bring extra underpants…you’re gonna need them.

DON’T: Eat pizza down there. Seriously, they’re clueless on how to make it. It takes them forever to make one pie. And they taste TERRIBLE.  I think ours was Wonder Bread with V8 on it.

DO: Enjoy all the Happy Hour libations. We were drinking pitchers of beer for $5 and Mai Tai’s for $4. Sure, the Mai Tai’s were essentially sour mix and ice, but goddammit WHAT A BARGAIN.

DO: Hang out with Danny Daytona. The man is a pure party animal and everyone wants to be around him. He’s electric. Fun follows that guy around like herpes at the free clinic.

Holy shit, that guy in the middle is cool!

DON’T: Go to the strip clubs. 'Cause they’re not strip clubs at all. The ladies of the night in these venues are quite modest and must, by law, keep their tops on. So if your idea of sexiness is checking out a live episode of Baywatch, have at it.

Meryl Streep: Not Overrated, but Over-Nominated

by Michael Drinan
@mdrinan380

Meryl Streep is one of the greatest actors of all time. She’s right up there with Katherine Hepburn, Marlon Brando, Daniel Day-Lewis, Diane Keaton, Bette Davis, Jack Nicholson and whoever else you want to throw on the Greatest of All Time list. She deserves every accolade thrown her way. Seriously, I don’t have a problem with Meryl Streep, well, except for Mamma Mia! but that’s totally ABBA’s fault (fucking ABBA). However, it’s this love affair The Academy has with Meryl that I have a problem with because they throw an Oscar nomination her way for what seems like every role she takes on, even roles that aren’t Oscar-worthy performances. This practice started out modestly but has gotten worse in recent years and now it’s impossible to ignore.

Listen, we are all used to The Academy handing out bullshit nominations and even getting the winner wrong from time to time, but the fascination with Meryl, the downright idolizing of the actress, has gotten way out of hand. Here are the roles Meryl Streep was nominated for that weren’t Oscar-worthy, in chronological order.

Music Of The Heart (1999)

This Wes Craven film (yes, that Wes Craven), based on a true story, has Streep playing Roberta Guaspari, a violinist who was abandoned by her husband and is struggling with suicidal tendencies before taking on a position as a substitute violin teacher in an inner city school. Yep, one of those movies. She then builds a successful string program and begins to fight the administration when her program faces budget cuts. She stages a fundraising concert at Carnegie Hall (eye roll) in an effort to keep the program running. This film was a great feel-good story, an underdog redemption story that we all loved, especially The Academy. But Oscar-worthy? Not by a long shot, but because Streep takes on an accent all of a sudden it’s mindblowing! Give me a break. There’s nothing about her performance that warrants a nomination here, it’s just a good performance. It’s hardly a role that I remember out of her long career. Streep eventually lost out to Hilary Swank for Boys Don’t Cry. Hard to argue with that one.

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

This critique of the fashion industry for the longest time was a guilty pleasure of mine, until Meryl was nominated for this role. Her nomination made me not want to watch it again. Streep plays Miranda Priestly, a high-powered fashion magazine editor who just crushes the soul and morale of anyone she comes across. She’s cold, soulless and people find her terrifying. Once again, Streep adopts a peculiar diction and well-defined posture and she does a good job with the character. Since when are we giving out nominations to actors for simply playing a character that’s a merciless hardass? I actually found Anne Hathaway more impressive in this film than Streep. I hate fashion exposés because they try to get me to sympathize with those working in the fashion industry and I just don’t. Anyway, Streep lost to Helen Mirren for The Queen because it was a no-brainer.

Movie Review: Hell or High Water (2016)

by Dave Moore

Well the Oscars are only a few weeks away and I'm trying to see as many Best Picture nominees as possible (Sorry La La Land). I have only seen two so far and the one I want to talk about is Hell or High Water. Going into this film was pretty excited. I mean Jeff Bridges is in it. The guy makes everything cool. I was not disappointed with this movie at all.

The movie centers on two brothers, Toby (Chris Pine) and Tanner (Ben Foster). Toby is a straight-living, divorced father just trying to make a better life for his son. Tanner is an ex-con with a short temper and an itchy trigger finger. The brothers are robbing branches of the bank that is foreclosing on the family land and using the banks' own money to pay for the land. They end up running afoul of U.S. Marshall Marcus Hamilton (Jeff Bridges), who is on the verge of retirement but has one hunt left in him. This turns into a cat and mouse game to figure out when the next bank is going to be hit.

The heist scenes themselves aren't trying to top anything that was in Heat. These are done by desperate men, not professionals, men who don't really know what they are doing. Mistakes are made and people pay for them. Watching them pull off one heist after the next you feel that these two men are doing what they think is right, not keeping the money for themselves but simply maintaining way of life.

All three actors do a fantastic job in this film, especially Chris Pine.  Bridges is great in this as usual, earning his 7th acting nomination this year for his supporting role in the film. Foster has been an exciting and intense actor for years, particularly in 3:10 to Yuma. Chris Pine, mostly known for his role as Captain Kirk in the Star Trek reboot series, turns in a more focused, quieter delivery than we are use to seeing from him.  That Pine can hold his own with these two accomplished actors suggests a promising future.

Hell or High Water is also nominated for Best Picture, Best Film Editing and Best Original Screenplay (written by Taylor Sheridan, who also wrote last year's Sicario). I hope it wins the screenplay award, beyond that I think La La Land has everything else locked up.  The film is fantastically written and perfectly executed; for a late August release you can't do much better than Hell or High Water.  Highly recommended.

I give the film *** out of ****.

WWE Elimination Chamber 2017: Smackdown's Best PPV So Far

Well I may not be happy about most of WWE's creative direction heading to WrestleMania 33, but I'll be goddamned if they aren't 2 for 2 thus far in 2017 PPVs.  Last night's Elimination Chamber show featured two really solid women's matches (and a third that was decent), an unexpectedly awesome Randy Orton-Luke Harper match, and one of the best Elimination Chambers the company has ever put together.

As I said, most of the likely matchups penciled in for WrestleMania are uninteresting to me at best, and from what I've read a few of them are downright nonsensical.  But fortunately the talent roster is so good right now they'd be hard-pressed to deliver a bad standalone PPV.

Elimination Chamber opened with a very well-worked Becky Lynch-Mickie James match, featuring some great mat wrestling and a nice "cocky veteran vs. young babyface" story.  I hope this isn't the last of this pairing, because they meshed wonderfully.  Becky unexpectedly got the win with a rollup, and frankly I think she oughta still be the Women's Champ on Smackdown.  This bout was much more compelling to me than the actual Women's Title match.  More on that in a bit.

Next was probably the weakest match on the card, Dolph Ziggler vs. Apollo Crews and Kalisto.  I loved the heel move of taking out Kalisto during entrances, making this a one-on-one match for most of the running time.  The wrestling here was fine but not very memorable and not given much time.  Kalisto finally entered the fray in the last minute or so and Ziggler fell to Crews's spinout powerbomb.  I would've booked Ziggles to get a tainted win, but whatever.  I'm not sure where this double feud goes from here.

The Tag Team Turmoil match was third, and had some nice, furiously-paced action.  With six teams involved this realistically had to go over 20 minutes, and it did.  It was quite clear which teams matter on this roster and which don't.  American Alpha, The Usos and Rhyno & Slater were all booked pretty strong, The Ascension got to almost win the belts thanks to the match structure, and The Vaudvillains and Breezango looked like geeks.  But every segment of this match was at the very least watchable.  I liked AA eliminating The Usos only to later get killed by them, creating suspense as to whether The Ascension might steal the gold here.  The big feud is obviously AA vs. The Usos, which can be saved for another show; this feud's been building since September when The Usos "injured" AA to take them out of the inaugural Title tournament.  The match also made Gable and Jordan look like superheroes when they overcame the Usos' attack to eke out a win against a fresh team.

WWE Elimination Chamber 2017 Preview & Predictions

Welcome to another (ANOTHER) round of WWE Predictions here at Enuffa.com!

This Sunday marks the return of the Elimination Chamber!  After being absent from the 2016 calendar, supposedly due to modern arenas no longer being able to support this 80 million ton structure (I believe that's the official weight) hanging from the ceiling, WWE has apparently figured out a workaround.  The Chamber PPV generally has major 'Mania implications and we should see the Smackdown side of The Showcase of the Immortals begin to take shape.  As usual this Smackdown-only PPV is pretty thin on paper, but the blue brand always seems to find a way to deliver an enjoyable show that doesn't overstay its welcome.  So let's get into it....

***I lead Dan for this season's predictions 69/109 to 63/109***

Nikki Bella vs. Natalya

The first of three (THREE!) women's matches on this show (and I'm not complaining) features probably the most heated rivalry in the division right now.  Nattie beat the crap outta Nikki on Talkin' Smack last night to add some fuel to this match.  Should be a fine contest.  I'd like to see Nattie win this, but I don't think it's in the cards.

Justin's pick: Nikki
Dan's pick: Natty

Handicap Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Apollo Crews & Kalisto

I hate handicap matches.  They do nothing for anyone.  If the two guys beat the one guy they've simply done the obvious, and if the one guy beats the two guys, the two guys look like chumps.  Ziggler really needs a big win to solidify his heel turn but I dunno if I can see them jobbing out both babyfaces here.  Unless maybe Ziggles takes out Crews with a chair before the bell?

Justin's pick: Ziggler wins by cheating
Dan's pick: I concur. Love Ziggles as a heel. Needs a dirty win here.

Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James

This might be the second-best match on the whole show.  James has still got it, and Becky is Becky.  Not much more to say than that - I'm looking forward to this one.

Justin's pick: Mickie wins to continue the feud
Dan's pick: Yup

Luke Harper vs. Randy Orton

Are they finally gonna push Harper in some capacity as a monster babyface?  They should.  But I doubt it.  Harper's just here to keep Orton occupied till his inevitable clash with Bray Wyatt, at which time Orton will be a babyface again (yawn).  This should be a solid outing though.

Justin's pick: RKO
Dan's pick: Viper