Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Wastin' Away Again in Whopperritoville......

Introducing our newest Enuffa.com contributor, expert in garbage cuisine, and good friend Sok Maher (Proununced Sook, as in “Look, it’s Sook, he has more shitty food with him”). He dared tackle Burger King’s newest menu item today.  

Wastin' Away Again in Whopperritoville... Searchin' for myyyy lost packet of sauce. 
(The Definitive Whopperrito Review)

This was clearly the first Whopperrito of the day, as I overheard an employee remark, "Hey, I've never made one of these yet... Where's the level?" While I am unsure of how precisely parallel it is to the floor, I am sure that it was an enjoyable eat. Not outstanding. Not life-changing. Is it better than a Doritos Locos Taco? No. That is more due to my unwavering love for Doritos than anything. Let's go to the tale of the tape (All scores based on a 1 - 5 system, 5 being the best)....

Flavor - 3

I'm just not a Whopper guy really. In Dracut/Lowell the BK is (was?) two plots down from the McDonald's. I think I've been to that BK less than five times in my entire life. But there is nothing that makes this an "-ito" aside from the soft tortilla shell... No Mexican spices. No traditional burrito add-ons like sour cream, guac, or beans. Or maybe I'm just not a Whopper guy.

Price - 4

Just over $3. The meal, which includes a drink, fries, and a mule is like $7. I'm severly underestimating the cost of making mediocre fries and fountain beverages. I am guessing if you have the app, they are practically giving these things away. But that combo meal price is just too alto for this chico.

Food Quantity - 5 

This is where the Whopperrito shines (if you're obese). One Whopperrito with no sides left me with that delightful feeling of contentness. Now, could I eat another? Please stop reading now if you think not. But two would fully satisfy a hungry Sok, while one will satiate my appetite in between feedings. 5/5!!!

Intangibles - 2

The Whopperrito name is gold, Jerry. Gold. But that's about it. This is essentially a half step away from emptying a chicken caesar wrap and filling it with a blended Whopper. If you know a better way to get soft tortilla shells, I'm all ears.

Overall - 3

The only fun thing about the Whopperrito is saying it. And maybe wondering why an employee needs a level to make one. I guess the only way to properly rate the Whopperrito is to rank it with the other gimmick foods.

My list...

Lobster Roll (McD) < Double Down (KFC) < Mozzarella Sticks (McD) < Whopperrito (BK) < Hot Dog (BK) < McRib (McD) < Doritos Locos Taco (TB) < Famous Bowl (KFC).

So there you have it. Whopperrito is better than McDonald's mozzarella sticks. I guess I could have saved like 400 words and just put it that way.

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