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Thursday, October 15, 2015

NFL Pick 'em: Week 6

Points standings:

Miggsy-14

Dan-13

B-Cuddly-14

Ya know, me and the boys here like to rib each other. 'Tis all in good fun. Yeah, we're gross, none of us smell good, and our liquor consumption is...troublesome. But for all the crap we talk, we're all up in our picks this year. Not too shabby. I missed another perfect week due to some cheating time scoring prick in San Diego, but hey, what're ya gonna do? You move on, make new insults and new picks. Here we go.

Dan's Picks

Arizona (-3) @ Pittsburgh THE PICK =Arizona
I've been to Arizona. It's a lovely state. Nice weather, hot broads to look at and a fine football stadium.

Those are........nice.

I've been to Pittsburgh. Awful weather, toothless fat women abound and a football stadium that looks as if it's been peed on in every corner. Smells like it too. I dunno what this has to do with the game at hand. But based solely on geography, I'm picking the Cardinals. (I mean, it has something to do with the fact that Mike Vick has looked like one of the dead dogs he was so fond of years ago. And I don't see him improving against AZ's stout defense. Arizona's run game should also have a good time trouncing through Pitt's middle of the road rushing defense. Those are scientifical reasonings, son).

Atlanta (-4) @ New Orleans THE PICK = ATLANTA
I gotta fever. And the only prescription is more Matty Ice. Sure, he typically melts in the playoffs, but he's been rock solid in the regular season the past few years. I have as much faith in New Orleans offense scoring points as I do Miggsy staying sober at any sort of work function. This is a man who pisses his pants as often as Alex Smith throws a TD to a wide out. Ya know, once a year. Guy's like a puppy. Flowing yellow all over his house n' home. Disgusting. The Saints have been inept with their passing game, and now, the running game is suffering as well. On the flip side is the offensive juggernaut Falcons. Even without Julio Jones possibly not playing, I see Atlanta lighting things up in the Big Easy.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Saw

Day Fifteen: Saw (2004)

Director: James Wan
Starring: Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, Monica Potter, Michael Emerson, Ken Leung, Tobin Bell, Leigh Whannell

This is not a good movie. It has terrible acting, God awful production value, and one of the most improbable plot twists in movie history. And I love every fucking second of it.

The first in a series of one of the most successful horror franchises of all time, Saw was not at all the type of movie I thought I was going to see alone (shut up) in the old Quincy Center movie theater. From the ads on TV, it played like a ripoff of Se7en. I really didn't foresee the bloody, gory horror movie I was in for. Adam (screenwriter Whannell in his only notable role...seriously, he's awful) and Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes, on a vacation from acting) are trapped in a basement by Jigsaw. He's a non-serial killer, a mysterious dude who goes around kidnapping folk he thinks take their lives for granted. He subjects them to "tests", typically giant torture devices rigged to kill the subjects if they fail to complete 'em in a certain time period. The Doc and Adam gotta get outta the basement or the Doc's family dies.

For Those About to Rock: Rock n' Roll Hall of Fam 2016, part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of my 3 part series, For Those About to Rock, where we go over the 2016 nominees for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame and predict who gets in and who gets the shaft. You can read Part 1 here if you need to catch up. For the rest of you, let’s tackle the next 6 nominees!

The J.B.'s - This nominee is just begging to piss me off. The J.B.'s are a pretty well known group in the world of funk. They started out as James Brown’s band and consisted of the legendary “Bootsy” Collins and his brother “Catfish” Collins, Bobby Byrd, John Starks, Johnny Griggs, Robert McCollough and Darryl Jamison. Most of this configuration of the band peeled off and joined Parliament Funkadelic (HOF class of ‘97). They had a few hits like “Pass the Peas," “Doing It To Death” and “The Grunt”. The latter included that famous squeal that Public Enemy sampled. They’re an awesome funk band to listen to but I don’t think their material and influence are worthy for the HOF. If the HOF didn’t royally fuck up the “Sideman” category, I’d say go for it, induct them in as sidemen! But as performers? I’m all set. The J.B.’s as Brown’s band didn’t make James Brown, and away from James Brown they didn’t do anything that significant. Once again, three singles isn’t enough.

Chaka Khan - Every time I think about Chaka Khan, my mind conjures up Jon Lovitz screaming her name at the end of his performance in The Wedding Singer. His declaration is warranted though since she is the incomparable “Queen of Funk." It’s difficult to not induct her. She was the focal point for the funk band Rufus and had hits with “Tell Me Something Good” and “Sweet Thing” before Khan struck out on her own and first hit it HUGE with “I’m Every Woman” and then crushed it in 1984 with her album I Feel For You. She’s won 10 Grammys, sold 70 million records worldwide, seven gold singles, seven gold records, and three platinum albums. She’s an icon. She deserves induction and its difficult to see the HOF refuse her. Plus, inducting a woman only serves to make the HOF look better considering their horrid track record of recognizing female artists (The Runaways, Pat Benatar anyone? ANYONE!?!?!?!?).

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Babadook

Day Fourteen: The Babadook (2014)

Director: Jennifer Kent
Starring: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Daniel Henshall, Hayley McElhinney

One of the most critically acclaimed horror movies to come along in years, The Babadook lives up to all the praise it's received. Davis plays Amelia, single mother to Wiseman's Sam. They live alone in a suburb of Australia. Sam's father was killed on the ride to the hospital on the day Sam was born. Neither Sam nor his mother has really ever gotten past this tragedy. Sam is a troubled child both in school and at home, which puts many levels of stress on Amelia. She can barely sleep, her work suffers, as does her relationship with her sister, Claire (McElhinney).

One night, Sam chooses a new book off his shelf for a bedtime story. The book, the Babadook of the title, starts a cycle of terror that swallows up both Amelia and Sam. This strange creature starts haunting the family, making sleeping even more impossible. Amelia slowly slips away psychologically. She's on edge due to her insomnia, her difficult time with her son and of course, the Babadook. She soon realizes that the only way out of this nightmare is to face her fears.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Creep

Day Thirteen: Creep (2014)

Director: Patrick Brice
Starring: Mark Duplass & Patrick Brice

Creep is quite the oddball film. Aaron (Brice) is a videographer who answers a Craigslist ad to film Josef (Duplass, who plays Pete in the FXX comedy series The League). Josef is dying of cancer, and he's paying Aaron a thousand bucks to record a video diary for Josef's unborn son. They're camped out in Josef's remote wooded cabin. What follows is a strange exercise in extreme creepiness.

Throughout their day together, Josef displays some truly bizarre behavior. He has Aaron film him during a bath. He dances around his house in a large wolf mask he calls Peachfuzz that he says he got from his father, but whose origins are much more sinister. You can tell right off there's something majorly incorrect with Josef. It's tough to tell what is truth when he speaks and what is lies. What follows is an odd Fatal Attraction-type stalker film. It's frankly, quite odd and true to the film's name, very creepy.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Friday the 13th (2009)

Day Twelve: Friday the 13th (2009)

Director: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Derek Mears, Willa Ford

I love me some Voorhees. When this reboot came out, it was one I was actually looking forward to. The man in the hockey mask has been a staple of my horror movie viewing for as long as I can remember. I was hoping this movie wouldn't disappoint. It didn't.

A combination of essentially the first three Friday movies, this new generation version comes outta the gates hot. It dispenses with the Mrs. Voorhees killer quickly, and moves on immediately to our favorite homicidal goalie. Jason is your standard isolated murderer, just wanting to be left alone in his campgrounds. When some uppity teenagers try to steal his weed, he slaughters them all, save one. A young lady that reminds our little mama's boy about his mama. So he keeps her, setting off our plot of a new group of teens going to look for their kidnapped friend.

NXT Takeover: Respect Thoughts, or How Sasha vs. Bayley Rocked My Socks Off

I realize I'm a tad late to the dance, but I just watched last week's NXT Takeover: Respect over the weekend and wanted to say a few words about the absolutely brilliant Women's Title main event.

Overall I'd call myself something of a casual NXT viewer. I tend not to watch the weekly shows and only vaguely follow along with the results. I do watch the NXT Takeover specials, but usually not live as they're happening. Don't misunderstand me, I very much enjoy NXT as a brand; they get right everything the main WWE roster gets wrong and Vince should really be using them as a template for RAW and Smackdown. However there's so much wrestling out there right now it's so hard to find the time to watch any of it religiously these days.

NXT Respect was the first time in WWE history that a major event was headlined by a women's match. Unlike with the main roster, the people running NXT understand that women's sports are becoming a huge draw (Ronda Rousey is currently the biggest star in UFC), and people are tired of female wrestlers being presented as little more than eye candy in piss-break matches. Yes, the main roster has been making the effort with the Divas Revolution and all, but let's be frank - given how sloppy that's been thrown together (multiple call-ups at the same time, group feuds that don't make any sense), it kinda almost seems like those in charge of the main roster (Vince and Kevin I'm looking in your general direction) are setting it up to fail. It speaks volumes of how out of touch certain people are when the company is so far behind the curve on this. Christ, TNA figured out almost a decade ago that women's wrestling could be a lucrative, exciting part of their programming. How is WWE trailing TNA on this??

For Those About to Rock: Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame 2016, part 1

(Editor's Note: My buddy Michael Drinan is back to predict the 2016 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductions. Take away Mike!)

It’s that time of year again!

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recently released their list of 15 artists nominated for the 2016 Induction class and, just like every year, I’ve obsessed over the list trying to predict who will make it in. Some people feel Hall of Fames are pointless and a waste of time, but whatever man, it's fun and always leads to a great discussion. This year we have a decent list of contenders where, for some fucked up reason or another, Pat Benatar is STILL not included. What is also interesting is last year’s nominee Kraftwerk inexplicably did not receive a nod this year, but who needs a highly influential German electronic group that was decades ahead of its time and spawned an entire genre of music, along with influencing a countless number of artists across ALL genres anyway? (I digress.) Last year, I got 4 out of 6 predictions correct! Let’s see what we have to argue about this year…

The Cars - One of the premiere new wave bands in the late 70s and early 80s, The Cars’ influence spans from Nirvana and The Melvins to Alkaline Trio and The Strokes. They took punk minimalism and combined it with pop aesthetics and synthesizers that gave them thirteen Top 40 hits and six incredible albums (Their seventh album, Move Like This, was good and had the redeeming charms of their previous work but the movement was over and music moved on). Their eponymous debut was a classic pop album and probably their best. They followed that up with another classic, Candy-O, which has one of my favorite album covers of all time (Shouldn’t that be a factor in this discussion?)! Fun Fact: artist Alberto Vargas came out of retirement to do that cover and the model’s name was Candy Moore (the more you know). We all know the hits “Best Friend’s Girl”, “Drive”, “Just What I Needed”, “Good Times Roll”, “Shake It Up” and “Let’s Go” but their deeper cuts are equally as good. “Bye Bye Love” would’ve been a hit if released as a single and “Night Spots” is a fantastic rock-pop song. This is their first nomination despite being eligible since 2003. They’ll get in, if not this year then another year.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Dark Was The Night

by Dan Moore

@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October. There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day Eleven: Dark Was The Night (2014)

Director: Jack Heller

Starring: Kevin Durand, Lukas Haas & Bianca Kajlich

There's a sense of impending doom that permeates throughout the entire film Dark Was The Night. And that's a good thing. A very good thing. It's the story about a small town sheriff named Paul (Durand) who is racked with guilt over a recent personal tragedy. He's estranged from his wife (Kajlich) as they share parenting duties. Paul wakes up one morning to see that throughout the entire town are weird hoof tracks that have set the whole community into a panic. It's up to our intrepid sheriff to see if it's just a teenage prank or if he should listen more closely to the towns folk mythical creature stories (spoiler: it's the latter).

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Drive-Thru

Day Ten: Drive-Thru (2007)

Directors: Brendan Cowles & Shane Kuhn
Starring: Leighton Meester, Nicholas D'Agosto, Melora Hardin, Larry Joe Campbell & Lola Glaudini

And I thought ATM was stupid? Holy SHIT this movie is dumb. Horny the Clown, yes HORNY THE FUCKING CLOWN, is the mascot at Hella Burger. He's also a serial killer. He's bumping off all the neighborhood kids and customers. Which probably won't help with Hella Burger's IPO. One of the kids, Mackenzie (Meester), starts to see a pattern as the kids getting bumped off all happen to be the children of a group of parents that accidentally murdered neighborhood weirdo Archie Benjamin on his 18th birthday. Is Horny the Clown Archie come back for revenge by killing the children of his murderers? Is this plot a sad rip off of Nightmare on Elm Street? Did I really watch a movie with a killer named Horny?

NFL Pick 'em: Week 5

Points standings:

Miggsy-11

Dan-10

B-Cuddly-10

All tipsy-turvy in the standings this week. Uncle Miggsy coming off his second perfect week in a row jumps to the top of the charts. I've taken 7 of a possible 8 points in the last two weeks and I stay in second place. Right in the meaty part of that curve – not showing off, not falling behind. And then there's Brandon. Much like when the ladies talk about his gear, the less said about him, the better. I've never been a fan of the guy, honestly.

DAN'S PICKS

Pittsburgh (+3) @ San Diego THE PICK= SAN DIEGO
A huuuuuuuge part of this pick is the power of the bolo. Philip Rivers looks so fucking dapper in that dumb, leather strip tie. It's awesome. (Also, Brandon has an odd hatred of Rivers, so that helps).

YOLO BOLO

I don't trust Michael Vick going into San Diego and being accurate with the ball. He hasn't looked good and he's headed west as an underdog (LOLZ!!!1!!1). He looks old, beat up & useless at this point. I miss unstoppable Madden '04 version of Michael Vick. That guy was impossible to beat.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Monster Squad

Day Nine: The Monster Squad

Director: Fred Dekker
Starring: Andre Gower,Duncan Regehr, Stephen Macht, Stan Shaw, Tom Noonan

After viewing the despicable Cannibal Holocaust yesterday, I had to cleanse my pallet. I needed something easy to watch. Something fun. Something with nards. Yes people, the time had come for The Monster Squad. A true classic from my childhood. It's about a bunch of misfit kids fighting off the re-imagined Universal monsters. But you know that already, right? Because if you haven't seen this flick at least 100 times, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!

NJPW King of Pro-Wrestling 2015 Predictions!

Welcome to another set of New Japan PPV Predictions, here at Enuffa.com!

This coming Monday is the annual October event, King of Pro-Wrestling, which has historically been a pretty hot show (KOPW 2012 and 2013 contained several classic matches apiece). This is generally where any final changes of significance are made leading into WrestleKingdom season, and several championships are on the line this year.

Also of note is that KOPW will be the first NJPWWorld.com broadcast with optional English commentary (provided by Kevin Kelly and Matt Striker), which is fantastic news. Clearly the company is gaining traction in the US!

Let's take a look at the picks. Currently I'm 14/17 overall since I started predicting New Japan shows.

David Finlay, Jay White, Juice Robinson, Sho Tanaka and Yohei Komatsu vs. Jushin Thunder Liger, Kushida, Máscara Dorada, Ryusuke Taguchi and Tiger Mask

The opening match is of the "cram a lot of guys into one match" variety, just to warm up the crowd. Not much of an issue going on in this one but it should be an amusing little schmozz. Kushida needs some kind of win after dropping two title matches in a row at Destruction.

Justin's pick: Team Liger

Tomoaki Honma vs. Yoshi-Hashi

Underdog favorite Honma finally gets a singles match on a PPV not named G1, so this oughta be a fun watch. I'm hoping he's given some actual wins for a change; he's way too over to be jobbed out every month.

Justin's pick: Honma

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Cannibal Holocaust

Day Eight: Cannibal Holocaust

This is the nicest poster I could find

Director: Ruggero Deodato
Starring: A buncha people you've never heard of nor care about.

A dumb American camera crew goes to the Amazon and disappears. Later on, an anthropologist leads a rescue group to try to find them. They meet the hostile, cannibalistic tribe, and retrieve the film the other Americans filmed. What follows is some of the most raw, exploitative, violent footage mine eyes have ever seen.

What can be said about this movie that hasn't already been said in the last 35 years? Easily the most despicable, disgusting film I've ever seen. It's a very strange movie. The narrative is set up in such an odd way, going back and forth from New York, as they explain about the expedition and discovery of the films, talking about the original film crew, moving onto the rescue efforts, and ultimately showing the snuff-style footage that was documented by the first crew. Interspersed between all this are appalling scenes of authentic looking tortures and death. The whole while, the strangely beautiful score by Riz Ortolan plays under scenes that get increasingly hard to watch. For example, look at this scene:

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 17 (In the Year 2000....)

As the new millennium dawned I could feel a changeover in the WWF product almost immediately. Right away there was a renewed sense of urgency to the show and it no longer felt like a bloated, frantic mess.

The first RAW episode of 2000 featured a WWF Title change, as Triple H won back the belt he had lost to The Big Show. With no real direction for Paul Wight as Champion, it was clear Hunter should be the top dog for the time being. Even better was that his first feud of the year would be against the man who had helped make The Rock such a successful heel Champ, Mick Foley. But it wouldn't be the cuddly, lovable Mankind, who had morphed into something of a comedy act in 1999. Instead the sadistic, violent Cactus Jack made his return to WWF TV and challenged Triple H to a Street Fight at the Royal Rumble. At this time Hunter was still an unproven top heel and hadn't established himself as a legit tough guy, so the idea of him facing Cactus in a No DQ match was pretty crazy.

The Rumble event itself was incredible, and set the tone for the entire year. From start to finish there was a fresh, exciting vibe to it all. Taz(z) migrated over from ECW and made short work of recent newcomer Kurt Angle, The Hardy Boyz and Dudley Boyz beat the living crap out of each other in a blazing Tables match, Chris Jericho reasserted himself as the Intercontinental Champion after having to share that belt with Chyna (don't ask), The Rock inevitably but entertainingly won the Royal Rumble which was full of lively characters that kept the match moving. But that Street Fight..... Triple H and Cactus Jack punished each other for a full 25 minutes before Hunter retained with a Pedigree through a pile of thumbtacks. This match was as much responsible for Triple H building a reputation as a durable top-flight heel as any other factor. Hunter took all of Foley's stiff, hardcore-style offense and never seemed out of his element. I've had my issues with Hunter over the years, but there's no denying that in the year 2000 he earned his stripes and became a WWF cornerstone. This was the beginning of a career year for the future COO.

I just got brain matter all over my television screen.

In WCW, things were flying apart like crazy. Vince Russo predictably wasn't able to turn the company around like he claimed to have done for the WWF. The biggest difference of course was that in Stamford he was kept on a creative leash and his ideas went through a filter before reaching TV. But in WCW there was no one to rein him in, and so the product devolved even further into a morass of nonsensical booking. Russo soon found himself out on his ass, and Kevin Sullivan got the book. Unfortunately that meant the remaining company workhorses like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero could not be coaxed into staying with WCW (even after making Benoit the Champion), and they asked for their releases in January of 2000. Imagine my shock and elation when I tuned into RAW on January 31st to see Benoit, Guerrero, Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn sitting at ringside. Could it be?? Did the WWF just absorb WCW's best guys?

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: YellowBrickRoad

Day Seven: YellowBrickRoad (2010)

Director: Jesse Holland and Andy Mitton
Starring: Cassidy Freeman, Anessa Ramsey and Laura Heisler

Solid premise to this one. During WWII, the population of a town in New Hampshire just ups and vanishes. They walk up a mountain trail and disappear into the woods, like a bunch of untrained Bear Grylls (so just like the real Bear Grylls). Decades later, an expedition is set up to see what happened to these meandering folk in the wilderness. While this group treks out there, some sort of strange music is heard the whole way, confusing the group's navigation and driving certain members of the party nutso. They either off themselves or others. This first hour is really cool. I bought into the whole concept. The freaky music was eerie as shit. It was very unsettling and had the perfect effect for a horror movie.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Curse of Chucky

Day Six: Curse of Chucky

Director: Don Mancini
Starring: Fiona Dourif, Danielle Bisutti, A. Martinez and Brad Dourif

I was ten years old when I saw the original Child's Play in 1989 (it came out in '88). I was at Timmy Bothwell's house for his birthday. His parents rented it from Video Paradise on Broadway in South Boston. All my little friends watched and laughed along. I did too. But I was scared shitless. That little doll wreaking havoc all over the place frightened me, mainly because I had a My Buddy doll at home. He resided in the basement for his life's duration after seeing this flick.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Evil Dead (2013)

Day Five: Evil Dead (2013)

Director: Fede Alvarez
Starring:Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Luca

Ah, the Evil Dead. A franchise that has stood the test of time based essentially on the awesomeness of its hero, Ash Williams (played by the incredible Bruce Campbell). I can remember renting Evil Dead 2 from Blockbuster (I'm old) one Halloween with my friend Mike Dudas. We were expecting a horror, scare fest. What we got was a slapstick splatter movie that had us cracking up and required multiple viewings immediately. We rented the original and found the scare fest we were looking for. So when I heard of this remake a couple years ago, I was weary. I've been bored with most remakes, and I've cautiously stayed away from this one, until now. How wrong I was.

This movie was AWESOME. A continuous gore fest, Evil Dead has the same set up as the original two films. A couple of kids go to a remote cabin for a weekend and terror finds them. This time, Mia (Levy) is a drug addict trying to break the habit. She's taken to their family cabin by her brother David (Fernandez) and their friends so she's away from society and can beat the addiction.

Yeah, let's spend the weekend here, sure.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Burying the Ex

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October. There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day Four: Burying The Ex (2014)

Director: Joe Dante
Starring: Anton Yelchin, Ashley Greene, Alexandra Daddario & Oliver Cooper

Joe Dante is one of my favorite directors. The movies he's made are some of the most re-watched films in my esteemable movie watching career. Gremlins 1 & 2, Innerspace (a forgotten classic) and The 'Burbs. All some of my fave flicks. So I had high hopes for this horror comedy mishmash with some undead themes in it. Too bad.

Yelchin stars as Max, a young man working in a horror novelty store who yearns to own his own type of store. His overbearing, vegan GF Evelyn is played by Greene, in a role that's impossible to like her in. She dies and comes back as a zombie because of cursed trinket in the store Max works in. That puts a crimp in Max's newly burgeoning relationship with the ice cream store-owning, horror-movie loving Olivia, played by Daddario (you may remember her and her two co-stars from the 1st season of True Detective. And if not, seek out the below scene. Trust me).

Hilarity is supposed ensue. It does not. The scenes are so badly written it's at times embarrassing to watch. It's just bad when you're watching a film and get totally taken out of a moment because you're thinking "No one talks like this." An example, Max and Evelyn meet Olivia in her shop to order ice cream. Evelyn goes off on Olivia telling her that her products have pesticides, blah blah and ends by calling her a skank. The scene is there so you know "Evelyn, bad, Olivia, good" but it's so clumsily written you just laugh at it, and not in a good way. The laughs are few and far between. With the exception of Cooper, playing Max's half-brother Travis. He's the one actually funny character in the flick. A horny loser who bangs chicks at Max's apartment because he doesn't want chicks to know where he lives, he's good at being the slacker, best friend type. I laughed at most of his antics.
The tone is also off. It doesn't know if it's a straight up comedy or a horror movie. The switch is jarring at times. It goes from slapstick action to trying to be scary at the drop of a hat. That doesn't work.

THE GOOD: Yelchin, Daddario and Cooper are all very good actors and hold themselves well in the movie. All very likable actors playing likable characters. Dante favorite Dick Miller has a cameo, and it's great seeing the old guy. I also dug all the clips from the old school horror movies mixed intermittently throughout the film. Trying to name them all was great fun.

THE BAD: Greene's character is not likable at all. I realize that's the point, but it makes it hard to understand how a nice guy like Max fell for her in the first place. It goes against his character so much that it doesn't make sense.

THE DUMB: The badly written dialogue. The fact that Evelyn comes back and is basically a horny dead girl for the rest of the movie is just a weird choice for the film to make.

SHIT OR HIT: Definite shit. Even the lovely lady of the house, whose opinion in movies is basically "I love anything with people kissing" said at one point, "This movie stinks, I don't care what happens to any of these people." Then she watched Legally Blonde. Again.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Daisy Diamond

Day Three: Daisy Diamond (2007)

Director: Simon Staho
Stars: Noomi Rapace

Wow. That was one tough watch. Technically not a horror movie, but if you watch this and aren't terrified, Alcatraz should be your summer home. This movie starts with intravenous drug use and a rape, and somehow the events that follow manage to be even more horrible.

The movie's about a young Danish girl named Anna. She's a single mother desperate to make it as an actress. She's having trouble landing paying roles due in part to her months-old daughter, Daisy, who cries constantly. In fact, this adorable kid's crying is essentially the movies soundtrack. She switches back and forth from loving mother to angry caretaker due to lack of sleep and stress. To reveal more of the plot is really giving away the rest of the movie. Rest assured, it's quite good but goddammit it's heartbreaking to watch.

That is mainly due to the incredible acting of Ms. Rapace. She gives a tour-de-force performance in this, which even comes through in the subtitles. She's amazing in this flick, and it's a good thing too, because she's legit in every scene. She has many long speeches in the movie that never feel forced. She's quite convincing as both the struggling actor and as the troubled mom trying her best to provide for her daughter. The love she shows for her baby followed swiftly by the obvious torment is an amazing switch she pulls off marvelously. But goddamn this movie is brutal to watch. The lengths to which she goes to achieve fame are awful. Truly heart wrenching stuff.

THE GOOD: Noomi Rapace. This movie makes what she went through in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo look like a trip to Epcot Center. (BTW, did you know Epcot stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow? Me neither. Cost me free wings at bar trivia the other night, dammit).

THE BAD: It's a real hard watch. It's not a bad movie, it's just bad for your feelings.

THE DUMB: There are scenes in the movie which delve into Anna's emotional connections with people but some are shown to be auditions for parts and some aren't. I realize the point was to be ambiguous about which parts of her life were fiction and which parts were real. But it was jarring to get involved in a scene for it to be ultimately revealed as fake.

SHIT OR HIT: It's a HIT but don't watch this if you just had a kid, or have any hope left in humanity. Goddamn I need a shower.

Friday, October 2, 2015

NFL Pick 'em: Week 4

Points Standings

~~B-Cuddy~~ Johnny Just-Can't-Win-Em-All: 9

~~Dan~~ Paulie Perfect-O: 7

~~Miggsy~~ Frankie Flawless: 7

After last week, me & Uncle Miggsy are feeling like Boba Fett, baby!

http://youtu.be/IPeEGDwK_S0

Two perfect people (except for Miggsy's baldness) and one sad, 2-for-3 performance from B-Cuddy
It's like he was watching as his most loathed friend went ahead and bowled ANOTHER perfect game. Stiff. Here's the thing about Brandon, he thinks he's all high and mighty, what with his fancy, girl-like time pieces and pants with no holes in the crotch. But he's just like an onion. The more layers you peel away, the more he stinks.

DAN'S PICKS

New York Jets (-2) @ London Dolphins THE PICK= JETS
I have no faith in the New York Jets franchise. No faith in ownership, coaches, Ryan "HAHVID DOOOD" Fitzpatrick, hell, I don't trust the fans to find their way to the pisshouse. And even with all that, I'm still picking them. Why? Him. That's why.

Joe Philbin, after every play he's ever called

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Frozen

Day Two: The Frozen (2012)

Director: Andrew Hyatt
Stars: Brit Morgan, Seth David Mitchell

No, it's not the Disney cartoon. That's its own horror story. This one's about a young couple, Mike and Emma, who decide to spend a romantic, long weekend away. When I wanna go on a vacation, I go to Aruba or Mexico. Somewhere tropical and warm. These two dickheads decide to go to Mount ColdAsFuck. Like, this is legit the area they camp in.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: ATM

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies. Have since I was a wee lad when my Aunt showed me Psycho. Been hooked since. Halloween is on its way so I'll be watching and reviewing a scary flick every day. There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on the Twitter box with #31Movies31Days

Day One: ATM (2012)
Director - David Brooks
Starring - Brian Geraghty, Alice Eve and Josh Peck.

Yes, I also thought this was Urban Legend

When I read there was a horror movie called 'ATM' I was excited at the thought of a haunted cash machine charging exorbitant fees whilst killing big breasted, naked co-eds. Alas, that's not what this is about. (Ok, I lied, I thought it was an ass-to-mouth movie starring Alice Eve. Now that you're wiser, don't make the same mistake).

No, what we have here is a film about three friends trapped in an ATM in subzero temps as a killer lurks outside. These three shitbags, none very likable, all have a contrived reason to get into this ATM without cellphones. Of course.

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 16 (Russo Runs Wild)

As 1999 opened, pro wrestling had become a huge part of mainstream pop culture, with stars from both the WWF and WCW appearing on the covers of Entertainment Weekly, TV Guide, and even Newsweek. The WWF ran a commercial during the SuperBowl and also aired a Halftime special opposite the actual Halftime show. Pretty ballsy move, but it got ratings.

Totally surreal seeing stuff like this

The year opened with a live Nitro episode vs. a taped RAW. WCW had announced a Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg rematch for the WCW Title but once again pulled a bait-and-switch, and Nash would face the returning Hulk Hogan instead. But before that match took place, WCW made one of their biggest bonehead moves in company history, by spoiling RAW's main event result. Eric Bischoff had adopted this practice back in 1995, but on this particular occasion the RAW main event just happened to be The Rock vs. Mankind for the WWF Title, and ol' Mick Foley was going over. You all know what happened next - roughly half a million viewers immediately changed the channel to watch RAW, giving the WWF a major ratings win. Nitro would never beat RAW again. And of course Nitro's main event consisted of Hogan poking Nash in the shoulder and Nash laying down to drop the Title back to him. One great big ego-stroking jerkfest to close out Nitro. Once again I had been vindicated as a WWF loyalist.

Dear God, MORE Deflategate News?!?!

Somehow, someway, like a festering boil, the NFL created drama known as Deflategate just won't end. The NFL requested an expedited hearing for their appeal of the vacating of Tom Brady's 4-game suspension for his alleged knowledge of a deflated ball conspiracy.

Criminal Mastermind Tom Brady

Yesterday, the Second Circuit Court of Appeals announced that oral arguments could begin as early as Feb. 1, 2016, days before the Patriots play in the Super Bow (Yeah, I said it, what the hell), all over air that was most assuredly not missing from 11 of 12 footballs.

Pictured above the playful dolphin performing tricks is the NFL's
public enemy #1 beating up the palm tree: Air. That bastard.

The NFL has decided that after getting demolished publicly in a court of law it wanted to get beat up again, and fast! Seriously, how the FUCK are we still talking about this? This is the most overblown (Editor's Note: Or is it "underblown?") "controversy" in the history of sports. The fact that the NFL cannot let this go goes to show what an ego Commissioner Roger Goodell has. Let's go over some actual facts here:

NFL Pick 'em: Week 3

Points Standings
B-Cuddy-6
Dan-3
Miggsy-3

We're back after a dreadful and weird week two in the NFL. This week's slate of games are UGLY so hopefully we pretty em up, like meeting a beautiful woman in a bar at 7pm and not like picking up a giant pig monster in an alley at midnight.

Dan's Picks:

Atlanta (-2) @ Dallas THE PICK= ATLANTA
With Dallas losing their two biggest playmakers in Romo and Bryant, I have very little faith in their ability to move the chains. Their running game without Demarco Murray this year has been atrocious. I have zero confidence in Brandon Weeden as their new QB. That has nothing to do with his athletic ability. He's just so stupid looking. He's got a very punchable face. That ginger fuck should be a 3rd shift bus driver, not the starting quarterback for the most expensive team in the most expensive league in the world.

He always looks like he just ate bad mayonnaise.

Meanwhile, Matty Ice is a GORGEOUS specimen & he and Julio Jones continue to tear things up on the offensive side of the ball for the Falcons. I don't see that stopping in Dallas this week.

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 15 (Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!)

As 1998 began it was clear the WWF was taking back some of the momentum from WCW. Steve Austin was now poised to challenge for the WWF Title and become the new face of the company, while Vince McMahon turned the volume way up on his new heel persona following the Montreal Screwjob. The seeds were planted for Austin to become a constant thorn in Vince's corporate side, and I knew this was going to make for some wild television.

Not unlike Shawn Michaels' rise in 1996, Austin seemed to be a mortal lock to win the '98 Royal Rumble match, thus earning a title shot at WrestleMania. The departure of Bret Hart and Davey Boy Smith left two large holes in the roster and therefore the Rumble match itself contained little suspense or star power. But to me it was okay because the focus was on Austin's journey to the Championship and I couldn't wait to see it all unfold (I've always held the belief that in wrestling, predictability is fine as long as it makes sense dramatically and financially. I'd rather see the obvious next top star make the trek to the Championship in the traditional fashion, than see swerves that don't make logical sense.). The company was creative about putting obstacles in his way and creating a bit of suspense, but Austin predictably triumphed. Another standout in this Rumble match was I-C Champion The Rock, who lasted about fifty minutes and was the final man eliminated. I think this was the first time I really became a Rock fan.

King of the wrestling catch-phrase

NJPW Destruction 2015 Predictions!!!

Welcome back to Enuffa.com, and another edition of New Japan PPV Predictions! This week we get a double-dose of NJPW awesomeness, following up on the excellent G1 Climax. It's NJPW Destruction, a two-part PPV taking place in Okayama and Kobe. The key matchups are spread out between the two shows and the cards are filled out by the usual tag team bouts involving feuding stars.

For this column I'll only be predicting the really important matches, which ends up being four from each show. So let's get to it...

Destruction in Okayama - 9.23.15

NWA Jr. Heavyweight Championship: Steve Anthony vs. Tiger Mask

This is a tough one for me to call as I haven't been keeping up on NWA current events, but being a title match I figured I'd include it and more or less flip a coin. Steve Anthony beat the legendary Jushin Thunder Liger for the Title back in April, so I could easily see Liger's fellow countryman Tiger Mask avenging the loss and capturing said belt. And I like Tiger Mask a lot, so I'll be rooting for him anyway.

WWE Night of Champions, or Why Seth Rollins is the New Shawn Michaels

Well sir, Night of Champions is now in the history books, and I'll be damned if it wasn't a highly entertaining, satisfying little PPV. At seven matches (plus a pre-show match) NOC was nice and streamlined, and every bout was given time to breathe. The finishes all made sense, nothing was overbooked, and we got two potentially very important title changes that could have long-standing ramifications. Let's review, shall we?

The opening match kicked things off beautifully, as NXT grad Kevin Owens challenged the powerhouse Ryback for the Intercontinental Title. This match accomplished exactly what it needed to and got just enough time to do it. Owens was obviously outmatched in the strength and size department, but he targeted a limb and worked the crap out of it, utilizing innovative attacks to keep the match interesting. Ryback staged a late-match comeback but Owens used classic heel tactics (the eye rake and the pull of the tights) to escape The Big Guy's finisher and score a quick rollup pin. Kevin Owens is a perfect candidate to help restore prestige to the I-C Title like Daniel Bryan had intended. He's one of the hottest heels in the company, excellent on the mic, delivers spectacularly in the ring, and can believably have his way with most of WWE's midcard pool. I love this development and hope Owens gets a nice long reign.

The rematch between Dolph Ziggler and Rusev was next, and it was about as good as their SummerSlam bout - very well-worked by both guys and they got plenty of time to make an impression. Unlike its predecessor this match actually had a finish, where Summer Rae got into a spat with the referee and threw her shoe (Who throws a shoe? Honestly.), hitting Rusev by mistake. Ziggler then hit the Zig-Zag (This man desperately needs a new signature move) for the upset. Lana was absent due to injury but I'm hoping she figures into the inevitable third match by turning back heel and rejoining Rusev. Those two need each other.

NFL Pick 'em: Week 2

Welcome back to your official Enuffa.com NFL picks, for week 2, where my associates Dan, Miggsy and B-Cuddy predict the top three games of each week. Let's get to it!

Points Standings

B-Cuddy-4

Miggsy-2

Dan-1

Dan's Picks

Goddamn Mike Tomlin screwing me outta two points last week. Not even from the betting perspective on this, but can anyone explain to the what he was doing? They were down by two touchdowns with about ten seconds left. All he was doing was risking injury to his players. Befuddles my mind. Thankfully I was drunk. Anyways, onto the new week.

St. Louis (-3.5) @ Washington – THE PICK = ST. LOUIS
The one team as inept as my picks last week was Washington. Sure, they almost came back to squish the fish. But their ineptitude played out as planned. I expect that to continue this week (and honestly throughout the season. Skins STINK). Nick Foles should light up this sad looking defense. And whichever Gruden is coaching the Skins can make make faces and scream all day as his team loses, as usual.

Tennessee (-1) @ Cleveland - THE PICK= TENNESSEE
The New York Jets carved up the Browns defense last week's and beat them by three touchdowns. With Harvard grad Ryan Fitzpatrick at the helm of the Jets offense. Now, I'm not dumb enough to think Marcus Mariota is the next great quarterback yet, but I damn sure know he's better than Fitzy. And I damn sure know that the line is waaaaay too low for this game. I don't see Cleveland being too competitive in this game. Johnny Football looked flustered last week and Tennessee's gonna bring the heat to him.

WWE Night of Champions 2015 Predictions!

Welcome to the official Enuffa.com predictions for this Sunday's WWE Night of Champions!

Coming off a very strong SummerSlam card which was headlined by two part-timers, WWE needed something big for the September followup. A shot in the arm if you will. And what better way to galvanize the 2015 fans than by bringing back the hot new WWE sensation Sting! That's right, direct from WCW circa 1997, the Stinger is back and ready to claim his rightful place atop the WWE roster. Hot off the heels of his WrestleMania loss to Triple H, it only made sense for the 56-year-old youngster to step up and challenge WWE's top dog Seth Rollins for the WWE Championship!

Okay, snarky rant finished.

Let's get to the predictions. Dan leads Justin 35/53 to 34/53.

PreShow Match: Stardust/The Ascension vs. Neville/Lucha Dragons

On paper I like this alright. The Ascension are pretty terrible workers but the other four are all fun to watch. As I feared though, Neville has been listless since being called up to the main roster. It's a sad thing when moving UP from NXT to WWE is a poor career move.

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 14 (The Birth of Attitude)

Before I get on with this installment, a few words about Brian Pillman:

On October 5th, 1997 Brian Pillman was found dead in his hotel room in St. Louis, the day of the WWF's Badd Blood PPV. Before the show went on the air, Vince McMahon made the somber announcement.

I must confess I had never been one of Pillman's biggest fans, as when he debuted in the NWA in 1989 I thought of him as just another pretty boy high flier. I stopped watching NWA programming in 1990 so I hadn't really followed Pillman's evolving career except in brief flashes. I liked the Hollywood Blonds team with Austin but didn't see much of their work. In late '95/early '96 I read about his character now being a loose cannon heel and found that intriguing. Then in the summer of '96 the WWF announced they had signed him. I thought, "oh cool, he'll be a good addition to the roster." It was then announced that he had been in a terrible car accident and suffered a shattered ankle. "Oh super, they signed him and who knows when he'll be able to wrestle again." When he finally returned to the ring in 1997 I liked the possibilities his persona presented. He could have a killer feud with Austin, or have a great match with Shawn. Unfortunately due to his injury Pillman had to drastically alter his in-ring style, which more or less put the kibosh on any epic main event singles matches he could've had. Obviously no one can say where Pillman's WWF career would've gone had he not been in that car accident - he could've easily been a top-tier pre-Attitude heel, and the idea of a healthy Brian Pillman vs. Shawn Michaels is certainly interesting. Sadly Pillman died of an undiagnosed heart condition, so he was evidently destined to die young.

RIP Brian Pillman

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 13 (USA vs. Canada)

1997 was an absolutely game-changing year for the WWF. Events unfolded throughout the year that would have incredible long-term ramifications on the entire industry.

I began 1997 pretty optimistic about where the company was headed. Shawn Michaels was poised to challenge Sid for the WWF Title at the Royal Rumble, the Rumble match field was as competitive as it had been in years, and since the PPV would be in San Antonio, the company imported several Mexican stars to help flavor the card (at the time I didn't realize how poor these particular Mexican wrestlers were compared to the top-flight ones WCW had already scooped up - Vince was just a little late to that party).

The '97 Rumble gets an unfairly bad rap as far as I'm concerned. At the time I absolutely loved the show and felt it was quite stacked. Since multiple wrestlers were pulling double duty neither the Rumble nor the undercard had to be watered down. This was the first Rumble match in a while where the winner wasn't obvious going into it. Bret Hart, Steve Austin, Undertaker, Vader, Mankind, Owen Hart, and Davey Boy all seemed like viable options. I figured Bret would win to set up a 'Mania 12 rematch (I wasn't aware of the offscreen animosity that was building between Bret and Shawn), and honestly I was a little bummed that Bret would likely be winning back the Title. Bret was still a guy I underappreciated at the time and I really wanted to see Steve Austin elevated to a World Title contender and eventual Champion. Needless to say I was pleasantly shocked when Austin "stole" the Rumble win by sliding back into the ring after his elimination. This was all kinds of awesome, and totally fitting for his character to get a tainted win after such a gutsy babyface-like performance. It beautifully continued the angle of Bret becoming increasingly disillusioned and slowly turning heel.

God, Sid even makes Sweet Chin Music look lame.

NFL Pick 'em: Week 1

Hello all and welcome to a new weekly feature here on Enuffa.com. I'm an American, and as an American, I've been known to place a few bets here and there. And with the pending NFL season starting today, we've come up with this pick'em column to see who can prognosticate the best. We'll be picking three games a week, with one game being the LOCK OF THE WEEK. The lock of the the week is worth two points, and the other games are worth one point a piece. The winner will get a prize to be named later. We'll be picking with the spread based on a fine, reputable, perfectly legal website....maybe...

This is what we call 'research'

And just who will be picking these games?

First up is me, Dan Moore. I've been gambling since I could pick up a deck of cards. I'm more of a poker or blackjack guy, but I got no problem losing money betting on football.

Next up is newest Enuffa contributor Brandon Cuddemi. I've met some NFL gamblers in my day but I've never seen a guy sweat out the Pro Bowl before. He's got parlays on top of parlays and when they inevitably don't come in, the tornado of expletives is GLORIOUS.

Finally, one of my oldest friends, Mike Parker, or Miggsy as he's known. You got something to gamble on, he's your man. From dice to the ponies, the man will bet on it all (he once lost fifty bucks betting on what the first commercial would be during a Super Bowl).

This Week's Patriots Controversy: Deflategate or Spygate?

(Editor's Note: Dan Moore is back to talk about the NFL/ESPN's latest smear campaign against the New England Patriots. We're also joined by newest Enuffa.com contributor Brandon Cuddemi!)

Yesterday, the NFL's PR firm, otherwise known as ESPN, released its latest smear campaign against the New England Patriots, the reigning Super Bowl Champions. After the NFL and Der Fuhrer Goodell got embarrassed by a federal judge in court last week over the Deflategate nonsense, ESPNFL decided to drop an article rehashing the almost decade-old Spygate controversy. Below is all the new info included in the article:

The whole thing is essentially, "Anonymous source says 'We always thought something was going on but we can't prove it.'" Since when is that reporting? There are no actual facts in the entire 10,000+ words. And the "reporters" responsible for this are getting all kinds of praise for this garbage article. We're officially in Bizarro World.

It states the Patriots taped 40 games from 2000-07. It strangely leaves out the fact that taping from an area other than the sidelines was legal til '07. The Pats were punished for taping in non-designated area. In fact, it's still legal to record the other teams from around the stadium as long as it's not the same game day. So I honestly don't even know what the point of this is, other than ESPN saying "Hey, the Pats got caught doing something years ago." They were successful beating NFL in court last week, so the NFL smeared them with this article to remind American citizens the Pats are the cheatingingst cheating cheaters that ever lived.

Welcome To My Newest Twitter Follower, Chris Mortensen

Editor's Note: Our very own Man on the Street Dan Moore has a brand new celebrity follower on Twitter!

During the wee hours of the night, one likes to sleep soundly and dream. Typically one doesn't like to get woken up at 1:23 AM by a phone you forget to silence. That happened to me last night. I groggily woke up and looked at the phone. What I saw was something strange. I had gained a new Twitter follower.

This now technically makes me an NFL insider

Now, gaining followers in the middle of the night isn't a weird thing. But this particular one is quite strange to me. Good ol' Mort has been on radio silence for about a week now. Not reporting on the biggest NFL story of the year. Tom Brady's suspension for Deflategate was overturned by the courts, and Mort has been silent. Not a word on Twitter, Facebook, ESPN or even MySpace (but who knows about that one).

Tom Brady Freed! Deflategate: Phase 1 Victory for Brady, Patriots

Finally, our long, national nightmare is over (until the appeal). Tom Brady, the best quarterback in New England Patriots history and one of the best ever, has had his suspension overturned for general awareness of some footballs that might have been missing air.

Live look at Roger Goodell

From the moment this "controversy" was unearthed the night of the Pats bashing the Colts in the AFC championship game, it seems the only people that knew Brady was being railroaded by Goodell and the NFL were in New England. The notion that this equipment "violation" would be turned into the #1 talking point on national newscasts and websites is complete insanity. In the world of sports, air leaking from a football is (and always has been) a non-story. But Goodell wanted to treat this (supposed) violation with a death sentence instead of the parking ticket-like slap on the wrist it deserved.

The NFL peacocked all over TV and newspapers about "the integrity of the game" while ignoring the integrity in their own offices. From false stories being leaked to outright lies, the NFL has shown nothing but a complete and total lack of integrity from the get-go. This investigation has been nothing but a way for the NFL to distract the public from its actual problems. The unending concussion debates, rampant 'roid issues, and countless domestic violence cases. Sure, Tom Brady won and his suspension is overturned, but in a way the NFL has won also. Squishy footballs is a far better headline to be talking about than the latest in head traumas or another of your players hitting a person he "loves." The public has been blathering about TB12 being a cheater instead of steroid suspensions. Definitely a PR win for the Shield.

Regardless of those issues, as it stands, Tom Brady is free to play football again. Hopefully, this is the end of it (no way in hell). I'm looking forward to seeing #12 under center next Thursday on opening night, and cheering along as the Patriots raise the fourth championship banner in their history to the rafters. With Tom Brady cheering along as well, a free man.

You Used to Be Sooooo Good: Harrison Ford

Welcome back to another edition of You Used to Be Soooo Good, where Justin & I, Dan Moore, discuss things used to be awesome but now, eh, not so much. This week we discuss a true hero of cinema. An icon in every sense of the definition. A great actor who lately has been serving us up a steady diet of shitburgers.

Harrison Ford: You Used to Be Soooo Good

Yes....look at him.

DAN: I think the main problem with Ford is that his early movies, some of the biggest hits of all time, from Star Wars to Indy, were huge, important pop culture films. These are movies that, as silly as it sounds, are very important to people. They have Star Wars-themed weddings; people dress their kids up like Indiana Jones. Those characters are powerful and influential. And that’s how we think of Mr. Ford. This huge, mythical man, playing amongst the stars and foreign countries looking for treasures. To see him in such lackadaisical films now is a letdown. We have him built up as THE movie star, essentially, and he hasn’t had a groundbreaking or pop culture shattering role in some time.

Helluva Band: Metallica (Part 2)

In case you missed Part 1, click HERE

I saw Metallica in concert again in the summer of 1994 and figured they'd be playing one or two songs off their upcoming album, but they didn't. Dammit. In fact at one point James asked the crowd, "You guys wanna hear some new shit? Yeah, so do we....." What a tease. The band more or less went dormant for 1995 as the recording process had clearly shifted into high gear.

When they emerged in 1996 with an album title and release date, the salivating commenced. The record would be titled Load and would be released on June 4th. Oh, and all four members of the band now had short hair. Say what now?? Yup, the unthinkable had happened. After grunge got huge and everyone decided metal was now passe (What a tragic era that was), the biggest metal band in the world elected to reinvent themselves for the mid-90s. Even their world-recognized logo was toned down, with little fangs on the M and the A where huge zig-zag shapes once resided. I had mixed feelings about all this. On some level I understood that to avoid fading into irrelevancy like so many of their genre colleagues, Metallica would need to adapt. The music they made so popular five years ago was no longer considered cool, and the band would need to keep exploring new territory. But at the same time I knew I'd miss the band I was originally introduced to back in 1989.

One afternoon I was listening to the radio, knowing the debut single from Load would be premiering that day. Without any fanfare a somber beat kicked in over a fretless bass line, and I instantly knew this was Metallica (not sure how). It was of course the now infamous ballad "Until It Sleeps," which sounded absolutely nothing like anything they had done before. Looking back it really was a weird choice for the first single. Second? Sure. But songs like "Ain't My Bitch" or "King Nothing" seem like more conventional choices. I guess that was the point; the band wanted to make everyone uncomfortable with their new direction.

Dan's Review of the MTV Video Music Awards

(Editor's Note: Goddammit, MTV. You used to be soooooo good. Hmmm, maybe Dan and I should post a discussion about that.....)

I'll admit this straight up. I watched nary a second of this narcissism convention. I wouldn't be able to stomach ten minutes of vapid, rich whores talking to equally vapid, rich dickheads, never mind four hours of this suck fest. I make no qualms about the fact that I'm a decrepit, ornery, old man at this point in my life. I mean, look at this picture of yours truly below.

That's me running at full speed

So, clearly I am not the target audience. I get that. I have my finger far from the pulse of society. But what the hell business does MTV have putting on a video music awards show anyway? When was the last time they actually showed music videos on the channel formerly known as Music Television? Every time I flip through that station it's always pregnant teens domestically assaulting the poor bastard that wasn't smart enough to pull his pork sword outta the girl's baby bunker. There's literally no music on the channel at all anymore. None.

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