Friday, October 30, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Wes Craven's New Nightmare

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day 29: Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)


Director: Wes Craven
Starring: Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Miko Hughes, John Saxon

Freddy Krueger is one of the Big Five when it comes to your slasher types. Along with Jason, Michael Myers, Leatherface and Chucky, ol' Freddy has been around for decades, hacking up teenagers and making jokes all along the way. A long series of sequels, each varying degrees of quality, really watered down Frederick. This was a character that was a demonic child molester who murdered people in their sleep.  He should have been the scariest of the bunch. Instead he became comic relief. And then the studio killed him.

NFL Pick 'em: Week 8

Points standings
Dan-17
Brandon-17
Miggsy-15


Dan's Picks

Well, well, well, take a look at your boy from last week


That's right, undefeated and perfect last week. Not like those other two schlubs. Nope, they don't know anything about perfection. Nope, clueless about perfection in picks, in life, even with ladies. Hell, their idea of a perfect date with a chick is all you can eat pasta at the Olive Garden, then taking the bus home so they can be a gentleman and wear a condom.  Buncha losers, ya ask me.


Arizona (-4.5) @ Cleveland THE PICK - ARIZONA
Supposedly, Cleveland Rocks. At least, that's what some Bob Barker wannabe has told us for years. But as we know, the Browns do not. Their name is synonymous with how their team plays. Like shit.  Arizona has had some odd losses this year, but I don't see it happening this week. Arizona's offense should run all over the broken levy that is the Browns defensive line.

Tampa Bay (+7.5) @ Atlanta  THE PICK - Atlanta
The Bucs run defense definitely gives me pause in this pick. They've been able to stop the run this year. But their offense has been bad. Like Miggsy's short game bad. Cuddemi's "hairline" bad. Sure, the Falcons only scored ten points last week, but Matty Ice threw for over 250, their running backs gained more than 100 on the ground, and they gained 122 more yards than Tennessee. What I'm saying is, it shoulda been a bigger win. And this week, they'll make up for it.

I'd Like to Introduce You To: Under the Skin

Welcome back to Enuffa.com, where we once again present I'd Like to Introduce You To.....from Michael Drinan.  It's a series dealing with lesser-known cinematic gems that you should go out of your way to find.

I love films that are very divisive with audiences.  It doesn’t even have to be great, just a really well made film will leave the audience split.  These kinds of films are great because there’s no grey area, you either like it or you don’t.  You either get it or it goes over your head.  The independent film scene really thrives on these types of films because they challenge their audience, forcing them to take in an unconventional film that is told unconventionally.  Sometimes it takes a couple of times to see it to help you decide, like 2001: A Space Odyssey was for me.  The film highlighted in this post is exactly THAT kind of film.  It’s confrontational, unconventional, introspective, contemplative and really fucking good.  And with that, let me introduce you to Under the Skin.



Thursday, October 29, 2015

A Christmas Story vs. Halloween

(Editor's Note: Welcome to a special Enuffa.com entry, contributed by my buddy Mark McD.  Mark is a talented stand-up comic and he's composed a special Halloween story for your enjoyment, entitled A Christmas Story vs. Halloween.  Check it out.  Mark can be seen at the Limelight Comedy Club in Boston every Wednesday night - check him out on November 4th!)


A Christmas Story vs Halloween 



Ralph Parker's Journal
October 1st, 2003

I was sitting next to the radio, frantically changing the stations looking for something listenable. The days where you could find a decent story on there were dead. The sounds erupting from it were loud and unfriendly, meant for a generation I wanted nothing to do with. The signal and my anger were pierced and shut out by the sound of my telephone ringing in the adjacent room.

One thing I did love about modern technology was caller ID; it helped me keep shitheads at bay.

I looked at the screen shocked, for "Farkus" was a surname I hadn't read in a very long time.

Scut and I sure had some battles when we were kids, but he turned out to be a decent guy. I just had to kick the shit out of him a few times to get him that way.

His voice was frantic.

"Ralphie.... How are you doing old friend?"

"I'm good, Scut. I'm good. Let's cut to the chase though, okay, old pal? My cleaning lady is coming over pretty soon and we've been having a ton of sex lately."

"Ya, sure thing Ralphie, sure thing..... Jeez, I don't know when the last time we talked... But you see I moved to Illinois a few years back. Haddonfield, to be exact."

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I wanted to reach through the phone and smack him.

"Why the hell would you go and do something stupid like that?"

"Property value. I got a house real cheap. Things ain't as good for me as they usedta be."

I wanted to hang up the phone right then and there but I didn't. Maybe some part of me longed for a connection to my past. Maybe I'm just a moron.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Phantoms

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day 28: Phantoms (1998)
 

Director: Joe Chappelle
Starring: Peter O'Toole, Rose McGowan, Joanna Going, Liev Schreiber, Ben Affleck, Nicky Katt, Clifton Powell

For years I've been hearing "Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo."

From these two noted film critics
And they're right. He's the bomb, Rose McGowan is the bomb, the plot is the bomb, the special effects is the bomb, the whole friggin' movie is a bomb. This is legitimately one of the worst horror movies I've ever seen. The plot is simple enough: two sisters go on a vacation to a quiet Colorado resort town. When they arrive, everyone's gone, under sinister circumstances.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: V/H/S

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day 25: V/H/S (2012)
Day 26: V/H/S/2 (2013)
Day 27: V/H/S Viral (2014) 



Director: A buncha different folk
Starring: A buncha other, different folk

Anthology movies are alway an uneven affair. It's their nature. Different writers, actors and directors for each vignette are gonna give you different shifts in tone & talent. These VHS movies are the perfect example of this.

These flicks consist of 4-5 different short, horror movies with a wraparound story that tries to tie everything in together. Right off the bat, I'll let ya know, the wraparound segments are the weakest parts of all three of these movies. I understand the reasoning for these creators to want this to be all part of some grand mythology, but the wraparound plots are so thin, they're pointless. They exist just to link together these other, longer movies, but they're pretty pointless and not scary.

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 18 (Steve Austin Returns!)

Fully Loaded 2000 still stands as one of my Top 20 all-time PPVs.  Aside from a few weak spots, this show was absolutely stacked and featured two four-plus-star main events.  The show was billed as a Triple Main Event, with each of the three established headliners facing one of the rising top newcomers.  The Undertaker was paired against Kurt Angle, Triple H against Chris Jericho, and in the match that got me all revved up, The Rock would defend the WWF Title against Chris Benoit.  Also on the card, T&A teamed with Trish Stratus against The Hardyz and Lita in a high-energy opener, Rikishi faced Intercontinental Champion Val Venis in a memorable Steel Cage bout, and Eddie Guerrero wrestled Perry Saturn for the European Title.

Jericho and Triple H had crossed paths three months earlier on an episode of RAW, when Jericho challenged then-Champion Hunter for the Title.  After about twelve minutes of what I figured was sure to be a clean Triple H win, suddenly Jericho hit the Lionsault and covered Hunter, with angry referee Earl Hebner (whom Triple H had bullied for weeks prior) making a fast-count and awarding the Championship to Jericho.  The arena crowd became unglued in a way you simply don't see on WWE television anymore.  If there were any doubt how over Jericho was, this removed it in a big hurry.  My friend Dan (a supreme Jericho-holic) called me up immediately, giddy with excitement - "HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT DUDE!  THEY GAVE HIM THE BELT!!"  Sadly our joy would be short-lived, as Triple H later threatened Hebner's job if he didn't reverse his decision.  Thus Jericho's 2000 WWF Title win was erased from history books.  Dammit.  Their match at Fully Loaded was a Last Man Standing match, and both guys beat the tar out of each other in a wild, bloody bout ranging all around ringside.  Even in defeat Jericho proved with this match that he belonged in there with the top guys.

"OH MY GAHD KING!  THIS MATCH HAS GONE BLACK & WHITE!!"

The main event was The Rock vs. Chris Benoit, which was pretty surreal to me.  I had been a Benoit fan for several years and had watched WCW underuse and underappreciate him (and others) while a host of 80s WWF stars ran roughshod over the company.  When he and the other Radicalz jumped to the WWF I knew right away they'd get a better shot at stardom, but it was this match that truly rewarded my faith and anticipation.  Benoit was presented as completely on the same level as The Rock from an in-ring perspective, and their match was an instant classic, overshadowing even the Triple H-Jericho battle.  I was treated to another teased Title change toward the end when Benoit appeared to have defeated The Rock, only for WWF Commissioner Mick Foley to throw out the decision and restart the match.  I was fine with The Rock retaining, as a) he had just won the Title back and I figured he'd keep it for a while, and b) Benoit was presented as a deserving full-time main eventer.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Top Ten Things: Brock Lesnar Matches

What's up folks?  Welcome to Enuffa.com's Top Ten Things, where I'll count down the ten best (or worst) of whatever's on my mind.



Today's list is the ten best matches in the storied career of former WWE Champion Brock Lesnar.  Lesnar is undoubtedly one of the best pure athletes to ever set foot in a wrestling ring.  He took the company by storm upon his debut in 2002 and in just two short years won three WWE Championships, the Royal Rumble, and the King of the Ring tournament, not to mention main eventing his first-ever WrestleMania. 

He left the company in 2004 to pursue an NFL career, and after falling just short of being picked up by the Minnesota Vikings, ventured into MMA, where his UFC career mirrored his first WWE stint.  Brock had a 5-3 MMA career that included a two-year run as the UFC Heavyweight Champion, making him one of only three men with two consecutive successful UFC Heavyweight Title defenses (his predecessor Randy Couture and his successor Cain Velasquez are the other two).

In 2011 he retired from MMA, but he'd return to WWE in April of 2012, making an instant splash by challenging the company's top star John Cena, ending the Undertaker's legendary WrestleMania winning streak, and once again becoming the Champion.  Since his return Lesnar only wrestles sporadically but each match has had a "big fight" feel, and a few of them have been instant classics.  Let's take a look at The Best of The Beast.

Monday, October 26, 2015

WWE Hell in a Cell Thoughts and Recap

Well another WWE PPV is in the history books.  Last night's Hell in a Cell was fairly decent but also fairly inconsequential.  The two Cell matches delivered on some level, incorporating a few new spots and unexpected storytelling elements.  Unfortunately neither match will likely have any long-term impact (I'll explain why in a few minutes).  The rest of the card ranged from pretty good to pretty bad, and sadly I didn't find myself very emotionally invested in any of it.  The fall season in WWE is always a bit of a hard sell for me, as Creative almost never seems motivated this time of year.  But the product has been particularly nondescript since SummerSlam, with few compelling reasons to care about much of what's happening.  WWE is once again in a holding pattern until 'Mania season, although at least Survivor Series is being presented as a celebration of The Undertaker's 25th anniversary (to the date actually, he debuted on 11/22/90 which is pretty neat).  So the company will likely try to stack that show for a change.  By the way, why does WWE insist on using images of Taker from 5 years ago on all their promotional materials??  It's a minor gripe but it's been bothering me since the SummerSlam poster was first published.  Taker hasn't had long hair since 2011.  We've seen him on television several times in 2015.  We know that's not what he looks like now.  What are you doing?


The pre-show match was a fun little six-man tag that I wish had been included on the PPV.  All of these guys need something meaningful to do.  Maybe they'll put together some kind of Survivor Series match for them, but relegating these six to the pre-show is ridiculous.  Still they got a good amount of time and Team Ziggler got a clean win.  Poor King Barrett.  Remember when he was supposed to be a breakout star?  Not sure where they're going with the "Stardust Trio" (real wrestling fans will get that reference), but I'd actually like to see a three-way Survivor Series match.  Stardust & The Ascension vs. Team Ziggler vs. Team Sheamus.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Mimic Trilogy

by Dan Moore 
@SouthieDanimal
 
Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  
 
Day Twenty-Two: Mimic  
 
 
Director: Guillermo del Toro
Starring: Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, Josh Brolin, Charles S. Dutton, Giancarlo Giannini
F. Murray Abraham

Day Twenty-Three: Mimic 2 
 
 
Director: Jean de Segonzac
Starring: Edward Albert, Alix Koromzay, Will Estes, Bruno Campos

Day Twenty-Four: Mimic 3:Sentinel 
 
 
Director: JT Perry
Starring Lance Henriksen, Karl Geary, Alexis Dziena, Rebecca Mader
 
Del Toro's first English language movie has all the hallmarks of his later, more polished works. There's insects, monsters and dark creepy places. I'm a big fan of his, yet had never watched Mimic before. Did I make a mistake? 

Friday, October 23, 2015

NFL Pick 'em: Week 7

Points standings 
Brandon-15
Miggsy-14
Dan-13

Take a look at all our picks from last week.


1-8 for the three of us. That's almost as bad as Brandon and Miggsy's combined hairlines. Backdoor cover by the Colts screwed all our locks of the week. But I'm glad it happened. Because this happened.


That fake punt play right there is the happiest I've been in years. I'm so glad it happened. Whenever I'm feeling down, I just look at that and smile. It makes me so happy.

Dan's Picks

Cleveland (+6.5) @ St. Louis THE PICK - ST. LOUIS 
This is not a pick made on any kind of endorsement of the Rams quarterback situation. Not at all. Nick Foles has looked lost. His previous game, he threw four picks. He looks worse than Miggsy's toilet last weekend after we all had a million beers. But that's nothing compared to the trash that has been the Browns rush defense. They're giving up just about 150 yards a game. And Rams rookie running back Todd Gurley has 305 rushing yards over his past two games. He's running through defense lines like we ran through all of Miggsy's food & beer last week. I think Cleveland gets shredded here, much like I was on Saturday when I dropped beer all over Miggsy's kitchen.

WWE Hell in a Cell 2015 Predictions

Welcome to another round of WWE PPV Predictions here at Enuffa.com!

It's October, and you know what that means.  That means the brutal, deadly Hell in a Cell match needs to happen at least once, maybe twice, regardless if we have any feuds barbaric enough to necessitate such a violent match.  I miss the days when a feud would get so heated the only way to settle it was between the mesh walls of the demonic Cell.  Now it's like, "Oh, we need two guys to get in the cage so we can still call this PPV Hell in a Cell."  Oh.  How exciting.


This year's PPV feels very much phoned in, consisting of half a dozen rematches from earlier shows.  The company is clearly banking on Lesnar vs. Taker to sell this show, but given they've already wrestled this type of match (and it was a bona fide classic unlikely to be surpassed 13 years later), I'm not exactly chomping at the bit for this one.  Oddly, last year's HIAC also featured a Cell rematch from years earlier, Cena vs. Orton.  Someone's run out of ideas obviously.

***Justin and Dan are currently tied at 40/61***


Pre-Show Match: Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro & Neville vs. Sheamus, King Barrett & Rusev


Ok, first, we just saw this match on RAW.  Second, why in the name of fuck are Ziggler, Cesaro, Sheamus and Rusev relegated to the pre-show?  Absolutely disgraceful.  Might be time to permanently team up Cesaro and Ziggles since they're both way over, the company doesn't want to push either of them, and Tyson Kidd may never wrestle again.  Christ.

Justin's pick: Heels win I guess.
Dan's pick: We JUST SAW THIS MONDAY. Christ.  I agree with bad guys winning.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Tremors 3, 4 & 5

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

In case ya missed it, Jingles and his old lady went to some wedding and couldn't post. So these reviews are from this past weekend.  Luckily, I watched three of the same series, so it's Tremors Thursday.

Day Sixteen: Tremors 3: Return to Perfection (2001)
Day Seventeen: Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Day Eighteen: Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015)


Director: No one cares because
Starring: MICHAEL EFFIN' GROSS! (Or for you 80's kids, STEPHEN EFFIN' KEATON!)

You will get no analysis of these movies. Nothing subjective, objective, collective or introspective. No sir. Look elsewhere. The fact is, I love two very dumb things about these movies.

1. Giant desert worms named Graboids.  A unique, disgusting horror movie baddie. When they die, the carnage they wrought sounds & looks disgusting.

2. BURT EFFIN' GUMMER (who, if you don't know, is played by MICHAEL EFFIN' GROSS! Ya know, Family Ties dad, STEPHEN EFFIN' KEATON!)

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Awesomely Shitty Movies: Back to the Future, Parts 2 & 3

Welcome one and all to another installment of Awesomely Shitty Movies, here at Enuffa.com!

Today it's a double-feature, as we dissect the beloved sequels to the 80s adventure/sci-fi/comedy masterpiece Back to the Future.  Yup, I'm probably gonna ruin these two movies for you.  Don't misunderstand me though, I LOVE the Back to the Future trilogy.  It's a classic series that still holds up as a tremendously enjoyable triumvirate of films, and the first one especially is required viewing for anyone who likes fun.  However, when you reaaaaally sit down and think about the second and third movies, they're full of plot holes, tacked-on character motivations, genre cliches, and time-travel paradoxes (given how much dialogue is devoted to this subject, these are kinda hard to forgive completely).

So join me and dip your toes into the pool of overanalysis.  Really, the water's fine!


31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Lazarus Effect

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day Twenty One: The Lazarus Effect  (2015)


Director: David Gelb
Starring: Mark Duplass, Olivia Wilde, Donald Glover, Evan Peters, Sarah Bolger

In a plot line that reminded me of 1990's Flatliners, a bunch of surgeons are working on a serum that's supposed to be used to help coma patients. But in fact, it's able to (DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN!!!) bring the dead back to life.

Duplass and Wilde are the head doctors in this mad scientist's lounge. They're also loooovers. Once they figure out this Romero juice works, the first thing they use it on is a dead dog. He breaks out of his rusty cage which is being guarded by others in the lab. It takes this pup about nine minutes before he goes all Cujo on these sorry sons of bitches. The stunt with the dog gets their funding taken away, so these dopes decide to break in to steal their serum. In a freak accident (Are there any other types in these movies?) Wilde's character gets killed, so of course these geniuses pump her up with reanimating 'roids and she comes back.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Below

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day Twenty: Below (2002)


Director: David Twohy
Starring: Bruce Greenwood, Matthew Davis, Olivia Williams, Holt McCallany, Scott Foley, Zack Galifanakis, Jason Flemyng

Setting a horror movie in a singular location is quite common. A house is your typical haunted setting. Below brings a very unique setting for the haunting. A World War II submarine is where things go awry here.  The submarine in question, the USS Tiger Shark, is on patrol somewhere in the Atlantic when they pick up three British survivors, two men and a woman (or as one of the crew puts it "Two teabags and a bleeder"). The woman, Claire (Williams) seems to have a bit of amnesia, and the commanding officer, Lt. Brice (expertly played, as usual by Bruce Greenwood) is very suspicious of the boat's new passengers. They're also being pursued by a German warship and that's when strange noises and occurrences start to happen. Is it a coincidence? Sabotage by the newcomers? Or something supernatural?

First and foremost, the cast is top notch. You'll probably recognize the vast majority of these folk as "that guys." All recognizable faces, and all pros. They all put in great performances (with a semi-serious turn from Galifianakis). I've been a huge fan of Greenwood's since I saw him on an old UPN show, The Nowhere Man. He's got this laid back, Everyman quality to his acting and he's a natural in this as the acting CO, who's only in charge due to the mysterious circumstances surrounding his commander's demise.

For Those About to Rock: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2016, part 3

Welcome to the final installment of my three-part series, For Those About to Rock, where we go over the 2016 nominees for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame and predict who gets in and who gets the shaft.  You can read Part 2 here if you need to catch up.  For the rest of you, let’s tackle the next 6 nominees!



The Smiths - The Smiths scored a nomination last year and didn’t get in because of the strong class of nominees they were in. This year the class isn’t as strong but it still won’t get The Smiths inducted. Last year I wrote that The Smiths’ influence is undeniable and Johnny Marr’s guitar work along with Morrissey’s ability to write songs about how everyday life is full of passion and drama gives them a strong case for induction. I’m not sure how long they’ll have to wait but they’ll eventually get in. They won’t have a contingency of fans crying about how they’re not inducted like Kiss had with their whining fan group “Kiss Army”. Smiths fans are too depressed about other things more than about the Hall of Fame which will keep the pressure off the Hall.

The Spinners - Another carryover nominee from last year, The Spinners are somehow still convincing people that we need to let EVERY SINGLE Motown group into the HOF. I was against it last year and remain unconvinced that they’re deserving. The Spinners gave us a great song but that's it. The HOF nomination committee, or whoever the hell nominates artists, needs to let The Spinners go.

Yes - The same group of people yelling for Rush to be inducted are going to be the same people who cry about Yes getting inducted. The only potential reason I'd like to see Yes inducted is because I think Chris Squire is a fantastic bassist and songwriter and I love their song “I’ve Seen All Good People," but do we really need another prog rock band inducted? Aren’t Pink Floyd, Rush and Genesis enough? Doesn’t that cover prog rock at its best? What’s next, Van der Graaf Generator? Stop it. Once again the nomination committee needs to let this one go. You’ve covered the best part of prog rock within the history of popular music already. Too much of a good thing is ultimately a bad thing. Induction for Yes? No.

Monday, October 19, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Taking of Deborah Logan

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days 

Day Nineteen: The Taking of Deborah Logan


Director: Adam Robitel
Starring: Jill Larson, Anne Ramsay, Michelle Ang & Ryan Cutrona

Another in the found footage genre, The Taking of Deborah Logan is a derivative, boring horror movie. A documentary team is researching Alzheimer's and start filming the elderly Miss Logan, who doesn't want to be filmed.  Her daughter reminds them that they need the cash the documentarians are paying for the film. She displays more and more odd behavior, which culminates in a mishmash of a possession plot, demons,  haunted house and monster movie.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

NFL Pick 'em: Week 6

Points standings: 
Miggsy-14
Dan-13
B-Cuddly-14

Ya know, me and the boys here like to rib each other. 'Tis all in good fun. Yeah, we're gross, none of us smell good, and our liquor consumption is...troublesome. But for all the crap we talk, we're all up in our picks this year. Not too shabby.  I missed another perfect week due to some cheating time scoring prick in San Diego, but hey, what're ya gonna do? You move on, make new insults and new picks. Here we go.


Dan's Picks

Arizona (-3) @ Pittsburgh THE PICK =Arizona 
I've been to Arizona. It's a lovely state. Nice weather, hot broads to look at and a fine football stadium.

Those are........nice. 

I've been to Pittsburgh. Awful weather, toothless fat women abound and a football stadium that looks as if it's been peed on in every corner. Smells like it too. I dunno what this has to do with the game at hand. But based solely on geography, I'm picking the Cardinals. (I mean, it has something to do with the fact that Mike Vick has looked like one of the dead dogs he was so fond of years ago. And I don't see him improving against AZ's stout defense. Arizona's run game should also have a good time trouncing through Pitt's middle of the road rushing defense. Those are scientifical reasonings, son).

Atlanta (-4) @ New Orleans THE PICK = ATLANTA 
I gotta fever. And the only prescription is more Matty Ice. Sure, he typically melts in the playoffs, but he's been rock solid in the regular season the past few years. I have as much faith in New Orleans offense scoring points as I do Miggsy staying sober at any sort of work function. This is a man who pisses his pants as often as Alex Smith throws a TD to a wide out. Ya know, once a year. Guy's like a puppy. Flowing yellow all over his house n' home. Disgusting. The Saints have been inept with their passing game, and now, the running game is suffering as well. On the flip side is the offensive juggernaut Falcons. Even without Julio Jones possibly not playing, I see Atlanta lighting things up in the Big Easy.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Saw

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

#TBT

Day Fifteen: Saw (2004)


Director: James Wan
Starring: Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, Monica Potter, Michael Emerson, Ken Leung, Tobin Bell, Leigh Whannell

This is not a good movie. It has terrible acting, God awful production value, and one of the most improbable plot twists in movie history. And I love every fucking second of it.

The first in a series of one of the most successful horror franchises of all time, Saw was not at all the type of movie I thought I was going to see alone (shut up) in the old Quincy Center movie theater. From the ads on TV, it played like a ripoff of Se7en. I really didn't foresee the bloody, gory horror movie I was in for. Adam (screenwriter Whannell in his only notable role...seriously, he's awful) and Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes, on a vacation from acting) are trapped in a basement by Jigsaw. He's a non-serial killer, a mysterious dude who goes around kidnapping folk he thinks take their lives for granted. He subjects them to "tests", typically giant torture devices rigged to kill the subjects if they fail to complete 'em in a certain time period. The Doc and Adam gotta get outta the basement or the Doc's family dies.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

For Those About to Rock: Rock n' Roll Hall of Fam 2016, part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of my 3 part series, For Those About to Rock, where we go over the 2016 nominees for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame and predict who gets in and who gets the shaft.  You can read Part 1 here if you need to catch up.  For the rest of you, let’s tackle the next 6 nominees!


The J.B.'s - This nominee is just begging to piss me off. The J.B.'s are a pretty well known group in the world of funk. They started out as James Brown’s band and consisted of the legendary “Bootsy” Collins and his brother “Catfish” Collins, Bobby Byrd, John Starks, Johnny Griggs, Robert McCollough and Darryl Jamison. Most of this configuration of the band peeled off and joined Parliament Funkadelic (HOF class of ‘97).  They had a few hits like “Pass the Peas," “Doing It To Death” and “The Grunt”. The latter included that famous squeal that Public Enemy sampled. They’re an awesome funk band to listen to but I don’t think their material and influence are worthy for the HOF. If the HOF didn’t royally fuck up the “Sideman” category, I’d say go for it, induct them in as sidemen! But as performers? I’m all set. The J.B.’s as Brown’s band didn’t make James Brown, and away from James Brown they didn’t do anything that significant. Once again, three singles isn’t enough.

Chaka Khan - Every time I think about Chaka Khan, my mind conjures up Jon Lovitz screaming her name at the end of his performance in The Wedding Singer. His declaration is warranted though since she is the incomparable “Queen of Funk."  It’s difficult to not induct her. She was the focal point for the funk band Rufus and had hits with “Tell Me Something Good” and “Sweet Thing” before Khan struck out on her own and first hit it HUGE with “I’m Every Woman” and then crushed it in 1984 with her album I Feel For You. She’s won 10 Grammys, sold 70 million records worldwide, seven gold singles, seven gold records, and three platinum albums. She’s an icon. She deserves induction and its difficult to see the HOF refuse her. Plus, inducting a woman only serves to make the HOF look better considering their horrid track record of recognizing female artists (The Runaways, Pat Benatar anyone? ANYONE!?!?!?!?).

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Babadook

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Fourteen: The Babadook (2014)


Director: Jennifer Kent
Starring: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Daniel Henshall, Hayley McElhinney

One of the most critically acclaimed horror movies to come along in years, The Babadook lives up to all the praise it's received. Davis plays Amelia, single mother to Wiseman's Sam. They live alone in a suburb of Australia. Sam's father was killed on the ride to the hospital on the day Sam was born. Neither Sam nor his mother has really ever gotten past this tragedy.  Sam is a troubled child both in school and at home, which puts many levels of stress on Amelia. She can barely sleep, her work suffers, as does her relationship with her sister, Claire (McElhinney).

One night, Sam chooses a new book off his shelf for a bedtime story.  The book, the Babadook of the title, starts a cycle of terror that swallows up both Amelia and Sam. This strange creature starts haunting the family, making sleeping even more impossible. Amelia slowly slips away psychologically. She's on edge due to her insomnia, her difficult time with her son and of course, the Babadook. She soon realizes that the only way out of this nightmare is to face her fears.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Creep

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Thirteen: Creep (2014)


Director: Patrick Brice
Starring: Mark Duplass & Patrick Brice

Creep is quite the oddball film. Aaron (Brice) is a videographer who answers a Craigslist ad to film Josef (Duplass, who plays Pete in the FXX comedy series The League). Josef is dying of cancer, and he's paying Aaron a thousand bucks to record a video diary for Josef's unborn son. They're camped out in Josef's remote wooded cabin.  What follows is a strange exercise in extreme creepiness.

Throughout their day together, Josef displays some truly bizarre behavior. He has Aaron film him during a bath. He dances around his house in a large wolf mask he calls Peachfuzz that he says he got from his father, but whose origins are much more sinister. You can tell right off there's something majorly incorrect with Josef. It's tough to tell what is truth when he speaks and what is lies. What follows is an odd Fatal Attraction-type stalker film. It's frankly, quite odd and true to the film's name, very creepy.

Monday, October 12, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Friday the 13th (2009)

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Twelve: Friday the 13th (2009)

 

Director: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Derek Mears, Willa Ford

I love me some Voorhees. When this reboot came out, it was one I was actually looking forward to. The man in the hockey mask has been a staple of my horror movie viewing for as long as I can remember. I was hoping this movie wouldn't disappoint. It didn't.

A combination of essentially the first three Friday movies, this new generation version comes outta the gates hot. It dispenses with the Mrs. Voorhees killer quickly, and moves on immediately to our favorite homicidal goalie. Jason is your standard isolated murderer, just wanting to be left alone in his campgrounds. When some uppity teenagers try to steal his weed, he slaughters them all, save one. A young lady that reminds our little mama's boy about his mama. So he keeps her, setting off our plot of a new group of teens going to look for their kidnapped friend.

NXT Takeover: Respect Thoughts, or How Sasha vs. Bayley Rocked My Socks Off

I realize I'm a tad late to the dance, but I just watched last week's NXT Takeover: Respect over the weekend and wanted to say a few words about the absolutely brilliant Women's Title main event.


Overall I'd call myself something of a casual NXT viewer.  I tend not to watch the weekly shows and only vaguely follow along with the results.  I do watch the NXT Takeover specials, but usually not live as they're happening.  Don't misunderstand me, I very much enjoy NXT as a brand; they get right everything the main WWE roster gets wrong and Vince should really be using them as a template for RAW and Smackdown.  However there's so much wrestling out there right now it's so hard to find the time to watch any of it religiously these days.

NXT Respect was the first time in WWE history that a major event was headlined by a women's match.  Unlike with the main roster, the people running NXT understand that women's sports are becoming a huge draw (Ronda Rousey is currently the biggest star in UFC), and people are tired of female wrestlers being presented as little more than eye candy in piss-break matches.  Yes, the main roster has been making the effort with the Divas Revolution and all, but let's be frank - given how sloppy that's been thrown together (multiple call-ups at the same time, group feuds that don't make any sense), it kinda almost seems like those in charge of the main roster (Vince and Kevin I'm looking in your general direction) are setting it up to fail.  It speaks volumes of how out of touch certain people are when the company is so far behind the curve on this.  Christ, TNA figured out almost a decade ago that women's wrestling could be a lucrative, exciting part of their programming.  How is WWE trailing TNA on this??

For Those About to Rock: Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame 2016, part 1

(Editor's Note: My buddy Michael Drinan is back to predict the 2016 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductions.  Take away Mike!)


It’s that time of year again!


The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recently released their list of 15 artists nominated for the 2016 Induction class and, just like every year, I’ve obsessed over the list trying to predict who will make it in.  Some people feel Hall of Fames are pointless and a waste of time, but whatever man, it's fun and always leads to a great discussion.   This year we have a decent list of contenders where, for some fucked up reason or another, Pat Benatar is STILL not included. What is also interesting is last year’s nominee Kraftwerk inexplicably did not receive a nod this year, but who needs a highly influential German electronic group that was decades ahead of its time and spawned an entire genre of music, along with influencing a countless number of artists across ALL genres anyway? (I digress.) Last year, I got 4 out of 6 predictions correct!  Let’s see what we have to argue about this year…


The Cars - One of the premiere new wave bands in the late 70s and early 80s, The Cars’ influence spans from Nirvana and The Melvins to Alkaline Trio and The Strokes. They took punk minimalism and combined it with pop aesthetics and synthesizers that gave them thirteen Top 40 hits and six incredible albums (Their seventh album, Move Like This, was good and had the redeeming charms of their previous work but the movement was over and music moved on). Their eponymous debut was a classic pop album and probably their best. They followed that up with another classic, Candy-O, which has one of my favorite album covers of all time (Shouldn’t that be a factor in this discussion?)!  Fun Fact: artist Alberto Vargas came out of retirement to do that cover and the model’s name was Candy Moore (the more you know).  We all know the hits “Best Friend’s Girl”, “Drive”, “Just What I Needed”, “Good Times Roll”, “Shake It Up” and “Let’s Go” but their deeper cuts are equally as good. “Bye Bye Love” would’ve been a hit if released as a single and “Night Spots” is a fantastic rock-pop song. This is their first nomination despite being eligible since 2003. They’ll get in, if not this year then another year.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Dark Was The Night

by Dan Moore 
@SouthieDanimal
 
I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  
 
Day Eleven: Dark Was The Night (2014) 

 
Director: Jack Heller
Starring: Kevin Durand, Lukas Haas & Bianca Kajlich
 
There's a sense of impending doom that permeates throughout the entire film Dark Was The Night. And that's a good thing. A very good thing. It's the story about a small town sheriff named Paul (Durand) who is racked with guilt over a recent personal tragedy. He's estranged from his wife (Kajlich) as they share parenting duties. Paul wakes up one morning to see that throughout the entire town are weird hoof tracks that have set the whole community into a panic. It's up to our intrepid sheriff to see if it's just a teenage prank or if he should listen more closely to the towns folk mythical creature stories (spoiler: it's the latter). 

Saturday, October 10, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Drive-Thru

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days 

Day Ten: Drive-Thru (2007)

 
 
Directors: Brendan Cowles & Shane Kuhn
Starring: Leighton Meester, Nicholas D'Agosto, Melora Hardin, Larry Joe Campbell & Lola Glaudini

And I thought ATM was stupid? Holy SHIT this movie is dumb. Horny the Clown, yes HORNY THE FUCKING CLOWN, is the mascot at Hella Burger. He's also a serial killer. He's bumping off all the neighborhood kids and customers. Which probably won't help with Hella Burger's IPO. One of the kids, Mackenzie (Meester), starts to see a pattern as the kids getting bumped off all happen to be the children of a group of parents that accidentally murdered neighborhood weirdo Archie Benjamin on his 18th birthday. Is Horny the Clown Archie come back for revenge by killing the children of his murderers? Is this plot a sad rip off of Nightmare on Elm Street? Did I really watch a movie with a killer named Horny?

Friday, October 9, 2015

NFL Pick 'em: Week 5

Points standings: 
Miggsy-11
Dan-10
B-Cuddly-10

All tipsy-turvy in the standings this week. Uncle Miggsy coming off his second perfect week in a row jumps to the top of the charts. I've taken 7 of a possible 8 points in the last two weeks and I stay in second place. Right in the meaty part of that curve – not showing off, not falling behind. And then there's Brandon. Much like when the ladies talk about his gear, the less said about him, the better. I've never been a fan of the guy, honestly.


DAN'S PICKS

Pittsburgh (+3) @ San Diego THE PICK= SAN DIEGO
A huuuuuuuge part of this pick is the power of the bolo. Philip Rivers looks so fucking dapper in that dumb, leather strip tie. It's awesome. (Also, Brandon has an odd hatred of Rivers, so that helps).

YOLO BOLO
I don't trust Michael Vick going into San Diego and being accurate with the ball. He hasn't looked good and he's headed west as an underdog (LOLZ!!!1!!1). He looks old, beat up & useless at this point. I miss unstoppable Madden '04 version of Michael Vick. That guy was impossible to beat.

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Monster Squad

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days

Day Nine: The Monster Squad 



Director: Fred Dekker
Starring: Andre Gower,Duncan Regehr, Stephen Macht, Stan Shaw, Tom Noonan

After viewing the despicable Cannibal Holocaust yesterday, I had to cleanse my pallet. I needed something easy to watch. Something fun. Something with nards. Yes people, the time had come for The Monster Squad. A true classic from my childhood. It's about a bunch of misfit kids fighting off the re-imagined Universal monsters. But you know that already, right? Because if you haven't seen this flick at least 100 times, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Thursday, October 8, 2015

NJPW King of Pro-Wrestling 2015 Predictions!

Welcome to another set of New Japan PPV Predictions, here at Enuffa.com!

This coming Monday is the annual October event, King of Pro-Wrestling, which has historically been a pretty hot show (KOPW 2012 and 2013 contained several classic matches apiece).  This is generally where any final changes of significance are made leading into WrestleKingdom season, and several championships are on the line this year.


Also of note is that KOPW will be the first NJPWWorld.com broadcast with optional English commentary (provided by Kevin Kelly and Matt Striker), which is fantastic news.  Clearly the company is gaining traction in the US!

Let's take a look at the picks.  Currently I'm 14/17 overall since I started predicting New Japan shows.



David Finlay, Jay White, Juice Robinson, Sho Tanaka and Yohei Komatsu vs. Jushin Thunder Liger, Kushida, Máscara Dorada, Ryusuke Taguchi and Tiger Mask

The opening match is of the "cram a lot of guys into one match" variety, just to warm up the crowd.  Not much of an issue going on in this one but it should be an amusing little schmozz.  Kushida needs some kind of win after dropping two title matches in a row at Destruction.

Justin's pick: Team Liger



Tomoaki Honma vs. Yoshi-Hashi

Underdog favorite Honma finally gets a singles match on a PPV not named G1, so this oughta be a fun watch.  I'm hoping he's given some actual wins for a change; he's way too over to be jobbed out every month.

Justin's pick: Honma

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Cannibal Holocaust

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

#TBT

Day Eight: Cannibal Holocaust 

This is the nicest poster I could find

Director: Ruggero Deodato
Starring: A buncha people you've never heard of nor care about.

A dumb American camera crew goes to the Amazon and disappears. Later on, an anthropologist leads a rescue group to try to find them. They meet the hostile, cannibalistic tribe, and retrieve the film the other Americans filmed. What follows is some of the most raw, exploitative, violent footage mine eyes have ever seen.

What can be said about this movie that hasn't already been said in the last 35 years? Easily the most despicable, disgusting film I've ever seen. It's a very strange movie. The narrative is set up in such an odd way, going back and forth from New York, as they explain about the expedition and discovery of the films, talking about the original film crew, moving onto the rescue efforts, and ultimately showing the snuff-style footage that was documented by the first crew. Interspersed between all this are appalling scenes of authentic looking tortures and death. The whole while, the strangely beautiful score by Riz Ortolan plays under scenes that get increasingly hard to watch. For example, look at this scene:

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 17 (In the Year 2000....)

As the new millennium dawned I could feel a changeover in the WWF product almost immediately. Right away there was a renewed sense of urgency to the show and it no longer felt like a bloated, frantic mess.

The first RAW episode of 2000 featured a WWF Title change, as Triple H won back the belt he had lost to The Big Show.  With no real direction for Paul Wight as Champion, it was clear Hunter should be the top dog for the time being.  Even better was that his first feud of the year would be against the man who had helped make The Rock such a successful heel Champ, Mick Foley.  But it wouldn't be the cuddly, lovable Mankind, who had morphed into something of a comedy act in 1999.  Instead the sadistic, violent Cactus Jack made his return to WWF TV and challenged Triple H to a Street Fight at the Royal Rumble.  At this time Hunter was still an unproven top heel and hadn't established himself as a legit tough guy, so the idea of him facing Cactus in a No DQ match was pretty crazy.

The Rumble event itself was incredible, and set the tone for the entire year.  From start to finish there was a fresh, exciting vibe to it all.  Taz(z) migrated over from ECW and made short work of recent newcomer Kurt Angle, The Hardy Boyz and Dudley Boyz beat the living crap out of each other in a blazing Tables match, Chris Jericho reasserted himself as the Intercontinental Champion after having to share that belt with Chyna (don't ask), The Rock inevitably but entertainingly won the Royal Rumble which was full of lively characters that kept the match moving.  But that Street Fight.....  Triple H and Cactus Jack punished each other for a full 25 minutes before Hunter retained with a Pedigree through a pile of thumbtacks.  This match was as much responsible for Triple H building a reputation as a durable top-flight heel as any other factor.  Hunter took all of Foley's stiff, hardcore-style offense and never seemed out of his element.  I've had my issues with Hunter over the years, but there's no denying that in the year 2000 he earned his stripes and became a WWF cornerstone.  This was the beginning of a career year for the future COO.

I just got brain matter all over my television screen.

In WCW, things were flying apart like crazy.  Vince Russo predictably wasn't able to turn the company around like he claimed to have done for the WWF.  The biggest difference of course was that in Stamford he was kept on a creative leash and his ideas went through a filter before reaching TV.  But in WCW there was no one to rein him in, and so the product devolved even further into a morass of nonsensical booking.  Russo soon found himself out on his ass, and Kevin Sullivan got the book.  Unfortunately that meant the remaining company workhorses like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero could not be coaxed into staying with WCW (even after making Benoit the Champion), and they asked for their releases in January of 2000.  Imagine my shock and elation when I tuned into RAW on January 31st to see Benoit, Guerrero, Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn sitting at ringside.  Could it be??  Did the WWF just absorb WCW's best guys?

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: YellowBrickRoad

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Seven: YellowBrickRoad (2010)



Director: Jesse Holland and Andy Mitton
Starring: Cassidy Freeman, Anessa Ramsey and Laura Heisler

Solid premise to this one. During WWII, the population of a town in New Hampshire just ups and vanishes. They walk up a mountain trail and disappear into the woods, like a bunch of untrained Bear Grylls (so just like the real Bear Grylls). Decades later, an expedition is set up to see what happened to these meandering folk in the wilderness. While this group treks out there, some sort of strange music is heard the whole way, confusing the group's navigation and  driving certain members of the party nutso. They either off themselves or others. This first hour is really cool. I bought into the whole concept. The freaky music was eerie as shit. It was very unsettling and had the perfect effect for a horror movie.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Curse of Chucky

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Six: Curse of Chucky 


Director: Don Mancini
Starring: Fiona Dourif, Danielle Bisutti, A. Martinez and Brad Dourif

I was ten years old when I saw the original Child's Play in 1989 (it came out in '88). I was at Timmy Bothwell's house for his birthday. His parents rented it from Video Paradise on Broadway in South Boston. All my little friends watched and laughed along. I did too. But I was scared shitless. That little doll wreaking havoc all over the place frightened me, mainly because I had a My Buddy doll at home. He resided in the basement for his life's duration after seeing this flick.

Monday, October 5, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Evil Dead (2013)

byDan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Five: Evil Dead (2013)


Director: Fede Alvarez
Starring:Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Luca

Ah, the Evil Dead. A franchise that has stood the test of time based essentially on the awesomeness of its hero, Ash Williams (played by the incredible Bruce Campbell). I can remember renting Evil Dead 2 from Blockbuster (I'm old) one Halloween with my friend Mike Dudas. We were expecting a horror, scare fest. What we got was a slapstick splatter movie that had us cracking up and required multiple viewings immediately. We rented the original and found the scare fest we were looking for. So when I heard of this remake a couple years ago, I was weary. I've been bored with most remakes, and I've cautiously stayed away from this one, until now. How wrong I was.

This movie was AWESOME. A continuous gore fest, Evil Dead has the same set up as the original two films. A couple of kids go to a remote cabin for a weekend and terror finds them. This time, Mia (Levy) is a drug addict trying to break the habit. She's taken to their family cabin by her brother David (Fernandez) and their friends so she's away from society and can beat the addiction.

Yeah, let's spend the weekend here, sure.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Burying the Ex

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days 

Day Four: Burying The Ex (2014)

Director: Joe Dante
Starring: Anton Yelchin, Ashley Greene, Alexandra Daddario & Oliver Cooper


Joe Dante is one of my favorite directors. The movies he's made are some of the most re-watched films in my esteemable movie watching career. Gremlins 1 & 2, Innerspace (a forgotten classic) and The 'Burbs. All some of my fave flicks. So I had high hopes for this horror comedy mishmash with some undead themes in it. Too bad.

Yelchin stars as Max, a young man working in a horror novelty store who yearns to own his own type of store. His overbearing, vegan GF Evelyn is played by Greene, in a role that's impossible to like her in. She dies and comes back as a zombie because of cursed trinket in the store Max works in. That puts a crimp in Max's newly burgeoning relationship with the ice cream store-owning, horror-movie loving Olivia, played by Daddario (you may remember her and her two co-stars from the 1st season of True Detective. And if not, seek out the below scene. Trust me).


Hilarity is supposed ensue. It does not. The scenes are so badly written it's at times embarrassing to watch. It's just bad when you're watching a film and get totally taken out of a moment because you're thinking "No one talks like this."  An example, Max and Evelyn meet Olivia in her shop to order ice cream. Evelyn goes off on Olivia telling her that her products have pesticides, blah blah and ends by calling her a skank. The scene is there so you know "Evelyn, bad, Olivia, good" but it's so clumsily written you just laugh at it, and not in a good way. The laughs are few and far between. With the exception of Cooper, playing Max's half-brother Travis. He's the one actually funny character in the flick. A horny loser who bangs chicks at Max's apartment because he doesn't want chicks to know where he lives, he's good at being the slacker, best friend type. I laughed at most of his antics.
The tone is also off. It doesn't know if it's a straight up comedy or a horror movie. The switch is jarring at times. It goes from slapstick action to trying to be scary at the drop of a hat. That doesn't work.

THE GOOD: Yelchin, Daddario and Cooper are all very good actors and hold themselves well in the movie. All very likable actors playing likable characters. Dante favorite Dick Miller has a cameo, and it's great seeing the old guy. I also dug all the clips from the old school horror movies mixed intermittently throughout the film. Trying to name them all was great fun.

THE BAD: Greene's character is not likable at all. I realize that's the point, but it makes it hard to understand how a nice guy like Max fell for her in the first place. It goes against his character so much that it doesn't make sense.

THE DUMB: The badly written dialogue. The fact that Evelyn comes back and is basically a horny dead girl for the rest of the movie is just a weird choice for the film to make.

SHIT OR HIT: Definite shit. Even the lovely lady of the house, whose opinion in movies is basically "I love anything with people kissing" said at one point, "This movie stinks, I don't care what happens to any of these people." Then she watched Legally Blonde. Again.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: Daisy Diamond

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Three: Daisy Diamond (2007)


Director: Simon Staho
Stars: Noomi Rapace

Wow. That was one tough watch. Technically not a horror movie, but if you watch this and aren't terrified, Alcatraz should be your summer home. This movie starts with intravenous drug use and a rape, and somehow the events that follow manage to be even more horrible.

The movie's about a young Danish girl named Anna. She's a single mother desperate to make it as an actress. She's having trouble landing paying roles due in part to her months-old daughter, Daisy, who cries constantly. In fact, this adorable kid's crying is essentially the movies soundtrack. She switches back and forth from loving mother to angry caretaker due to lack of sleep and stress. To reveal more of the plot is really giving away the rest of the movie. Rest assured, it's quite good but goddammit it's heartbreaking to watch.

That is mainly due to the incredible acting of Ms. Rapace. She gives a tour-de-force performance in this, which even comes through in the subtitles. She's amazing in this flick, and it's a good thing too, because she's legit in every scene. She has many long speeches in the movie that never feel forced. She's quite convincing as both the struggling actor and as the troubled mom trying her best to provide for her daughter. The love she shows for her baby followed swiftly by the obvious torment is an amazing switch she pulls off marvelously. But goddamn this movie is brutal to watch. The lengths to which she goes to achieve fame are awful. Truly heart wrenching stuff.

THE GOOD: Noomi Rapace. This movie makes what she went through in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo look like a trip to Epcot Center. (BTW, did you know Epcot stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow? Me neither. Cost me free wings at bar trivia the other night, dammit).

THE BAD: It's a real hard watch. It's not a bad movie, it's just bad for your feelings.

THE DUMB: There are scenes in the movie which delve into Anna's emotional connections with people but some are shown to be auditions for parts and some aren't. I realize the point was to be ambiguous about which parts of her life were fiction and which parts were real. But it was jarring to get involved in a scene for it to be ultimately revealed as fake.

SHIT OR HIT: It's a HIT but don't watch this if you just had a kid, or have any hope left in humanity. Goddamn I need a shower.

Friday, October 2, 2015

NFL Pick 'em: Week 4

Points Standings 
B-Cuddy Johnny Just-Can't-Win-Em-All: 9
Dan Paulie Perfect-O: 7
Miggsy Frankie Flawless: 7

After last week, me & Uncle Miggsy are feeling like Boba Fett, baby!

http://youtu.be/IPeEGDwK_S0

Two perfect people (except for Miggsy's baldness) and one sad, 2-for-3 performance from B-Cuddy
It's like he was watching as his most loathed friend went ahead and bowled ANOTHER perfect game. Stiff. Here's the thing about Brandon, he thinks he's all high and mighty, what with his fancy, girl-like time pieces and pants with no holes in the crotch. But he's just like an onion. The more layers you peel away, the more he stinks.


DAN'S PICKS

New York Jets (-2) @ London Dolphins THE PICK= JETS
I have no faith in the New York Jets franchise. No faith in ownership, coaches, Ryan "HAHVID DOOOD" Fitzpatrick, hell, I don't trust the fans to find their way to the pisshouse. And even with all that, I'm still picking them. Why? Him. That's why.

Joe Philbin, after every play he's ever called

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: The Frozen

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies, so I'm watching one a day in October.  There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on Twitter with #31Movies31Days  

Day Two: The Frozen (2012)



Director: Andrew Hyatt
Stars: Brit Morgan, Seth David Mitchell

No, it's not the Disney cartoon. That's its own horror story. This one's about a young couple, Mike and Emma, who decide to spend a romantic, long weekend away. When I wanna go on a vacation, I go to Aruba or Mexico. Somewhere tropical and warm. These two dickheads decide to go to Mount ColdAsFuck. Like, this is legit the area they camp in.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

31 Horror Movies in 31 Days: ATM

by Dan Moore
@SouthieDanimal

I love horror movies. Have since I was a wee lad when my Aunt showed me Psycho. Been hooked since. Halloween is on its way so I'll be watching and reviewing a scary flick every day. There's no rhyme or reason to the flicks I'm watching. Some I've never seen, some I have. Join the discussion on the Twitter box with #31Movies31Days  

Day One:  ATM (2012)
Director - David Brooks
Starring - Brian Geraghty, Alice Eve and Josh Peck.

Yes, I also thought this was Urban Legend

When I read there was a horror movie called 'ATM' I was excited at the thought of a haunted cash machine charging exorbitant fees whilst killing big breasted, naked co-eds. Alas, that's not what this is about. (Ok, I lied, I thought it was an ass-to-mouth movie starring Alice Eve. Now that you're wiser, don't make the same mistake).

No, what we have here is a film about three friends trapped in an ATM in subzero temps as a killer lurks outside. These three shitbags, none very likable, all have a contrived reason to get into this ATM without cellphones. Of course.

Pro Wrestling: A Mark's History, part 16 (Russo Runs Wild)

As 1999 opened, pro wrestling had become a huge part of mainstream pop culture, with stars from both the WWF and WCW appearing on the covers of Entertainment Weekly, TV Guide, and even Newsweek.  The WWF ran a commercial during the SuperBowl and also aired a Halftime special opposite the actual Halftime show.  Pretty ballsy move, but it got ratings.

Totally surreal seeing stuff like this

The year opened with a live Nitro episode vs. a taped RAW.  WCW had announced a Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg rematch for the WCW Title but once again pulled a bait-and-switch, and Nash would face the returning Hulk Hogan instead.  But before that match took place, WCW made one of their biggest bonehead moves in company history, by spoiling RAW's main event result.  Eric Bischoff had adopted this practice back in 1995, but on this particular occasion the RAW main event just happened to be The Rock vs. Mankind for the WWF Title, and ol' Mick Foley was going over.  You all know what happened next - roughly half a million viewers immediately changed the channel to watch RAW, giving the WWF a major ratings win.  Nitro would never beat RAW again.  And of course Nitro's main event consisted of Hogan poking Nash in the shoulder and Nash laying down to drop the Title back to him.  One great big ego-stroking jerkfest to close out Nitro.  Once again I had been vindicated as a WWF loyalist.